The storage room was cold, the only light coming from the shop through slats in the door. They had shoved him into it when the customer had rung the bell at the entrance, probably wondering why the owner hadn't unlocked the door for the day's business.
A busted lip, black eye, bruised ribs, and an ankle that felt broken, throbbed as Duo huddled, wondering how he was going to escape from his dire situation. It had seemed an easy decision, when faced with starvation and a need for revenge, but now he was surely facing time in a jail cell, or worse, for stealing. The shopkeeper and her son wanted their piece of him before that, they had threatened, and the anticipatory cruelty in their eyes had had made Duo very afraid.
He had been in the right, Duo told himself. His family barely survived on the beads and baskets that they made and sold to the shop, while his father was away working on the outlying farms at harvest time. To find out that the shopkeeper had been selling their hard work for much more than she had told them, keeping most of the profit for herself, while Duo's mother and siblings grew weak with hunger, had driven him to take what they were owed. He hadn't anticipated the trap locking about his ankle, after breaking in that night. Unable to free himself, he had been there in the morning when the shopkeeper and her son had come in.
Duo pulled ineffectually at the metal trap, desperate for freedom, but it didn't give anymore than from his hundred other attempts. The metal clamp needed a key in the pin to open again. Nothing close to hand was small enough to fit.
Voices came to Duo as he struggled. One was the voice of the shopkeeper's son, speaking to Duo through the slats of the door, and the other was the shopkeeper and her customer.
"I've been waiting to get a piece of your ass," the shopkeeper's son said with relish. "Those big eyes of yours and that long hair... I've been wanting you since I first saw you. I even tried to get that slut of a mother of yours to let you work in the shop. She knew what I was up to, though. Told me, no, you needed to head the family while your whoring father was gone to war.
Duo froze, an icy hand closing about his heart. War? His mother had lied to him!
The shopkeeper's son went on with a snort, "They conscript farmers and the like for frontline fodder, you know? He's probably long dead on a soldier's pike. I'm willing to be kind to you, let you support your family well. You spread those legs for me like a woman, willingly, and I'll make sure your family has enough to eat. I can force you, you know? It's the prison for you after, though, if you fight me. The other prisoners will take what they want, too. You don't want that, right? Your family will starve."
Duo didn't even consider the offer. His frantic search for something to pick the locking mechanism finally paid off. An old nail grated under his fingers, a part of the floor coming up just enough to give his fingernails purchase under the head. He frantically pulled, not caring how he tore his nails and fingertips. When it finally came free, he didn't waste any time jamming it into the locking mechanism.
The second the spring came open, Duo was out of the trap and throwing himself against the door. They hadn't bothered locking it, thinking that he was well and truly trapped. It opened and slammed into the shopkeeper's son, who was leaning against the wall next to it. Duo ignored his cry and curse, as he ran through the shop, ankle screaming in protest and braid flying as he frantically tried to reach the front door.
"You thief!" the shopkeeper shouted shrilly.
Duo had a blurred impression of the fat shopkeeper, hands full of bottles of vasco, a strong local drink, and her customer, a dark haired, well dressed gentleman, as he passed them. The hand that snatched out and caught his braid was strong and the move that flipped him backward and put Duo on his back, knocking the breath out of him, was of a well trained fighter. Dark blue eyes looked down at Duo, as he wheezed for air, and those eyes turned instantly calculating.
"A thief, you say?" the man inquired.
"Caught him just now in the store room!" the shopkeeper affirmed. "We didn't want to shock a fine gentleman like yourself, so we were keeping him hidden, until we could call the law."
"He's a half starved thief. Skinny as a rat," the man commented, keeping Duo down with a foot on his chest, and giving Duo a long, searching look. "He looks familiar, though. Did you use to work for Lord Yuy, thief?"
"No," Duo gasped.
The man pushed down harder, leaning down for a closer look. "I think you did. Madam," he said as he straightened and addressed the shopkeeper, "I believe that this is someone who used to be in the employ of my Lord. He owes his estate funds. I cannot allow you to turn him over to the authorities, when he has yet to answer for his debt."
