Disclaimer: I don't own them, I just like to torture them.
Warnings: Major angst. Male/Males having sex. Language. Violence.
It has a happy ending, but is it the end? I dunno. You tell me. Some people have emailed me and told me they are TIRED of my poor Duo and Heero. Are you tired? Do you want more? Review me and let me know. I can always torture Quatre and Trowa for awhile, or maybe even Wu Fei and-and, hm. I'll have to think about that one.
"Acceptable?" Heero asked.
Duo searched the small room, with a street rat's eye, for escape routes.
"Window," Heero pointed out and motioned to the small pane of glass near the ceiling that let in a milky light. "Not too small. You're frame is thin enough to fit." He touched the lock on the door. "Strong lock. Solid door."
Duo nodded and grinned at Heero. "More than I'm used to, believe me! I'll take it." Duo slung a duffel bag onto the cot under the window. He turned and Heero quickly moved out of his way to allow him to enter the rest of the basement. It was set up as a gym, exercise equipment sitting among the piled refuse of the previous occupants of the safe house. A boiler kept the place warm.
"Like it?" Quatre stood up from his seat on a set of weights, his gold curls glowing in the light of a bare light bulb hanging from the ceiling. He stuck hands in his pockets and smiled engaging at Duo, blue eyes warm. "Once you get used to us, we can make other arrangements, but I thought this storage room would do nicely until then."
Duo grinned back. "It's great! As long as this old house doesn't fall into the basement, I can see myself staying awhile."
Quatre grimaced good naturedly. "We don't get much choice, I'm afraid, of hideouts. It has to be an accessible location to our targets, and out of the way of Oz patrols, while being large enough for our needs."
Without dropping his grin, Duo asked. "So, did you kill the people who owned it before you guys? Somebody might miss them and ask questions."
Quatre blanched, "No, Duo, I would never allow that. These places are usually abandoned or, sometimes, given to us by citizens who understand our cause."
Duo blinked. "Are you sure you're a pilot?" he looked at Heero and laughed grimly. "Dr. G didn't make compassion part of my training. What about you, Heero?"
Quatre was blushing and getting angry, but then, he took a deep breath and calmed himself. "Surely you don't mean that? You're fighting, after all, to save the colonies and the people on Earth from Oz."
Duo's amethyst eyes went flat, even though his smile never faltered. "I do it for revenge, Sunshine. My nickname is Shinigami. Do you know what that means?"
"Death," Quatre replied quietly, feeling his heart twinging.
Duo nodded. "Dr. G gave me my Gundam and my scythe. With them I will do whatever it takes to destroy Oz. I am my nickname. Never forget that."
"I won't," Quatre replied nervously and blinked at Heero, confused and feeling the same dejavu feeling that Heero had experienced on Howard's ship. This was the old Duo, the hard edge pilot with the jester's mask from when they had first met.
Duo walked to the center of the room and surveyed the equipment. "Nice," he said, slipping back into his happy go lucky personality. "I need to get back into shape. Howard's ship kept making me sea sick. I couldn't take advantage of the gym there often enough."
"You should eat first," Quatre suggested.
Duo fiddled with his pockets and shrugged. "No money, man. Guess I'll have to nip outta here and steal something."
He meant it. Quatre was quick to reassure him. "Don't worry about that, Duo. We have plenty of food. You're part of our team now. If you'll come to the kitchen, I'll fix you something."
Duo blinked. "What? What do you mean, 'fix me something?' "
"We take turns cooking,' Quatre explained. "And doing the work around the safe house. It's my day to cook."
"Oh, uh," Duo put hands behind his head and stretched as he grinned in embarrassment. "That sounds great but..."
"You don't know how to cook?" Quatre guessed.
It was worse and Duo struggled before finally saying, "Or anything else. I've never been in an actual house. I was in an orphanage once, but the nuns did the work and handed out ration packs for meals. There was nothing to cook with. They were pretty poor."
"Oh," Quatre's heart ached now. "Don't worry about it." He smiled warmly and Duo smiled back, unable to help himself. "I actually do most of the cooking and Wu Fei does most of the cleaning. The other pilots aren't very experienced with such things either."
"Unpack your things-," Heero began, but Duo arched an eyebrow and interrupted him.
"I never unpack," Duo replied. "I never know when things will get hot and I have to run for it."
Heero nodded, understanding that way of thinking. Duo kept things, kept mementos. Heero only had his clothes and his laptop. One, he had a spare of, and the rest, could always be replaced. Still, Heero eyed the duffel bag. Duo had left all of his things behind when he had run from the last safe house. Quatre had packed them when they had moved and Heero now had them in his room. He didn't think that Duo had picked up more mementos in his short time away from them. Instead, Heero imagined that the duffel contained explosives, bullets, clothing, and some necessary tools a Gundam pilot needed to keep on hand. That duffel bag, he thought warily, could be dangerous.
