Disclaimer: They want to belong to me, but the owners will only let them come and visit. Okay, they don’t know about it. I snuck them out the back door. I promise to wash them before I return them, okay? Warning: Yaoi. Guys having sex with guys. Violence. Language. Major angst. It’s GRAPHIC! Okay, now that you’ve been warned....
I’m going to start listing the serial sequence at the bottom of the fics since this has grown way out of hand. For everyone who keeps going back to re read the series, stop being silly and just steal it already! :) It’s not like I can make any money off of this, ya know. I want you to have it. Go ahead. Yeah, go on. Really. Yes, REALLY! JUST TAKE IT ALREADY! :) Good, now enjoy it as many times as you like.
"Take it off, Little Baka," Heero ordered harshly. "How many times-"
"How many times do I have to answer that I won't?" Duo shot back as he levered a tool in the guts of Deathscythe, grunting and struggling to move a frozen part.
Duo's hair was wrapped several times around his neck to keep it from getting in his way. Bangs hanging in his face, sweat dripping down off of his nose, and shirt tied around his hips, his black clad legs were wide apart so that he could brace himself against the body of the Gundam as he leaned close to the grinding machinery. It was obvious that he was concentrating hard on his task and that he was being careful, but the object of Heero's concern was out of the pilot's control. Duo's gold cross dangled dangerously on its long chain around his neck.
Heero, seated close by, but not close enough if the worst should happen, balanced precariously on the arm of Gundam Deathscythe and tried not to distract Duo any more. If he wasn't going to listen... The part gave suddenly. Duo jerked at the release of tension and then grinned triumphantly as the grinding turned into a gentle hum.
"Are you up here for a reason, Heero?" Duo finally asked as he relaxed, wiped a hand across his sweating brow, and then chucked his tool into a metal box by his elbow, "Other than being a worry wart that I'll be sucked into Deathscythe's guts by my cross?"
"Isn't that enough?" Heero replied.
"Not for Heero Yuy," Duo replied. "I'm pretty sure that you only began worrying about that after you climbed up here."
Duo's strong, long legs, in those tight fitting pants... Heero tried not to get distracted, but his eyes traveled appreciatively over Duo's very slim torso, his softly rounded shoulders and his wiry arms, which looked so delicate, but could be so strong and deadly. Sweat beaded and made slow trails down his chest, around his pink nipples and down over scars and permanent knots in his ribs.
Duo shifted nervously and raked back his long, brown bangs with his fingers. It only worked briefly before they were falling down like a curtain over his amethyst eyes again and giving cover for any thoughts that might be lurking there. "Well?"
"You accomplished your last mission and stayed well within parameters," Heero heard himself say, cold and precise as the winter air.
The hidden, makeshift hanger, was hardly better than being outside. Duo, work accomplished, slipped back into his heavy shirt and his thick jacket. He grimaced at the feel of sweat freezing and shivered. The heat from Deathscythe's engines afforded a great deal of warmth, but the draft through the openings of the hanger was brutal.
Duo grinned. "I guess, in Heero speak, that means ,'Good job', right?"
"Hai," Heero replied, hating the feeling of inadequacy over his communication skills and then hating himself for hating that as the Lover Heero Yuy briefly battled the Perfect Soldier Heero Yuy.
"So?" Duo prompted.
"I am allowing you to take another mission," Heero informed him.
"Goody!" Duo chuckled and rubbed his cold hands together with glee. "Blow it up or cut it up with my buddy Deathscythe?"
"Cut it up," Heero replied.
Duo patted the Gundanium hull of the machine beneath him. "We're ready! All tuned up and ready for the dance of Death!" He paused, eyes going guarded. "Uh, I'll be alone, right?"
Heero nodded, once, face grim. "One pilot with suffice."
Duo grinned again. "All right! Thanks Heero! That last mission was mambsy- pamsy, if you know what I mean?"
"No."
"Uh, too easy and not enough bad guys," Duo clarified.
"Hai." Heero agreed.
Duo shrugged. "Guess I don't blame you. You had to test me to make sure I kept all of my ducks in a row enough to complete a mission."
"Hai," Heero agreed again and began to say something else, but he was interrupted.
"Duo!" Quatre shouted from the hanger floor. The two pilots looked down. Quatre had Duo's black, pullover sweater in his hands along with some black gloves.
