 |
|
|
|
Between the Lines
‘Duo?’
God… he’s outside… just standing there. Watching the rain.
‘Out here, Heero.’
God… not yet. I’m not ready to face anybody. I need a little more time.
‘Are you all right?’
Of course he’s not. How in the hell could he be all right… standing there on those damn crutches, with his… with his leg… gone.
‘Just fine. Just needed a little bit of air is all.’
Fine. I’m just fine. I can be just fine. With a little more time… that’s all. I just need a little more time.
‘It’s awfully chilly out. Are you sure you aren’t ready to come in?’
Please let him be ready to come in. I can’t stand to see him out here… so alone. Looking so… lost.
‘It’s not so bad, Heero. I’ll be in in a little bit… it was just getting a bit stuffy in there, that’s all. Just a little… warm.’
Stuffy. Claustrophobic. So many people. All with that same damn look in their eyes. I’m such a wimp! Couldn’t even bear up at my own welcome home party. What must they think of me?
‘Are you sure? I could bring you your jacket at least… if you’d like?’
Too stuffy? Like hell. Just too damn many people. I tried to tell Quatre this was a bad idea. He’s so tired… so worn-out. He needed to be able to come back to some kind of sanctuary. Not this damn three ring circus!
‘I’m fine, Heero. I promise; I’ll be back in a minute. Just… a minute or two, ok? You don’t have to stay out here, I’m… fine.’
God, I want him to stay. But…I don’t want him to stay. I’m just so damn tired, is all. I just wish I could… I just want… I’m so confused. So tired… and it hurts. It hurts so damn bad. It’s so hard to think… to concentrate.
‘Are you sure?’
He looks so damn miserable! I don’t know what to do. Does he really want me to leave him out here all alone? I don’t want to; it doesn’t feel right. He may need a break from that nightmare of people… but I don’t think alone is what he needs right now.
‘Yes, damn it! I’m…. I… I’m sorry… Heero, I didn’t mean to yell… I…’
What the hell is wrong with me? It’s not Heero I’m upset with; he’s been so good through all of this. I just needed a few more minutes to get my bearings again, is all. I wasn’t expecting all these people. I don’t know how to handle all these people. I can’t… I… damn it! I just don’t want to have to!
‘Don’t worry about it. If you can’t yell at your room mate, who can you yell at?’
He could yell at me all afternoon if he needed to. What ever in the hell it takes. He’s always been so strong… so sure; he’s floundering now, I can see it, but I’m not sure what I should do.
‘Did I ever thank you for letting me move in here until I can get my… I mean, until I can find a job?’
Get my feet back under me. Good one, Duo. Jesus…what’s wrong with me? Please God… don’t let me fall apart. That’s all I’m shooting for right now; I just don’t want to fall apart in front of everybody. Is that so much to ask?
‘You don’t need to thank me. You know you’re welcome here… you’ll always be welcome here.’
You always have been welcome here. You always will be. I just wish it wasn’t something like this that brought you to me. I just wish… just wish that things could be different.
‘I guess… guess we should get back inside. Everybody’s probably wondering what happened to the ‘party boy’.’
I hope I can do this. I’m not sure I’m ready to face them all again. I feel so… raw. Too on edge. Oh Heero… please… please…
‘I sent them home, Duo. It’s just you and me.’
Just the two of us. Quatre will probably be pissed at me for a week, but I don’t care. Duo needed the space. Duo needs some time. Even the God of Death only has so much strength.
‘You… sent them…?’
Oh God… Oh God… Thank you Heero! I couldn’t take any more, and they make me have to take it. They make me have to stay strong, have to stay in control. I’m just so damn tired… I just want to… I just want…
‘Yes. Everyone is gone. Everyone but me. Just let me take care of things for awhile, all right?’
Sometimes… he needs me to be strong for him. That scares me a little… he’s one hell of a hard act to follow. But… how can I fail, when he needs me so damn much right now? Whether he can admit it or not. Whether he can admit it to himself or not.
‘Take care of things? I’m all right, Heero; really I am…’
Take care of things? Can you take care of me, Heero? Just for a little while?
‘I’ll take care of you as long as you need me to.’
Please let me… Oh, Duo… please let me.
‘Heero? What are you saying… ‘
Please be saying what I’m hearing. What I need to hear. Please, Heero… Oh God, I need you so bad! Don’t do this to me if you don’t mean it!
‘I’m saying… I’m saying come the hell here!’
God in heaven he feels so good in my arms! He’s trembling; he does need me… I wasn’t reading him wrong! He needs me… he needs me…
‘Heero! Oh Jesus, Heero… what am I gonna do? I’m so damn scared!’
‘It’s all right… it’s going to be all right. Don’t cry… come inside now. Just lean on me for a bit… let me take care of everything… Let me be here for you for just a little while…’
‘Be strong for me?’
‘As long as you need me to.’
‘…forever…?’
‘Yes forever.’
At last…
|
|