"All right then," Quatre broke in cheerily, "Let's go upstairs, then, shall we?"
"Sure thing!" Duo agreed, but he didn't follow Quatre to the stairs. He waited for Heero to move first so that he could walk behind. He didn't trust them. Heero had expected that, expected worse to come.
They walked through the house to the dinning room. There was an old couch, a few rickety chairs, and a scratched and warped dining room table that looked as if it had caught the worst from some leak in the ceiling. The plaster on the walls was cracking and falling off. Bare wires and plumbing was exposed at several points. A few holes attested to some violent episode experienced by the previous occupants. Still, Duo walked and looked about him, genuinely amazed and pleased.
"Nice," he said, and meant it. "Are you guys staying here long?"
The answer was obvious, but the question was born of some inner longing. Quatre gently answered, "No, sorry. They'll pinpoint our location eventually just by the pattern of our strikes. We have to keep moving."
"Yeah, I understand," Duo replied quietly, sounding a little embarrassed.
"You can relax while I cook," Quatre said. "We have a television and a radio. I shouldn't be very long."
"Great, thanks, man!" Duo beamed and sat stiffly on the couch.
Heero snagged a chair and sat astride it with his arms resting on the back as he faced Duo. It was a god position, he thought, Duo could see that he was hampered by the chair and couldn't threaten him suddenly.
Duo looked about, trying to appear casual, but the animal look of wariness was in his eyes. "Where's the other guys?"
"Out," Heero replied simply.
"Out," Duo echoed and then stared at Heero for a very long minute. "So," he said, trying to break the silence. "I guess I like things, so far."
"Good," Heero replied.
"I haven't made up my mind about staying though," Duo added, "I still have to scope out the other guys."
"Expected," Heero replied.
Duo stared at him again, looking uncomfortable. "Have you guys made many hits on Oz?"
"Yes."
Duo blinked. "Taken out any major bases?"
"Yes."
Duo frowned. "Engine ratio of a Mobile Doll?"
Heero rattled it off easily.
Duo sighed and suddenly relaxed. He smiled engagingly at Heero as if Heero's bland, uninteresting conversation was just what he needed to calm his nerves. "Great."
The smell of cooking filled the air. Duo sniffed appreciatively.
"Griddle cakes," Heero informed him.
Duo raised an eyebrow. "What are those?"
"Flat cakes grilled in butter and usually served with the sugar based sap of a tree."
"Huh?" Duo wrinkled his nose in distaste. "I don't think I'm gonna like this. Don't you have any regular stuff, like toast and coffee?"
"Yes." Heero shifted in his chair, but then settled, deciding not to tell Quatre to stop cooking. "You will like them," he insisted.
"How do you know?" Duo wondered, puzzled.
"You know the answer to that," Heero replied simply.
Duo frowned, but then grinned and shrugged. "You're a mysterious guy, Heero, and kind of weird, but... I dunno, I like you for some reason." He chuckled darkly. "Not that that's a good thing where Shinigami is concerned."
"Why not?" Heero wondered, knowing, but asking anyway as he attempted to tease memory out of Duo.
Duo smiled self deprecatingly. "Everyone I get close to dies, Hee-man. Just a fact of life for me. Nobody is friends with Shinigami for long. It's probably best if you just stay clear...." He looked suddenly depressed. "Maybe this was all a bad idea anyway. Maybe I should just go before I get all of you killed too."
"No," Heero replied. "We need you. We need Deathscythe. Death is always at our right hand. We might as well have it in our company as well."
"You a poet or something, Hee- man?" Duo wondered acidly. "You don't seem the type."
Quatre spared Heero from replying. He came out of the kitchen with a platter of griddle cakes balanced in one hand and a bottle of syrup in the other. He laid them out and then disappeared again. Returning, he put down juice and milk, plates and silverware. He smiled at Heero and Duo.
"Come and get it, gentlemen!"
Duo followed Heero to the table and took a seat. Quatre stacked the griddle cakes onto his plate. Duo stared at them distrustfully.
Quatre exchanged glances with Heero and then came forward to pour syrup on them.
"Okay, Duo?" Quatre asked.
"Uh, yeah, I guess." Duo picked up a fork, played with it nervously for a moment, and then took a bite of food. His face transformed from nervous, wary, animal to stunned joy. He smacked his lips and grinned genuinely from ear to ear. "This is fantastic!"
Quatre smiled back, but it was sad. "Glad you like them."
Duo began to busily eat, but he looked over a mouthful at the juice and milk. He was shy to ask, but his caffeine habit was needy.
