Disclaimer: I don't own the G- boys, they just followed me home.
Warnings: Yaoi. Guys having sex with guys and lots of it. Talk about rape.
Attempted rape. Language. Angst. Duo torture. Some humor. Angst and humor,
what fun!
"There isn't anyone around, man! Just take them off, okay?"
"No."
"Aw, come on! I don't think I've ever seen you with them off, even in bed!"
"No."
"See? Mine are off. It feels great!"
"If we were attacked-"
"You can see all the way down the beach, both ends!"
"Aircraft."
"I can see blue sky in every direction. Nothing. We are not going to be dive bombed, okay, man?"
"Underwater craft."
"You are hopeless! Okay! Okay! Keep your damn shoes on then and get them wet!"
Duo stalked away from Heero, barefoot and kicking up water in the surf. Heero followed, unperturbed. They walked in silence and then Duo shot a look back at Heero and grinned. "You're staring at my ass, aren't you?"
Heero smirked, the closest he ever came to a smile. "I will not deny it."
"Better not." Duo turned, walking backwards, long braid swinging in a breeze. He was wearing a pair of shorts that clung to him tightly and a jersey coat with deep pockets that kept his hands warm. Heero was wearing his spandex pants, a pair of sneakers without socks, and a loose black windbreaker that Duo knew he had put on to hide his gun. Ever ready for danger, that was Heero Yuy. Duo was just the opposite. He didn't have his gun. He didn't have his knife. He didn't even have the lock picks that he usually kept in his hair. He had wanted to be normal and have a normal outing with the man he loved. Heero was making it difficult. Well, if he had wanted romance and gentleness, Duo thought sourly, he should have picked another man to fall in love with!
"This is a good place." Duo sat down well up from the water mark. He hugged his cold knees and grinned up at a puzzled Heero. "Well, make yourself useful,soldier. Make us a fire."
"Someone will see it," Heero grunted, eyes never ceasing from observing their surroundings.
"Heero," Duo exclaimed in exasperation. "We don't have our Gundams with us! For all anyone knows, we're just two boys enjoying the surf and wishing they had surfboards and a couple of gals!"
Heero scowled. "You're shouting. Anyone can hear you."
Duo's arms tightened painfully on his knees. "The person I want to hear me is deaf, so I don't have any choice but to yell!"
"You can't change me," Heero said in a firm tone, his dark, blue eyes staring intensely at Duo.
"You can't change me either," Duo retorted.
"So," Heero said as he settled next to Duo in the sand. "We meet halfway."
Duo's anger melted. He grinned again as he settled closer to Heero. Heero took hold of the Gundam pilot's braid and softly ran the end of it through his fingers. He brought it to his lips and kissed it, breathing in its shampoo scent; something manly and spicy that warred with the smell of the salt breeze. Heero didn't ask for more. He knew he wouldn't get it. Not here. Not in an unfamiliar place.
"Look!"
Heero's hand snapped back to his gun in its butt holster, but then he relaxed when he saw that Duo was pointing at the appearance of several dolphins off the shore. He listened to Duo chatter on endlessly about them, but Heero didn't mind the boring subject. It gave him a chance to watch Duo's animated face, his sparkling amethyst eyes, and his twitching, dimpled, ever present grin. For a few minutes, Heero was able to forget about the war, forget about missions, forget that their lives were bound to be short, and especially forget that this relationship with Duo was the worst and best thing that had ever happened to him.
"And then I put the dolphin in a dress and slipped it into bed with Quatre," Duo was saying angrily. "He didn't notice, thought it was Trowa, and made passionate love to it- and you're not listening at all are you, Baby?"
Heero blinked. "Hn."
"No," Duo translated and then sighed as he looked intently down the beach. Heero followed his gaze automatically, making sure Duo hadn't actually seen anything or anyone before he turned his attention on the pilot of Deathscythe again.
Heero didn't apologize. He wasn't sorry. He was still too new to feelings and their budding relationship to understand that saying such things, whether they were true or not, was required.
"If what I'm saying is boring you, Baby, just say so, 'k?" Duo told Heero with an edge in his voice.
"Understood," Heero replied, taking the suggestion seriously.
Duo stared and then sighed again. Heero was getting used to hearing that sound. "Why are you with me?" Duo asked suddenly.
"Because you suggested that, since our safe house was situated near this beach, we should take advantage of it," Heero rattled off, "But I analyzed your request and came to the conclusion that you wished to spend time in my presence away from the others. That was also my wish."
"You put it so romantically," Duo replied sourly. He brushed his long bangs out of his eyes with a masculine rake of his fingers that managed to convey his inner turmoil. "I meant, why do you even want a relationship with me? Doesn't that go against your training?"
That stung. Heero was surprised to feel his heart clench. Is this why Duo had wanted him out on the beach alone, to tell him... and why not? What did he have to offer the man next to him? Heero was cold, silent, unable to express most of the simplest emotions, and completely devoted to the war.
"It certainly isn't for the sex," Duo added self deprecatingly.
No, it wasn't that, Heero agreed silently. Trying to get past Duo's inhibitions and fears was like stalking a ferocious tiger. Heero never knew with Duo whether he would be getting pleasure or stitching a knife wound. The boy often panicked violently. When Heero did get pleasure, it was cautious, slow, timid, and restricted to only a few acts that Duo could tolerate.
"Dr. J approves of our relationship," Heero replied at last.
"He does?" Duo blinked stupidly, mouth a little open.
"He understands that I have physical needs that must be satisfied," Heero explained and he hid his blue eyes under the fall of his wild, dark hair. "He commended my choice. Women are a distraction. Another Gundam pilot who understands that I will sacrifice everything for the mission, and who won't stand in the way of that, is a logical choice."
"Logical." Duo's mouth shut and went into a hard line. He reached out nervously and pushed Heero's hair out of his face. He glared into Heero's blue eyes, wanting to read the truth there. "Is that all I am? A logical choice? An L2 whore who'll blow you for free and wave goodbye cheerily as you self destruct during a mission?"
Heero gently took hold of Duo's hand and pressed it against the side of his face. Duo' skin smelled like sea salt and his callouses, from piloting his Gundam, were rough on Heero's skin. "I didn't tell him," Heero admitted. "He doesn't need to know."
"Tell him what?" Duo knew, but he wanted to force Heero to say it. Heero almost never said it.
The soldier part of Heero struggled angrily. It thought of emotions as a weakness, a liability. Duo was giving him an out, opening the door and trying to wave Heero through if he wanted to go. When Heero thought of returning to lonely nights, solo missions, every day filled with cold, emotionless activities, and imagined Duo returning to being just another pilot, a pawn in the endless war that Heero moved from mission to mission on his mental chess board...Heero began to think of another use for his gun besides killing enemies. He swallowed hard. Duo had cracked his shell. He couldn't go back to what he had been.
"If he knew that I loved you," Heero said steadily, "he might order me to-"
"To hurt me? Kill me? I'm a pilot, Heero. I'm not disposable."
