Finding Common Ground

(Part 5 of the Road trip Arc)

By Sunhawk

The mission was over; the munitions dump was completely eliminated. The base was destroyed beyond rebuilding. The initial assault had generated a desperate defense that had crumbled rather quickly to our superior firepower. The enemy had retreated in total, abandoning everything to our mercy. We had shown none. Now we were on the long trip back to base. Wing was unscathed, though Trowa’s Heavyarms had taken some slight damage to its hydraulics on the left side and was unable to move that ‘arm’. We flew close; I stayed on his left, guarding the weak side. But there was nothing out here with us, hadn’t been for a day. Barring any complications, we would make touchdown tomorrow at eighteen hundred hours. I could not wait. I don’t think either of us could. It was a very odd feeling. It had never mattered to me before; the long treks through space used to be something I treasured, the solitude and time without fighting, without killing. But I had never had something to go back to before. I wanted to see Duo. I wanted to touch him, to know he was all right. The timing of the mission had been horrendous, following right on the heels of Duos attack. When I closed my eyes, I still saw him hanging limply in Wufeis grasp, blood smeared across his lips I needed to see him as much as I needed to breathe.

I had managed, with the help of Wufeis oath to me, to block all the worry out of my mind for the time it had taken to get through the mission. But once it was done and over with and we had begun the long, quiet flight back, all my concerns had come rushing back and now, a day and a half later, my gut was in knots thinking of all the possibilities. Wondering where he was, what he was doing. Was Wufei with him? Had he figured out I had changed his access code to Deathscythe again? How mad was he? Was he doing his exercises? Was he eating? Sometimes he forgot to eat. I hoped the others were keeping him company, he needed people; needed contact. He got lonely.

What in the hell was the matter with me? I was starting to make myself nauseous. The tight band comm crackled to life, and I jumped in my harness like a kid that had been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

‘Yuy?’ Came Trowa’s voice, calm and amused.

‘Yes?’ I managed.

‘If you get any closer, you’re going to set off the proximity alarms.’

I was thankful the vids weren’t up and he couldn’t see my utter consternation. I had not even realized. I eased back, pulling Wing to a more reasonable distance and muttered an apology. Thinking about Trowa’s damaged Gundam and worrying about Duo had gotten all muddled together in my tired brain and I had unconsciously been moving protectively closer. I imagined Trowa laughing uproariously at me.

After a bit, he spoke again. ‘It gets easier, if that’s any help.’ His voice was gentle behind the amusement.

I grunted in surprise. Here was somebody, out of only a tiny handful of people in the universe, who could possibly understand what I was going through. I wanted to kick myself for not having realized sooner; for having wasted all this time.

‘Gods, I hope so.’ I muttered, ‘Because it sure as hell can’t get any harder.’

He laughed, delighted, and I glowered. They were all enjoying my wrestling for the first time with all these emotions and it was getting a little irritating.

‘Yes,’ he sounded a little melancholy, ‘It is a bitter sweet thing, isn’t it?’

Gods, he did understand.

‘Do you…worry?’ I asked, it made it easier, not having to see each other. I was able to bring myself to speak of things I might not have been able to, had we been sitting across a table from one another.

‘Constantly.’ He sighed.

‘How do you…how can you function on a mission?’

He chuckled, ‘It’s not always easy.’ There was a moment of silence, utter and complete out here between the stars, ‘I can’t tell you how to put it aside for yourself, Heero. I only know what works for me.’

Maybe he needed to talk a little too.

‘What?’

There was a hesitation, ‘I make myself believe that Quatre’s life depends on every single mission.’

I grunted. Damn. I turned that over in my mind for a minute thinking about it; don’t deny the feelings, embrace them. Twist them to your own ends; make them work for you instead of against you.

‘Damn, Trowa, it’s a wonder you don’t have an ulcer.’

He chuckled wryly and then sobered after a bit. ‘Heero, have you thought about the other half of the coin? What it’s like when they’re the ones going out and you’re the one staying behind?’

I sighed, ‘I’m trying very hard not to.’

‘Sooner or later, it will happen.’ And I felt the weight of personal experience behind his words.

‘I know. Gods...I know.’

There was another long silence, and for a while I thought the conversation was over.

‘Heero. You have to trust him. Don’t make the same mistake I almost made. I tried so hard to protect Quatre, and he wound up thinking that I doubted him. It almost destroyed us.’

It shocked me to hear this much private information coming from Trowa; he did not speak of these kinds of things any easier than I did. I remembered several occasions, looking back over the last several months, when I had thought he wanted to say something to me but then left it unvoiced. Maybe this odd, blind, conversation was making things easier for him as well. I realized what a gift he was trying to hand to me, what a sacrifice he was making to speak so plainly to me, and I could do nothing but speak plainly in return.

‘I am being over protective, aren’t I?’ I finally admitted.

He actually laughed out loud and I was glad he couldn’t see my face burning. ‘Heero, one would think he were made of spun sugar and air.’

I sighed, ‘I just came so near to losing him, before I’d even properly found him…’

All trace of amusement left his voice, ‘I know. Gods, what he came through…’ there was the gust of a sigh, ‘I still can’t quite believe he came back alive.’

I shuddered, suddenly cold. ‘Tell me about…that night.’

‘When he came back?’

I grunted an affirmative, ‘I got it from Wufei, and he…tends to puts things in their best light.’

There came an understanding chuckle and there was a pause, maybe he was considering his words, maybe he was collecting his thoughts, or maybe he was thinking that he shouldn’t tell me. I waited, and eventually he did speak again.

‘Wufei and I both thought he had died in the accident, but I couldn’t convince Quatre to give it up. He spent every waking hour on that damned radio, monitoring the emergency frequency. We were all up in the radio room at the safe house that night. I was trying to talk Quatre into shutting it down and going to bed. He was so tired…between Duo and you…’

He stopped for a minute, but I didn’t speak. I wanted to hear this, and I literally had days. I could let him tell it in his own time.

‘Wufei was with us. I think we all just wanted to be together. Everybody was…hurting.’

Mourning Duo, watching me fade. We wouldn’t discuss this part.

‘Then we heard this little sound in the hall. We never heard him come in the house. I don’t know how he got up the stairs; hell, I don’t know how he did any of it.’

Had we been sitting at a table together, he would have leaned forward and met my eyes.

‘I’ve never seen a living human being look like that. I don’t know how he was on his feet.’ His voice was getting intense, ‘We couldn’t go near him. Quatre tried to help him…but…’ there was another pause, ‘Heero, he scared me.’

He stopped again, lost in memory, or searching for words, I’m not sure which. I had to reach to turn the heat up in my cockpit; I had started to shiver.

‘It was like he was on autopilot. His face…I can’t imagine the fall that did that to his face…but the look in his eyes; this desperation…this need…’

I was hanging on his every word, I could see Duo in my mind; the picture wasn’t too hard to paint, I had seen him in the hospital afterward.

He seemed to want to get the next part told, and his voice became almost clinical, ‘He was just standing there in the hall when we got out there. His left hand was limp and black, just hanging there. You could tell there was something wrong with his knee even through the pants, it was swollen that bad. We didn’t know about the broken ribs at the time, but he was all hunched in on himself, holding his ribs with his good arm. He was covered with these horrible abrasions, and his throat…when he tried to talk…it didn’t even sound like Duo.’

I winced. I had done that to his throat, he had surprised me in my sleep and I had…tried to strangle him.

Trowa let the minutes tick by while he considered his next words; I could hear tiny sounds over the open comm.

‘He could barely speak, and when he did, all he wanted was to know if you were all right.’

‘Gods.’ I murmured, the first I had spoken through this story.

‘Heero…I think, maybe, you’re all that brought him back to us.’

I glanced at the chronometer, I wanted it to say eighteen hundred, I wanted it to be tomorrow, but there were still hours to go.

‘He’s strong, Heero. He’s come through more than the rest of us combined. He’ll come through this too, you need to believe in him.’

I put my face in my hands and rubbed at my tired eyes, ‘I know. I know. If you could have seen him, that trip…I’d never seen that side of him before. Gods he’s gotten under my skin.’

There was the sound of a faint chuckle, ‘In case you haven’t noticed, he’s gotten under all our skins.’

‘I think Wufei would argue that.’

‘Don’t let Wufei fool you; he’d wade into the pits of hell for Duo.’

I grinned, ‘Calling him a fool the entire time.’

‘Absolutely.’

The silence stretched, and I realized that the conversation was done for now. We had both reached a point where we didn’t want to talk any more.

‘Thank you, Trowa.’ too little to convey my emotion, but all I had.

‘You are welcome.’ And his comm snapped off with a certain finality.

I reached up and turned mine off as well, and we finished the flight in silence. I had enough thoughts swirling in my head to occupy my time.

The first thing I noticed after we landed, shutdown, and disembarked, was the hatch on Deathscythe standing pointedly open. As if to say, very loudly, ‘Fuck you, Heero Yuy’. I sighed. I guess, somewhere deep inside, I had hoped that he hadn’t tried to get into his Gundam in the last week, and didn’t know what I had done. So much for that pipe dream.

Quatre was in the hanger, waiting for us, and I made an effort to not look his way, trying to allow the two of them a moment of privacy for their reunion. But it wasn’t Trowa he was looking at, it was me. I felt my heart convulse in my chest.

‘What’s wrong?’

Quatre is a good pilot, he’s organized, and thorough, and could be counted on in a pinch, but he is not a good poker player. Whatever he was thinking was written across his face in flaming letters. I knew something had gone wrong the moment I laid eyes on him.

‘Duo…?’ I could hardly breathe waiting for his answer.

‘He’s Ok. Everything’s all right.’ Quatre’s eyes were wide; ‘I just need to talk to you before you go up to the house.’

I thought I would scream and had to take a calming breath, waiting for him to spit it out.

Trowa went over and put his arm around Quatre’s shoulders, and I realized I was probably doing that frightening thing I do with my expression, and I tried hard to stop.

‘What happened?’ Trowa asked him gently.

‘He ran into a couple of those guys from the park.’ Quatre was able to tell Trowa, not looking at me, ‘There was a fight. They hurt his knee and the doctor ordered him to stay off it for a couple of days.’

That was enough to turn my stomach over, but there was more, I could tell. I bit my tongue and let Trowa pull it out of him.

‘What else?’ he prompted, and Quatre looked away from both of us.

