Our new reality suits Duo. And the longer we live in it, the
more he fills it out. The more it fills him in. Replacing those broken pieces
that we lost during the war.
I don’t think even he realizes how… fractured
he had become. Or maybe, remembering that he had gone to that poppy field
to die… maybe he did.
I think, had our respective mentors not given us the parting
gift of those vials of serum, Duo might eventually have become unhinged
in time, lost in the layers and possibilities until he couldn’t have
told reality from the visions he saw any more.
I think, if we had not found each other when we did, that
he might not have survived that serum.
It took some time when that horrible, wonderful day was over,
for me to ground him again. For him to begin the healing process. For us
to find our way.
I could easily hate Dr. G in a way I had never hated my own
mentor, for what he put Duo through, if I hadn’t seen for myself the
alternative. Seen through Duo’s eyes the fate he saved us all from.
I fell for him when we were young and naïve, in the way
that the young do. I’d been captured by his smile and his wit, his
handsomeness and his skills. The burgeoning attraction had turned bitter
when he’d rejected me, but I’d never quite been able to dispel
the notion that there was… something more to him. Something I wasn’t
His smile had waned after that day, and his laughter had died.
As hard as he tried to pretend that he was unaffected, it was painfully
obvious it was a lie. And while I had been angry and confused, I had never
quite been able to hate him… no matter what he came to think.
Through the war and after, I’d been consumed with the
need to understand him. Understand the mixed and confusing signals he gave
When I followed him back to that poppy field, and I had bought
the truth from him with my own abilities… I had been humbled by his
sacrifice. The bitterness in my heart was eased with the feel of his own
pain. The feel of his own resignation.
The anger salved with understanding.
I had thrown my hesitation to the wind and grabbed on to the
memory of his dream with both hands.
But it was the feel of him afterwards, his body so strong,
but his mind, his psyche, so fragile, that made me fall in love with him
all over again. He’d needed me so much, to guard and guide while he
found his way back to level ground. He’d been like a ghost living
within his own body… though he hadn’t seen it. Had somehow been
unaware of those times that I would find him just standing in the middle
of a room, staring at nothing, utterly confused about just where his place
in the world was.
Had you asked, he’d have only told you he was tired.
A bit worn out. He didn’t understand how fractured his senses had
been. Only looked to me to be his north star while he slowly learned to
focus on what was real.
I thank God for the urge that had overtaken me that day. The
decision… not to swallow the serum along with Duo.
I don’t think I could have brought him through without
the gift Dr. J had given me. It’s funny, Duo called those enhanced
abilities a curse, and before that day in the rain in the middle of a poppy
field, I might well have agreed with him.
But I have blessed it every day since.
Yes, I screamed and cursed along with him that afternoon,
because I’d felt his pain and had been so damn sure I’d killed
him. Had held him to me, and rode out the changes ripping through his brain,
fearing that I would lose him in mind, if not in body.
And all the while, he had held fast to the vision he’d
had of us together, had held fast to me, his faith that I had made the right
Even when he was sure I’d killed us both… he believed
in me. Was glad to end his life if it could be in my arms.
How could I not have forgiven him? How could I not have fallen
for him even harder than I had the first time?
It was days before we made love the first time, though he’d
slept in my arms from that moment on. It had been an easy thing, a gentle
thing. Almost as though we’d been lovers for years.
And, I suppose, in some reality… we had.
Just as in another reality, we’d failed to stop the
end of all things.
All his realities pulled at him in those first days and I
had proved to be his anchor in the storm that followed. The one thing in
all the infinite universes that he believed in.
A heady and frightening responsibility. One that I embraced
with all my heart. With all my mind.
And when I am buried inside him as deep as we can manage,
body and mind…
When I can answer his needs and his desires almost before
he knows what his body wants…
When I can raise him to heights that make him forget his own
Reduce him to nothing but quivering, sobbing, panting need…
Somewhere deep inside him… he knows.
He knows… and he is not afraid of me. Is not afraid
to open his body and his mind to me. Not afraid to lay himself bare and
vulnerable before me, because there is nothing in him for me but the purest
love and trust. There is not a dark thought that he can’t offer up…
not a corner of his soul where he wouldn’t let me go.
When he is in my arms, lost to his passion, he belongs to
Touch has always granted me glimpses into people’s thoughts;
bursts of noise and input that is sometimes impossible to interpret. But
the level of touch that we have achieved offers me so much more from him
than that. Gives me feelings and pictures, memories and dreams. There isn’t
a part of him I haven’t swum through. Isn’t a part of him he
hasn’t unlocked to me.
Though he doesn’t know… somehow he knows.
And as our days pass together, and he comes closer to living
completely in the here and now, I find that I don’t even need to touch
him to feel his thoughts.
I’ve been so far within him, that I don’t think
I can pull back any more. Not that I want to.
And sometimes… I think that somehow he can feel my own
thoughts, as impossible as that is. As though our love-making has forged
a bond that only grows stronger with time.
We wonder, sometimes, what the future will bring us. But we’re
fine with waiting to find out.
Fiction : GW :