"No, not any of that," Heero whispered. "He might call me back to be retrained."
Retrained. Heero shivered, remembering how they had taken him as a little boy and broken him into a thousand pieces until he was nothing; clay for their hands, clay to mold into the perfect, emotionless, soldier. They could do it again. They could make him forget that he had ever loved Duo. They could stamp out his emotions again, abuse and torture him until even a careless touch from someone would make him want to commit murder. Back to square one, the person Duo had first met when he had saved Relena from being murdered by Heero.
"Maybe you can't say it to Dr. J, but you can sure as hell say it to me, Heero." Duo said, cutting into Heero's dark memories. His face was pale, but his mouth slowly curved up until Heero saw dimples and a joking, mischievous look in his eyes. "Maybe you need lessons? Come on, Baby. Repeat after me.... I... Come on, say it....I...,"
Heero's face went tight, but he slowly repeated. "I."
"L."
"L."
"O."
"O."
"V."
"V."
"E."
"E."
"Duo Maxwell."
"Duo Maxwell."
Duo grinned wider. "There, you said it. It was like pulling teeth, but... well, okay, say it again. Practice makes perfect, ya know."
"You say it first," Heero said uncomfortably.
"Okay, I love Duo Maxwell."
"That's not what I meant."
"I know. I know." Duo paused for effect and then said very carefully, "I love Heero Yuy."
Heero nodded hard, once and then said, difficult and slow, wading against a current of negative programming. "I... love... Duo Maxwell." It actually hurt somewhere inside, Heero thought, and his hand went involuntarily to his gut as it twisted into a knot.
"We are so pathetic." Duo turned away, all humor gone as he gripped his knees tight. "You can't express yourself and I can't let you have me the way I want you to. We are so doomed, Heero, doomed from the start!"
Nothing slipped past Heero, he was a living computer, forever analyzing and storing data. "They way you want...Do you want me to have intercourse with you Duo?"
"That's what you do with a woman," Duo snickered sourly, not looking at Heero. "I want you to fuck me. That's what guys do. I want all of you. I want everything that everyone else has; a real sex life to go along with a real relationship." Duo found a shell in the sand. He picked the sand off of it meticulously and then chucked it away sharply. "But I can't, you know that. I freak out." He said tightly, self deprecatingly. "I was a whore, Heero, you'd think it would be easy to lay back and lift my legs for you. It isn't. They always hurt me, every time. It was never easy. I was never not scared shitless. I used to-to take drugs before they started in on me. It helped, sometimes."
"Why do you want it then?" Heero was perplexed. "You know it doesn't matter to me."
"It doesn't?" Duo put a hand to his face and wiped at his eyes. "I always feel like I'm cheating you. Guys wanna do it, ya know. I do, even after all I was put through, even though it scares me. Guys are just wired that way, especially guys our age. Just jerking each other off, never seems enough. We could do that by ourselves. It isn't..." Duo struggled, "It doesn't get me close enough to you. Does that make any sense?"
"I like to be touched...by you," Heero admitted and it was hard to say that, to reveal that weakness. "It feels good. Dr. J and his assistants, they never...they just hurt me, forced me, hit me, burned me, cut me... Your fingers... they don't hurt when they touch me. I like that. I don't need more."
"I couldn't even do that until you convinced me that you weren't going to rape me afterwards," Duo remembered painfully. He finally looked at Heero. "You really don't want to...ya know, do me?"
"No," Heero replied. Heero felt a lack of information. He wanted to help his lover. He had been trained to judge men, to analyze them and anticipate their every action. Every good soldier learned about cause and effect, manipulating the outcome, maneuvering men and men's minds on and off the battlefield by carefully implemented plans. The gathering of information was always the first step. Heero knew so little about Duo's past and he knew so little about what Duo really wanted. Heero was at a disadvantage if he tried to use his own emotions to try and help Duo. Heero only knew how to accomplish missions. It was easier to think of their relationship as one: a mission with a life and death outcome, he thought grimly. Heero didn't think he could live if Duo were to leave him now.
"Watcha thinking, Baby?" Duo asked in concern.
"Tell me about L2," Heero asked bluntly and hated how Duo flinched. "Not about Solo, not about the church.... tell me about being a whore. Tell me exactly what they did to you, how you lived, even how much you cost. I need to know Duo. I can't proceed if I don't know. You understand how I was trained. I think I can help you, if you let me, if you trust me, Duo."
Duo went very pale. "It's not something a guy likes to talk about," he began, "being forced to bend over for other guys and then deciding to get paid for it."
"Did you really decide when you were that young?"
Duo gave Heero a death's head grin. "That's pretty good, Heero. No, I guess I didn't decide. They just said, want to eat? Want to go on living? Want your little pals not to get it? Do it with who we tell you to and we'll take care of you."
Heero wasn't shocked. He'd seen plenty during the war to give him a lifetime worth of nightmares. Duo's story was nothing new.
"You want the grimy details too, Baby?" Duo turned bitter all in an instant and he hid his face against his upraised knees. "I-I didn't want to tell you about it, ya know. I didn't want you to know how really filthy I was, how many people I'd spread my legs for. I went and checked myself out after we got together. I wanted to make sure...make sure that I didn't have any, you know, diseases I could give you. I had some, but the doctors took care of them. One of them....it made me sterile. I didn't even know. I always felt fine." Duo gave a forced laugh. "Not that I have much of a chance of having kids with my sexual hangups and my orientation, you know what I mean? Still, would have been nice to have the option."
"Probably for the best," Heero said, not meaning to be cruel, but just stating fact. "We've all been through a lot, chemicals, radiation, mental and physical torture, experiments... I doubt that any of us escaped without damage. There is a high probability that none of us can have normal children."
"So, we only have each other," Duo said and raised red, puffy eyes. He had been crying into his kneecaps. He wiped hastily at his face and sniffled. "Now you can understand why it's important to me that we have as much of a relationship as possible. There isn't going to be the patter of little Duo and Heero feet, ever."
It was a subject Heero had never thought about before. Children. A home. A lover. Those were things normal people had. Heero, up until then, had only had the war and the next mission to look forward to. Heero had thought Duo, though a joking baka at the best of times, had been pretty much the same way, waiting for the next mission, waiting for another chance to climb into Deathscythe and take revenge on Oz soldiers. A love. A home. Children. Duo had aspired to all three. Two of those dreams had been crushed. Heero determined not to let the third go under the heel of failure.
"How much did you cost?" Heero asked. He kept his body relaxed, hands where Duo could see them, face calm and expressionless. He didn't want Duo to be frightened or to think he, Heero, might be asking for the wrong reasons.
"Ten credits," Duo replied. "I did it two, three times a night so I had enough for some discount ration packs, rice, beans, and a bit of candy if I was feeling selfish. I gave most of the stuff to the other kids, would probably have given all of it to them, but nobody pays for a skinny whore. When they yanked me off the street and made me do it for a pimp, I didn't get any money. They fed me and gave me the drugs when I asked. That was it. I don't know what happened to the kids...most died from the plague, I guess, or whored themselves like me."