"Can I... Is there a way that I can get some coffee, Q-man?"
"Of course, Duo, after you drink your juice and milk," Quatre replied as he began walking back into the kitchen. "You need fat and vitamins right now, not a drink that's little better than a diuretic and a nerve toxin."
"You're going into the kitchen to get a cup of tea for yourself, aren't you?" Duo replied sourly. "I can smell it from here."
Quatre looked back and smiled. "I already ate, Duo Maxwell. I can afford to drink tea."
"Huh!" Duo grunted around another mouthful of foods.
It took a few minutes before Duo stopped being so absorbed by his food and then he suddenly noticed that Heero was sitting opposite him and staring. Duo paused, chewed, swallowed, and then observed, "Quatre cooks, cleans, and nags. He'll make a guy a good wife someday."
"He isn't a woman," Heero replied seriously.
Duo snorted. "Not much for sarcasm or jokes, are you, Heero?"
"No."
"Honest, though," Duo chuckled. "I like that."
"Good."
Duo raised eyebrows. "Good?" There was a glint in his amethyst eyes. Danger. Warning. Wariness. "Why, good?"
Heero remained silent, waiting for Duo to come to his own conclusion. Duo quirked a smile again.
"Are you trying to be friends with me, Heero?" Duo wondered. "If you are, you must like to dance with Death, man."
"I do," Heero replied.
Duo looked down at his plate and his face colored slightly. He ate quietly for a few minutes more and then looked up at Heero again, uncomfortably. "Aren't you going to eat?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Sugar is not an efficient source of energy and griddle cakes, while high in carbohydrates and some vitamins-"
"Try them," Duo prompted. Heero stared. Duo pointed at the plate full of them and said very firmly, as if something violent might happen if Heero refused, "Try them, now."
Heero conceded, his mouth twitching slightly. He fished a cake onto a plate. Duo snagged the syrup and poured some on. Heero pulled the plate back to himself and settled in his chair. He took one mouth full. The sugary syrup was thick and unpleasant. The cakes were lacking in anything but butter flavor.
"You don't like them. Why not?" Duo asked, amazed.
"A blow to the head caused partial damage to my sense of taste," Heero explained. "I am not able to appreciate sweet flavors very well."
Duo looked sympathetic. "You are in Hell, Hee-man. Not able to taste sugar? It's one of the best things in life!"
"No, not the best thing," Heero replied quietly and shoved his plate aside.
Duo was intrigued. He finished his food on his plate, but reached for more from the platter. Heero carefully counted the griddle cakes on the plate and was pleased that Quatre had already figured out Duo's capacity for such things. There wasn't enough on the table to make him sick.
"What is the best thing in life to Heero Yuy?" Duo wondered.
"You know what that is already," Heero replied.
Duo put down his fork. He guzzled his glass of milk and left his juice untouched as he stood up. "Thanks for the food, Q-man!" he called to the kitchen. He looked at Heero. "I'm going to get some exercise, work out the kinks, tone up, and try and figure out what the hell you're talking about!"
Duo took off towards the basement, braid swinging jauntily behind him. Heero looked after him, feeling swirling emotions; desire, love, and concern foremost.
"I thought the griddle cakes would jog his memory for sure," Quatre said from the door of the kitchen. "He loves them so much... but I could tell he couldn't remember ever eating them, though."
"Make his coffee, " Heero ordered as he stood up. "He needs to be calm and not suffering from caffeine withdrawal when the others come back."
"Yes," Quatre agreed and then very serious, "Heero, the senses make our most powerful memories, yet even those memories seem lost to him. I think the damage to Duo may be permanent."
Heero frowned. "When he see Trowa again..."
"It may make it worse," Quatre interrupted. "He may withdraw even further. The time for shock and remembrance should have been when he saw you on Howard's ship, Heero. You know that."
Heero nodded. He didn't lie to himself or others. He faced facts without mercy. "I will accept Duo no matter what his mental state," he informed Quatre. "Our relationship doesn't have to be physical. He is the one who insisted on that."
Quatre frowned. "Heero?" he spoke carefully, hardly believing his own train of thought. "Are you saying that you aren't a homosexual?"
Heero grimaced. "I don't have a preference. Sex is like sugar to me. I was cured of the taste early on. I can enjoy it, but it doesn't have the same flavor to me as it does to other people. I can do without it."
Quatre's face went sad, but he was nodding. "I suppose that makes you and Duo perfect for each other. You can wait... forever if need be."
