Warm Fuzzies
"
It's not about getting things, Heero," Duo said as he trudged through
the snow between dorm rooms. Buried in a thick sweater, coat, and scarf, he
was only recognizable by his long, swinging braid.
Heero was wearing his uniform coat and nothing else, his hands buried in the pockets, as he walked beside Duo. His eyes were taking in everything suspiciously, as if he expected to get attacked at any moment. "That isn't logical. Everything that I see is about giving."
"Giving, exactly," Duo went on and then gave Heero a sideways look and smile. His cheeks were pink, his nose very red. He had a 'bright' look about him, and the hands that he pulled out of his pockets, looked thin and pale, as he gestured broadly and added, "You give to everyone."
Heero frowned, and dragged his attention back to their surroundings, angry at himself for studying Duo so much. Ending up in the same school, once again, was irritating. Heero could almost suspect that the boy was following him, if he hadn't known about the target. A weapons depot was a choice enough target to draw more than one enemy of Oz to that place.
"Giving. Getting. What's the difference?" Heero growled as they took the cobbled, snow filled path around a tree that had been decorated in lights and ornaments.
Duo sneezed, wiped at his nose, and then jammed hands back into his pockets. He nodded to the tree. "That's giving."
Heero blinked at the tree. "Giving?"
"Someone put that there for us to enjoy," Duo explained.
"But that means that we are getting," Heero insisted and then growled, "Why does it matter? I only made the comment that it was a ridiculous time of year."
"Because, it's not," Duo insisted. "Yeah, it's about the birth of Jesus, and people do like to hand out presents, but it's also a good time to remember that we can be better, that we can choose to be good, or bad, or indifferent. It gives us a chance... an excuse... to find our better person."
"If this is a type of religious diatribe..." Heero began to complain, but Duo grinned and shook his head.
"It doesn't have to be," Duo replied as he fiddled with his cross on its chain. "Though, yeah, there's no denying what Christmas is really about. Aside from that, though, we can have a good time making people's lives a bit better."
"I am doing that," Heero snapped back.
Duo nodded. "I guess that's true, though you really haven't told me everything about you."
"It is," Heero insisted.
Duo craned his neck up to gaze at the tree, stopping on the narrow path. he put a careful hand on Heero's chest and stopped him as well. "We can both say, that we're trying to change things for everyone's benefit, but most people won't ever know that."
Heero snapped irritably. "That doesn't matter to me."
"Not to me, either I suppose." Heero could almost feel Duo's heat through his hand. He felt uncertain about the roil of emotions that suddenly knotted his gut and made his chest, under Duo's hand, ache. "There's something about doing something, one on one, though, that makes people feel good," Duo continued. "It's a completely different experience. Like giving them a triple cherry chocolate sundae for free when they least expect it, but really wanted one. Warm fuzzies, they call it."
Warm fuzzies. Heero found it hard to push Duo's hand off, but he did. "We're going to be late."
"It's the season for giving people warm fuzzies." Duo went on, eyes still on the tree and it's display of ornaments and lights. "It makes you feel good and it makes them feel good. Doesn't have to be presents, nothing you can hold in your hand at all. It can be as little as helping someone up when they fall, saying thank you, or even opening a door to help someone into a place."
"Why not do it all of the time, then?" Heero demanded.
Duo took slid an arm over Heero's shoulders as he replied, "You can, but Christmas makes it even more special."
"Why?" Heero demanded impatiently and was angry at himself for even caring. That solid weight over his shoulders should have been thrown off. He should have left Duo standing there with his ridiculous notions. The young man kept him rooted, though, with a strength of will... of spirit... that Heero found himself defenseless against.
"It just is," Duo insisted. "Maybe it's Jesus. Maybe it's angels. Could be good spirits. Who knows? Who cares? It just is, like I said. It's not a time that you want to miss out on."
Duo let Heero go, but he was unwinding his scarf and giving it to Heero, carefully winding it around Heero's neck in turn. He patted it in place and then stepped back, hands in his pockets again. He nodded in satisfaction and then began walking to class again.
Heero looked down at the scarf, hands coming up to ghost over the knitted, soft material. It was a long minute before he could hurry after Duo. Warm fuzzies were powerful, it seemed.