"How long did they make you do it?"
"A year, maybe a little more. I don't remember."
"Tell me how they did it," Heero asked and when Duo began to angrily protest. "I need to know. I can't help you with your fears if I don't know why you have them."
"'K," Duo gritted his teeth a moment and then he met Heero's eyes and said steadily and viciously, " When I did it alone, I just stood near an official building of any sort at quitting time. They always had the credits and the wife who wasn't giving them any. Most of the time, they just took me around a corner and opened their pants. Most of them just liked a blow job by someone with a pretty face. They could always pretend I was a girl, I guess. When some guys cornered me one day and raped me, one at a time, I thought I was going to die for sure. No such luck. They liked me so much they made me their whore and they sold me. No more blow jobs. I had to spread my legs and take whatever they wanted to give me. Men beat me, hurt me, burned me, tied me up, stuck things in me, and nearly split me in two doing me more times than I want to remember. After they finished, they just laughed at the mess they made of me, hitched up their pants, and threw their credits on top of me. My pimps cleaned me up, stitched me up, and drugged me up, whatever it took to get me ready for the next guy. I don't know why I didn't die. I really don't. I was just a child."
"How did you get away from them?"
"I was a screamer," Duo admitted and he looked ashamed on top of his clear horror at the memory. "They couldn't shut me up. Customers didn't like that. I kept getting sick too. I got skinny and ugly. Like I said before, nobody pays for that. When some guy ripped me inside, they decided that was the end of me, so they dumped me in an ally and got a new whore. I managed, yet again, to survive. I stole clothes, stole a name, and just plain stole to survive."
Duo ran his hands over his face as if he longed to claw at his own skin in anguish. "I can't understand... Why should I be frightened of you after all of that? Why can't this sick little, coward inside of me tell the difference from a rutting, pederast pig and the guy I love more than anything? Maybe I'm just used to a guy pinning me down, throwing my legs over his shoulders, and jamming it in me. Maybe I just can't have it any other way. Maybe you should just do that. I'd get used to it. I might stop being afraid."
"Did they ever kiss you?" Heero asked, ignoring Duo's suggestion completely and cutting through Duo's anguish like a knife made out of calm and logic.
"No."
"When they touched you..."
"They grabbed and slapped, mostly. They didn't love me, Heero. They just wanted to do me."
"Ah," Heero digested the information, ran it through his computer brain and began to draw up likely plans of attack.
"Mission accepted," Duo said sourly. Heero blinked at him. "You're up to something."
"Hai," Heero admitted and stood up. He brushed the sand from his backside. "Nothing can be done here. We should get back."
"You just don't get the whole romance thing, do you Heero?" Duo lamented as he stood up as well. He sank cold hands into his jacket pockets. "We were supposed to have some alone time away from the others, relax, walk the beach, maybe neck a little. Instead, you cut me open like a slab of raw meat and made me spill out my guts. I'm kind of mad about that."
"I know," Heero replied, "but you always want quick fixes and this doesn't have one. If you want to know anything about me, you can ask, for revenge."
"Okay... Did...," Duo stopped, frowned, and then looked down at his bare toes in the sand. "I'm not going to do that. You asked me about my past because you care about me and you want us to be together like we should be. If I ask about your life now... well, that would be just hateful, wouldn't it?"
Heero worked through the logic of that. "Hai," he agreed.
Duo found his shoes where he had left them. They marked the place where they had come down onto the beach. Putting them on after brushing the sand off of his feet, he followed Heero up the stairs that led over the top of a stone sea wall. The breeze was blowing harder now. Sounds were carried away. That made Heero nervous.. His eyes swept about them as he took the steps double time, not liking to be that vulnerable.
"Heero!" Duo complained as he was left behind. He had fractured a leg in one of their missions and it still bothered him.
Heero was at the top of the stairs when Duo called out. He saw the man pause and then continue on. Duo scowled. Damn, Heero! he thought. He had turned a perfectly good time on the beach into a soul wrenching agony and now he had decided to switch back to soldier mode at the worst possible time.
Duo tried to hurry, but his leg cramped. He bent, rubbed it, and then forced himself to ignore it as he finished the flight of steps. At the top landing, he stopped, just as Heero had done, and for the same reason. There were three jeeps parked in a group off the side of the road that snaked along the sea wall and back into the nearby town. Their Oz occupants were laughing and huddled together, going over a map as they tried to coordinate some unknown destination.
Heero's actions were perfectly clear now. Duo was always a liability with his long braid. It was too striking to go unnoticed. If someone was looking for Gundam pilots, then 02 was the most recognizable one. Heero had opted to make his getaway to warn the other pilots. Duo didn't have any doubt that, by the time he reached the safe house, they would all be gone with their Gundams. If he reached the safe house... Heero had taken the motorcycle.
Duo didn't blame the man for that. He would have done the same thing. The Gundams and their mission were more important than one man, one love. They had both understood that from the beginning. Instead of being angry or feeling betrayed, Duo was, instead, relieved. Heero would make sure everything was kept safe and secret. It was now up to Duo to either get away on his own or stall the Oz soldiers if they did catch him. He wouldn't betray his friends or the mission, no matter what happened.
Duo sunk his hands into his jacket pockets, hunched down into his collar, and tried to inconspicuously walk away. He counted every step and every heartbeat before a voice called out to him sharply. "Hey, Girl. Wait!"
Duo scowled. Girl? Duo turned, keeping his stance nonchalant. He even smiled as if he were pleased to see the men. "Something wrong?"
"Huh, it's a guy!" Another soldier spat aside.
Duo was glad that was obvious even at that distance, even though it doubled his danger. He still had his masculine pride to think about.
"Get over here!" The first soldier who had spoken snapped.
They were all armed to the teeth. Duo knew he would be full of holes in less than a second if he tried to run, so, still keeping on his manic, ear to ear grin, he approached the jeeps.
"What's up?"
"Get in," the soldier ordered. "We need a local to show us around the area. Don't worry. You'll get paid." There was a stifled snicker from among the men. That was how the game started, Duo knew, cringing inwardly while still showing nothing but pleasure on his face. The wolves wouldn't show their teeth until they had what they wanted from Duo. He would be safe for awhile, maybe long enough to escape.
"Sure thing," Duo replied and swung into a jeep. He made sure he sat next to the man with the highest rank. He and that man were going to be inseparable friends for awhile, Duo thought, grimacing at the inner knowledge that the others would keep their hands off of him if they thought he was the ranking man's ‘friend or favorite'.
"We're doing reconnaissance," the man explained. "They gave us a piss poor map to do it with, so we're going to have to rely on you. What I want to see, is every ravine, valley, and building in and out of the town where a person could hide a very large... object."