"Outrageous!" the woman exclaimed with round eyes. "I had no idea! That I allowed myself to do business with his family under false pretenses... Please, sir, do as you wish with this offal. I'm done with him."
"But, ma!" her son began to protest. She slapped him sharply. "Don't speak in a gentleman's company. He has the right and the urchin didn't take anything before we caught him. It's no loss to us."
The man leaned down to address Duo again. "You will come with me and do everything that I say. If you try and run, I will ask this good woman for the name of your family, and I will make certain that they are all in the debtors prison before the day is out."
The man was lying. Duo had only one other alternative and a possible rape led in that direction. He wasn't sure why the shopkeeper's son wanted to use him like a woman, but there would be nothing he could do to stop him. Whether the gentleman's threat of the debtor's prison for his family was another lie, or not, it was a solid enough threat to make Duo compliant.
"All right," Duo promised. "I'll... I'll do a you say... sir."
"Best you do," the man warned and took his foot from Duo's chest. He bought his bottles of vasco and then ordered Duo curtly, "Follow me."
Duo had a difficult time gaining his feet. His body hurt and his ankle was protesting any weight put on it. As the gentleman went out of the door, Duo limped after into the morning sunlight and bustle of the small town.
A black horse was tied to a post. It whickered and pricked ears at the gentleman. The man gave it a pat, put his bottles carefully intoa saddle bag, and then eyed Duo speculatively. "It would be unseemly to allow you to ride with me and you obviously can't walk. You will take yourself to the Yuy estate as quickly as possible. I do not expect you to spend any time informing your family of your destination, or indulging in sad goodbyes. Any delay will convince me that you have run, understand me?"
"Understood." Duo couldn't help responding sullenly.
"Show gratitude," the man admonished as he mounted his horse. "Your fortunes have improved from a moment ago."
Duo wasn't so certain that they had.
______________________________
Duo hitched a ride on the back of a tinker's wagon, after asking directions to the Yuy estate. The ride was long; rutted roads, acrid smoke from the tinker's pipe, the bang and clatter of his wares, and Duo's condition making him feel sick long before the man grunted a, 'Git off! Yer here!"
Duo jumped off the back of the wagon, the tinker unwilling to stop, and went face first into the dirt of the road when his bad ankle refused to support him. Rolling into a sitting position with difficulty, Duo looked around him until he saw the brooding estate at the end of a tree lined road. The prospect of a long walk made him groan in despair, but he had little choice but to force himself to unsteady feet and begin a slow limp.
He was filthy, he stunk, and he was in terrible condition. During his slow progress, Duo had to wonder what a refined gentleman wanted with him. Those blue eyes, in a handsome face, had been full of calculation. There had been a definite plan in mind, a definite use that Duo would be put to. Duo didn't think that the position of slop boy, stable hand, or anything else would have required the gentleman to so take advantage of Duo's ill circumstance. His purpose couldn't mean anything good for Duo, he decided. It would be something that men might refuse, that men might even fear, if he was willing to take up a wounded, half starved 'thief', of no account, with threats and the possibility for embarrassment .There was nothing to stop the shopkeeper's tongue from wagging, if she dared a Lord's wrath.
The front door of the estate was massive. Duo eyed it, leaning back to see the scrollwork at the top and the crest of the Yuy family done in gold leaf. It seemed wrong to grab the brass knocker, with a filthy hand, and bang with it.
When the servant answered, Duo fully expected an explosive reprimand, and a calling of men to send him on his way. Instead, the man looked down a long nose at him, sniffed, and then called behind him, "The wretch is here. Follow Lord Yuy's orders."
Two men in stable livery appeared. They seemed reluctant to touch Duo and Duo couldn't blame them. In red velvet coats with tails, and white breeches and shirts, he could imagine that being spotless, even when handling horses and carriages, was required of them.
"You will come with us," one of them ordered sharply."You will do everything that you are ordered. Failure to obey will incur our Lord's full wrath. Understood?"