‘One of them had a knife…’

That was all I heard. I couldn’t wait any longer to hear the rest of it. He had said he had to talk to me before I went up to the house. That implied that Duo was up at the house. I broke and ran up the path, my heart in my throat. Damn the waiting, I had been waiting for days. I wanted to see Duo, and I wanted to see Duo now.

How the hell had he run in to anybody? Wufei had sworn to me that he would keep him safe. What had gone wrong? A knife? What about a knife? My emotions were running the gambit from fear to anger and back again. I wanted to see Duo and I wanted to knock Wufei on his ass.

I slammed through the kitchen door and headed straight for the stairs. Quatre had said he was supposed to be staying off his knee; that meant bed. I heard their voices before I was half way up the stairs.

‘Maxwell! You are not getting out of that damn bed!’

‘So stop me, God damn it!’

‘Don’t try me, you idiot!’

‘Will you just freaking leave me alone for five damn minutes! I can’t take any more of this!’

‘You can’t take anymore?! If I don’t turn you over to somebody else soon, I am fucking going to kill you!’

‘I am not a damn baby! You don’t have to turn me over to anybody!

‘I swore a stupid, stinking, idiotic oath, you moron!’

‘I am not a God damned mission!’

I slowed my steps, there was dead silence coming from the bedroom for several long moments, and then softly,

‘Please, ‘Fei? I need to go down to the hanger.’

There was the sound of Wufei’s frustrated sigh, ‘Duo, damn it, you’ve pulled the stitches again.’

I was rooted to the spot, not ten feet from the door. Just the sound of his voice was making the blood sing in my veins. He was all right, really all right. Wufei wouldn’t be yelling at him like that if he weren’t all right.

‘Just a little; it’s barely bleeding. Come on, man, I need this, Ok?’

A defeated, disgusted growl; ‘All right, damn it, but you’re going to let me help you and you are staying off the knee.’

‘All right, all right.’ There was the sound of movement, the creak of the bed. I have no idea why I just stood there. The whole thing was so bizarre, hearing them argue and them not knowing I was there.

‘Wufei…I’m sorry, man.’ His voice held a weeks worth of frustration.

But, so did Wufei’s, ‘Maxwell, will you please stop apologizing?’

They came into view finally, and I thought my heart would stop in my chest. He looked thin, and tired. Dark circles under his eyes making him seem like some fragile waif. He was leaning heavily on Wufei, and his ribs were wrapped in gauze and my eyes sought and found the trace of blood they had mentioned. Wufei caught sight of me first, and the expression on his face went from a grim frown to one of sheer relief.

‘Oh, thank the Gods.’ He breathed, and Duo’s head snapped up and he saw me.

The look I got from him melted me where I stood, and I strode the last few feet to sweep him into my arms even as he was pulling free of Wufei and launching himself at me. I knew nothing for a precious few minutes other than the scent and feel of him crushing himself against me as if he could merge us into a single being.

‘You’re all right. You’re all right.’ He kept murmuring against my neck, and I knew exactly how he felt; as though I had not been able to draw a clear breath in the last week.

Over his shoulder, I could see Wufei, face gone gentle and warm, and I opened my mouth to start the questions that were burning inside. But he shook his head and held up a hand.

‘Later. Just… be with him, for now. It’s been…a hard few days.’

And he just walked away, calling over his shoulder at the last minute, before disappearing down the stairs, ‘And keep him off the damned knee!’

We were alone, standing in the middle of the hall, wrapped around each other like Armageddon was coming. I was still in the stinking flight suit I had lived in for the last week, but he didn’t seem to care. He’d never held me like this before; hard and desperate, and all but trembling.

‘Duo, what’s wrong? What the hell happ…’ I began, but he cut me off.

‘Later; we’ll yell and we’ll fight later. Not now. Just hold me. Let me know it’s all over. Let me know you’re safe.’

I didn’t answer; how do you answer something like that? I stroked his braid and rubbed his back and finally bent and picked him up in my arms. He’d lost weight, I could feel it. In just a week? What in the hell had happened while I was gone? The questions wanted to spill out, but I couldn’t press him. He didn’t argue with my lifting him, and I carried him gently back to his room. I stopped in the doorway, what in the world? There were medicine bottles and water glasses on the night stand, pizza boxes and empty pop cans lying abandoned on the desk, a pile of dirty clothes a foot high in the corner, and mattresses all over the floor. I had to bite my tongue.

I took him to the bed, and couldn’t even untangle him long enough to lay him down. I wound up being drawn down with him, almost falling on top of him.

‘Duo, love, I don’t want to hurt you…’

‘Don’t give a damn.’ He growled, pulling me in with him, ‘I need you here. I want you here. I get this, this one thing. For me. Because this week has sucked. Five fucking minutes, that’s all I’m asking.’

I would not have denied him in that moment if he had asked me for my head on a silver platter. I stretched out beside him and he curled around me, close as he could get.

‘I’m yours, love; you know that. For as long as you want me, as long as you need me.’ I kissed his forehead, his temple, the sweet curve of the bridge of his nose, ‘Gods, I missed you.’ I breathed in his ear, and he began to relax against me, making me aware of just how tense he had been.

I ached to ask him what had happened, what was wrong. What had happened to his knee? Why were his ribs bandaged? Why did he look so tired? What was going on? But I kept it all to myself and just held him, and let him hold me. I let my hand stroke gently up and down his back, feeling the stress flowing out of him like water, until, suddenly, I realized he was asleep. Had I not been so consumed with questions, I might have dozed off myself.

It probably wasn’t an hour before Wufei peeked quietly in at the door and smiled gently, ‘I didn’t think it would take long.’ He said softly, and came to sit on the side of the bed, tenderly brushing a lock of hair away from Duo’s eyes.

‘Wufei,’ I was forced to speak softly, though I wanted to grab him and shake him and make screaming demands, ‘What is going on?’

I expected him to get defensive, I expected him to white wash things and blow me off. I did not expect him to drop his head into his hands; elbows braced on knees and tell me,

‘I’ve done a miserable job, and I failed you.’

My mouth worked, and I struggled to hold on to the anger, but it just washed away at the sight of him slumped beside us, obviously frustrated and exhausted.

‘You didn’t fail me.’ I found myself saying, ‘Just tell me what happened.’

His head came up, and he met my eyes with a surprised expression.

I raised an eyebrow at him, ‘I’m not going to kill you.’

The corner of his mouth quirked up in a half-hearted attempt at a grin, ‘You might want to hold off making that promise until you hear the whole story.’

I gave him a beseeching look, ‘I just want to hear the story, Ok?’

His head dropped back into his hands, ‘You were right. You were so right about what happened.’

My arms moved to pull Duo closer without my having to command them. Damn it; I had not wanted to be right.

‘He had another attack the night you left. It was…I…’ He stopped, working at it, and I thought I would scream in frustration.

‘We witnessed him being assaulted.’ It was Quatre’s voice, soft and low and thick with unshed tears. I looked up to watch him come into the room and kneel beside Wufei where he could speak to me without raising his voice. Trowa stood in silence in the doorway, arms folded across his chest, his eyes meeting mine for a moment before we both turned our attention to Quatre. This was where I would hear the things I wanted to hear; Quatre would not attempt to phrase things with an analytical mind, but would speak to me from the heart. I marveled that Duo was able to sleep through all this disturbance.

‘We were here, right here with him, and we couldn’t stop it.’ The tears broke and flowed freely down his face, ‘It wasn’t a dream. It happened to him, right here. All we could do was hold on to him and listen to him being…raped.’

My heart constricted at that word, that short, simple word that held so much meaning, implied so much pain. How could I protect him from something that had happened so long ago?

Wufei reached out a tentative hand and gently touched Quatre’s shoulder. Something I had not thought to ever see Chang Wufei do. These two had been through a siege together in the past few days.

‘It just went on and on. I thought it would never end. He fought…so hard. It was…brutal. His voice…was so young.’ A frown of pain crossed his pale face and I found myself reaching to touch his hand. ‘It took the both of us to hold him. Nothing we said or did got through to him.’

Wufei took up the tale, voice so soft I saw Trowa take a step into the room to hear, ‘Then he suddenly went limp, and stopped fighting us, and seemed to come out of it. He seemed all right…at first.’

Quatre choked on a sob that drew Trowa to his side, to lay a hand protectively on his shoulder. ‘He was comforting us, Heero, he held me after it was over. He kept…telling us how sorry he was we had seen it.’

Beside me, Duo stirred restlessly, and both Wufei and Quatre stiffened, their eyes snapping in his direction and they grew quiet, watching intently until he settled. That scared me as much as anything they had told me so far. They were both on such a hair trigger, their internal radar tuned to Duo’s every breath.

I met Trowa’s eyes, and he nodded, gently pulling Quatre to his feet and leading him out of the room. I turned my gaze back to Wufei, who was still watching Duo warily.

‘Don’t discount him.’ He whispered, letting his gaze shift to look after the departing pair, ‘I couldn’t have gotten through this without Quatre. He was…very perceptive that night.’

I waited for him to collect his thoughts and take up the story again; I guess I was learning patience, or maybe I just couldn’t bear hearing any more.

‘I don’t think I handled it well.’ He finally sighed, ‘Duo was…feeling pain, as though it had just happened. He claimed…he said he could see the blood. I…argued with him.’ A look of terrible self-loathing crossed his face. ‘He tried to get us to leave him alone, and I…refused.’ He was quiet for a moment, gazing at Duo. ‘I’m not sure I made the right decision.’

My fingers, still lying on the bed where I had touched Quatre’s hand, reached out and brushed his knee. ‘You did fine.’ I breathed, brushing my cheek lightly against the top of Duo’s head.

‘I’ve never seen him like that, Heero. He was…strung so tight I thought he was going to explode. But…I never dreamed he had such control. You could see him…hanging on…’ he just shook his head, unable to continue the thought, but I think I understood.

‘He was so exhausted when we put him to bed, he was in pain, and I gave him some pretty strong pain killers, he could barely turn over on his own.’ His eyes met mine in a hard look, ‘I swear, I never dreamed he would get up and sneak out like that.’

‘He what?’ I think we were finally getting to the part of the story that Wufei was afraid I was going to kill him over. The need to not raise my voice was driving me crazy.

‘I think I should have listened to him about needing to be alone.’ He looked pained again, glancing at Duo, ‘He somehow got out of the room without waking us and took off in one of the cars.’

The story was getting a little faster now that we had gotten to the part he didn’t want to have to confess to, and I found myself wishing Quatre were back to fill in some of the details.