"Object?" Duo repeated as the other soldiers climbed into the jeeps all around him. They laughed, chattering away, not like soldiers, but inexperienced boys on an outing. Duo glanced at them out of the corners of his eyes. His analogy was a good one. They were all young men, most in their late teens or early twenties. The ranking soldier next to Duo was only in his thirties. Inexperienced, Duo thought, and he felt that his chances of escape had just improved.
"I'm your man!" Duo beamed, trying to look foolish and disarming. "Dave's the name! What's yours?"
"Poltrane. Captain Poltrane." The man had dark hair and his eyes were as cold as Heero's. Unlike Heero, he was big boned and very muscular. Duo felt as small as a boy next to him and it made him inwardly shiver.
"Well, I know the entire area like the back of my hand, Captain!"
The man looked down at him coldly and his mouth, which had a definite scar along the outside of one lip, sneered. "You had better."
What to do? What to do? Duo kept repeating it like a mantra over and over as he went through the day bouncing over rough terrain in the jeep. He and Heero had gone to the beach early that morning to avoid anyone seeing them, at Heero's insistence, so the day was long and hard. The men stopped several times to eat and drink from thermoses and containers of coffee or cold drinks.
Duo wasn't offered anything and he didn't ask. He knew they wanted him to, were waiting the opportunity to show their fangs and rip him a little.
Duo remained cheerful seeming, smiling inanely and chattering endlessly inbetween his directions. The Captain only nodded, his lips set grimly and his eyes on his map. Each time Duo directed them to a likely spot big enough to hide a Gundam, and found nothing, he marked the spot on his map with an x and his grim lips turned up in the smallest of smiles.
What does that mean? Duo wondered each time it happened. What kind of game was the captain playing? The man looked as if something was going according to plan even though Duo was making certain to guide him wide of the real hiding place of the precious Gundams. Not that it mattered whether he did or not. Heero and the others were long gone with them. Still, Duo thought, he had to keep his head on the chopping block and lead the enemy astray just in case something had delayed their escape.
Mission accepted, Duo thought, just like Heero would say, and Duo knew that he would die, just like Heero, to accomplish that mission. The Gundams had to stay safe.
Night fell. A dangerous time. Darkness lowered inhibitions and coaxed the beast in men's breasts to free itself and prowl for prey. The soldiers were hot, tired and irritable. As the darkness gathered close, the heat was replaced by a chill. Duo was still in his jacket and too tight shorts, the ones he had worn especially for Heero. The men were in uniforms and jackets, boots gleaming and gold braid glittering as they made a fire and began laying down bedrolls. Duo fearfully made a mental list of all the things that could happen. Freezing to death was dead last.
Duo stood away from the men nervously, longing to get near the fire, but knowing that was expected and anticipated too. He could see the eyes of the soldier's shift towards him again and again, waiting. Keeping his eyes on them, Duo forgot about Poltrane until he felt the man's hands on his braid.
Duo flinched and began to turn. "Don't or I'll shoot you right now," Poltrane warned in a level tone full of danger.
"No," Duo whispered, too low for Poltrane to hear. He gritted his teeth hard and made his eyes go blank. They wouldn't see him crawl, Duo promised. He wasn't a six year old whore from L2 anymore, to cower and spread his legs in fear. He braced himself for a fight.
Duo felt Poltrane's hands unweave his hair. "So unusual," the man was saying. "You're a fool for not cutting it. It's like a red banner in a sea of white. Did you really think we wouldn't remember it and know who you were because of it?"
"Worth a try," Duo replied shortly and then grinned at the soldiers who were straightening and gathering close together: the pack waiting for their leader's orders. "Oz soldiers aren't very bright," Duo added maliciously.
Poltrane took a hunk of Duo's hair in each hand and yanked sharply, snapping Duo's head back. Duo stumbled, regained his footing, and stiffened against those hands. "Filthy terrorist!" Poltrane swore. "The only things I want to hear from your lips are the answers to my questions."
Duo kept silent, hating those hands on his precious hair, ready to explode into violence and take revenge for its treatment at a moment's notice.
"Think you're brave, don't you?" Poltrane purred in Duo's ear. "I know you think nothing will make you talk, betray your comrades. Well, you've already betrayed them."
Duo frowned, but he knew all the tricks. He didn't react in any way... until Poltrane pushed the map in front of his face. It was full of x's. Duo had kept them very busy all day. Duo stared, wondering what the man was up to, wondering in growing alarm, if he had let something slip accidentally.
"Nice pattern," Poltrane commented at last, prompting Duo's mind. It was then that Duo saw it. He had concentrated so well on taking them places that the Gundams weren't that he had inadvertently narrowed down the location of where they were!
Duo swallowed hard. He looked away from the map and set his chin. It was still a large area. It would still take them time to pinpoint the exact location. He had to hold out no matter what they did to him. He had to buy the pilots as much time as possible.
"Take your finger and place it on the map," Poltrane told Duo and his voice had become as deadly as the sound of a rattlesnake ready to strike. "Such a simple thing to do. Point out the location. We'll let you go then, after we capture the Gundams. Without them, you aren't any danger to Oz. You're just a boy again, a little tight assed fag boy who avoided some ugliness by a small motion of one finger."
Duo grinned, manic and determined. "Go to hell!"
Poltrane lowered the map and his hands came back to Duo's hair. "You're going to be the one in Hell, stinking murderer."
Duo's grin became even more manic. "What are you going to do, man? Rape me? I'm a whore from L2. I took more than all of you on a bad day!" Brave words, steady and full of laughter. Inside Duo was dying, cowering, folding up mentally and beginning to shut down to avoid the coming cruelty. None of it showed on his face, his mask of the fun loving baka, firmly in place.
Duo felt Poltrane shift. He had motioned to one of them men. That man stepped forward licking lips in anticipation. He reached out and unbuttoned the front of Duo's pants. With one motion, he yanked them to Duo's knees. Mockingly, he surveyed Duo's privates, and then laughed.
"Seems Gundam pilots don't have much."
"Raping you wouldn't get results." Poltrane said in Duo's ear. He was wrapping Duo's hair around and around his hands, making them like reins. "It supposed to be humiliating and painful, but I think you're used to it, whether you're really a whore or not. I have other plans for you."
Duo couldn't stop the slow release of breath even though he knew torture could be just as bad as rape. On L2, he had suffered with customers who had liked hurting him while they did him. Duo knew how much he could survive, but he wondered how much mind he would have left afterwards. Already he could feel himself beginning to shake. The threat to his hair, implicit in the man's tightened fists, and his lowered shorts, was enough to send Duo nearly over the edge.
The soldier who had lowered Duo's shorts now ran both hands up under Duo's jacket. He pinched Duo's nipples roughly, leering at Duo all the while, and then suddenly jerked his hands back, ripping Duo's jacket half off of him violently. Only the hands in Duo's hair kept him from following his jacket. The sting of Duo's scalp, the feel of hairs pulling out, maddened him further.