Duo nodded and limped after the men as they led him around the estate to where the stables were situated. Grooms were waiting with leather aprons, scrubbing brushes, lye soap, and buckets of water. Duo began backing up again, realizing that they intended to wash him like a filthy horse.
One of the men put a hand gingerly on his shoulder and growled, "You were warned, boy."
Duo was forced to submit. They pulled loose his hair and yanked off his clothing, discarding them like so much offal. They scrubbed hard and the water was cold. Shivering and teeth chattering, Duo could only stand against their assault and feel a deep shame and embarrassment. When they were done scrubbing, he was curried with horse combs, and rubbed down with sack cloth.
One of the liveried men produced simple servant clothing, but better than anything Duo had ever owned. A blue tunic, dark pants, and simple shoes, all slightly too large, reduced his acute embarrassment, but his outrage at being treated no better than an animal warred with his fear of the unknown.
"Come along," one of the liveried men ordered curtly.
Hair loose and only half dry, and still chilled to the bone, Duo followed the man to the kennels. There was a line of servants rooms, plain, whitewashed, one room boxes, with a plain cot, a washstand, and a chamber pot it's only furnishings.
"This room is yours. Keep it clean," the man told him. "Show yourself at the kitchen when meals are served and you will be given your allotment. For now, stay here until you're seen to or given orders."
"Sir," Duo begged in a fearful voice. "Why am I here? What is my position?"
The man looked disgusted, "That will be Lord Yuy's decision, boy. He doesn't tell me his mind. As for your position.... I imagine that you have less worth than one of his hounds, at the moment, so, if I were you, I would seek to please in all ways."
The man left with the same enthusiasm that a man would leave a dung pit.
His mention of being 'seen to' meant that the same vet who saw to the horses and hounds would also see to Duo. An old man, he grunted and sighed over Duo's wounds, wrapped his ankle, used horse liniment over the bandage, and then spread salve over open wounds.
"I'm not an animal," Duo found the strength to protest.
The man shrugged. "Stuff works on man or beast, boy."
He gathered his things after he was done and Duo was left alone again. Pulling the scratchy blanket from the cot, Duo wrapped it around him and tried to banish his shivering and recover from his ordeal. He had to wonder what his family was thinking, just then. He could imagine his mother searching the streets and asking everyone she met where her son had gone. What would she do now? Duo could imagine the shopkeeper refusing to take their wares. All his fault. He had ruined them out of his need for justice and now he wasn't even there to help his family survive the loss.
Duo skipped his meal, too tired and nauseated by his position to eat. When a servant came to fetch him, he was relieved to finally find out what his purpose there was even as he felt a terrible dread as he imagined what that purpose might be.
__________________________
The well appointed house had a warren of hallways. Duo was certain, by the
time that he reached a bedroom suit, that he would never be able to find
his way out again, without assistance.
The man from the shop was there, dressed in soft pants and a belted, dark blue robe. He waved off the servant and the man gave a short bow and retreated from the room. When the door was closed firmly behind him, it was then that he spoke.
"Good for you, and your family, that you were prompt in following my wishes." He walked around Duo as he spoke, as if sizing up a horse. "You are a very unusual young man. Why have you grown your hair so long?"
Duo resisted the urge to turn and face the man. He stared into the flames of a small fireplace, instead, and replied, "A church cared for me, for a short time, when my parents fell on very hard times. It's to honor them."
The man grunted. "A strange kind of honor."
"They were killed when an enemy force destroyed the church," Duo replied, bristling at the man's judgment of him.
"Still..." the man finished his circling and faced Duo again. "I am Lord Heero Yuy. This estate belongs to me. So, now, do you. You will do everything that I command or face very harsh consequences."
Duo blinked in shock as the man moved to a table and poured a drink into a fine glass. He recognized the bottle as having come from the shop. The man smiled at him as he motioned with the glass, took a drink, and then said, "I like to indulge my tastes. Some would say that those tastes are as strange as your braid. This drink has no relation to a pedigreed wine, but it has a bite and a flavor that causes me great pleasure. It's scandalous to drink it and to cheapen myself by frequenting the shops of the poor to get it. I won't trust any servant to pick out the better vintages, though, so I risk myself by going myself. As luck would have it, or your bad luck, I suppose, I found a way to indulge another one of my eccentricities while making my last purchase."