"Damn, looks like ‘mom' found me," Duo said sourly. "He just never stops."
"We do what we are best suited for," Heero replied. "Quatre has undertaken to make certain that we are all fit to accomplish our missions."
"He picks on me more than anyone else," Duo lamented. "You'd think he was in love with me or something."
Heero was suddenly wearing a death glare. Duo chuckled.
"It's not like I'll be cheating on you, Baby!" Duo said placatingly, pain etched in his tone.
Heero's face went from jealousy to concern all in an instant.
Duo studied Heero for a moment. Perched on Deathscythe's arm, he looked like a young boy sitting in a tree, legs dangling and body poised precariously on the edge. Duo, seated in the open belly of Deathscythe next to the arm, knew that looks were definitely deceiving when it came to Heero Yuy. If the pilot of Wing had ever been a boy, it had been burnt out of him long ago by the assassin that had trained him and Dr. J. after that. Heero was a man with a body on the verge of manhood. Everything Heero did was planned down to the last detail. It should have been comforting to Duo, that maturity, but nothing comforted him much those days.
"Duo!" Quatre called once more in exasperation and waved the sweater and the gloves.
"Mom calls," Duo chuckled.
Heero watched Duo descend Deathscythe to the hanger floor. Quatre nodded in satisfaction and placed the items of clothing on the floor before retreating. Still, even though Duo was grinning at Quatre, his purple eyes watched him warily as he bent to pick up the clothes.
"Thanks, Q-man!" Duo called to the blonde Arabian. "I guess I was getting cold!"
"Put them on now!' Quatre called back firmly. "I won't leave until you do."
Heero could see Duo frown even from his high vantage. "Your embarrassing me, man!"
Quatre was patient. "Duo, if you would only take care of yourself, if even slightly, I wouldn't feel the need to do it for you. The colonies are depending on you. We pilots are depending on you. You're letting us down when you endanger your health so carelessly!"
"Yeah, I guess you're right," Duo replied, raking a hand through his bangs and looking guilty. "I never thought about it like that. I always figured, ‘Live now because tomorrow I may die.' Going through the motions, like I'm going to have some sort of long life, just seemed stupid, ya know?"
"I know," Quatre replied gently. "but wouldn't you rather die being a hero rather than because you caught pneumonia again for lack of a sweater and some gloves?"
Duo nodded as he pulled the sweater over his shirt and then put the jacket over that. Something about the sweater startled him. Heero frowned as Duo brought the sweater to his nose and took a deep breath as he said to Quatre, "Man! You know just what to say, don't you? Talk about laying on the guilt trip! See? I've pulled on the sweater and put on the gloves. My frail body is all protected now. Happy?"
Quatre grinned, ignoring the sarcasm. "Yes. Lunch is at twelve. Make sure you are there, Duo."
"Yeah, yeah, Q-man," Duo muttered as he turned back to Deathscythe.
Once again, Heero saw Duo lift the sweater to his nose and take a deep breath. Heero's mind sorted through possibilities as to why Duo would exhibit that particular behavior, but it was confused. It couldn't give Heero answers to behavior that wasn't normal.
Heero swung down from Deathscythe and landed lightly. He began striding away with purpose.
"Something I said, Heero?" Duo called after him bitterly.
"Mission change," Heero grunted, which was an answer, and yet not an answer at all.
Duo climbed back onto Deathscythe. Balancing next to his toolbox, two stories from the hanger floor, Duo hugged the black sweater against him and felt comforted. The sweater wasn't his, it was Heero's, but Duo hadn't corrected Quatre, especially not after catching Heero's scent ingrained in the fiber. It tickled Duo's nose and reminded him of warm nights and tender moments. If he closed his eyes, it almost felt as if Heero was there, holding him tight.
"Just say you don't trust me!" Duo shouted angrily, body tense and fists clenched tight. He paced, keeping near the door, needing that open exit to make him feel safe as Heero slowly stripped off his sweat soaked tank top and tossed it onto a chair back.
Heero had just finished exercising in the basement of the dilapidated safe house. He was now a lanky, muscle rippling, testosterone bundle of young man and his intense eyes and his wild, dark hair made him look feral and dangerous as he used a hand towel to wipe his face.
"Say it!" Duo demanded again, braid snapping like a whip every time he turned in his pacing.