‘He wound up at the mall. He…he called us, so we wouldn’t worry; Quatre heard something in the background and guessed where he was.’ He sighed heavily, looking at me with eyes that I noticed for the first time were as red and weary looking as Duo’s had been.

‘I drove down there. Heero, I got there before he was attacked. I could have…I didn’t…’ He dropped his head back in his hands, not able to meet my eyes anymore, and his shoulders slumped.

‘There were three of them, and one of them was injured. He seemed…I thought…’

‘Spit it out, Wufei.’ I growled, tension coiling in my gut. In the curve of my arm, Duo moaned and shifted, the hand that had been lying limp on my chest clutched convulsively at my flight suit.

Wufei jumped like he’d been shot, and his hands reached instinctively toward Duo, his face was full of dread.

I calmed my breathing and forced myself to relax, ‘Shhhhh, my little one,’ I breathed softly against the top of Duo’s head, ‘I’m here. No one can hurt you as long as I’m here. It’s all right; it’s all right now. Go to sleep. Just go back to sleep. I’ve got you.’ Duo slowly relaxed and sank deeper into slumber.

Wufei looked at me, wide eyed; and for one truly surreal moment, I thought he was going to burst into tears. Finally, voice thick, he said firmly, ‘You are not going anywhere for the foreseeable future. If you are called for any missions, I will take them. You are not leaving him again until…until this is over.’

I caught myself with my mouth hanging open and shut it. ‘Tell the rest of it, Wufei.’

He took a deep breath and kind of collected himself, ‘It seemed to me that his spirit was as wounded as his body had been. He was coming to depend on you, and doubting himself more and more all the time. When I arrived at the mall, I found the car and was waiting for him. I saw him come out, he was being pursued by three of the group who had attacked you in the park.’ He was looking off into the distance, not at me; and just getting it told. ‘I decided to let him handle it. He hadn’t seen me yet. It seemed…important.’

My breath hissed between my teeth, and I remembered my earlier desire to knock him on his ass; it had returned.

He flushed, but continued doggedly, ‘I did not know they were armed. I never would have waited had I known about the knife.’

I ground my teeth and waited.

‘He was dealing with them very quickly, very…admirably. But one of them managed a lucky punch to the side of his knee, and when he went down…the other one pulled a knife.’ His eyes sought mine again, begging me wordlessly to understand, but I couldn’t help being angry. ‘I headed in, the minute I saw it, but Duo came up and …and…he wasn’t Duo.’ He actually shuddered, ‘It was over, in an instant, he deliberately left an opening, took the slice to the abdomen in order to draw his opponent in, and then…’ The look on his face became a little awed, ‘Heero, the man was almost twice Duo’s size, but he just caught his arm and twisted and…splintered it.’

He stopped for a minute, looking down at Duo resting peacefully on my chest, as though he couldn’t reconcile the image with the one in his memory.

‘He didn’t know me. He turned on me when he heard me coming, and I thought for a minute he was going to attack me. It was like looking into the face of a stranger. He didn’t even know he’d been cut.’

‘How bad is it?’ I ventured, my fingers still, almost unconsciously, caressing Duo’s hair.

He sighed another of those frustrated sighs I had been hearing so many of in the last couple of hours, ‘Probably ten to twelve inches long, deepest at the entry point; almost a puncture, tapers off. Ended up taking seven stitches. We tried to tape it the first night and I think it would have held if he hadn’t had another nightmare. But it all pulled loose and we couldn’t deal with the bleeding until afterward.’ He slumped forward again, elbows on knees and head just hanging. ‘That was a bad night. He came out of the nightmare and there really was blood…it took us a while to get him …anchored.’

I should have stayed behind. I should have stayed with Duo and let someone else go on the damn mission. Duo had needed me and once again I had failed to be there. Whatever anger I had been harboring towards Wufei left me in one of my own miserable sighs, ‘I did not know what I was asking, when I took your oath to watch over him for me, Chang. I’m sorry. I should have been here.’

He gave me a weary, thankful look, ‘He was in such good spirits after the attack, I know that sounds odd, but I truly think I was a little bit right about him needing to handle it by himself.’ He smiled softly, eyes lost in memory, ‘He made me stop for pizza on the way home from the mall. He was so much better when we got back.’ But the smile quickly faded, ‘I think he honestly thought he had faced the demon and the demon was gone. After that second…nightmare, he became depressed. He can’t sleep more than a couple of hours at a time. We’re with him constantly and that’s making him…tense. He stopped eating.’

That explained the weight loss and the utter fatigue. It explained a lot.

‘And…bless Quatre’s heart, but he can’t say no to him about anything and keeps letting him drink caffeine for Gods sake!’

‘How bad’s the knee?’ I finally ventured, hoping this was the last of the surprises.

‘No permanent damage done, when we had to break down and take him in to have his ribs stitched up, he finally confessed that they had hurt his knee as well. The physician did not think that further surgery would be needed, but wanted him to rest it for a few days, return to the passive exercises he was doing right after the surgery for a while. He has an appointment to have it checked in…’ he looked at me blankly, ‘I’ll…I’ll have to look…I don’t know what day it is.’

‘Friday.’ I supplied with a grim smile.

He grunted, looking at Duo again, ‘I do not envy you, Yuy. He is…a hand full.’

I almost laughed, ‘Would you believe me if I told you it was more than worth it?’

A faintly melancholy expression passed over his features and he murmured, ‘I might.’

‘Why don’t you go to bed?’ I suggested, ‘You look exhausted.’

He nodded, and rose with a last glance at Duo curled in my arms, and headed for the door. Then he stopped, looking disgustedly down at the mattress on the floor and I realized that his bed was in here.

‘Use my room.’ I offered, and he gave me a grateful smile as he headed that way. Only to return a moment later, face flushed, frowning in irritation.

‘That,’ he said, pointing to the second mattress, ‘is Quatre and Trowa’s. They thought of your room first.’

And he threw himself down on the mattress on the floor without another word. If I was any judge, he was asleep within five minutes.

Well. Here we all were. What a mess; I had to get this straightened out. It wasn’t eight o’clock at night, and the entire household was in bed. Sleep was what they all needed though; Wufei and Quatre had looked completely done in. Trowa would see that Quatre was taken care of. Wufei could rest now that I was here to take over Duo’s guardianship. They would sort themselves out; all I had to do was get Duo turned around, back on the road to recovery. We had done it together once before, and we would do it again. First, he needed rest, and I would see to it that he managed that. Then he needed food; tomorrow, I would take care of that. Next, he needed to be free of these nightmares…and that was the part that defeated me. His body would heal, if he let it, but I didn’t know how to heal his spirit.

I dozed through the night, worrying at the problem, rousing when he stirred, to talk him back from the edge of the dark pit of memory.

‘Come back to me, love. Don’t leave me here. I need you. It’s all right now. I’m here…I’m with you…No one can get passed me…No one can harm you…’ An endless litany meant to bind him to me, safe and protected.

As the night wore on, he wound himself around me, arms tight around my waist, legs twined with mine, nuzzling his face into the hollow under my chin, until my body began to stir and ache with desire. It was just one more insult on top of an already trying day; I attempted to ignore it, shifting unhappily, trying to get comfortable, until I finally managed to sleep. My own dreams were fretful and somewhat erotic. I woke in the faint light of early dawn on the rising crest of my own completion, too late to stop the flood of a wringing orgasm. There was a moment of sweet release, my body finding an outlet of it’s own for pent tensions and unanswered needs. Followed by the irritating realization that I was trapped in my own mess in an already stinking flight suit. I drew a shaky breath and opened blurry eyes to find Duo staring up at me, wide eyed and puzzled. I realized his leg was thrown across my hips, pressed against my groin and he was feeling the after-twitches of my climax against his thigh. I flushed blood red clear to the roots of my hair.

I waited for him to jeer at me, but he just looked openly curious.

‘What…what just happened?’ he finally asked when all I could do was lie there and stare at him staring at my blushing face.

I think I choked. I flushed even harder, and Duo frowned, moving off me.

‘Are you Ok?’ he asked, and I realized that he wasn’t teasing me.

‘I…I just had a wet dream.’ I finally managed to sputter out.

He was raised on his elbow now, lying on his side and the frown cleared from his face.

‘Oh.’ He said, seeming to at least understand the term, ‘It almost looked like you were in pain.’

‘Oh no. Not pain at all.’ His bizarre innocence eased my discomfort a little and I stroked a finger down the curve of his cheek, and smiled lightly, trying very hard to be upfront with it. ‘I’ve missed you…very much. I fell asleep…thinking about you. That’s all.’

He looked at me for a very long time and finally whispered softly, ‘What…what’s it feel like?’

I blinked in astonishment, and he flushed a little, but doggedly waited for me to reply, ‘It’s…it’s like your body being thirsty for something…really, really hungry for it…and suddenly getting it, kind of all at once.’

I did not let him see that I wanted desperately to crawl into a hole and pull it in after me. I schooled my expression into one of calm openness and waited to see if he had any other questions.

He just grunted and rolled away to the side of the bed. ‘I’m going to go take a shower.’ It was a measure of my total loss of composure that I completely forgot that he wasn’t supposed to be walking on his knee, and let him go. When the bathroom door shut, I let my held breath out in a gust and buried my burning face in the pillow with a mortified groan.

‘How the hell do you get to be our age and not know what a wet dream is?’ asked Wufei from his mattress on the floor, and I thought I would spontaneously combust.

I had totally forgotten he was there, and it took me several long, shocked moments before I was able to lever myself up on one elbow and glare down at him.

He was lying with his arms behind his head, tangled in his sheets, staring up at the ceiling, looking much better than he had the night before.

But he didn’t look amused; he just looked sad, and I forgot my own embarrassment for a moment and really thought about the small exchange. Duo just asked me what an orgasm felt like. He had never felt…never known…I listened to the sound of the water running in the other room. No one had ever touched him in pleasure, only in pain.

‘I want,’ Wufei said softly, ‘very much, to go hurt someone.’

My heart throbbed painfully to the sound of the same drum he was hearing. I wanted to find the bastards and grind them slowly between two stones.

We lay in silence for a bit, listening to the sounds of Duo in the shower.

I finally ventured, ‘Mind if I go get cleaned up?’

He wrinkled his nose and smiled, ‘I would actually be grateful if you would go get cleaned up.’