He stepped closer to Duo, his dark blue eyes steady and commanding under his fall of chocolate hair. "I can accuse you of anything that I like and, because of my position, I will be believed. I can have you hanging by a tree on the hour and your family in debtor's prison at half past. You can agree that, holding your life so tightly, I am assured that my eccentricity won't be revealed to anyone, am I right?"
Duo said nothing, trying to comprehend the depth of his situation.
"You will be a servant to me in the public eye," Lord Yuy continued, "but, in private, you will be much more than that. Breathe a word of it, to anyone, and I will make certain that you are treated as the liar that I will make you out to be. Understood? You will not win against me, if you seek to smear my good name to save yourself."
Duo swallowed hard, feeling sick as he began to understand his situation. He wondered what Lord Yuy's 'eccentricity' could be.If it was terrible enough, he thought, death might be preferable, but his family...
"Undress," the man commanded. "Completely."
Duo stared. "What...?"
The man grabbed him by the chin, showing great strength, as he repeated, "Undress, completely. That was not a request."
__________________________________
When it was over, and Duo was back in his small rooms in the stables, he refused to cry. Laying on his bed, with an arm over his eyes and choking back emotions, he had to repeat that it was for his family, many times, before he could wrestle down the urge to run away.
Lord Yuy had admired him after he had undressed, had run calloused hands over him, as if checking for his soundness, and had asked him, pointedly, if he were a virgin. Duo's shaky nod, yes, had made the man's eyes glitter with desire, but he hadn't gone further than to examine his new property. The bulge in his pants, though, told Duo that his next visit might not be so benign. The man was savoring his conquest, Duo guessed, or simply working himself up to committing an act that the church considered a sin and worthy of death. It was no wonder that the man had planned carefully to take advantage of someone who's word would never be believed against his own.
Duo grasped the cross on his neck, given to him by one of the nuns of the church that had taken care of him, and considered his own damnation, if Lord Yuy should gather enough courage to sin with him. Was he damned if it was forced?
One of the stallions called out to the mares, excited by their scent, and stamped angrily that he was denied them. It made Duo think of mares and mating and what he might be expected to endure from Lord Yuy. He had been too busy helping his family to survive, day to day, to wonder about that part of life, himself. He could point to a lack of interest in the local girls, but he had always had a half formed plan to find a better life for himself before marrying and beginning his own family.
How could he make any of that a reality now? he wondered. if Lord Yuy expected him to play the woman... if he made him sin... if he kept him strictly and never allowed him to leave... That seemed likely. The man wouldn't want Duo to leave his control to tell others what had happened to him. It was more likely that Lord Yuy would find occasion, when he tired of indulging his eccentricities on Duo, that he would find a way to make Duo silent permanently.
His days might be numbered, Duo thought, chilled by the realization. His days might be counted in his obedience and his ability to keep Lord Yuy's interest. At least dead, Duo thought bitterly, the man might turn away from threatening his family as well. It could only help them if he became the obedient servant to Lord Yuy's will.
Maybe God would forgive him, Duo hoped.
__________________________
A man was ordered to instruct Duo in the proper etiquette of a servant. He spent the next day being drilled, the man not letting up even when the vet came to check his injuries and rub him down with liniment, as if he were a lame horse. It was demeaning, being stripped, while he was made to perform different bows and say different phrases correctly, and handled by calloused, indifferent, hands. It hardly lessened Duo's humiliation when several sets of servants clothing arrived, tailored to fit him. Made to perform, treated less then human, and then given clothing to wear, as if he were one of those trained monkeys the street musicians kept, Duo was ready to scream, to throw punches, to do anything to make them treat him as he deserved. Even the poorest man, didn't deserve to be made less than a beast.