"Looks like someone messed you up good already," the soldier commented, his fingers touching ragged scars, the ones that had been caused by being tangled in barbed wire and forcefully removed during one mission. Along with burns from Gundam accidents, scars from other major scrapes, and even a cigarette burn here and there from old customers, Duo's slim, wiry body was a road map of his violent past. The soldier was impressed despite himself as he fingered Duo's gold cross briefly and then let it drop.
"He's used to rough treatment," Poltrane surmised. "We'll have to be inventive. Heat up a knife." The soldier nodded and went to crouch by the fire. He took out a long dagger and placed it in the flames.
The other men were intent on the proceedings, laughing at Duo, making crude comments and suggestions about what to do with the knife. The soldier heating it up laughed in return, making a few comments of his own.
Not good. Not good at all! Duo moaned inwardly. Maybe he couldn't have children, but he was still attached to the bits of himself below his navel. He did not want to lose any of them!
The map was put before Duo's face again. "Point," Poltrane ordered. "last chance."
"Fuck you!" Duo spat.
The map lowered and Poltrane said, low enough for only Duo to hear. "Not me, but I might be tempted to have you later, if you survive the torture. You are quite... charming, little, terrorist boy." Duo felt a large, calloused finger slip between his ass cheeks and gently circle the outer skin of his anus. It made a definite poke and then withdrew. "Later," Poltrane promised.
Duo drove his fingernails into his hands until they bled. He couldn't stop himself from shaking. Poltrane knew now that he had hit a nerve, that Duo was afraid of rape. The man chuckled and then called to his men. Time for the torture to begin.
The inside's of Duo's legs were a white hot agony. He curled where they dropped him, sobbing and cursing them as he hid the shame of his tears in the crook of one arm. His hair was a tangled bunch of knots, They had held him by it. A man on each side of him holding fist fulls of his hair while two more kept his legs apart for the torture. With his hands bound before him, Duo hadn't been able to do anything but thrash and suffer as they had taken the knife and burnt him again and again.
Poltrane put a stop to it, finally. "He won't crack. I can't believe he's so young and yet so strong! God, I wish he were on our side!" When a soldier argued, Poltrane cut him off. "We can't waste any more time on this. We'll set up recon flights and ground searches at morning light. We should be able to cover this area quickly, maybe quick enough to catch the Gundams before they can be moved out of the area. See to it at once."
Poltrane crouched by Duo, anger and frustration on his face. "You made me look bad, terrorist. I had a good plan and you shredded it with your damned stubbornness. You're going to pay for that."
Poltrane grabbed Duo by the hair, dragging him away from the others and into the forest. The soldiers laughed, knowing what was in store for Duo.
Duo cried out, struggling to get up as he felt more of his hair tearing, but his shorts were still trapping his knees together and Poltrane didn't give him the chance to do anything about it. The man turned and threw himself on top of Duo, pinning him roughly to the ground like a pro wrestler. Duo found himself looking at Poltrane's lust filled face. The man sneered at him, reached down to undo his pants, and then shifted Duo's legs to give himself access.
Duo was still a screamer. He filled his lungs with air and shrieked in terror and panic, just as he had when he was six. That startled Poltrane. Duo hadn't made a sound like that even through all of his torture. On L2, Duo had been alone, a defenseless, nameless child abused beyond belief. Back then, he had shrieked to nobody, only trying to give shape to his inner torment. Now, his shriek formed a name, the name of his friend, the name of his love, "Heero!"
"Omae o korosu!" a voice as chill as the arctic wind said and suddenly black blood splattered all over Duo. Poltrane was lifted off of him, Duo getting a panic distorted vision of the man's slit throat, before he was gone in a sprawl of limp limbs and sagging head.
Duo was grabbed up and slung into a fireman's carry by steel arms. Crushed against rock hard shoulders, Duo recognized his rescuer's scent, his own spicy herbal shampoo. Duo laughed even through his tears and his trauma. Heero! It was Heero who was carrying him, running through the forest on piston like legs as if Duo weighed lighter than a feather.
"Baby," Duo breathed and passed out just as he heard the strained reply.
"Little Baka!"
When Duo woke, he found himself in a strange safe house and in a comfortable bed. When Trowa came with the medical kit, he refused to be touched. He remembered screaming at Trowa until the man had silently nodded and left Duo the kit to tend himself. Trowa understood. He had been through the same thing himself.
The burn marks were ugly, the new scars in his Duo's mind were uglier. He shuddered uncontrollably as he salved and bandaged the livid burns between his legs. At least they had stopped short of burning his genitals. Being men, it had probably been too much to stomach even by their sadistic standards. Still, they hadn't been gentle, scorching the tender skin alongside and front and back of them.
"I watched them do it."
Duo started and cringed back against his pillows. "Go away!" he utomatically demanded before he even realized it was Heero.
Heero was standing just inside the doorway, face unreadable, hands clenched at his sides. "We moved the Gundams and the safe house. We're miles away to the East of our last position, deep in the mountain range. I returned as soon as that was completed."
Was he looking for blame, for hatred? Duo didn't think so. Heero had acted according to his training, a training that had etched itself into his very bones. Gundams first. Mission first. Lover last. He expected Duo to understand that and accept it without question. Duo did. He wasn't blaming Heero. Duo had just run out of luck at the wrong time.
"You didn't break," Heero sounded proud of Duo.
Duo remembered crying, making pitiful noises of pain, thrashing and trying desperately to avoid the next burn. Heero had seen all of that... He had even seen that stinking Captain try and rape him. Duo swallowed hard and looked anywhere but at Heero. "I guess I didn't want to get shot," he said jokingly, but it came out sick and flat.
"I gave you every chance to get through it." Heero assured him. "I hoped to rescue you, but you know that I was prepared to kill you if you began to talk."
Duo nodded. "I would have pulled the trigger myself."
Heero began to take a step into the room, but Duo flinched, and Heero held himself still.
"We have a new mission," Heero said slowly. "I'll need you to take Deathscythe into the thick of battle and draw enemy fire while the rest of us destroy the base. It isn't a suicide mission, just dangerous. If my plan goes well, we'll all get out safely."
"Okay." Duo said without hesitation. "I'm up to it. At least in Deathscythe I can sit down."
Heero stared, his intense blue eyes almost glowing under his ragged bangs. "You trust me?"
"Of course. I always have." Duo replied, surprised by the question.
"How can you trust me to send you into a potentially deadly situation and then not trust me, here and now, to come close to you?"
Duo stared. "You made all of that up, about the mission?" Heero nodded. "I-I guess...," Duo tried to analyze his own fear. "It's out of my control. It's like a reflex. Poltrane just reinforced it. I don't think it has anything to do with you Heero. I'm sorry. I-I love you, I just don't want anyone near me right now."
Heero digested that information. He nodded, once, and then left without another word. So ends the relationship, Duo thought, and curled up in a tight ball of misery.