‘Baka.’ I growled and climbed out of bed. The door to my own room was still closed, so I went in and used the shower in Wufei’s room, borrowing a robe until I had access to my own clean clothes again.

When I finished, Duo was out of the shower, sitting on his bed combing his hair, and Wufei was still sprawled on his mattress, watching him. I walked in just in time to hear Wufei say,

‘Quatre is fine, Maxwell. You dreamed he was crying, that’s all.’

I moved to the bed and settled myself behind Duo, taking the comb away from him and setting to work on the tangles. This, I had gotten rather good at.

‘It just seemed so real.’ Duo frowned, tilting his head as I stroked the comb through the length of his wet hair.

‘I suppose, if you want to check,’ Wufei smirked, ‘he is in Heero’s room with Trowa. You can go ask.’

I glanced around Duo’s shoulder, answering his smirk, ‘Like you checked on them last evening?’

I was gratified to see his faint flush; I thought perhaps he had interrupted something last night. He covered it with a grunt and a yawn and told us, ‘I’m going down to do my kata. I will see you at breakfast.’ And he rolled to his feet and was gone.

Duo’s hair was tangle free, but I spent another few minutes running the comb through it, raising it to my face and inhaling the soft scent of sandalwood. Then I went ahead and tightly plaited it for him.

‘Why does he lie to me?’ He asked abruptly, surprising me.

‘He thinks he is protecting you.’ I had to answer honestly. ‘He’s afraid of upsetting you.’

‘Then, why was Quatre crying?’ Check and mate; I sighed.

‘They came in last night, after you fell asleep to tell me about…everything.’ I flipped the end of his braid over his shoulder to signal I was finished.

‘I slept through all that?’ he caught at the braid and glanced back at me.

I chuckled, ‘Pretty much.’

‘I slept through the night.’ His tone was almost accusing.

I brushed a finger down the length of his arm and said softly, ‘And you will, every night that I’m by your side.’

‘But that means that you don’t sleep.’ He said forlornly.

‘I can sleep a little. We’re going to get through this, love.’ I entwined my fingers with his where they rested on the bed, ‘Together.’

I didn’t want to see his face clouded with this intense sadness. I wanted to bring the smile back to his sweet lips; I wanted to make him laugh. I wanted to make things all right again. I pulled him back against my chest, and tilted his face up to meet my kiss, my hand resting lightly on his vulnerable throat, feeling the pulse thunder there. I kissed him gently and deeply, not stopping until I brought a gasp from him that vibrated under my palm.

‘Now, I believe, before I left for my mission, I had arranged things so that I could baby and coddle you without interruption?’

He groaned, ‘Heero…don’t you dare

start that again.’

I just chuckled evilly and climbed off the bed to sweep him up in my arms.

‘Thought I forgot you’re supposed to be staying off the leg, didn’t you?’

He glared at me, around the beginnings of a smile, ‘I had hoped.’

‘A momentary lapse.’ I assured him, ‘Now, for breakfast.’

I carried him down to the kitchen and deposited him in a chair while I hunted through the pantry and came up with a box of pancake mix.

I was going to have to find his crutches, he wasn’t that much smaller than I was, and carrying him any real distance was not going to be feasible on a long-term basis. I began mixing the batter, aware of Duo watching me in amusement. In the front foyer, I could distantly make out the sounds of Wufei, stamping and panting his way through his morning ritual; sounded like he was working with a little extra zeal.

I turned the heat on under the pan, and went to set a plate and fork in front of Duo. He sat with his chin propped on his hand and grinned at me, ‘You can cook?’

‘Of course I can cook.’ I informed him haughtily, playing the game of keeping him distracted as I poured batter, ‘Better than you can.’

‘I never claimed to be an expert chef.’ He huffed, ‘I manage to keep myself from starving.’

Almost, I retorted with something I would have regretted, looking at his gaunt features, but luckily, the first batch of pancakes finished about that time, and I dumped them on his plate and said instead, ‘Eat.’

He made a show of gingerly tasting them, as though expecting something vile, and then quirked an eyebrow at me.

‘Told you I could cook.’ I smirked.

‘Then why don’t you ever take your turn doing it?’ asked Wufei as he came into the room, towel tossed around his shoulders and looking much more relaxed than he had last evening. He sat down beside Duo, watching him wolf down pancakes with a bemused expression.

The second batch came out of the pan about then, so I plopped a plate in front of Wufei before turning back to the stove.

Trowa and Quatre wandered in, and I ended up mixing up another entire batch of batter before finally managing to eat a little breakfast of my own.

Quatre beamed at me, ‘Heero, these are delicious!’ and inwardly, I groaned; I hated cooking and had managed till now to pretty much avoid doing it. Somehow, everyone just assumed that I was no good at it. So much for that charade.

Something had been nagging at me ever since we had arrived back from the search and destroy; where was the house staff? There was usually a very competent cook in this well-appointed kitchen.

‘Quatre?’ I asked after dredging the name up, ‘Where’s Katrine?’

Quatre and Wufei exchanged a look, but before either of them could manage to say anything, Duo piped up almost brightly, without ever looking up from his breakfast,

‘I was scaring the shit out of the entire staff with my screaming and Quatre had to give them time off with pay.’

Both of his erstwhile keepers looked shocked and sputtered incoherently, but Duo stopped them again,

‘I may be psychotic, but I am not stupid, nor am I blind.’

Quatre visibly wilted and Duo took pity on him. He finally put his fork down and looked up at the blond, ‘I’m sorry, Quatre. I understand.’

‘Well,’ I interjected, attempting to divert the conversation, ‘it certainly explains why your room looks like a pig sty and smells worse.’

‘On that subject, Yuy,’ Wufei too, seemed eager to change the topic, ‘Would you mind helping me put everybody’s beds back where they belong?’

‘That is the first order of business. Laundry is the second.’ I informed him.

So after breakfast, we left Quatre and Trowa to do up the dishes, and Wufei and I helped Duo back upstairs. He refused to be carried. We parked him back on the bed while we hauled the mattresses back to their respective rooms. Then Wufei gathered up the empty cans and pizza boxes while I sorted the pile of dirty laundry into a basket to take downstairs. I pulled loose change and a candy wrapper out of the pockets of a pair of shorts, and shook my head; Duo was so unorganized. I found a set of car keys and a CD in a pair of black jeans I didn’t remember seeing before, and then my hands closed on material that was stiff, and curious, I pulled a black t-shirt out of the pile. It was sliced almost in half from side to side, and the entire front was stiff with dried blood. I froze, realizing what I was holding in my hands, and suddenly the story that I had been told last night took on a crystal clarity; became real. My hands quivered and behind me, I heard Duo softly say,

‘Throw it away, Heero.’

Wufei, catching the tone of Duo’s voice, stopped what he was doing and looked at me. I couldn’t tear my eyes off the damn blood soaked thing. No wonder he had seemed so frail; all that blood. Dear Gods; he’d almost been disemboweled. I’d almost lost him again and I wouldn’t even have known it for days. I would have finished that damn mission and come back to be greeted with the news that…that Duo had…that I was…left behind…alone again.

Wufei came and gently pulled it from my trembling hands, stuffing it in the bag with the rest of the trash he was collecting. He looked first at me and then at Duo, and finally said,

‘I think I am done here. I have some…errands to run. I’ll be back after while.’ He took the trash, and he left. I barely heard him.

I went across the room and knelt down in front of Duo.

‘I need to see.’ I thought I managed to keep my voice fairly calm considering the turmoil that was going on inside me.

‘Heero, let it go. It’s nothing.’

‘I know that. But I have to see it for myself, Ok?’

He sighed, and without any real argument, pulled his shirt off and undid the tape. I helped him unwind the bandages; they were stuck to him with dried blood. I gently worked it loose and revealed the wound beneath.

‘Gods, Duo. You gave him the opening to do this to you?’

He looked at me sharply, ‘Wufei doesn’t miss much, does he?’

‘Not a lot.’ I agreed.

Gentle as a feather, I laid my hand over the stitches; I couldn’t cover the length of it end to end with my entire hand. Compared with wounds he had endured in the past, it was nothing. But it was twisting my guts around just looking at it. Maybe because I hadn’t been there. Maybe because Wufei had let it happen. Maybe because it had happened in such a mundane way; as soldiers, you expected to get hurt in the line of duty, in battle. You did not expect to die in a stupid shopping mall.

‘Heero? You’re scaring me. Stop it.’ He said softly and I looked up into wide eyes, and I knew my face was contorted with fear.

I struggled to control it, ‘The stitches have been almost pulled out…more than once.’

He looked irritated, ‘Damn it Heero. You said they told you all about…everything. You know how that happened.’

‘I know. I know. The…nightmares.’ I rose and went in to the bathroom to get gauze and tape. Taking the minute to get my emotions under tighter rein. When I came out, I was able to gently clean him up and re-bind the wound and help him get his shirt back on without my hands shaking.

He lay back on the bed while I finished dumping clothes into the laundry basket.

‘Heero?’ he asked, voice small, as I pushed the window open to get some air in the room.

‘Hmmm?’

‘I am not made out of glass.’

It stopped me cold.

‘What…’

But he had gotten started, and wasn’t going to let me interrupt.

‘I am really pissed at you.’ He said calmly, propping up on an elbow, ‘How could you have changed the access code on Deathscythe…again.’

‘How could you have run away from Wufei and Quatre like that?’ I countered.

‘You set Wufei on me like I was a damned mission.’ A hint of his anger came past the bizarre calm in his voice.

‘You promised you would be all right until I got back.’

‘I am all right!’

‘You almost…almost…’ the fear nipped at my heart again, causing my voice to rise.

‘But I didn’t. What if something had happened here and we had had to run? What then? What if I hadn’t been able to get into my Gundam during a damn attack?’

He was starting to wind up to being really angry.

‘What if something had gone wrong on my mission? Are you telling me you wouldn’t have tried to come after us?’ I barked, taking a step toward the bed.

‘And what if I had? If you had needed me, why would it have been so bad? I can still fly!’

‘You can’t even walk!’

‘The hell!’ and, of course, he was up off the bed in an instant, in my face and really mad.

‘How in the hell do you expect to ever get better if you keep going out and doing stupid shit like that!’ I snapped.

‘I went to the fucking mall! I didn’t do anything wrong! I really wish people would stop acting like I stuck a stinking gun to my head. You’re the one who set Wufei on me like a damned guard dog! It was making me insane! I couldn’t fucking take a dump without him there asking if I needed help wiping my ass!’