The man instructing Duo sensed his building anger and said, warningly, "I don't know why Lord Yuy took you up, but you had best show gratitude. Any one of your fellow Dregs of the Streets, would change places with you most willingly, I assure you."
If they knew what was expected of them, Duo doubted it, but this man was obviously unaware of Duo's impeding 'duties'. He wondered if those duties would begin that evening, and if touching would lead to mounting. Again Duo thought of animals coupling, the male taking harshly, and the female submitting, and he felt disgust and fear. Could he endure that? Could he bend over and take that kind of treatment of his body even for his family's sake? When he thought of the alternative, himself hanged, and his family abused in debtor's prison, he had to firm his shaky resolve to go through with it. There would be pain, he was sure, and more humiliation than he had ever endured before, but better him than his young siblings, and his mother, facing, most likely, the same treatment in prison.
Duo wasn't allowed his evening meal, but was ordered into his new clothes, and ushered into a dinning room to wait at the elbow of Lord Yuy. The meal had already been laid out; sumptuous roast fowl, candied fruits, rice, a steaming tray of mashed squash in cream, and mulled wine. Yuy, sitting at his place at the head of that long dinning room table, sipped his wine, and then gestured with the goblet to dismiss everyone. Only when the door was firmly closed, and they were alone, did he order, "Serve me."
Duo was very aware of Lord Yuy's intense gaze as he tried to remember his lessons and serve the dishes properly. With every movement of his body, Duo felt Lord Yuy study him with open appreciation. Blue eyes caressed a strong arm, the curve of a shoulder, and Duo's lean body as he bent to spoon and fork food onto his new master's plate.
"Kneel, with the napkin over your arm," Yuy ordered as he began to eat.
Duo slowly lowered himself to his knees and arranged a white, linen napkin over one arm, face frozen and eyes staring at the beautifully stitched tablecloth. This hadn't been part of his instruction and he doubted that any servant was ordered to such a position as part of their serving duties. It was a position meant to drive home his helpless position, Duo was certain, but he could only wait with an empty stomach and a tightly leashed temper, as Lord Yuy slowly consumed his meal.
Finished at last, Lord Yuy stretched to relieve a full stomach and then finally looked down at Duo. "Good," he said simply, "Here is your reward." He picked up a choice bit of meat that he had saved from his meal and held it near Duo's mouth. "No fingers," he warned.
Duo trembled and hesitated until he saw Lord Yuy begin to frown. Closing his eyes, he took the bit of meat into his mouth and swallowed as he used all of his self control not to jump up and beat the man bloody.
"Use the napkin to dab at your lips," Lord Yuy ordered and his voice had taken on a tone of heavy pleasure. "Delicately," he warned.
Duo slowly brought the napkin up and dabbed at his lips.
"On your arm again," Yuy instructed, "Folded neatly."
Duo complied. When he opened his eyes again, he saw a small cherub stitched among the flowers embroidered on the table cloth. He latched onto it and offered a prayer, needing forgiveness desperately as he allowed Lord Yuy to run a hand along his braid.
"You will stay just so, until I have departed," Lord Yuy ordered. "Then you may eat your own meal in the kitchens and return to your room."
He rose, then, put his own napkin on his plate, and then retreated to another room, closing the door firmly behind him. Only then did Duo stand up, knees weak and shaking. He fisted the dirty napkin, yanked it off of his arm, and threw it down on top of Lord Yuy's in the only defiance that he could show.
Servants entered, eyeing him with different emotions, suspicion, anger, and disgust, mostly, as they began clearing the table. Duo fled their judgments, and made it outside, before his shattered nerves caused him to throw up his 'reward'. He couldn't stand the thought of eating anything else and walked past the kitchens and servants quarters to the stables.
__________________________
He missed his family. Duo had nothing to do, but think of them, during the day, after his instructor in the finer art of serving in the estate, was done with him.He wondered what they imagined had happened to him. Life could be cruel. He was certain that his mother was probably thinking that some terrible ill had befallen him. He could imagine her weeping for him and his heart ached.