Heero ended the painful conversation by simply walking away and climbing the old stairs up to his room, fighting memories of the past, of his training, of the many hands that had held him down and taught him that sex could be a weapon against him. It wasn't the sex he wanted from Duo, though Duo had taught him to enjoy it and to find a hot passion when they engaged in it. Heero needed something else from Duo. He needed closeness, a gentle touch, a soft laugh, a smiling, loving face, and a warm body sleeping with his in the darkness of the night. Heero needed the other half of his soul, Duo Maxwell, always by him. It was that he would fight for, that he had to have. He wouldn't rest or admit defeat until Duo remembered himself, remembered their love, and gave him all of those things again.
Heero sat on his bed and pulled out the box holding Duo's things. He sorted through it, curious, hoping for some memento that would help him in his fight to win Duo back to him.
Comic books. Music cds. A few dog eared notebooks with scribbled maintenance notes and a few doodles. Heero recognized a small rendering of Deathscythe and then felt a flush as he recognized a bad likeness of himself being blown up and a scrawl underneath that said, Fuck you. Heero noted the dates of the notes around the drawing and his perfect memory went back and remembered a day when he had caught Duo playing basketball instead of finishing his maintenance schedule. He had made Duo finish it, pulling an all nighter. It seemed so long ago. Duo had been very angry.
Heero turned some more pages. There was nothing else to see.
Heero couldn't shake the ache that the drawing had left in his chest. He didn't want Duo to forget the past. He didn't want even Duo's angry moments and childishness to be forgotten. All of it had made Duo trust him, love him, and it had helped make him strong, strong enough to overcome his fears and shortcomings and to be the young man that Heero loved and respected.
A ragged envelope. Heero pulled it out from under the other things and opened it. Inside were sheaves of different colored paper. Heero emptied them out onto the bed and was amazed.
There was a picture of a house cut out from some magazine. It was a white, wooden house, two story, not unlike the safe houses that Quatre preferred. It had a wide porch with potted plants hanging from the eaves and hedges of boxwood. Two old oak trees shaded the front lawn. In neat handwriting along the border it read, 'Duo's house.' Several other pictures showed interiors of comfortable furniture, hand woven rugs, and a crackling fireplace. It read, 'Duo's furniture'. The last picture was of a slobbering German Shepherd. It read, of course, 'Duo's dog'.
Dreams of peace, Heero thought. He had them too, sometimes, but he had never thought to actually plan it. Something inside of him couldn't be so optimistic as to believe that he was going to survive the war.
Heero put the pictures away and he lowered the box to the floor. Later, he would make an occasion to show the contents to Duo. Perhaps seeing those pictures would jog his memory.
Heero had to see Duo again. The others would be returning shortly and he didn't want Duo to face them alone. He was still worried that the sight of Trowa would trigger another mental trauma in Duo, perhaps even make his condition worse. Their meeting had to be handled carefully.
Making his way down into the gym, Heero met Quatre coming up the stairs with a tray. "I gave him coffee," the blonde Arabian said and then, blue eyes worried, "He said, after I gave it to him and he took a sip, 'You always forget the sugar, Quat.' A memory, Heero, but it pained him. He rubbed at his forehead and frowned. He didn't say anything else and I was afraid to pursue it."
Heero nodded. He started to move past Quatre, but Quatre made him pause.
"What will we do if he- if he breaks, Heero?" Quatre wondered sadly. "What happens if he mentally collapses completely?"
Heero's face was as flat and as hard as granite. "I will take care of it," he replied. "If he can't fight Oz, if he can't function, it will be my responsibility, do you understand?"
Quatre blanched. "But... I could arrange for an institution to take him in-"
"No," Heero ground out, shoving aside Quatre's gentleness roughly. "If Oz were to gain access to him, if some doctor we're to prey on his mental instability to force Duo to tell them our secrets, it would be disastrous for our cause. You know what must be done. You're a Gundam pilot, Quatre. Even you kill when you must."
Quatre swallowed hard and his eyes welled up with unshed tears. He ducked his head and looked away from Heero as he hurried up the stairs. Heero composed himself, not willing to admit to himself that Quatre's words had made him all too aware of his ultimate responsibility where Duo was concerned. Emotions boiled in his gut like acid, emotions he couldn't afford to let affect him.
In the gym, Duo was bare to the waist, sweat beading his skin. He was working on his shoulders and arms, seated in a machine with pulleys and weights, huffing and puffing as he gathered the energy and pushed himself to keep lifting over and over again. Heero stood and watched for a few moments and then, realizing that this would disturb Duo if he discovered it, he made a definite noise in the door way and entered, walking wide of Duo.
"Going to work out?" Duo asked with a smile, but with a wary look too. He reached for his shirt and put it on defensively.
Heero seated himself on an opposite machine, keeping his body language relaxed. It was difficult. He was too used to being poised and ready to spring into action. It was almost painful, mentally, to put himself off balance and lean back against the bulk of the weight machine behind him. "I need to brief you."