"I don't trust you," Heero replied at last, soft and quiet.
The black clad pilot of Deathscythe faced him in his fury, but didn't dare come close. "I don't need Wu Fei to babysit me! You wouldn't waste a pilot like that for anyone else. I won't let you do it for me!"
"It is still within acceptable mission parameters," Heero informed him. "Wu Fei is an expert at targeting munitions dumps."
"Then let him do the mission!" Duo exploded.
"Hai," Heero replied stiffly.
Duo's eyes went wide with hurt and shock. "Just like that? Am I so easy to replace?"
"This time, yes."
Duo shook his head sharply and then glared. "What happened? Why did you change your mind about me? You told me that I did great on the last mission. You were going to take off the training wheels this time. What did I do wrong, huh? Whimper in my sleep like a girl? Hide under the bed from Quatre and his vacuum cleaner? Mess myself at the mention of Oz soldiers? Huh? Not any of those things, was it? Why? Because none of it happened! Maybe the thought of you or anyone else touching me makes me want to scream, but I've got the rest of my life back together again, Heero! You know I won't let you down!"
"You would never intentionally let me down," Heero agreed, changing the phrasing pointedly.
Duo's expression went sickly. "I can't love a man who won't trust me."
"I can't endanger a mission, and the lives of civilians to keep that love," Heero responded with regret.
"Why?" Duo demanded. "Why did everything suddenly change?"
"Instinct," Heero replied as he walked out of the room with his laptop under his arm. "It tells me you aren't ready yet."
"Screw your instinct!" Duo screamed after him, but Heero didn't respond.
Duo stood, panting, blood boiling so hotly it was making him dizzy. He took off his jacket and threw it at the wall furiously. It made a loud slap and slid down to the floor in an abused heap. "Damn him!" Duo seethed.
Duo turned, intending to go into the bathroom and clean the Gundam grease off of himself. He spotted Heero's shirt though, and it made him pause. Grabbing it from the chair back he twisted it tightly in both hands, hurting it and making it pay instead of the true object of his anger, Heero.
The shirt had a strong scent. It reached Duo's nostrils, musky, heady, complete essence of Heero Yuy. Duo found himself raising that shirt and putting it closer to his nose. In another moment he was pressing his face into it, tears in his eyes, as he rubbed it against his cheek. Backing up to the bed, Duo lowered himself onto it. Curling up on his side, he closed his eyes and kept Heero's shirt clutched tightly against him. Comfort. Warmth. Strength. Heero.
"You're right," Duo muttered despairingly. "I'm not ready. I'm hugging a damn shirt and trying to pretend it's you! How sick is that?" Duo considered throwing it away from him and sending it to join the abused jacket, but he found himself clutching the shirt even tighter.
Pathetic. Weak. No matter what he called himself, Duo couldn't let go of the shirt. In the end, he tucked it inside of his sweater, close to his heart, and crossed his arms over it to hold it tight. His mouth may have denied Heero, but his heart, he knew, never could.
"Something smells," Trowa grumbled, glaring down the table from under his uni bang. "I hope that isn't dinner."
Duo shifted uncomfortably in his chair, placed at the opposite end of the table and several spaces from the other young men. A triumph, Quatre had called it, for Duo to sit down and have meals with them again, but Duo knew how much it cost him, how much he wanted to run every time someone looked at him or moved. Twice he had even threatened with his table knife.
Wu Fei raised eyebrows, aristocratic, Chinese features puzzling over the smell as well. He finally settled his dark eyes on Duo. Duo kept his eyes on his empty plate. Wu Fei took in Duo's tangled, unbrushed hair, the grease marking his forehead and neck. The disarray of his sweater and the grime under his fingernails. The hollow, strained look on Duo's face confirmed Wu Fei's suspicion.
"Maxwell, perhaps you should think of bathing before we eat?"
"Are you saying I stink, Wu Fei?" Duo exploded, standing up, arms wrapped around his chest. His grin was gone. His eyes were wild.
"If I do, it's honest stink. I was working on old Deathscythe, getting him ready to protect the colonies, only now Heero says he's giving the mission to you. Congratulations. Seems I made myself stink for no reason at all."
You're not angry at me," Wu Fei replied calmly. "You shouldn't make dinner uncomfortable for all of us because you're angry at Yuy. He's not even here."