Duo healed outwardly, but inwardly he remained a raw, open wound. He avoided the other pilots, and anyone else for that matter. He kept to his room and left it only to eat or work on his Gundam. Quatre tried to speak to him on several occasions, but even the blonde Arabian's presence was too much for Duo's strained senses.
Duo saw nothing of Heero during that time. Heero gave him his space, waiting for the right moment when Duo would grow tired of being afraid and lower his defenses, even if slightly. That moment came when Duo saw Quatre in the kitchen and managed a wan smile and a good morning before grabbing some food and returning back to his room. Heero must have seen it. His knock on the door of Duo's room came not long afterwards.
Duo didn't let Heero in. The man just opened the door and entered, balancing a covered tray on one arm. He closed the door behind him and locked it, before facing Duo. Duo was sitting on his bed, reading a manga, hand in a bag of potato chips and a sandwich balanced on one knee. Duo was looking at Heero as if a tiger had just entered his room, bent on making him its next meal. Still, Duo had the presence of mind to warn Heero.
"I don't know what you think you're doing, man, but don't come any closer," Duo's hand left the potato chips and snaked under his pillow to where he kept his knife. It wasn't an empty threat and Heero knew it, knew how serious Duo's fear really was.
"I just brought you something to eat," Heero explained. He twitched the cloth aside and revealed numerous small bowls on the tray, a bowl of cherries, and some pie on a plate with way too much whipped cream, just the way Duo liked it.
"I won't touch you unless you want me to, Little Baka, you know that," Heero said as he stepped cautiously towards the bed. "I've never touched you unless you wanted me to. We've had sex. We've slept together in the same bed. I want you to recall all of that Duo and think about it as clearly as you can while I sit on the edge of the bed."
Duo did think about it. It preoccupied his fear long enough for Heero to accomplish his goal. Heero sat slowly, gingerly, on the edge of the bed with the tray between them.
"Leave the food and go away," Duo said through gritted teeth, his hand tensing on his knife handle as he stifled a violent urge to escape out of the window. "I didn't need it. You didn't need to bring it. I was already down in the kitchen earlier."
"I want to know one thing," Heero said grimly, "before I do as you say."
"'K," Duo replied cautiously. "What is it? Do you want to know if our relationship is over? It's pretty obvious isn't it, Baby? I can't even let you touch me now!"
Heero didn't flinch. He had faced his own death with open eyes many times. Facing the violet eyes of the man he loved was easier. "Look at me," Heero demanded softly. "Look me in the face, in the eyes.... You trust this face, my face. I tell you to get in your Gundam and follow my battle plans. I tell you to infiltrate installations and blow up factories. You said that you always trusted me, trusted my plans and my orders. Trust me now. This is a mission, Duo. Follow my orders."
Duo stared, something inside of him taking up the challenge. A mission. Yes, if he thought of it that way...of him that way. Not as a man before him capable of complete mayhem, but as Heero Yuy, his partner, his trusted partner...
"What's the mission?" Duo wondered.
"Close your eyes," Heero instructed matter-of-factly. "Your mission is to open your mouth and allow me to feed you."
"What?" Duo was confused.
"Don't think," Heero told him. "You're on a mission. Life and death. Follow my orders or omae o korosu!" Heero said it as if he meant it, blue eyes fierce.
A mission. Life and death. Duo shivered and closed his eyes.
"Open your mouth."
That was harder. "I can't-," Duo began to say as he opened his eyes again.
"I thought I could count on you!" Heero barked and Duo flinched. "Are you some little girl that you're afraid to complete a mission?"
Duo stiffened. He glared. "Don't say that to me ever again! When have I ever-"
"You're doing it now!" Heero cut him off savagely. "If you can't follow orders, I'll have to find someone else to pilot Deathscythe."
Duo went white with rage. He pulled the knife out. "Over my dead body!"
"Then follow orders and I won't have to. Close your eyes and open your mouth, pilot!"
Duo kept his hand clutched to his knife handle for security. "No."
"You've trusted me with your life, again and again," Heero said in exasperation. "I've trusted you to carry out the missions I give you. You can't throw all of that trust away because a man tries to rape you! I was taught, in my training, to endure it, to realize that reacting, letting that brutal act break me was unacceptable. It's torture, pure and simple, and both of us know how to endure torture without breaking. You aren't six years old Duo, you can't curl up and die as if you were. You don't have the luxury. People count on you; the colonies, the other pilots, and me. I," Heero groped for the words, trying hard to express what he had been taught never to express. "I can't function if you turn away from me, Little Baka. Do you understand? I can't operate without you by my side."
Duo frowned. "Okaaay, you love me, right? Is that what you're trying to say without saying it?"
Heero's eyes were very intense. He nodded once, hard. "Hai."
"I hate this," Duo half sobbed, covering his face with his free hand. "I love you too. I don't want to be a coward. I don't want this fear eating me up inside any more."
"You know I can't cure it," Heero admitted. "I can only reduce it, stop it from crippling you, stop it from coming between us."
"I want that," Duo replied, lowering his hand and clutching his knife now with both hands. "When I'm afraid, it's like I'm letting all those guys rape me again. I feel like I'm letting them win."
"Do as I say, and they won't."
"Tell me what you're going to do," Duo asked. "What makes you such an expert?"
"Dr. J taught me everything there is to know about manipulating the mind," Heero replied as he fussed with the small bowls, putting them in some sort of order. They all had little lids and Duo could only see the cherries and the desert. "It was so I could predict the movements of my enemies and guide them into doing what I wished. It was also for enduring pain and torture. It's not a hard thing to learn Duo, the control of your own mind. It's conditioning, repeated stimuli that teaches the brain to react on cue. You've been taught to be afraid of being touched because of your past. We have to break down that conditioning."
"So, months from now, I might let you touch my hand again?"
"No," Heero replied with a grim smile. "The mind is basically a set of switches turning on and off to outside stimuli. I simply have to get it to turn off the switch that makes you react to intimacy with me with fear. It's easier than you imagine."
"'K, Dr. Heero Yuy," Duo said tightly, not liking any thought of someone messing with his mind, even Heero, and not believing that it was going to work. "Try not to get gutted when I go for you with my knife." It wasn't a joke and Heero knew it.
"Close your eyes and open your mouth, pilot," Heero ordered once more.
It was better now, with his knife ready, Duo thought as he closed his eyes, but it was still hard to open his mouth. Just a mission. Follow your damn orders! Duo told himself sternly. Slowly, his lips parted. Heero didn't make him wait. A cut up strawberry was inserted and placed on Duo's tongue.
Duo found himself grinning at once as he relished the taste, chewed the juicy fruit, and swallowed its sweetness. That was easy enough. Duo sneaked a peek at Heero to reassure himself and then closed his eyes and waited again. The man was watching him with a flat expression. That was actually reassuring. Heero was in control of himself and his emotions. He was going to teach Duo to do the same.
"Again," Heero ordered.