Later that night, when Duo was absent from the evening meal in the commissary, Heero felt a wave of irritation at himself. Of course, the young man had left early to score the target before he did. Everything had been a ruse to distract him, to put him off his game. He had fallen for that grinning,idiot, facade, and his nonsense, just as Duo had intended.
Heero almost flung off the scarf, as he hurried to grab his gear from his dorm room. His hands knotted in it, though, emotions, that he was trying very hard not to define, struggling with his need to complete his mission, to not let someone else get in the way of that.
He passed Duo's room and almost bumped into the young man's room mate coming out. Startled, the boy took a step back and then made a 'quiet' gesture as he closed the door.
"He's sick. I'm going to go get the nurse," the boy explained, but then he was realizing who Heero was. "I recognize you. He's always around you, so you must be friends. Could you sit with him until I come back? He didn't want to stay in bed."
"We're not friends," Heero automatically denied, knowing better than to have anyone connect them together in that way.
The boy looked exasperated. "Whatever you two are, then, sit with him, okay? I won't be ten minutes."
He seemed to expect Heero to comply. Heero opened the door and stepped into the room, knowing that he needed to at least pretend a normal reaction. Once the boy was gone, though, he fully intended to leave and complete his mission.
Heero closed the door and stood just inside, listening to the retreating footsteps. His eyes swept the room. Two beds: personal things littering one side, but bare as bones on the other side. Duo was on the bare side, in bed, his clothing clutched in one hand. His face was looking ill, but determined, as he began tossing off the blankets and attempting to get up.
"You can't," Heero remarked, though his argument wasn't about Duo risking his life in the bone chilling cold to complete his mission. "When he comes back, you'll be gone. He'll raise an alarm. They'll search for you."
"And I'll be long gone, by then," Duo growled back as he awkwardly pulled off a pajama top, with the school logo on one breast, and then began sorting out his black and white shirts to put on. His bare upper torso was very pale. Broad shoulders, slim waist... Heero tore his gaze away with an effort.
"I will complete the mission," Heero told him. "This isn't necessary."
Duo glared. "You're not winning this one. My name is going to be on that completed mission report. The God of Death will..." he paused, looking dizzy and wiped a hand across his sweating brow.
He was very ill, Heero thought. It was doubtful that he could even pilot in that condition. Capture might be imminent, if he attempted it, or even death if he miscalculated in his gundam, if he passed out, or grew too ill to fight.
The soldier part of Heero thought about elimination, about taking Deathscythe, somehow, before it was discovered. It created a plan, that started with murder, that was sound and logical. The pain in Heero's chest grew to be almost unbearable, though, as he contemplated it.
Duo was tangled in his shirts and getting frustrated. Heero stepped forward and pulled them away from him. When Duo glared at him, he found himself fingering those shirts and staring at them, as if in absorbed fascination.
"I won't let you have all the glory," Duo told him.
Madness, Heero thought, but his lips were saying the words as if they had a direct line to his heart, his unreasoning heart, that was suddenly stronger than the soldier part of him. "I'll give you the credit," Heero told him. "I'll be you, tonight."
"I don't lie," Duo snorted, intrigued by Heero's offer.
"I'll lie for you," Heero promised.
"Why?" Duo wanted to know.
Heero thought about it and found that he wasn't ready to face that truth about himself yet. He said simply, instead, "It's Christmas."
As Heero tossed Duo's shirts onto a chair nack, he realized that he wouldn't have believed himself. He wouldn't have sunk back into the mattress with a sigh and a smile, like Duo was doing now, and accepted the gift that he was offering. He couldn't believe that Duo was an idiot. He had experienced Duo's genius himself. It had to be something else, a belief in man that Heero had lost some time ago.
"Thank you," Duo said and then he smiled and asked, "Warm fuzzies, right?"
Heero felt his own smile, even as he was turning away and grunting, "Yes," in embarrassment. He did feel good. Very good. It was against all logic, against everything that he had been taught, but he couldn't deny what he felt.
"Merry Christmas, Heero," Duo called after him.
Heero whispered the words back as he clutched at the scarf that Duo had given him. He knew that he would be wearing it for some time to come. He wanted to remember this, wanted those warm fuzzies to last as long as possible.
End