And that was such an absurd mental picture, that I laughed. All the fear and anger fled in the face of his overwhelming frustration, and I laughed until tears ran.

He tried to hold onto his resentment, clung to it hard, but in the end, he started to laugh with me, and we came together in a much-needed embrace, giggling like small children. When it subsided, he whispered in my ear,

‘Don’t you ever touch my Deathscythe again.’

‘I swear.’ I promised, ‘Never again.’

‘Heero, you have to…’ he broke off, searching for the right words.

‘Trust you?’ I supplied, and he nodded.

I grinned sheepishly, ‘I got something of a lecture about that on the way back from the asteroid belt.’

He snorted softly, ‘I got a little talk from Quatre about…understanding certain protective tendencies.’

‘Mine?’ I asked, a little embarrassed.

‘And Wufei’s. He was trying to keep me from…dunking ‘Fei’s head in the toilet.’ He managed to look embarrassed and pleased with himself all at the same time.

I became aware that he was unconsciously letting my embrace partially hold him up. He was weak, whether he would admit it or not. Lack of proper sleep being part of it; one decent night was not going to heal the damage done by days on end without it. Lack of proper nutrition being another part; one meal was not going to make up for not eating for days on end. And, I had to admit; blood loss was obviously a large part. We had a long way to go.

I broke the embrace and drew him over to the bed where I sat back against the headboard and let him settle down against me.

‘Heero, what Trowa and Quatre have is…wonderful. It…it used to make me ache to see them together.’

I smiled, behind his head and sighed softly, ‘Made you want what they had, so bad your heart hurt?’

There was a moment of silence, ‘You too?’

‘Oh yes, love.’ I murmured, and he laid his head back against my chest. ‘It used to twist me in knots every time I would catch them holding hands or kissing. I…I didn’t even know what it was I wanted.’

‘Everybody thought you disapproved.’ He told me, and it shocked me.

‘Damn. I never realized.’

‘I think we all figured it out.’ He grinned up at me, and I kissed the end of his nose. ‘But, Heero, it isn’t going to work that way for us.’

‘I know. We’re both too damn…’

‘Stubborn?’

‘Aggressive.’

He chuckled.

‘Duo, I’ve never…loved anyone before. I am petrified of something happening to you. I …I don’t know what I would do.’

‘I know, love.’ He told me, voice soft and far away, ‘There isn’t any pain in the world worse than losing someone you care for, and believe me; I am just as scared something is going to happen to you. But…we can’t let the fear run our lives.’

We were quiet for a long time. He stroked his fingers absently up and down my shin, and I played with his braid and we thought our own thoughts.

‘Are we done with the yelling and the fighting now?’ he suddenly asked.

‘Uhmmmm…I think so.’

‘Can we do something?’

‘Like what?’

‘Anything! I am so bored I could scream.’

I laughed, ‘How’s this; if you promise to use your crutches, I’ll take you out for lunch.’

There was the sound of a groan, a moment of consideration, and then a grumpy, ‘Oh, all right.’

Suddenly, he turned over, mindful of the stitches, and wrapping his arms around my neck pulled me down for a fierce kiss. It caught me totally off guard; he’d never kissed me so forcefully before, invading my mouth with his tongue and catching my lower lip gently between his teeth. Under his hip, my cock stirred to life. At the first throb against him, he broke the hold he had on me and sat up with a wicked smile and whispered, ‘New-found power.’ Before getting up from the bed and limping toward the closet, presumably to find the crutches.

Oh. My. Gods. My situation had just taken a decided turn for the worse. This did not bode well. It had been hard enough, having him right there in front of me and not being able to…to…consummate things. But now he knew what he was doing to me. And he was amused. Amused and…bored!

‘Get off the damn knee.’ I managed to croak, voice husky.

He just laughed.

My room was my own again, and I went and dressed, putting Wufei’s robe back where I had found it in his bathroom. When I came out, Duo was ready to go, swinging on his crutches in the hall, an eager glint in his eye.

We borrowed the maroon estate car; the little gray sports car was gone, and I vaguely remembered Wufei saying he had to go out. Quatre had eagerly taken the basket of laundry from me and sent us on our way, seeming delighted to see Duo not only on his crutches, but going out somewhere.

Duo rolled the window down and turned the radio up and I endured the racket for his sake, he looked so blissfully in the here and now with the wind whipping loose strands of hair around his face. He rode with his eyes closed, and I wondered idly where he was. We drove in…well, not silence, with the radio blaring hard rock music at us, but not talking, maybe talked out for a while. Once we passed the city limits, I reached and turned the radio down so I could ask him where he wanted to eat.

He perked up immediately, ‘My choice?’ he asked eagerly, and I had to chuckle at the same time I was cringing inside; please don’t make it somewhere…bizarre.

He directed me downtown where, I was assured, there was this ‘great little place’ that I would ‘just love’. I hoped so.

It turned out to be not such a bad place, downtown near the college, bustling and busy, a kind of Mom and Pop diner. Simple food, thank the Gods, and not too dirty. I settled Duo at a table near the front window and went to place our order. I picked out probably twice what we would ever eat, but was hoping to entice him with a variety of foods. Though he had eaten the breakfast I had made for him, seemingly with gusto, I had noticed that a surprisingly small amount of pancake had actually disappeared from his plate. Likely his stomach had shrunk in the last several days, and it would be easier to get him back to a regular eating schedule with lots of small portions spaced out through the day, than three large meals. Gods; I sounded like a damned worried parent. I almost snorted out loud.

When I returned to the table, he was gazing out the window, seemingly absorbed with people-watching. This hadn’t been such a bad idea after all; he needed some distraction. He looked at the tray of food when I sat down, with a raised eyebrow.

‘You’re doing it again, Mama-Yuy.’

I shrugged guiltily, ‘Can’t help it.’

He actually ate the majority of a hamburger, and picked at the fries and onion rings, tasting this and that, as I had hoped, but I suspected he actually ate more than he wanted just to make me happy. But through the entire meal, he kept glancing out the window, watching something until I finally had to ask.

‘What is going on out there that is so fascinating?’

He nodded across the street, ‘Isn’t that the other car? The one Wufei took?’

I looked, and sure enough, the little gray car was on the other side of the street with a parking ticket on its windshield.

‘What the heck could Wufei be doing down here that would take him so long he would get a ticket?’

I grunted, eyes sweeping the street, there was nothing here that I could see that would attract Wufei. Another restaurant, a couple of dingy looking bars, two or three trinket shops and a boarded up store front or two. Nothing that would draw him here at all, much less keep him for over an hour. Duo had an odd look on his face, and we came to an unspoken, mutual decision to go looking.

Duo rose and started for the door, leaving his crutches where they were propped in the corner. I gave out an exasperated, ‘Duo!’ that he completely ignored, so I grabbed the crutches and stowed them in our car as we went by. I was tired of fighting it.

Duo seemed to have some destination in mind, so I followed along as he limped his way across the street and down the alley that ran beside one of the bars. This yielded nothing, and he retraced his steps, returning to the front of the bar without a word, but looking worried. I shadowed him close as he headed for the front door, and I was rather surprised to find that it was open at this time of day.

The interior; dim and smoky, smelled of more than just tobacco, with only a few patrons scattered around the room. When I glanced at Duo, his whole attitude had changed. There was a beaming smile plastered across his face, he exuded charm and charisma like it was a scent, and even his walk was different. Not the purposefully stride he had used outside, but an unhurried amble as he wound his way between empty tables on his way to the bar. I held back, realizing that he was in …Gods, what? Stealth mode? Infiltration mode? I was only in the way. He sprawled across a stool and engaged the kid, obviously stoned, behind the bar in conversation. Had I not come in with him, I would have sworn Duo was higher than a kite as well, and he soon had the kid giggling uncontrollably. Money went across the bar, and a beer came back across, which sat untouched, though the bartender never noticed. After an incredibly short amount of time, Duo came back to me and led the way back outside.

‘He was here. Ordered a drink and sat around for a long time not drinking it. He’s stalking somebody.’

Outside, in the light of day, Duo transformed back, all trace of the grinning idiot gone. ‘Come on.’ He ordered, and headed back across the street toward the second bar. Again, he led us down the alley first, and this time, we hit the mother load. We heard a crash, and a grunt and then voices. A stranger’s voice, high and frightened, and Wufei’s, low and dangerous. We had apparently arrived not too long after the…conversation had started.

There was a dark haired kid on the ground, his arm in a cast and I glanced at Duo for confirmation that this was the one who had stabbed him. He nodded sharply, eyes narrowed, but Wufei was in absolutely no danger, so we held back and just watched.

Wufei loomed over the kid, and his voice was harsh, ‘I told you I would find you.’

There was an unpleasant whining sound from the jock on the ground. Wufei was wearing a long coat, which I thought was odd for the weather, until he pulled the katana out from under it. The kid on the ground did a fine imitation of a bug-eyed fish.

‘What…what’re you gonna do?’ he sputtered, voice high and rising higher by the minute.

‘I do not take kindly to people hurting my friends.’ Wufei growled, and moved the sword closer to the throat of his quarry.

Said quarry made another noise that might have been a stammered apology, or might have just been sobbing.

‘I take less kindly to people harming my family.’ The growl had grown to a snarl, and the jock was definitely apologizing now, shaking in fear and trying to push himself backward through the brick wall behind him.

Beside me, Duo stiffened, and when I looked at him, his face was an uncharted sea of swirling emotions. I couldn’t begin to guess what was going through his head.

‘I will not allow you to harm him again.’ Wufei was telling the sobbing idiot on the ground, the blade now resting against his throat, just under the chin. ‘I am giving you this one warning. If he ever so much as sees you again, I will find you and I will cut off a finger. If he encounters you twice, I will cut off a hand. If you are so stupid as to cross his path a third time, I will cut off your head. Do I make myself clear?’

The moron started to nod vigorously, almost slicing his own chin on the razor sharp blade before thinking better of it and stammering a barely audible, ‘Yes.’

‘I did not quite hear that.’

I took Duo’s arm, and with a finger to my lips, drew him away as Wufei was making the quivering jock repeat it a second and third time. We made our way silently back to the street and quickly gained the car, where we sat until I saw Wufei calmly exit the alley, katana gone from sight, and make his way back to his car. If he noticed us, he gave no outward sign, but got in the car and drove away as sedately as if he had just finished lunch.