Duo could hear the stable hands going about their duties, the sound of horses, and the talk that sounded warm and comfortable among the men. No one, he thought, at the estate seemed unhappy. They were in fact well taken care of and loyal to Lord Yuy. It seemed that Lord Yuy's aberrant behavior had only one outlet in Duo himself, and that he was a good Lord to the people on his estate otherwise. It was a contradiction that made Duo's position that much more tragic to him.
Duo had always been talkative and easy with people. It was instinct for him to want to open the door of his room, to talk to someone, to ask them questions, to simply inquire about how his life might now proceed serving a Lord. He couldn't speak of that, though, without questions being asked in return, without, perhaps revealing the secret that would doom his family. It was too much of a risk, but that reason did little to soothe the feeling of isolation that gnawed at Duo.
When his summons came again, Duo was taken to the kitchen to eat and then escorted into Lord Yuy's personal rooms. The servant who had escorted him, looked Duo up and down, straightened a collar critically, and then bade him, "Respectful at all times," as if Duo would forget and disgrace himself. Then he was left to wait for Lord Yuy's pleasure.
Lord yuy came in, looking as if he had been riding. His spurs and riding boots were splattered with mud and he opened his starched shirt as if he were overheated. He threw himself into a chair and stuck out a boot.
"Remove them."
Duo bent to the task, working the tight boots off and dirtying his hands.
"Outside the door," Yuy ordered and Duo placed the boots outside the rooms. Returning, he found Yuy stretched out in the chair and pointing to his feet. "Rub them. Those boots are murder."
It didn't sound like an overly personal request. Yuy's tone indicated that he would have asked anyone to take up the task. Duo kneeled and did as he was ordered, taking one foot, after the other, and working out cramps with sure fingers. Yuy seemed relaxed and pleased, leaning his head back and sighing.
"You have good hands," Yuy murmured.
The man had shapely feet, Duo noticed, and his nails were clean and trimmed. They smelled like boot leather, but were otherwise free of any other scent. The man bathed regularly, Duo surmised, and why not? He didn't have to carry water from the local fountain, back to his home, and share it with a large family. Duo imagined servants, making a long line to the well, and handing containers of water to each other until they reached one of those decadent bathing tubs, that he had only seen through the doors of well to do shops. Twice Duo had already had to endure the grooms scrubbing him down, but after he had kept himself clean from a bucket of water and a rag, they had allowed him his privacy and some modicum of humanity.
There was a decatur of drink and a glass next to the chair. Heero poured a glass for himself, one handed, and then sipped at the drink. when Duo dared to glance up, he blushed to see that his massage wasn't without consequences. The man was obviously aroused by it. Blue eyes looked down his body, past the sign of his interest, and into Duo's eyes. He took another sip of his drink and then said, "Do you even know how handsome you are?"
Duo looked down at Yuy's feet and it was hard to make his fingers continue the massage.
Yuy sighed. "In the town, when you were sprawled under my boot, I was taken with you from that very moment. It's as if a spell has been cast on me. Are you a sorcerer? Have you enchanted me?"
Did he expect an answer? Duo suspected that the man was joking, but his tone was serious. "No, m'lord," Duo replied in a soft voice.
"I'm risking so very much for you, do you realize?" Lord Yuy continued. "What's left of my family could have me taken into custody. They could lay claim to everything that I own. Do you know what happens to men who are deviants in the eyes of the law and the church?"
Duo felt a sick twist in his gut. He had seen the hangings, the signs hung around the necks of the unfortunates proclaiming their sins to the town. He remembered townsmen saying what a good thing it had been to rid them of such perversion, but Duo had only felt pity and horror.
"I've often thought of fleeing the country, but I've not had the nerve," Yuy said thoughtfully. "There are countries more open to such differences in men. Leaving everything behind, my title, my estate, hadn't been balanced by any tangible reward, though. Perhaps I've found one in you? Perhaps, I should take you with me and find safe haven on better shores?"
Duo trembled. "My family..." he couldn't help blurting.
Yuy waved a dismissive hand and put his drink aside. "Well taken care of, I assure you, but I am only speculating."
