Kracken
Disclaimer:I don't own them and I don't make any money off of this.
Warning:Male/male sex, graphic, language, violence, dark Duo.
Break Point
Waking
Session six with the psychologist. Heero paced outside of Duo's room. Six sessions, and they weren't any closer to knowing what was troubling the former pilot of Deathscythe. Six sessions, where he had exhibited a wide range of personalities ranging from calm to feral, lucid to violent enough that he had to be sedated and restrained.
It wasn't the war, Heero decided. When Duo slipped back to that time, he always seemed upbeat and ready for the challenge. 'Give me my next mission,' he'd demanded several times during his week stay, but he had demanded it with a smile and the lightning in his eyes that told Heero he was ready to defend the colonies at all costs and was more than willing to do it. Wild Duo didn't have any thoughts at all. He reacted to whatever was happening at the moment. Wary Duo was a bit more complex. It was that one that Heero warned the doctors to watch out for, the one who might suspect that he was being held by Oz or by some other enemy, the one who might attack or try to escape with some mental cunning. Frightened Duo was the one hardest to fathom. He seemed to be fighting against an event in memory, one that had clearly traumatized him. It was that personality that the doctors were homing in on, the one they tried to bring out, the one they tried to question the most, and the one who had to be tied down and sedated afterwards.
The psychologist emerged from Duo's room at last, looking flustered, computer pad clutched against him and clothes and hair disheveled. Heero saw nurses, male and female, sedating and strapping Duo down behind his shoulder before the man closed the door on the chaotic scene.
The doctor gingerly touched a bruise on his cheek as he said, "I believe that whatever this trauma was, it was the defining moment, the event that caused Mr. Maxwell's mental 'break'. We've questioned him extensively and this event is definitely the only trigger we've discovered that never fails to initiate a violent outburst."
Heero frowned. "Has he said anything new?"
The doctor pressed a few buttons on his computer pad and then tucked it under his arm to straighten his coat. "Enough to lead me to believe that it involved some violence to Mr. Maxwell, perhaps, by his reactions, violence that included rape."
Heero felt himself go cold. There was a harsh pain at the center of his chest and he couldn't help lifting a hand to it. "Rape? How did you conclude that? He's had a physical. They are still running tests. Aside from some minor injuries, he's checked out-"
"Mr. Maxwell, in this agitated state, is terrified of touch and of people," the doctor cut over him as if annoyed that his opinion was being questioned. "He talks about people hurting him, about how the war is over and that they shouldn't. He screams against them, begging them not to..." The doctor looked uncomfortable then. "If I could have a report on his previous sexual activity, ... well, I don't, so I can't. Running tests would be pointless without that information and, besides, we have no way of knowing when the event occurred."
"Or if it did," Heero growled. "I don't appreciate a diagnosis lacking in facts, Dr."
The man shrugged, "When confronted by a man who isn't in any mental shape to answer questions, I'd say it's the only one that I can offer you, Mr. Yuy." He gave Heero a level look. "He will require many more, intensive, sessions. If you are looking for a 'quick fix', you are being unrealistic. It may take weeks, months, years, perhaps never."
"Quatre Winner will make certain that Duo is well taken care of, whatever the outcome," Heero replied. "Even if it is for the rest of his life."
"He has been generous," the doctor agreed. "He is a kind man."
Heero nodded and stood aside as Duo's nurses came from the room. They were used to Heero watching over Duo. They knew that he didn't appreciate their presence.
"Mr. Yuy," the doctor began, reconsidered his words, and then tried again, "You've been watching over Mr. Maxwell for days. He has the best care. He is not aware of the people around him. He doesn't recognize them even though he sees them repeatedly. I've observed that, though he responds to your voice, your presence, he doesn't actually recognize you for the most part. Exhausting yourself, and putting your life on hold, will not help Mr. Maxwell in his recovery."
He was right, Heero knew, his business was suffering and his body was feeling the strain of long days sitting and waiting for Duo to show some improvement. It wasn't reasonable that he should continue. If the doctor's diagnosis was correct, then it could be a long while before Duo improved at all.
"I understand what you are saying," Heero told him and the doctor seemed relieved.
"Call when you wish a nurse to come and watch him," The doctor told Heero, tucked his computer pad more securely, and then followed the nurses down the hallway.