Duo blinked, startled and standing up. "Where is he?"
"He went on the mission himself," Quatre replied from the stove. He turned and began setting plates of steaming vegetables, chicken, and oat muffins on the table. Taking up a spoon, he began serving Duo a measured amount while the others helped themselves to the rest.
"Nataku had a bad gyro," Wu Fei added. "I refused to take her into battle in that condition. It would have made me weak."
"He didn't tell me!" Duo snarled.
"For obvious reasons," Trowa replied quietly. Quatre gave him a look and Trowa scowled.
Duo thumped his fists on the table and the silverware jumped. When he saw everyone tense, ready to defend themselves, he felt physically ill. "I can still pilot my Gundam. I can still do missions. I'm gong after him!"
Quatre tried to soothe him. "Now, Duo, Heero wouldn't like that."
"I don't give a flying fuck, Quat!" Duo shouted back. "The only way I can prove to him that I'm fit is to join him and kick some Oz butt!"
"Look at you," Wu Fei retorted mildly. "You are a mess, Maxwell. If you want to gain Yuy's confidence not looking like a madman would be a start. Let this mission pass, be ready for the next one. Clean yourself up. Practice the meditation technique that I taught you. Calm your mind. Forget your fear. When you are strong, both mentally and physically, no one will question your fitness."
"Sounds good, Wuffie," Duo agreed with a pasted on, maniacal grin. "Wash. Meditate. Get strong." Duo's voice rose sharply, "Like Hell! I'm going after Heero!"
"At least eat first," Quatre suggested irritably. "You won't win points with Heero by passing out at the controls of Deathscythe."
"That I'll do," Duo thumped down into his chair again and began spooning food into his mouth. "Coffee, Quat. I can't fight without a good cup of coffee."
Quatre's voice was soothing. "All right, Duo. Just a minute."
"Don't encourage this stupidity, Quatre!" Wu Fei argued. "He will only complicate the mission for Heero if he goes!"
"Hey!" Duo barked around a mouthful of food. "I am NOT a liability! I'm an asset. You know Heero and I make a good team."
"Of course you do," Quatre soothed as he handed Duo the coffee.
Duo grinned at Quatre, though his fingers nervously avoided any contact with the blonde Arabian. "Don't get so close," he warned without dropping his smile. When Quatre backed away, Duo said, "Thanks, Quat, for sticking up for me."
"We're friends, Duo," Quatre replied as Duo took long sips of his hot coffee, daring a burnt tongue. "I know how important it is for you to join the war again. We would feel the same way... have felt the same way when we've been sidelined."
Duo nodded distractedly as he shoved a muffin into his jacket pocket. "I'll eat on the run, Quat. Make a big dinner, K? I promise I'll even eat my veggies..." Duo trailed off as he swayed and put a hand to his head. His amethyst eyes dilated as he looked up accusingly at Quatre's concerned face. "You he-bitch! You drugged me!"
Wu Fei grunted. "Good work, Winner. I was beginning to think you were as mad as Maxwell for supporting him in his foolishness."
Trowa stood up and began coming around the table. "I will help you take Duo upstairs."
"Sorry, Duo," Quatre apologized anxiously. "Heero ordered us to keep you here."
"That bastard!" Duo rummaged inside of his sweater and jerked Heero's shirt out of it. He flung it down onto the table on top of all the food. "Fuck him and fuck all of you! When I get my head cleared I'm taking Deathscythe and getting the Hell out of here!"
Duo swayed again and almost fell out of his chair. He saw Quatre reach for him and Trowa was about to. The drugs kept him in safe place. He couldn't even panic. Before he slipped into unconsciousness, he heard Wu Fei say distastefully, "Is this Yuy's stinking shirt?"
Duo felt his face burn. Now they knew. Now Heero would know that he had been cuddling with his clothes because he as too much of a chicken shit to actually touch the man he loved. Duo was glad when unconsciousness claimed him. The embarrassment was more than he could handle.
"You're a mess," Heero's voice said from across the room.
Duo blinked open his eyes. His eyelids were like lead weights. His mind climbed slowly back from his drug haze. He was lying in his bed, clothed and covered with a blanket. He turned his head and blearily looked at Heero.