"Already?" Duo seemed disappointed. "I thought I might get a few days to settle in and get to know the other guys. I guess there isn't any rest for soldiers, eh?"
"No," Heero replied. "But I wasn't speaking of a mission briefing. I need to familiarize you with our procedures here."
Duo nodded. "K, Hee-man. Shoot."
Heero blinked and felt a chill.
Duo frowned and then grinned very wide. "I meant, go ahead and tell me. You are such a literal guy, Heero!"
"To be efficient and effective, a soldier must always deal in facts and clear and unambiguous speech, " Heero replied as if he were reading from a textbook. He was, in a way, reading from his perfect memory the lesson he had been taught during training. After he had said it though, he felt a sudden twinge of inadequacy. Duo didn't need to talk to a textbook. He needed sympathy, understanding, and a friend. It was clear in every line of Duo's expression that he was hoping for that, but didn't expect it, especially from Heero.
Heero spoke concisely, listing the maintenance schedules, the shift rotations when it came to upkeep of the makeshift hangers and the safe house, and the defensive and communications capability of the house.
"We have a partial shield," Heero told Duo. "It will deflect a direct strike, but not hold in a concentrated attack against us. A bigger defense would draw attention."
"So, if we're hit, run like hell for the Gundams and every guy for himself, right?" Duo chuckled darkly.
"Yes."
"How likely is an attack?" Duo wondered.
"It has happened three times," Heero replied. "In every case, a Gundam was traced returning to the area and our position was pinpointed by a process of vectoring our attacks and elimination."
"They guessed?" Duo clarified.
Heero paused, thought it over, and then decided the description was accurate. "Yes, they guessed."
"Huh, well, danger is nothing new to Shinigami," Duo sighed and stood up, letting the weights drop back into their supports with a loud clank. He stretched sore muscles and pushed sweaty bangs out of his eyes. Heero could smell his scent drifting across the space between them. It made his body tighten and grow warm.
"I need a shower," Duo announced as he picked at his sweat soaked shirt in distaste.
"Up the stairs and to the right," Heero told him. "We have to share the facilities."
"Lock on the door?" Duo asked quickly. "I like my privacy."
"Yes, there is a good lock," Heero replied.
Duo was relieved. "Well, I'll get a change of clothes and take advantage of it, I guess." He stood, went into his new room, and gathered his things. When he returned and began springing up the stairs, he called back, "Later, Baby!"
Heero felt his heart constrict. That pet name, that Heero had used to hate so much, had rolled off of Duo's tongue unconsciously. It was like hearing the sweetest music. Heero found a small smile as he stood up to go.
A glitter caught Heero's eye and he paused. Duo's gold cross dangled from the machine he had been using. He had taken it off to exercise and had forgotten it. Heero made a mental note of it in case Duo forgot that he had placed it there. It was Duo's most important memento from the past beside his long braid and it gave an indication of his confused state of mind that he had left it behind.
That cross reminded Heero of Duo's pack. He told himself that he only wanted to see if the young man was packing explosives. It was important that he know it in case of emergencies, but the real reason was more personal. Heero wanted to know if Duo had taken anything from the last safe house other than Heero's laptop. What had been important to him at the time, and , for that matter, what was important to him now? Heero needed that insight, he felt, if he was going to know how to proceed.
Heero went into Duo's room, and , without guilt or hesitation, he opened the pack and sorted through the contents. Detonators for certain. Heero carefully put them aside. Remotes. Small radio. Wiring. Assorted tools. An extra gun and bullets. A brush. Several changes of clothes. A magazine with bodybuilders in it. The last thing Heero pulled out was a small envelope. Inside was an almost exact copy of the papers that Heero had found upstairs. Whitewashed, wooden house, the same types of furnishings, and the same dog. Even in his madness, Duo still had his dream.
"Get a good look see?" Duo's voice said from the doorway.
Heero turned around. Duo was smiling, obviously irritated, but, surprisingly, not overly angry. Heero almost lied, but the lie stuck in his throat and he said simply, "I wanted to determine your status."
"I did the same thing just now," Duo admitted. He had taken a very short shower. His hair was dry. He had used the extra time that he knew Heero had expected him to take to do some snooping of his own. "That Quatre likes pink a lot, doesn't he? He's sleeping with another guy too and that guy seems to like the circus. The other guy likes martial arts and swords and he's a very lonely man. He has a stack of girly magazines a mile high. You...," Duo grimaced and then shook his head. "You don't have anything in your room. It's like nobody lives there. Don't you do ANYTHING besides fight the war, Heero?"