It wasn't so hard this time. Duo opened his mouth and a sliced banana was put inside of it. It had something on it too. Duo swirled his tongue. Honey, sticky sweet.
"Hmm," Duo said appreciatively. "I'll have to remember that next time I have bananas."
"Good?"
"Yes."
Duo opened his mouth again. Heero inserted a piece of tofu soaked in teriyaki sauce. Duo made a face. "Ugh! I hate teriyaki and tofu."
"It is a good source of energy for the body," Heero explained.
"So is my ham sandwich," Duo protested. Why don't you feed me that?"
"Hm, mayonnaise, mustard, three cheeses, smoked bacon and sliced ham, why did you bother putting lettuce on such a deadly combination?"
"Aww, Heero!" Duo grinned. "It's got vitamins!"
"You'll be very healthy as you have a heart attack," Heero muttered. "Open your mouth."
Duo complied, not afraid at all now. He moaned appreciatively when Heero stuck a finger full of cream and a cherry into Duo's mouth. Heero held onto the cherry stem and Duo pulled back a little, keeping the fruit in his teeth as he pulled it off of the stem. He licked his lips and savored the juicy, sweet combination.
"How is that any good?" Duo wondered mockingly.
"Oh, it was...for me."
A joke? Duo cracked open an eye. Heero was still as impassive as ever but his skin had a definite flush. How did he, Duo, feel about that? Threatened? No. Afraid? No. He stared at that flush. At that face. At those eyes. Heero. He hadn't moved; wouldn't move unless Duo gave his permission. Duo had unshakeable faith in that, Poltrane had just made him forget it for awhile.
Duo closed his eyes without being told and opened his mouth. He wasn't prepared for a small rice ball dipped in hot sauce. He spluttered, hands going to his outraged mouth.
"Don't open your eyes!" Heero commanded. "Open your mouth, Duo!"
Duo was caught by the command. He opened his mouth and held still while something else was placed in it, something sweet and cool, iced, fruity, a balm on outraged tissues. Duo sucked on the freezing liquid, swirled it around his burning mouth and then swallowed as he sighed in relief. Then he opened his eyes, scowling at Heero. "What the hell was that?"
Heero was smiling grimly, eyes alight with as much happiness as he was able to show. "You trusted me, Duo. I hurt you, but you trusted me to make it better."
Duo was shocked at himself. It was true. Instead of slashing at Heero with his knife, running, or trying to hide under the bed, he had stayed still, trusting Heero, knowing he would help him, make the wrong right. The knife dropped from Duo's hands. Heero slowly reached out and took it. He leaned over the tray, came in touching distance of Duo, and slipped it back under Duo's pillow. Duo didn't need it any more.
"Now you know, consciously, what your mind knows subconsciously," Heero explained. "That's half the battle."
"What's the other half?" Duo wondered with trepidation.
"Facing your fears."
Duo was already shaking his head. "No!" it was almost a cry. He crouched, huddling, wishing he could pull his knees in close. The burns hurt too much. He had to keep his legs wide and that made him feel vulnerable. "I won't let you fuck me, Heero, not ever. I can't, especially not now, not after that pig put his hands on me!"
Heero picked up something from underneath the cloth. It was a small tube. "Do you know what this is?"
"No."
"I didn't either," Heero replied. "No one's ever used it on me. They wanted it to be as painful as possible."
"What is it?" Duo wondered, fear growing, not liking where this was going at all.
"It's a lubricant. People use it to make sex easier."
"Oh... well, you're not using that on me so you can fuck me without me screaming. I'll scream anyway. I always do." Duo wondered how many of his customers, or even his pimps, had known about that substance and hadn't cared about an abused boy enough to use it.
"It's for me," Heero replied quietly.
Duo stared. "What? Why?"
Heero turned the tube over and over in his hands, staring down at it thoughtfully. "Why do you have to be on the bottom?"
"I-I just never thought of you as the type, Heero," Duo stammered. "You're so... I don't know, so masculine, ya know?"
"So are you."
"Hmm, thanks, I guess." Duo watched that handsome face of Heero's, looking for.... something, hesitation, maybe, or shadows of his own terrible past. Nothing. Duo didn't see anything but quiet acceptance. Heero trusted him, trusted Duo to treat him right. He wasn't afraid.
"You wanted to do this," Heero reminded Duo. "Remember... on the beach? You told me it was important for you to feel closer to me and for us not to deny ourselves this aspect of our relationship. I still don't understand, but, it's important to you Duo, so, I'm willing... if you still want to." When Duo shivered he added. "I won't let you hurt me."
Duo smiled shakily. "I don't know if I can."
"We'll start slow. Will you close your eyes again, Duo?" Heero asked.
"More games?"
"Just one more."
I can't do this, Duo thought as he closed his eyes, even though the positions will be reversed. I'm still too frightened. How am I going to tell him?
"All right," Heero said at last, "Open your eyes."
Duo opened his eyes. The first thing he noticed was that Heero was naked and that the tray was gone. Duo began to recoil, his heart hammering, but then.... he froze and gaped. Heero's straining erection, up and flying like a banner, was covered in whipped cream. On top was a cherry, stem tilted cheerfully.
Duo choked and then he laughed. Heero smirked. Duo kept laughing. Suddenly, he wasn't afraid at all. It was a joke, a big joke, and Heero was the punch line. "I'll," Duo wiped at his streaming eyes, "I'll have to clean that off for you."
"I was hoping you would."
Heero leaned back, his large hands propping him up on the mattress. He had purposely taken those hands out of the equation. Duo didn't need to be afraid of being grabbed. Duo, though, wasn't afraid at all. It was just too funny, the Perfect Soldier covered in whipped cream, waiting for Duo's attentions like something out of a wet dream. How could anyone be afraid of that?
Duo leaned forward, careful as a nervous cat. He took off the cherry first. The bottom of it was coated in precum, the top dotted with some of the cream. It began to drool a little. Without thinking, Duo flicked out his tongue and licked the underside of the cherry while he held it up by the stem. Salty sweetness hit his taste buds. Heero and whipped cream.
Heero groaned. Duo looked up, startled, and saw the man flushed red, staring with wide blue eyes at Duo. It was lust, something Duo had always feared, but this was different. It was wrapped up in love, Heero's love for him. Duo could see it shining from the man's eyes even as the man panted through parted lips in desire.
Duo teasingly licked the cherry again, wrapping it in his tongue and bringing it into his mouth. He sucked on it, forcing another moan from Heero, and then sucked the cherry off of the stem. Breaking the fruit in his mouth, Duo boldly leaned forward and caught Heero's open mouth with his. He transferred the juice along with his tongue and they kissed deeply.
Duo wasn't afraid. Heero's hands were still safely out of the way. The man was still leaning back, off balance and vulnerable. He didn't return the force of the kiss, Heero played completely passive instead, taking whatever Duo wished to give. Yes, Duo thought joyfully. I'm in control. I can do anything and he'll let me. The power of that realization was dizzying.