‘Let’s…let’s go back now.’ Duo said softly, and I started the car and headed that way. It was a quiet drive; Duo didn’t even want the radio on. He just sat, slumped low in the seat, staring blindly out the passenger window, occasionally rubbing at his knee. I just drove, stealing glances at him out of the corner of my eye, and finally ventured, ‘Are you all right?’

He just grunted, and I respected the silence for the rest of the five-mile drive.

The thoughts were swirling in my own head; I could only imagine what was going through his. I was almost sorry Wufei hadn’t killed the son of a bitch right there when he had the chance. I’m not sure I wouldn’t have. He hurt my Duo. Whenever I thought of it, remembered the wicked slice on Duo’s skin, the anger threatened to claw it’s way up out of my belly like a thing alive. Had he been in front of me, had I held the blade at his throat, would I have been able to stay my hand? I’m not so sure. It would have been murder. Calculated murder. Not the same as the lives I had claimed in battle, not the same at all. I couldn’t answer the question.

I pulled the car in, and we had gotten there first; the gray car wasn’t in sight yet. I got out and went around to help Duo. He was pensive, and still quiet; he took my hand and let me pull him up without comment. I collected the crutches out of the back of the car, and turned to find Duo sitting on the hood.

‘Heero…I want to wait for Wufei, Ok?’

I frowned, ‘He might not come back right away.’

‘I know. I’ll just wait a little while.’ He hesitated, his head lowered, looking at me through his unruly bangs. ‘I’ll come in if he isn’t back soon.’

I chuckled and went to lean the crutches against the side of the car within his reach, though Gods only knew what the point was anymore. ‘I’ll leave you alone, then.’

The hesitant look left his face and he grinned at me, snagging the sleeve of my shirt and pulling me close enough to wrap his arms around my neck. From his vantage point on the car, he was above me and I had to turn my face up to meet his this time. He kissed my lips softly, then my cheek, and then that place behind my jaw that always makes my knees weak. I closed my eyes in pleasure, feeling the tip of his tongue gently tracing the outline of my ear. My hands were resting on his waist, and I left them there, letting him do as he pleased, but always aware of the burden of his past. I would not, could not, would never, may the Gods strike me dead; ever cause him pain. His lips traveled back and found mine again and I allowed just a hint of my rising passion to show through as he kissed me deeply this time. Then he broke off and I opened my eyes to find him gazing at me, eyes warm and amused. ‘Thanks for understanding, love.’

I took that as my cue to leave and turned toward the house, refusing to adjust the tightness in my jeans until I was out from under his watchful eyes. He was going to kill me at this rate, I was sure of it.

I went into the formal living room and sat in the bay window where I could watch him, but it would be difficult for him to see me. Not that it mattered, I’m sure he knew I was there somewhere. Quatre was beside me in a heartbeat, and I wondered how long he had been observing us, I felt just a hint of how Duo must have felt the last week, never out from under someone’s vigilant guard twenty-four hours a day. I felt vaguely guilty.

‘What’s going on?’ Quatre wanted to know, coming to stand behind me where he could see out the window as well.

‘Duo is waiting for Wufei.’ I told him, trying to decide just how much I should say.

‘What for?’ he wanted to know, and I supposed the last couple of days had entitled him to the full story.

I tilted my head back to look up at him, ‘I took Duo to lunch downtown, and we saw Wufei there. He was tailing the college kid who knifed Duo.’

His eyes went round and he made a tiny ‘oh’ sound. ‘Did he…did he hurt him?’

‘Not overly much, from what I could see. Just threatened the piss out of him.’ I couldn’t keep the smirk off my face. In the distance, I heard the sound of a car coming up the drive. Outside, Duo perked up and he slid to the edge of the car hood.

‘I take it,’ Quatre answered my smirk with a faint one of his own, ‘that Wufei does not know that you…observed him.’

‘Not yet. But I think he is about to.’

Outside, the gray car was pulling in behind the maroon one. Wufei got out, a concerned look on his face at seeing Duo sitting out there all alone.

‘Those two,’ Quatre told me as we watched, ‘about drove me insane.’

I glanced up in time to catch a sad expression on his face.

‘Wufei is so…reserved. Duo thinks he looks down on him.’ He let go of a heavy sigh, ‘Duo tries so hard to cover the pain and all he does is shut Wufei out.’

Wufei was approaching Duo, who had slid to the ground, landing with his weight carefully off his bad leg. I saw Wufei say something, I imagined him demanding to know what Duo thought he was doing. I watched Duo, waiting for the smart-ass remark that I wouldn’t be able to hear, but instead just saw his jaw working.

‘Wufei has really come to…admire Duo, in his own way.’ A sad shake of his head. ‘They poke at each other constantly. I thought they were going to kill each other.’

In the driveway, Wufei was saying something else, and finally Duo found his voice and said something that brought a shocked expression to Wufei’s face. Suddenly Duo made the two steps and threw his arms around Wufei’s neck, hugging him for all he was worth. Behind me, Quatre made a small, elated sound.

Wufei just stood there for a frozen moment, and then his arms came up and slowly folded around Duo. I leaned my head against the window frame and smiled. It was a truce of sorts, the beginning of an understanding between them. The more anchors Duo had in his life, the better.

‘Heero,’ Quatre’s voice had taken on a serious tone and I realized the subject had changed, ‘you understand he’s testing you, don’t you?’

I couldn’t make the mental switch; what was he talking about?

‘What…?’

‘The way he’s teasing you.’

I suddenly realized he had seen Duo kissing me outside, and I flushed.

‘No, I don’t understand.’ I turned my attention to him entirely, as Duo and Wufei moved apart and an argument was starting over the crutches.

‘Think about it Heero.’ He was trying to get this out while we still had a moment alone, ‘What does Duo fear most in the world right now, other than losing you?’ He didn’t wait for me to answer. ‘Physical intimacy. Sex.’

He patted my shoulder as we heard the front door open, ‘Think about it.’

He left me sitting there to go help Wufei get Duo in the house. I heard the faint creak of the crutches and had to smile; Wufei had won the argument.

He was testing me. Testing my control. Damn, I couldn’t believe I had not seen it. He needed to know that I was safe. He knew I wanted him, knew I wanted our relationship to be…more physical. But he wasn’t ready and he was trying to give himself the assurance that I wouldn’t push it. That I wouldn’t try anything until it was right for him. Just like Duo; he found something in his path that he feared, and he had to poke a stick at it to see if it would rear up and bite him.

I rose and followed the sounds of their voices, normal levels of conversation for a change, no yelling, no cursing. It was something of a relief; Wufei had disappeared, probably to return his katana to its place in his room before a fuss was raised over it. Quatre was standing at the bottom of the stairs, watching Duo go slowly up them.

‘Ok,’ Quatre was saying, ‘I don’t see why not. I’ll bring one up to your room.’ And he turned toward the kitchen.

Trowa was coming down the stairs; thank all the Gods, because I was too far away when I saw Duo falter and start to sway. I think some look on Duo’s face had given Trowa warning, because he made a sudden dash down the dozen stairs that separated them, reaching his side just as he went down. Trowa caught him, though the crutches went, with a crash that brought Quatre and Wufei running from their separate parts of the house.

‘It’s Ok,’ I heard Trowa say, ‘I’ve got you.’

By the time I got up the stairs, Duo was trying to regain his feet, but it was obvious Trowa’s arm around his waist was all that was holding him up. His face was pale and drawn and beaded with sweat. I moved in on the opposite side from Trowa; we lifted him in a fireman’s carry and took him the rest of the way to his room where we put him down on the bed. I felt his face, checking for fever. Trowa pulled his shirt up, looking for signs of leaking blood on the binding. Wufei came around us and bent to pull his shoes off as we tried to make him comfortable. Quatre hovered near the head of the bed, cold can of soda still clutched in his hand.

‘Is he all right? What…what happened?’

‘Gods.’ Duo moaned darkly, ‘I’ve died and gone straight to bloody hell.’

I ignored him, ‘I think he just over exerted himself.’ I told Quatre, ‘Judging from the shirt I found this morning, he lost a lot of blood.’

‘They wanted to give him a transfusion at the hospital, but he refused.’ Quatre informed me, looking a little guilty at the betrayal of information, and not meeting Duo’s eyes.

‘They said,’ Duo huffed indignantly, ‘that it was not necessary.’

‘But they recommended it.’ Wufei supplied.

‘I don’t like needles.’ Duo stated flatly.

‘Get that out of here.’ I commanded Quatre, pointing at the can of soda, ‘And I need someone to run to the store.’

‘Hey!’ Duo objected, reaching too late for the can.

‘I want some protein drinks, and some of those sports drinks.’ I continued.

‘Vitamins,’ Wufei threw in, ‘with iron.’

Quatre and Trowa were nodding as they took it in, like they were accepting a mission, and heading together for the door. I heard Trowa tell Quatre as they started down the stairs,

‘Liver’s good for that, isn’t it? We can make liver and onions for dinner…’

Duo pulled his pillow over his face and screamed.

Wufei smiled somewhat maliciously at me and said, ‘Don’t worry about him climbing out the bathroom window, we nailed it shut days ago, but don’t leave him alone in the kitchen, he keeps stealing the car keys.’

‘Like I need keys.’ Duo’s voice came muffled through the pillow.

Wufei just laughed and left the room.

I sat down on the side of the bed and eventually, he poked his head out from under the pillow and looked around, ‘Are they gone?’

I chuckled and stroked my fingers fondly through his bangs, ‘Yes, love. Are you all right?’

He started to work himself up to some flippant remark, but I brushed my fingers across his lips. ‘No masks between us, my heart; are you all right?’

He relaxed a little, ‘I think so. Just kind of tired.’

‘You should tell me, when you need to rest,’ I tapped the end of his nose, ‘before you fall on your face.’

‘Didn’t know I was going to fall on my face until it happened.’ He grumbled peevishly.

‘You scared me.’ I admonished, trying to look stern.

‘I apparently scared everybody…again.’

I smiled tenderly and brushed his cheek with the back of my fingers. ‘It was lucky Trowa was close by.’ He’d been better than half way up the stairs.

He grew quiet and looked up at me with searching eyes, ‘Heero, what the hell is wrong with me?’

I gently took up his left hand, the one that had seen several surgeries in the last couple of months, and began to massage it. It never failed to relax him. ‘Duo, you don’t have any reserves. You’ve been through hell and back since that last mission, you can’t expect your body to take that kind of abuse and bounce back instantly.’ He sighed as my fingers rubbed up and down the length of still livid scars, and closed his eyes, ‘And…and you’re under siege internally now as well. These nightmares….’