Heero was leaning against the doorjamb, arms crossed over his chest. His hair was slightly damp from a recent shower. His intense, blue eyes were almost contemptuous, but there was a tinge of sympathy there too.
"Well...," Duo said, cleared his throat and tried again. "Mission must be accomplished or you wouldn't be standing here... alive."
"Hai," Heero affirmed.
"I can't rot here and not do my job, Heero," Duo told him angrily. "I want to know why you don't trust me."
"Do you trust me?" Heero retorted softly.
Duo flinched.
"Do you trust any of the other pilots?"
Heero knew the answer to that. Duo didn't have to tell him.
"I was going to give you the mission," Heero reminded him. "I thought that you had recovered enough from your ordeal with Oz."
"How were you wrong?" Duo demanded. "Tell me why you disqualified me."
Heero straightened. "Look at yourself in the mirror. I don't have to tell you. Your actions and inactions speak for themselves. Clean yourself up. We'll talk later."
"Heero Yuy, wanting to talk?" Duo laughed bitterly as he dragged himself up into a sitting position. "What haven't you said already?"
Heero was silent.
Duo managed to stand. "Fine! Whatever!" I'm leaving anyway, he thought, but couldn't bring himself to say it.
Duo staggered into the bathroom. He closed the door, but he was still too disoriented to remember to lock it. He leaned on the sink and stared at himself in the mirror hanging over it. He was a mess. Tangled hair, bloodshot eyes, tight bitter mouth, he looked as nervous and wild as a drug addict needing a fix, only his fix didn't have anything to do with drugs. It was Heero he was needing.
Duo pushed himself away from the sink and clumsily undressed. When he was completely nude, except for his gold cross and his hair band, he made his way to the shower. Halfway there, he spotted Heero's green tank top on the floor.
Duo angrily stepped on the shirt, imagining it to be Heero, but then he was picking it up. It smelled of Gundam grease, smoke, and very strongly of Heero. He must have worn it during the mission.
Guiltily, Duo brought the cloth up to his nose. He breathed deeply and half closed his eyes. He had a mixture of emotions, anger still, but longing and desire as well. His lower body was responding strongly. It had been denied too long. It begged for release of any kind.
Duo glanced at the door, ashamed, but who was going to know? He was alone. He was safe. He had Heero's scent and Heero's shirt. All of his twisted sexual criteria was being met for once and he needed so badly.
"Heero," Duo whispered. He closed his eyes and ran Heero's scented shirt over his chest. Embarrassment was still there, but it was quickly being overcome as Duo rubbed the shirt over his stiff nipples. He imagined Heero holding him; Heero sucking on those nipples, slowly, one at a time, faced flush with desire.
Duo's desire was hot and painful now in response to the mental and physical stimulation. Duo lowered the shirt to his raging cock and wrapped it in the material. He stroked his arousal. It was rough and awkward, but the scent of Heero in the shirt, activated by Duo's heat, rose up to fill Duo's senses. If he could do this, he thought in misery, why couldn't he bring himself to do it to Heero for real?
Warm, wet, tight. Duo's cock was suddenly engulfed and the shirt was pulled away. He looked down in alarm, eyes flying open, and saw Heero sitting on the bathroom floor deep throating him. "No!" Duo shouted and his hands went into fists as the fear rose, ready to lash out and free himself.
Heero held still, only his tongue licking the underside of Duo's cock in his mouth. Duo groaned. Desire and love waged war with fear and anger. Heero's blue eyes filled his vision, almost begging Duo; liquid and electrifying. His tongue teased, slipped into the hole and ran roughly in circles there. Duo groaned again and his hands opened and then grabbed hold of Heero's hair. Heero winced, but he didn't pull away. He let himself be helpless for Duo, unresisting as Duo pushed his cock into Heero's mouth further.
"Suck me," Duo growled. "Do it hard. I-I need it."
Heero's eyes sparkled and he complied, going up and down with rough hard strokes, mouth a tight sheath, and tongue a rasping, swirling, darting demon. His hands were lax at his sides, his body completely relaxed; unthreatening. If he gave him the slightest push, Duo thought, the man would probably fall over. Duo tested it. He shoved, hard.
Heero did fall back, but he controlled the fall and landed gently onto his back. He was still, the rise and fall of his chest his only motion. Duo stood over him, eyes going over Heero's tightly muscled body and licking lips when he saw Heero's rock hard erection.