Duo looked up and met his intense gaze. "You understand me, though?" Yuy asked. "You see how I would not be the only man hanging from the gallows if we are found out? Say what you want, but they will not believe you."
"I've done nothing!" Duo couldn't help protesting, hands tightening on Yuy's feet.
"They won't know that," Yuy replied, "and soon, that may not be true at all."
They stared at one another for a long frozen moment and then Yuy motioned to his feet.
"You're hurting my feet, servant," Yuy complained. "Kiss them and crave my pardon."
They were dirty from Duo's hands. Duo hesitated as he mouthed an apology. Yuy was waiting expectantly, though, tensing as if he were well prepared to force Duo to comply. Slowly, body trembling with emotions, Duo kissed each foot.
"You may go now," Yuy told him in a voice that was heavy with desires held in check. "Tell my servant to prepare a bath for me."
"M' Lord," Duo responded and wiped at his mouth as he followed his orders.
As Duo made his way back to his room at the stable, he had to wonder why Lord Yuy wasn't taking full advantage, yet. What was holding him back? Did he enjoy humiliating Duo more than slaking his desires? It seemed an odd notion, but Duo wasn't ready to discard any explanation. He didn't understand Yuy at all
---------------------------------------
"He wishes you better educated," the servant told Duo the next day as he placed a stack of books on his cot.
"Why?" Duo demanded and was almost cuffed, almost. The servant held back with an effort of will.
"You'll not question your betters, boy," the servant said, instead. "You should be grateful. that he has taken you into his home, and that now he wishes to make certain that you are worthy of it. Your duty, in this matter, is clear. You will do your best to please my Lord Yuy in every way."
Duo looked down at the books, mystified. "How will these educate me?"
The man looked disgusted. "Don't be daft. You are to take these and attend classes with the other young servants."
Yuy had talked about taking Duo and leaving the country. This didn't seem part of that plan. Had he changed his mind? Duo could only pray that it was so. He didn't have any wish to travel to foreign lands in the company of a man who wanted to commit sins with him. The fear that he would never see his family again made him tremble with anguish.
Learning from the books seemed as grueling as working to learn to be a servant. The teacher had grudgingly admitted that Duo had an aptitude for learning quickly, but it hadn't improved his opinion of Duo overall. Most of the servants there had been born to servants and the class distinction between them and Duo was very wide. They would never accept him into their ranks, he knew. He would always be the urchin boy dragged from the mud of the streets, like some stray dog, and taught manners. If some of them suspected what Lord Yuy had planned for him, they didn't reveal it in look or deed, though they had speculated on the eccentricity of choosing Duo.
When evening came, and Duo went to attend Lord Yuy, with dread, it was after dinner and in a study set far away from the busier sections of the mansion. That in itself made Duo afraid. Seeing Lord Yuy in a red smoking jacket, and at his ease in a leather padded chair, added to that fear.
"Take your clothes off," Lord Yuy commanded.
No more strange orders. No more guessing when the night would come. Duo swallowed hard and did as he was ordered. When he stood naked before Yuy, he couldn't help trying to hide himself with his hands.
"
Don't," Heero ordered and made a small motion for Duo to remove his hands.
When Duo nervously complied, he slowly walked around Duo admiring him.
"Still too thin," the man announced. "I will make certain that you are given the best from my own table."
Duo shivered like a skittish horse as a hand slid along his shoulder and then down one thigh. He was suddenly facing his lord, the man looking into his eyes with an intensity of emotion that wasn't all lust. He cupped Duo's chin and brought their lips together.
It was a faint cry within Duo to jerk away, to call the man what he was, to fight back regardless of the consequences, but that cry was very faint, indeed, almost non existent as the kiss deepened and he felt the man's body heat even through his smoking jacket.
The kiss broke, but those hungry lips hovered close as Heero said, breathily, "I have tried to see the kind of man you are. I have tested you and found you more honorable and more self sacrificing than any man should be. You are not the kind of man I dare break, like a mannerless cart horse. I would lose what I desire, what has drawn me to you. Your fire, your handsome looks, and your courage are what I want, Duo."