Duo broke the kiss. He wasn't a child, he reasoned with himself. He was only a little shorter and slighter than Heero, but they were almost a match. Sometimes, he could even beat the man when they practiced hand to hand combat. Equals, Duo thought, not whore and customer, not pimp and plaything, not prisoner and torturer. They were lovers. Equals. His mind took in that realization, made it a part of him, and the switch that fed his fear, suddenly turned off.
Duo broke the kiss. Bending down, he took cream and cock into his mouth in one deep downstroke. Heero shuddered and cried out. Duo swallowed the cream, swirled his tongue around Heero's cock head, and then pulled and sucked hard with his lips as he began to move up and down Heero's hot, swollen flesh. Heero groaned, moaned, tensed, and twitched under the assault. When Duo lapped and sucked at the cream in Heero's slit, treating it rough with his scratchy tongue, Heero exploded into orgasm. Duo released Heero's cock from his mouth then and pumped it with his hand instead. Still bent over, cum spurted onto Duo's face.
Duo wiped at the cum with his hands, laughing softly. He licked some of his fingers as Heero collapsed onto his back, spent and panting. Heero saw what Duo was doing and his lust, love, and passion transformed his usually cold, blank face, into a beautiful, live thing. Duo marveled at it, as if he had suddenly seen a statue come to life. This was so different, he thought.
Rape in a whore house, and elsewhere, and this loving thing they had just done, were as different as swimming and running. Comparing the two was sacrilege. Duo picked up the tube of lube. He looked at it for a long moment and then made up his mind. He took off the cap and squeezed some out onto his hand. It was clear, jelly like, and didn't have any smell. He rubbed it between his fingers, flesh sliding across flesh easily. Duo wanted to cry for all the ripping, burning sex he had been subjected to without benefit of this small tube.
"Duo?" Heero said gently.
Duo came back to the here and now and met Heero's intense, passionate gaze. Duo showed Heero his handful of lube. "'K, Heero, what do I do with this?"
"Put it on you," Heero instructed calmly. "And...inside me."
"How...oh, with my fingers, I guess?"
"Yes. You have to get the lube in and massage there, with your fingers inside of me, until I loosen up."
Duo nodded and inched towards Heero. Heero stayed stretched out, languid after his orgasm. He shifted his knees upwards though and gave Duo access. So vulnerable and trusting, Duo marveled. He would never have suspected, in a million years, that Heero Yuy would be allow himself to be a bottom, to be submissive, to allow another man to do as he liked to him. But, he had in the past , Duo thought grimly, just as he, Duo had done. Their childhoods had been full of submission.
"I-I promise... I won't hurt you, Heero," Duo said determinedly. "Tell me... Tell me, 'K, if you feel any... uh, tearing."
Heero only nodded and stared up at the ceiling as Duo spread the lube over his own cock. It made him hard. It made him drip in anticipation. That surprised Duo at first and then it didn't. He had always wanted Heero. It had always been his fear that had kept him from doing anything about it.
"Here goes, Baby," Duo said tensely and took his lube covered fingers to Heero's anus. He coated the outside first, feeling a thrill of erotic sensation that he was touching this most private part of Heero. At last, bracing himself as if it might hurt him too, Duo began pushing in a finger. Heero tensed and then forced himself to relax at the intrusion. Duo watched his face, knowing that Heero might hurt and not tell him.
Two fingers. Duo slowly probed and Heero's muscles slowly loosened.
Duo marveled at how elastic Heero was becoming. Was it time? Heero was panting again, his face tight with pleasure. A little moan kept escaping from him.
"Duo!" Heero finally begged.
Time, Duo thought, and almost lost his erection as he came up on his knees facing Heero. Heero lifted his legs and hooked his hands under his knees. His erection was as hard as a rock along his belly. How can he be excited, Duo wondered. Wasn't he afraid at all? Then Heero looked down the length of his body and Duo saw the love in the depth of his blue eyes. He wanted Duo as much as Duo wanted him. He wanted this joining, this passion, consummated.
Duo positioned himself, felt his erection grow very hard, and then pushed into Heero. He went slowly and carefully, working into Heero with infinite care. Heero moaned, winced once as Duo breached the ring of muscles, and then drew in a sharp breath as Duo seated himself all the way to his testicles. They rested there, locked together, and then Heero's legs were coming up to rest on Duo's shoulders.
Duo had tears in his eyes. He kissed Heero's flushed face. "Please, tell me it's all right," Duo begged. "Tell me I'm not hurting you. Tell me you aren't afraid."
"Aishite iru, Duo. Love you. Want you. You were right. This is right. Make me yours. I want to be all yours, Duo. Take me." Heero spoke those words rough and sharp, almost like curses, but he meant every one. Duo only had to watch his eyes and see his true feelings as he said them.
"You're mine!" Duo said forcefully, wanting that as much as Heero. He bent down, grabbed Heero's lips with his and suddenly began thrusting in and out of the man. They were young, full of adrenalin, full of pent up passion and lust. Fear was gone. The past was blown away to far distant parts of their minds. There was only each other and the burning, gut wrenching need to come, to possess, to mate.
Duo came with a cry, spasming on top of Heero, holding him, kissing him deeply, and looking hard into his face, beginning to come back to himself enough to wonder if he had hurt Heero. "Heero, Baby. Are you all right?"
Heero nodded, but his teeth gritted as Duo pulled out of him. "Didn't hurt that much, not as much as when-" He cut that off. Those memories didn't have any place there. Instead, he finished, "I didn't understand why you wanted that Duo, now I do. I feel closer to you, like I'm inside a wall somehow, a wall you've had between us."
"Same here," Duo panted. He rolled off of Heero and grimaced when he saw a little blood on him. "I'm sorry, Heero. I guess I lost it. I wanted you so bad just then."
"I wanted you too," Heero replied sharply. "Don't blame yourself, Duo. It felt good, your cock pounding inside me. The pain ended soon after we started."
Duo found himself smiling. "Heero Yuy saying ‘cock'. Gets me all horny again." He touched Heero's body, ran his hand along it's tight muscles, whorled a finger around the hard nub of a nipple. "I was terrified of you earlier. How can it all change so quickly?"
"It didn't change," Heero said as he gathered Duo against him with a strong arm. Duo pillowed his head on Heero's chest and he relaxed into the man's embrace. "You trusted me. You loved me. You wanted me. You knew that I felt all of those things for you too. We just had to get rid of the fear that was hiding that knowledge from you."
Duo blinked. "When did you get so wise?"
Heero flushed. "I received my information from Quatre."
"That little hentai and his space heart!" Duo exclaimed with respect. "I'll have to thank him."
"Later," Heero said simply. He gave Duo a needy look and directed Duo's gaze down his body to the straining, swollen flesh bellow his navel.
"Much later," Duo agreed with a sensual smile. "Now, where's that whip cream?"
***Owari***
Duo: Where are you going?
Kracken: Uhmmm.... Cold shower. Must take very cold shower!