"Look into my face," Heero instructed firmly. "Keep looking into my face. You aren't afraid of me. It's me you're with, not any of your memories." When Duo still hesitated, Heero reached out, took the discarded shirt, and draped it over his chest. "If you want to screw my shirt instead, here it is, but a warm body is better, isn't it?"
"Your body," Duo corrected. He took a deep breath, looking into Heero's face, trying to keep his mind in the here and now and not back with an Oz general or the customers of a young whore.
The shirt was an embarrassment. Duo slowly kneeled, lifted it from Heero, and tossed it away. He flexed his fingers and then replaced the shirt with them, lightly touching Heero's chest.
"Don't move," Duo warned. "It'll go wrong if you move."
"I know," Heero whispered. "Do what you want, Duo."
"I'm mad at you, Baby," Duo replied tensely. "You shouldn't have taken that mission away from me. I can do it."
"Prove to me that you can do it, Little Baka," Heero insisted. "I'm waiting. Show me that you can control yourself. That's what I
want. That's what I've been waiting for."
"I can," Duo retorted. "I'm not afraid of you. I can- I can trust you, as long as I remember that it's you."
"My face," Heero told him again. "Look me in the face. Be with me, not with anyone else." He paused and then added stiffly. "I'll admit to you that I am a jealous man. I won't share you with your memories."
"A joke?" and a dark one at that, but still a joke, Duo thought. He found himself grinning; a challenge taken up. "Only you, Baby. Only you."
Duo bent Heero's knees back to the man's chest in one, fast motion. Duo's cock was drooling. He positioned it against Heero's entrance, hoping it would be enough, but found that Heero was already lubed and ready. Duo, staring into Heero's face, grinned in surprise. "Did you plan this, Yuy?"
"The chance of this opportunity occurring was obvious," Heero replied matter-of-factly, as if his knees weren't bent submissively and a young man wasn't about to mount him, but then his face flushed and he said, control slipping slightly. "Well?"
"You wanna be fucked, Yuy?" Duo taunted. Heero's body was hot against his own. "You want it bad?"
"Yes!" Heero growled.
Duo found himself chuckling. "You're as hard up as I am. I don't think anything can stop me now. I don't care what might happen, what my memories scream at me. I have to do you Heero, Baby, Heero love." and with that, Duo slowly pushed into Heero.
Heero hissed, but didn't allow any other sound. He kept limp in Duo's grip as Duo began to thrust in and out of him. It was slow at first, tentative, Duo keeping his eyes on Heero and immersing himself in his need and love to keep the fear at bay, but then Heero tightened his insides, making it a velvet sheathe on Duo's cock, and he lifted his legs to give Duo a deeper access. That made Duo wild, the nerves along his cock head zinging with sensation, his brain on fire with the urge to thrust hard and deep and fill his mate with his cum.
Duo's rocking motion intensified. He groaned, staring into Heero's eyes as his hand reached between them and clasped around Heero's cock. He gathered Heero's precum and coated the stiff, hot member, making it slick as he began to pump Heero in time to his thrusts. Heero threw back his head and panted, moaning into Duo's mouth as Duo locked his lips onto Heero's and sucked them in.
They came together with a shout, spasming bodies, and wildly beating hearts. Duo kissed Heero deeper, broke the kiss, and then looked into Heero's eyes so closely that their noses touched. "Heero," Duo panted.
"Duo," Heero panted back.
"That proof enough?"
"It will suffice."
Duo raised eyebrows and then he frowned. "Should I prove myself to you again beyond a shadow of a doubt then?"
"I think I will require it," Heero replied as he began to lift his knees again. "You didn't show adequate effort."
"Hah!" Duo laughed outright now. "Another joke! Maybe if we do it enough times, you'll become a comedian?"
"Let's test it and find out," Heero replied with a smirk and then added, "Pilot."
Duo felt a tear, but he choked and refused to cry. Instead, he kissed Heero with all of his love behind it and began to prove himself again with enthusiasm and without fear.
***Owari***
Kracken: Thanks for all the virtual candy! It's light, but strangely ego fattening. :)
Review! Oh, please review. I just love it when you do. It makes me so happy and I really do dance and clap with joy. For those who reviewed last time, thanks so much! Big kisses and hugs! :)