‘Not really nightmares.’ He murmured, ‘Memories.’

A shock ran up my spine. Was he finally going to talk to me about it? I was afraid of breaking the spell, and continued my massage without speaking.

‘It’s there now, all the time. I can hold it off during the day, with distractions. But at night…’

I didn’t let my hands stop their gentle stroking and waited for him to continue, almost holding my breath.

‘When I finally can’t stay awake anymore…it’s there…waiting.’

I was staring at his face, he seemed so passive, as though he were floating above it, describing it from a great distance; safe.

‘It’s like I live through it…again.’ His voice lost some of it’s detachment, ‘…and again…’

I had stopped massaging without realizing it, and he opened pain filled eyes to gaze at me.

‘I thought once I faced it, it would be…over.’ He pulled his hands away from me and began to rub the right palm. His face clouded and his voice dropped to a mere breath, ‘Heero, it hurts so bad.’

I thought my heart would shatter and I gently gathered him to my chest and rocked him in my arms.

‘They were huge men,’ he whispered against my shoulder, ‘they could have crushed me with one hand. Soldiers. Drunk.’

My vision wavered as my eyes filled with tears, I pulled him closer, wrapping my arms around him and stroked his hair.

‘I wasn’t fast enough; I almost made it…almost got over the fence. Another second…just another second.’

His voice sounded so weak and distant. The tears spilled from my eyes and began to track down my face. I made no effort to stop them.

‘I couldn’t fight them. They were just too big. He grabbed me by one ankle and just hung me there…like…like a damned animal.’

His voice was starting to sound strained, the emotion finding it’s way through the artificial calm.

‘He had this huge knife and just…just cut the clothes off me. I felt so…exposed, so… vulnerable.’

I rocked him, and cried; not letting a sound escape that might break the spell that was letting him unburden himself of this…atrocity.

‘He…did it…from behind…I couldn’t see.’ His eyes were wide and staring, not seeing me, not seeing the room we were in. If he heard my heart, with his head pressed against my chest, it must have been a thundering sound.

‘I didn’t know…I thought they were going to kill me…I had no idea…’

Of course not. Gods in heaven, you were just a child. How could you know what evil men were capable of?

‘Then…then…I thought he had killed me.’

Almost, I broke down and began to sob, but I didn’t want him to stop, I wanted it all out, and so I took deep breaths and rode through it.

His voice got very quiet, I almost couldn’t hear him, ‘Then…the first one said…I’ll hear it…in my head…until the day I die…‘You were pretty good, kid. Maybe we’ll look you up again some time.’

One of us shivered, I’m not sure which.

‘I think Solo was close by. I think he must have been there…waiting for them to finish. He came for me too fast…after.’

My eyes burned and I pulled my legs up, wrapping myself around him, sheltering him as much as I could.

‘I…I couldn’t ever forgive him for that.’ His voice was full of pain now, ‘I knew he couldn’t have stopped them. I knew they’d have only hurt him too…but I…but I screamed for him…and…and…he didn’t come.’

Too close to home. I failed him. This…Solo failed him. How many times had I not been there for him? When he needed me, how often had I not come through? The sobs broke past my control and I crushed him to me, burying my face in his hair.

He pulled back, looking up at me in wonder, his eyes as dry as bone. With a tentative finger, he brushed tears from my cheek and touched them to his lips. Then he began to softly kiss the corners of my eyes, drinking the tears; gently at first and then with more urgency, kissing the salty taste from my lips, smearing the tears across his own cheeks, as though I could shed them for the both of us.

I had not cried like this in memory, and now I could not seem to get stopped. I rocked him and held him and I’m not sure which of us needed the comfort more. After a bit, I became aware that he was doing the rocking as much as I, and was murmuring softly to me, ‘It’s all right, love. It’s all right now.’

It almost finished the job of breaking my heart in my chest, and I understood completely the tears Quatre had shed the night before. The absolute awe, that Duo was capable of granting such comfort in the face of his own pain.

It was like a shock of cold water in the face, and I was finally able to pull myself together and draw back to look at him, ‘You are so much more than I deserve.’ I told him huskily.

He didn’t speak, just looked at me, stroking my tear stained face with gentle fingertips. He was leaning against my knees, reclining in the curl of my body and he felt right and good in my arms.

‘Duo, listen to me.’ I told him earnestly, looking deep into his amethyst eyes, trying to throw off all the layers of masks, letting him see me. Letting him see the truth behind my words. ‘I want you to know that I will never lay a hand on you if you don’t want it. I will never force you. I will never touch you in any way that you don’t want. I love you more than breath and I would sooner die than ever cause you pain.’

He blinked at me, looking deep and I could almost see something…some fear? Fade from his eyes. But it was replaced with a haunting sadness and he softly said, ‘I don’t know what I want. Sometimes…I almost think…I almost want…’

‘Shhhhh, it can’t be in fear, love.’ I drew him back against my chest and stroked his back.

‘I’m so sorry, Heero.’ He whispered after a minute.

‘For what?’

‘For…everything. For being so damned screwed up. For…teasing you. For not being able to…to love you.’

‘Stop that.’ I commanded, ‘You love me with every beat of your heart. I feel it in your touch; I see it in your eyes. What you can’t do is have sex with me, and that is an entirely different thing. And it doesn’t matter.’

‘But it would be…’he quirked a tired grin up at me, ‘a bonus?’

I chuckled lightly for him because he wanted me to, ‘Oh love; someday I hope I can show you how it was meant to feel. I want to be able to erase the pain with pleasure. But as long as the hurt is so…sharp in memory, as long as the fear is so twisted up in it, I’m afraid no matter how careful I am…I would hurt you.’

There flashed in his eyes for a brief moment, a naked longing, but it was quickly gone.

‘I love you, Heero; so damned much.’

He fit himself against me with his head tucked in under my chin and one hand idly seeking the chain around his neck, fingers finding the ever-present gold cross and stroking it, other hand locked tight around me. I continued to rock him and at length, I felt the tell tale signs of his drowsiness.

I turned him in my arms and lay him back on the bed.

‘You are taking a nap before dinner.’ I informed him with mock severity, moving to draw the curtains.

I thought he would argue, but he just settled himself, leaving ample room for me, I noticed; an unspoken plea for me to stay with him, and said, ‘Can you put some music on? I have trouble falling asleep in the middle of the day.’

There was a CD in the player and I punched the button, expecting some horrific rock music to come blaring out, but instead, there was the gentle sound of harps and flutes. I grunted in surprise and kicked off my shoes and went to join him in bed. He was already dozing and muttered, ‘S’cold.’ So I pulled the quilt out from under him and tucked him in. Another sign of the blood loss, because the room was more than comfortably warm. He was asleep almost before I could get him tucked in under my arm and his head pillowed in the hollow of my shoulder. I chuckled; trouble falling asleep during the day, my ass. From the CD player, a rich, female voice with a faintly Gaelic accent began to sing and I grunted in surprise again; not Duo’s normal choice of music. She sang me softly to sleep as well.

There were no interruptions, no dreams good or bad; I awoke again with the feel of another presence in the room, fighting the disoriented feeling you have when you sleep when your mind knows you shouldn’t have. Wufei was standing in the doorway, looking torn, and I gathered from the smells of hot food, that he had come to wake us for dinner. He looked relieved to see my eyes come open, the decision to wake Duo, now in my hands. The quality of the light told me they had waited late to fix the meal, I nodded to Wufei who nodded in turn and left.

‘Duo, love, it’s time to wake up.’ I whispered softly, kissing his brow. He stirred, slowly coming up out of sleep, struggling against it and almost failing. I regretted my decision to wake him; I’d never seen him this deeply asleep before. But it was too late; he was stirring beside me, wrestling with consciousness.

‘Do you want me to go down and bring your dinner up to you?’ I asked, sitting up and chuckling at him.

‘No.’ he muttered thickly, ‘Gotta go down, let the guys see I’m Ok.’

I frowned; always covering up. Always wearing the mask. Where did he find the strength?

On the bed, he stretched, arms over his head, cat-like in his abandon, until the stitches pulled sharply and he was wide awake and curling in on himself.

‘Ouch.’ He muttered, glaring at me as though I had done it somehow, ‘I’m awake already.’

I lightly smacked his hip and chuckled at him again, ‘You forgot, I didn’t.’

He gave me a wounded look while I hunted up my shoes. I noticed the crutches leaning just inside the door and was sure I had Wufei to thank for their presence.

Duo was sitting on the side of the bed, yawning hugely.

‘Shoes on or socks off.’ I told him, ‘I don’t want you going down that hardwood stair in your stocking-feet.’

He gave me an annoyed roll of the eyes, ‘Yes, Mama-Yuy.’

Then he started to stand up and promptly sat right back down, eyes just a little wide.

I sighed heavily, ‘Over did it this afternoon, didn’t you?’

He nodded, had the grace to look sheepish, and gave in to the urge to rub at the offending leg.

‘You can’t ever listen to anybody, can you?’ I muttered, stooping in front of him to feel the knee.

‘That…has pretty much been one of my major character flaws my entire life.’ He grimaced as I prodded and probed, finding the knee swollen and obviously tender.

‘We’re discussing Maxwell’s character flaws?’ Trowa’s voice came from behind me, sounding amused.

‘No,’ I informed him, ‘that would take way too long. We’re getting ready to explain to him that we are carrying him down to dinner. You arrived just in time.’

Trowa obligingly moved in on Duo’s other side and before we could get any argument out of him, scooped Duo up in the fireman’s carry we had used to get him up here.

‘Guys…’ he complained peevishly, ‘I’m not a damn invalid.’

‘No, you are not.’ Trowa agreed with him, ‘And we are trying to assure you do not become one.’

Duo thought better of responding, and instead asked guardedly as we started down the stairs, ‘What the hell is liver and onions?’

‘Vile.’ I informed him, and beside me, Trowa snorted.

‘They are not!’ Quatre defended Trowa’s cooking from the bottom of the stair, ‘Not if they’re prepared right.’

We made the kitchen without mishap, and Wufei was there to pull a chair out, and by the time we had Duo settled, he was blushing a furious shade of pink and not doing a lot of talking.