Heero entered the room and closed the door behind him. Duo was asleep, sedated, his cinnamon lashes looking like dark fire against his pale cheeks and his hair frazzled and coming out of its braid. Heero reached out without thought and gently brushed the lose strands from Duo's face. So soft, he thought, and found himself studying every line of Duo's handsome face. At last, he couldn't resist touching it, something he had longed to do for so long it was an ache that he had carried around deep within him. Touching warm skin, feeling the smoothness of a cheek that had resisted a beard even at his age, Heero felt a moment of acute release that was akin to an orgasm. His breath caught and he worried his lower lip.
Duo stirred. Groggy with the drugs, he nuzzled Heero's hand and murmured. Heero's hand curled instinctively, cupping that face, caressing, enjoying every second, until Duo fell into deeper sleep and his head lolled away. Heero's hand felt cold and empty then, and he clenched it tight.
Turning with a new resolve, Heero brought a chair closer to the bed and sat
down.
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Still no answer. Heero pocketed his cell phone and scowled. Sitting in a comfortable chair out on the lawn of Quatre's estate, he watched Duo play with his imaginary pet while a doctor kneeled close by and tried to talk to him. A male nurse stood close by to help or restrain as needed.
Quatre sat down in another chair beside Heero, blonde hair sparkling in the sunshine. He was wearing casual clothes, a knit shirt and comfortable pants and loafers. Heero was dressed in drawstring, cotton pants and a tank top as if he had plans to work out at the gym. He didn't, of course. He rarely left Duo's side for anything.
"Still no answer?" Quatre wondered unnecessarily.
"And no one has seen her," Heero growled. "She hasn't returned to her apartment in over a week."
"She knows that we have Duo," Quatre pointed out. "She is probably frightened and in hiding. Our conclusion that she harmed Duo and, perhaps, attempted to cover up that fact by placing him in a health institute, would seem an obvious one. She must think that she is running for her life."
Heero grunted and confessed, "I was finally able to hack into the files at the institute. Duo checked himself in and designated Hilde his caretaker. He received counseling and treatment for a nervous breakdown. His doctor reported it as mild and easily treatable. He recommended that Duo cut back on his activities and employ a therapist. Everything was normal. Everything was under control." Heero had risked everything to hack those files. If he had been caught, his reputation and business would have been instantly destroyed. Heero's eyes tracked Duo as Duo laughed and threw a real ball to his imaginary pet. In desperation to know something, anything, about Duo, Heero had risked it all and wasn't regretting it now. "There aren't any records chronicling this level of breakdown though. Duo is listed as simply, 'missing'."
Quatre watched Duo as well. "Has Duo said anything else to you?"
Heero shook his head, no. "He's been very quiet, sleeping most of the time."
Quatre nodded. "Emotional exhaustion. He probably hasn't had a chance to really rest in a stable environment for some time."
The doctor was leaving Duo. He said something to the nurse, who nodded, and then the doctor was walking away as he entered things on his medical pad. The nurse bent and said something to Duo. When Duo didn't respond, he reached down to take Duo's arm. Duo jerked it away and hunched in on himself to avoid being taken away from his play.
Heero stood. "If you'll excuse me," he said politely to Quatre and Quatre only nodded as Heero strode over to the nurse and Duo.
"I'll take care of him, " Heero told the nurse and the nurse backed away, but stayed close in case his help should be needed. Heero growled impatiently. "You can leave!" The nurse, knowing Heero's temper, didn't have to be told twice.
Alone except for Heero, Duo relaxed again and played with his 'pet'. He smiled at it and tossed it a ball that the nurse had been retrieving and returning for him. When it didn't come back this time, the smile slid off of Duo's face and he looked tense and sad at nothing.
"War sucks," Duo said suddenly and very clearly. He looked at Heero, the sun catching his purple eyes. The color, as always, startled Heero, and made him marvel at them, at the genetics that could produce such an unusual color. Duo smiled and cocked his head to one side as he finished his sentence, "except when we get to stay at Quatre's place."
Heero sat cross legged on the warm grass by Duo and nodded with a simple, "Hn."
Duo's eyes sparkled at him in amusement and then he said, "You know, Heero..." He paused, embarrassed, and rubbed the back of his neck. "I've wondered what we're all going to do after the war. Any ideas?"
Heero remembered the same conversation, years ago, in a like place; Quatre's estate during a lull in the war. Heero remembered his reply and he felt a pain. He had simply said, 'Soldiers weren't meant to survive wars.' and he had walked away, unable to look at the pain in Duo's face. This time, he replied differently. "I want to start a business. I want... If you don't have any plans... we could rent an apartment together. It would save expenses."