He hadn't seen the box under the bed then. Heero almost wished he had. He wondered if Duo would have thought the box Heero's or remembered it for his own. He let it go. There was still time for that. "I have very little personal time," Heero replied.
"You have to live a little, man!" Duo exclaimed and then, with mock seriousness, "I'm going to make it my mission to force you to laugh and have a little fun!"
"Why?" Heero wondered.
That caught Duo off guard. He had only been joking. "Uh, well, nobody likes a stick in the mud, Heero, and I don't want to be around your sour puss all day and night if I'm going to fight beside you."
"Acceptable," Heero agreed and Duo stared. Before he could reply, Quatre called from the other room.
"Hey, guys! Trowa and Wu Fei just radioed me and told me that they're almost home."
Duo began to walk back into the gym as Quatre left the stairs and walked towards him. "Home? Do you consider this your home, Q-man?"
Quatre smiled and began to reply, but the house jolted and an explosion made the air tremble. Dust and plaster flew. The beams holding the house above the basement creaked and cracked. The pilots staggered in shock.
"Get out of the center!" Duo shouted and grabbed Quatre by the collar. Duo had been in enough old buildings to know what collapsed first. It was usually the center of every room. He began to drag a stunned Quatre towards the stairs, shouting over his shoulder, "Come on, Heero!" but the house jolted again and they fell to their knees as the stairs was suddenly blocked by a falling upper story.
"Window!" Heero shouted.
"Agreed!" Duo shouted back. "Come on, Quatre!" He still hadn't let go of the blonde Arabian, the young man's smaller stature making Duo instinctively protective.
Quatre fought free and raced into the store room to open the window as dust and debris poured into the gym area and choked them. He began to stand aside, but Duo grabbed him by the elbow and forced him up onto the cot. "You first!" Quatre began to argue, but Duo shoved him hard. "Get your scrawny butt through that window, now!"
Heero smelled smoke. The house was on fire. "Now!" he echoed and almost stuffed Quatre through the window. "You next," Heero ordered Duo.
"So much for every man for himself, eh, Heero?" Duo laughed as he began squeezing his larger frame through. "Guess we're better people than that."
"Little Baka!" Heero growled. "Shut up and get through!"
The beams began to snap. "Hurry!" Duo shouted as he made it through and turned to reach a hand down to help Heero. Duo's shirt had come undone, buttons having popped off as he had scraped through over the windowsill. Heero saw a creamy expanse of chest... he suddenly knew what was missing.
Heero turned and ran back into gym area as beams began to fall.
"What the fuck!?" Duo shouted, and then screamed. "Heero! You dumb shit! Get back here! You're gonna die! Nothing's that important!"
Flames licked from the ceiling and black smoke suddenly replaced the white dust as Heero dodged falling objects, ducking and jumping around obstacles until he reached the weight machine. Snagging Duo's cross, Heero wrapped it tightly in his hand as he raced back towards the storeroom.
The ceiling gave with a tremendous snapping and crashing of beams. Heero felt some of it hit his shoulder and back as he went through the door. It sent him stumbling, pain erupting and quickly throttled as he jumped up onto the cot and reached for Duo's frantic hands.
Heero was the largest. The opening was very narrow. He forced himself through with Duo's and Quatre's help, leaving skin and blood behind on the sill. Out on the dilapidated lawn of the safe house, they pulled each other to their feet and ran together, smoke obscuring everything and hopefully giving them cover from who ever was attacking.
Quatre ran full length into the leg of a Gundam. He bounced back and sprawled, looking up in alarm. He shouted in delight when he recognized the underside of Heavyarms. "Trowa's saved us!"
"He's probably the one who led them here!" Duo growled angrily.
The sound of metal being destroyed came to their ears and Nataku came striding through the smoke to join Heavyarms.
"Wu Fei! Both of them are here!" Quatre crowed in delight.
"Great!" Duo snarled as he began running. "Let's have a homecoming party after we escape!"
Heero and Quatre followed him and they let Wu Fei and Trowa cover them as they entered the camouflaged hanger and scrambled into their Gundams. The fight was theirs after that and they routed Oz decisively. They split up for safety. Quatre went into the desert. Wu Fei and Trowa went into the mountains. Heero and Duo hid in the deep forest.
Heero was bleeding from a large slice on his back, pieces of wood sticking out of his skin. He released his Gundam's hatch and breathed chill, fresh air as he methodically began pulling those pieces out.
"Want to tell me what was so important back there?" Duo demanded as he climbed into Wing's cockpit. He grunted when he found himself facing Heero's gun barrel. Heero grunted back, lowered the gun, and went back to pulling slivers.
"Set up perimeter alarms," Heero ordered.
Duo didn't move. He winced every time that Heero removed a long, bloody piece of wood. "What is your story, man?" Duo finally asked. "Are you just going to send me off while you sit there and bleed to death trying to reach a wound on your back?"