I turned to get the pain pills from over the kitchen sink and when I turned back, found Trowa dishing up a huge helping of liver on Duo’s plate, Quatre proffering a choice of no less than seven different flavors of protein drinks, and Wufei hovering at his elbow, waiting his turn to descend with the bottle of vitamins. The look on Duo’s face was the most incredible mixture of white-faced horror, and over-whelmed joy, I thought for a moment he would short-circuit.

‘Gentlemen.’ I said in that voice I have that carries weight, ‘a little space, please.’

There was a moment of frozen silence, during which Duo shot me a grateful glance, and everybody else managed to look vaguely guilty. I took the vitamin bottle from Wufei and sat it down beside Duo’s plate along with the bottle of pain meds and ordered, ‘One of each before the meal is done.’ He nodded meekly, eyes tracking my every move like a drowning man watching the shore. A look that said, ‘Don’t leave me alone with these lunatics!’

I scooped about half the liver and onions back off his plate until there was a reasonable sized portion in front of him, and selected one of the bottles in Quatre’s hands at random, opening it and setting it down next to the pill bottles. Everybody took his seat when I took mine and we commenced a more normal meal.

As it turned out, Duo loved liver and onions, eating with apparent relish, though I noticed that the actual amount of food he managed to consume wasn’t what it first appeared to be. He was a master of artful stirring and empty forked maneuvers that left you with the impression that he had just stuffed himself silly. But he ate, and took the pills, and even decided that the protein drink wasn’t all that bad, so I let it go, content with what he did manage.

We had slept for hours; it was early evening, and I wondered how we would ever get back to sleep tonight. I felt wide awake. After the meal, Quatre shooed us out of the kitchen while he and Trowa cleaned up. I carried Duo the short distance into the more informal living room, the one with the overstuffed, comfortable furniture and made him a nest of pillows on one end of the couch. I pulled a book out of the bookcase in the corner, and sat down at his feet.

‘I think I ate too much.’ He moaned after a bit, and snuggled down in the pillows to watch the news. When I glanced up twenty minutes later, surprised that he was watching the sports news instead of switching channels as he usually did, I found him sound asleep.

Wufei wandered in and came to stand over him for a minute, slipping the remote control deftly out of his slack fingers.

‘He looks so damned…innocent when he’s asleep.’ He whispered to me with a shake of his head. He turned the remote toward the television as if to turn it off, but froze when the top story in the local sports news came on.

Seems the basketball team from the college, the local pride and joy, had suffered a series of bizarre, unfortunate accidents. The team was left so short handed, they had canceled the season. The team high-scorer, a popular pretty boy, whose image was flashed on the screen, had actually dropped out and transferred to another school, in another state.

The story ended, and Wufei turned the set off, staring at the blank screen for a moment.

‘Thank you.’ I said softly, ‘It…meant a lot to him.’

He looked at me sharply; face flushing slightly, and finally grunted in dismissal, ‘You do not trifle with what comes under my protection.’ Then he tossed me the remote and turned and left the room.

I smiled fondly after him, and shook my head. Trowa had been right; he would wade into the pits of hell for Duo…calling him a damn baka every step of the way, and insisting he had gone there for some other reason.

They all loved him, in their own way, Quatre in his pure, shining, forgive-everything way. Trowa with his impassive, solid, reliable grounding. Wufei with his carefully shielded, fierce as fire concern. I’m not sure what I brought to the mix that was any more or any better than what they offered. What was it that made Duo love me so much that the sound of my voice could pull him back to reality when the nightmares came hunting? That my presence was enough to stop him trying stunts like stealing a car and running away from home? That the touch of my hand could ease his fears and let him sleep in peace?

We had been forged in the fire of war, into a whole, of which we were each an integral part; if Trowa was our strong frame, Quatre was our heart. If Wufei was our iron nerve, Duo was our shining spirit. But what was I? Perhaps you can’t name your own part in the bigger whole. I didn’t know.

I watched him sleep, never tiring of studying his peaceful features, watching the gentle rise and fall of his chest. I wanted to memorize every line and plane of his face, every strand of his beautiful hair, every scar, every perfect part of him.

Around us, the rest of the house went about its business, leaving us in an oasis of quiet. I heard the dishes get done; I heard the distant murmur of voices in the laundry room. I heard someone go up the stairs and someone else come down. A door opened and I heard footsteps overhead. Life meandered on. It was hard sometimes to remember that there was a war on. It was hard to remember that several days ago, men had died at my hand. I would sorely miss this house when we had to move on. We had stayed here longer than any of the other safe houses we had lodged in, and I suspected that Quatre was pulling strings to keep us here where Duo had access to so many things that were making his recovery easier.

Duo finally stirred somewhere around midnight, opening blurry eyes to find me there, still watching. It was important to me, for him to know that I was there. He smiled softly and said, ‘What the hell time is it?’

‘Just after midnight.’ I said, putting aside the book I hadn’t looked at in hours. ‘What woke you?’

He grinned sheepishly, ‘Uhmmm…gotta pee.’

I rose and bent to pick him up and was shocked when all he did was raise his arms to aid in the process, wrapping them around my neck, and resting his head on my shoulder.

‘This is a new twist.’ I grinned.

‘It’s midnight.’ He informed me, ‘I’m turning over a new leaf. I am going to get through one whole day without somebody yelling at me.’

I chuckled and kissed the top of his head, carefully starting the climb up the stairs.

‘An entire twenty-four hours, my love? Such ambition.’

‘You don’t think I can do it?’

‘I didn’t say that…maybe if Wufei leaves the house…’

He chuckled, ‘You yell as much…well; almost as much as he does.’

‘I do not.’

Just as I reached the top of the stair, he tilted his head back and flicked his tongue out to catch my earlobe and suck it gently into his mouth. I almost dropped him.

‘Duo!’ I snapped, ‘What are you trying to do? Kill us both?’

I looked done to catch a wicked gleam in his eyes as he said, ‘Ok, new leaf starting now.’

I took him to the bathroom and left him with his crutches to do his business, and miracle of miracles; he came out using them.

We climbed into bed together, as a matter of course, neither of us even thinking that it would be otherwise. I wrapped him in his quilts and he curled against my warmth with a sigh. I thought he would lie awake for hours, but he drifted right back off, and I quickly followed him. Dawn found him sprawled bonelessly across my chest, braid wrapped around my arm, my fingers laced with his. No nightmares, no…memories. No relived pain. Had we finally cleared some hurdle? I had not roused once to the signs of his distress. I lay trapped beneath him, not willing to disturb his sleep even were the house on fire.

He finally woke, maybe an hour later and I delighted in watching him wake in slow degrees, first snuggling against me, then waking enough to realize he was almost on top of me, pulling back and almost falling off the bed. I choked on a laugh, catching him before he went over the edge.

Then he looked at me wide-eyed and unbelieving, ‘Did…did I…’

‘Not once, my love.’ I told him warmly, ‘Clear through the night without so much as a whimper.’

We curled together for a bit, basking in the feeling that maybe…just maybe the worst was finally behind us.

He did indeed manage to get through the day without anyone yelling; the absolute picture of meek obedience. Doing whatever anyone asked of him without complaint. It was almost…frightening.

Our days became strictly regimented as I steered him toward physical recovery. Regular meals, nights of uninterrupted sleep, exercises; we could do this, I knew we could.

On Tuesday he had his check up, and the physician released him from use of the crutches and allowed the return to slightly more rigorous exercises, but not yet to running. His stitches came out, his color was returning, the limp faded, and he didn’t tire as easily. We began to leave him alone now and again, and he truly seemed to blossom, his spirit returning, as the nightmares seemed to be leaving him in peace.

Trowa and Quatre were assigned to escort a supply convoy, and were gone over night near midweek. Wufei and I tinkered with Gundam repairs and began to spend a couple of hours in the afternoon sparing with each other from boredom as much as anything. Duo would watch us sometimes. Things seemed to have returned to as much of the relative normalcy that our lives could manage. A week passed.

Saturday, I spent most of the morning in the hanger. Quatre was away in town, attending to some Winner business, Trowa in tow. Wufei had taken on the weekly task of grocery shopping, since we had not gotten around to recalling the estate staff. I think all of us were more comfortable without them around. Duo was in the gym getting his workout finished so that we could go into town after I completed repairs.

I realized that the lunch hour had come and gone without Duo coming to nag at me about eating, so I chucked my wrench into the tool box, stretched an aching back and made the walk back to the house. Wufei was in the middle of putting the groceries away when I walked into the kitchen.

‘Now you show up.’ He grunted at me, ‘After all the work is done.’

‘Where’s Duo?’ I was surprised that he hadn’t come up to help when he heard Wufei come in.

‘Maybe he went upstairs to lie down.’ Wufei suggested, putting the fruit in the bowl on the table.

I frowned; something was making the hair on the back of my neck prickle. I headed for the stairs without a word, taking them two at a time. I looked first in Duo’s room, and then, almost on a whim, in mine. I almost missed the betraying fact that my laptop was open and booted up on the desk.

For a moment, I stood frozen in the doorway staring at it. A screaming foreboding was flooding through my veins, my thudding heart driving it like ice through my system. Distantly, I heard Wufei come up the stairs, heading for his own room. He paused to give me a puzzled look before disappearing through his own door.

Slowly, I moved toward the laptop, and my eyes found the file on the center of my desktop that hadn’t been there before. I forced my hand to move to the touch pad and open it. Duo’s voice came small and tinny from the speakers,

‘Heero…I’m so sorry. I…I meant to tell you, but the time was never right. I…I returned myself to active duty the night after the fight at the mall. I…God, love, I’m so sorry…I have to do this. I got an assignment this morning. I knew you’d try to stop me. But, please try to understand…if I let someone else go in my place…and something went wrong…I can’t…I couldn’t handle that. Ok? Please don’t be mad. It’s an easy mission, I swear. I’ll be careful. Shouldn’t take two or three days. Heero…I love you. With all my heart and soul. I’m coming back, love. I promise…I’m coming back.’

The file stopped playing, and the silence in the room was horrendous. I think I moaned. I reached up to close the lid on the laptop and my hands were shaking. An arm came around me from behind, squeezing tight and offering an anchor. Wufei’s voice came soft from above me, ‘It’s going to be all right. You have to believe in him, Yuy. You have to believe that it’s going to be all right.’

But there wasn’t any room in me for faith; I was too full of panic. My hands moved to clutch at Wufei’s arm, and I’m sure I hurt him, but he never wavered.

‘I can’t lose him. I can’t.’ I whispered, to him, to the Gods, to whoever would listen, ‘I can’t.’

Cont....

 

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