"You mean it?" Duo was sitting up straight now, face eager, but also disbelieving. "I... I never thought you'd go for that. I was going to ask, but.... I don't even know how you feel about me..."
The pain blossomed. Duo had been going to ask that they live together. Duo HAD been interested in him. Heero hated himself just then. Hated his blindness. Hated the men who had made it impossible for him, back then, to respond to Duo, to allow himself to feel and to need.
Duo blushed and pulled at the stalks of grass, eyes suddenly downcast. "I don't want to do this without coming clean and letting you know my intentions. I just hope you don't shoot me or anything when I tell you..." Duo stopped talking and glanced at Heero, his face looking young and frightened.
"I won't harm you," Heero assured him.
Duo snorted. "You don't know what I have to say!"
"Say it," Heero told him and then repeated, "I won't harm you, not in any way."
"O-Okay," Duo stammered and then grimaced as he plowed forward, saying quickly, "I'm gay, okay? I don't know- You're probably not, but- Can't blame a guy for trying- You're so damned handsome and I managed to figure out there's a great guy in Heero Yuy, too- I know you have to dig deep to get to it, but I did-I-I-shit!" Duo hugged himself and scowled, stopping his explosion of words. "I sound like a freakin' idiot!"
"Duo..." Heero licked lips nervously. He felt something wet on his cheek. Duo blinked at him, startled, and then he reached out very cautiously and touched a finger to Heero's cheek.
"Heero?" Duo wondered in shock. "What...?"
"I was wrong," Heero explained. "I thought that you didn't want me, that you couldn't want me. I- I walked away from you because I thought you had a chance for another life... with Hilde. You seemed so happy..."
Duo was confused. Heero had stepped into a time that this Duo hadn't lived yet. "Hilde?" Duo snorted, almost laughing, but too nervous too. "What's Hilde got to do with anything? She's a spunky girl and an okay friend, but, I'm GAY, Heero, and I... I kind of... want.... you...."
Duo tensed up, every muscle prepared to fight or flee.
"I wish..." Heero felt his world collapsing and it was terribly painful and confusing. If only he had given Duo the chance to speak back then, if only he had opened himself up to a real life, a real chance for happiness after the ugliness of war. Instead, he had made himself another kind of warrior, not knowing how to put down the sword. He had become a corporate warrior, using a pen and paperwork to kill companies and acquire profit and power. He had closed himself off from everything, doing what he had been trained to do, to have a single minded purpose and to never think of himself.
"What?" Duo finally prompted, looking concerned and less frightened.
Heero looked around them, at the sweep of lawn and the large mansion sitting in the sunshine. It reminded him or reality, reminded him that they weren't back in the war and that he wasn't really being given a second chance. This Duo wasn't the real one. This Duo was going to cease to exist when the real Duo finally asserted himself.
"I love you," Heero heard himself say, knowing that it didn't matter, that those words, in the end, might as well have never been spoken. He said them though, needing to say them, even if it was to a counterfeit existence.
"Oh, god!" Duo exclaimed. "I love you too!"
Heero suddenly found himself with his arms full of Duo Maxwell; thin, wiry, warm. Duo's lips devoured his own and Heero felt as if he were falling, falling into the dream, wanting with all that was in him for it never to end, for Duo to never wake.
A throat cleared itself. "I'm sorry, sir," a male voice said. "It's time for Mr. Maxwell's medication."
The nurse was only doing his job, following orders, and that was the only reason that Heero didn't kill him when Duo suddenly went wild in his arms, eyes all pupil and a frantic scream erupting from his throat. He clawed and struggled, shouting, "No! No! The war's over, fuckers! Not fair! Not fair! I just wanna be left alone! Don't! God, don't do that!"
It took Quatre, the nurse, and Heero to get Duo back to his room and restrained. He was sedated. When he relaxed in sleep, Heero stood for a long while looking down at him. The dream was over and he was left with reality again, a reality where he had missed his chance to be with Duo, a reality that had him cold and alone and waiting for a man who might never find his way back to sanity.
"Heero," Quatre said softly. "Are you all right?"
"No," Heero replied tightly. "Please... go away."
Quatre looked anguished, but he understood. He motioned to the doctors and nurses and they all left the room. They weren't present when Heero smashed his fist into the wall so hard that blood flowed.
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