Heero paused, considered, and then replied. "I will need your assistance."
Duo blinked. "Well, at least you admit it."
"Perimeter alarms first," Heero insisted.
Duo started in disbelief and then he let out an exasperated breath as he angrily began to turn away. "Suite yourself! I'm not going to beg to save your life!" He clutched his ragged shirt together against the chill. His hands slid across his chest to hold the material tight. Fumbling fingers noticed a lack of gold cross and chain. "Shit!"
Heero closed a hand on Duo's wrist that was as strong as iron. Before Duo could panic, before he could fight, before he could flee back to a burned down, Oz occupied safe house, Heero held up his other hand and opened it, letting the gold cross he held there glitter and dangle on its chain.
Duo reached out and touched it, slowly closed his hand on it, and then became very still, his face a study in confusion. "You-You risked your life to get this for me? Why?"
Heero replied calmly, "You know why."
Heero had hoped to delay the revelation until alarms had been set and camp made. He hadn't wanted to confront such an unknown situation when they were still not completely safe. Now he had to do the worst possible thing, hold onto Duo and keep him from panicking and betraying their position. He could see the emotions rising in Duo's amethyst eyes, the cross a trigger to memory. It was all flooding back to him and Heero could see the scream of shock rising in his throat.
Heero closed the hatch and locked it with his code.
"You must remember," Heero replied calmly. "You must remember that I didn't do the thing that Trowa said. You must remember that I love you and that I would never hurt you, Duo. We made love. You initiated it. You insisted on it. Remember."
Duo snatched his cross from Heero, broke from his grip, and drew a knife, eyes going wild. "Open the hatch, Heero."
"I can't do that," Heero replied. "Not until you remember."
"Remember what?" Duo demanded. He backed up to the hull of the Gundam and pressed himself there. He swallowed hard, memories coming to him in painful jumps and fits. "Remember that you hurt me? Remember... Trowa said... I remember saying no! I remember that! He said you raped me! I said no!"
"Yes, you did," Heero sighed and ran hands over his face as he hunched forward in the seat of his Gundam. "You initiated sex. You insisted on it. You told me it was okay."
"I said, no!" Duo choked back and tears streaked his cheeks. He wiped at them angrily. "I trusted you."
"I didn't betray that trust," Heero insisted.
"I don't know that!" Duo gripped at his head and whined like a dog in pain.
Was it too much for him, Heero wondered, was Duo about to snap? His hand wandered to his side, fingering the butt of his gun in its holster under his shirt. One bullet for Duo, he thought grimly, and the next for him. He wouldn't live without his Shinigami.
"It hurts!" Duo complained.
"It will stop hurting when you let yourself remember," Heero promised. "Trust me."
"Why should I trust you!" Duo shouted furiously. "Why, Heero? You tell me that! What have you ever done that I should trust you?!"
"I've loved you," Heero replied quietly. "Only you. Always you. Forever you." Heero lifted up his green tank top and showed Duo his expanse of hard muscled torso. "Here, you knifed me the second time we made love. Here, you cracked a rib when I rolled into you in my sleep and made you panic." He let the tank top drop and he fingered a scar under his jaw. "Here, you sliced me when you were having a nightmare and I tried to wake you. There are many more. All are training scars, little baka, all lessons that I learned. I know your every mood, your every fear. I did not fail in my training that day. I did not do anything that you did not ask me for. I know how to dance with Shinigami."
Duo stared, a shiver running over his slim body again and again. "It was better," he said finally, "when I didn't know you. It was better before we ever started this relationship. Things weren't perfect, but I had made a life for myself that I could handle and be happy about."
Heero nodded, understanding. "That's why you went back to that time in your mind, to escape the stress and the hurt?"
"Yes," Duo replied.
"You were lying to yourself," Heero said bluntly. "You're lying to yourself now."
Duo glared and wiped at tears again. "Open the hatch, Heero. I- I don't want to hear any more."
Heero continued unmercifully. "You weren't happy. You just pretended to be. You were lonely and bleeding deep down inside... bleeding to death slowly, but most certainly. I know.... I know because I was the same way. We were both dying. When we found each other, we learned how to live again and how to love. Don't forget that Duo. Don't run away to a past that is just a dream. A past that doesn't include me. I will not live without you."
Duo looked in agony now, hand clenching on his knife until his knuckles were bone white and face locked in a grimace of anguish and pain.
"Trust me," Heero repeated again.
They met eyes. Heero's eyes were steady and firm. Duo's eyes were wet and full of fear and pain. Duo searched his face, yet didn't really see him. His mind was piecing together the past, trying to deal with a part of his mind that wanted to live in the past and another part that didn't, that wanted to love Heero.
Duo relaxed suddenly. He smiled gently. "I... It's all right, Heero. I do trust you. I do understand." He stepped forward and reached out a hand. Very gently, Heero took hold of it and they began to close the gap between them, Duo looking happy, a smile breaking across his face. It was the mask, Heero realized, not fooled, not fooled by any of it. He let Duo come, let him step inside his defenses, let him thrust his knife towards his heart.
The tip of the blade cut skin and then paused, Duo's smile dropping and his eyes narrowing fiercely. "You're going to let me do it, aren't you?" He hissed.
"Yes," Heero replied.
A trickle of blood began soaking Heero's shirt, joining with the blood from his shoulder. The knife, with infinite slowness, retreated.
Duo stared deep into Heero's eyes and then he carefully let himself down to rest against Heero's chest. Heero didn't hold him. He sat still, leaning back into the cushion of the chair, arms limp at his sides.
Duo was in control. He felt it. He needed it. He let memory wash over him and he twitched and trembled under its force. At last, he sighed and let his weight rest fully on Heero. Only then did Heero lightly hold him.
"I'm a coward," Duo whispered. "How can you love me?"
"You dealt with a situation in the only way you knew how," Heero replied. "You didn't hurt anyone. You didn't act irresponsibly. You didn't jeopardize the war or any of your missions."
"One day, I won't stop, Heero," Duo replied bitterly. "I will lose it and I will sink my knife into your heart. You are dancing with Shinigami and Shinigami is going to finish the dance some day. We should stop this now. Go back to being friends. Go back to Braided Baka and Perfect Soldier before I do something terrible. You want me to trust you, but it's me you'll never be able to trust."
Heero didn't reply. He kept still and Duo, exhausted physically and emotionally, fell into a light doze, breathing softly. Heero's mind protested. The wound on his back needed tending or it would hamper efficiency. Perimeter alarms had to be set. The others had to be contacted. A new safe house had to be acquired. There were numerous important things that needed to be done for their continued survival.
Heero opened his laptop with one hand and began to type. He logged onto the net and began to search. He ignored the soldier and followed his instincts and his heart.
"Nice."
Heero looked down at the top of Duo's head. Duo's face was turned to the side and his chestnut bangs didn't obscure the fact that his eyes were open and he was watching the computer screen.
Heero grunted and saved the image he had created. It was a complete rendition of Duo's dream house, down to the dog, the furniture, and the hanging plants on the porch. He manipulated the image, letting Duo see it as if he were walking through it.
"You remembered everything," Duo commented after awhile and his voice was heavy with emotion.
"Yes," Heero replied. "is this where you wish to live after the war?"
Duo was embarrassed. Heero could feel him growing warm with it. "I've always dreamed of living in a real house, a house I never had to leave, a place of my own... Since I can remember, I've always had this image in my head and I've always tried to recreate it somehow. Stupid, isn't it?"
"No," Heero replied.
Duo chuckled. It was raspy and rough as if he were holding back sobs. "H-Have you ever dreamed about what you'll do after the war?"
"No," Heero replied again. "I never wanted to survive it. It's all I was trained to do. I considered myself a weapon of war. Outside of war, a weapon like that doesn't have any purpose."
Duo frowned and a tear slipped out and ran down and across his nose. "I see. I guess... I thought... Is that why you're putting up with my crazy shit? Because you won't be doing it for long? Because you intend to kill yourself?"
Heero didn't reply. Duo sniffled and his hands slid around Heero's waist. He nuzzled his cheek against Heero's heart, fear and memories overcome by a breaking heart.
They lay quietly, Duo still staring at his dream house. It seemed very empty, lacking in the magic it had always held for him. Without Heero in his life, he could imagine himself haunting it like an empty shell of himself, a ghost without a purpose, without a love to hold him to life.
"Wait," Duo suddenly said, noting a discrepancy in the precise rendition of his dreams. "The bed isn't right. I wanted a king size with dark wood and a black, plexiglass headboard. That one has white feather down comforters, a triple mattress, and a canopy with white gauze."
Duo sat up and stared at Heero in surprise. Heero actually blushed uncomfortably, his secret finally being forced to be revealed. "That- That is the bed I want."
Duo blinked, frozen, hardly believing what he was hearing. Cautiously, he replied. "Okay. I guess if you're going to be living with me after the war, you should get to put some of your dreams in the house too."
Heero nodded and relaxed. "With you, I have dreams at last," he replied. "With you I have a new purpose."
"We both do," Duo said with a smile. He leaned in and kissed Heero deeply, trusting him... trusting him with his dreams and his future.
*** Owari***
The end? Could be. We'll see.