"What you want is wrong," Duo heard himself whisper in response and then felt a jolt of fear at his own temerity.
"Because they say it is wrong, I know," Yuy sighed as he caressed Duo's cheek. "I can't give you absolution. I can't promise that I know more than they do. I can only.. love.. and cherish.. and show you that this can be pleaserable."
"Against my will," Duo breathed, tensing against that gentle hand but unable to pull away. There was something in him, some wicked need, that longed for that strong hand to keep touching him.
Heero took Duo's hand and led him to a couch of red velvet and worked dark leather. He sat Duo down and then slowly began undressing. "A hawk, a hound, a horse. They fight what they do not understand. When they are shown the pleasure of obeying, they come to want it. What I want from you, is not for you to obey, but for you to want my hand, to know that it is something good enough to chance hell fire for."
Duo glared, offended and angry. "You will never do that, My Lord."
"No?" Heero smiled gently and lowered himself onto the couch beside Duo. He leaned in and kissed Duo's neck. slowly making his way to an earlobe. "Your eyes betray you. They have from the beginning. We are alike in our tastes, as much as you wish to pretend otherwise."
Duo's teeth clenched as Heero licked at his earlobe and breathed warm breath into his ear. It made him shiver, made his body want. He began to get up, daring much, but Heero had that strong hand on his arm, holding him down.
There were no more words. Duo found himself pressed flat, Heero's weight easily making him in control. When he kissed his way to Duo's belly, though, and then enveloped Duo in moist heat, Duo ceased to struggle.
Wicked, wrong, evil; those words lacked meaning suddenly as Duo's body cried all at once, 'Finally!', as if it had been denied food and drink for an eternity.
He didn't last long. The orgasm was overwhelming, singing through every nerve, and wringing from him a curse that had nothing to do with anger or betrayal. As Heero wiped his lips and smiled at him, he could only stare back, too stunned for any more speech.
"We are the same," Heero whispered and then bent to caressed and kissing Duo to arousal once again.
Duo found his hands sliding over hard muscled shoulders and over the lean line of Heero's waist. He had wanted to touch men like this, always, but had denied himself, he realized. Virgin Duo. He had found some pride in that, when all it had been was folly and self denial.
"I am damned," Duo said and couldn't help anguish.
"I can't say," Heero replied seriously as he took up a bottle of oil and dipped his fingers into it. "I don't think they really know. I don't think anyone can know, for that matter. We can only follow our own hearts and know that there is nothing bad in what we are doing. It is pleasure, kindness, and love."
"Love?" Duo echoed, dazed.
"I won't deny what I feel," Heero told him as his slicked fingers found Duo's entrance.
Duo felt ashamed again, then, heat scalding his face as those fingers probed, rubbed, and then found their way inside of him. Wickedness. Utter wickedness. When the pleasure came, and he raised his legs for more, he blamed Heero. The man had utterly debauched him. He was was the devil.
The pain when Heero pushed in was just punishment, Duo thought. A hand over his mouth stifled cries and Heero whispered apologies and encouragement as he slowly seated himself fully. It burned, stung, and throbbed while Duo panted under that hand, tears in his eyes.
"Relax," Heero breathed in Duo's ear as he positioned Duo to better advantage. "It will be well, in a moment."
How was it well to be used like a woman? Duo thought bitterly. He had lost himself to the pleasure and had almost found himself believing Heero. The pain, though, proved how wrong it was, though. Such pain could only be a warning from God.
"Relax," Heero told him again and began to move.
It wasn't like horses, Duo thought through the pain, or like any animal. It was a seesawing, inescapable hardness, shoving his insides aside to make room for it. Heero was molded to him, holding him curled underneath, forcing him to take him. Duo found another curse, but it had nothing to do with pleasure.
Heero shifted him, curled him tighter, and then... the pain gave way to something else, something more bearable. It was an odd pleasure all at once, being filled, nerves stroked, strong body over his, thrusting with abandon, now.
Duo came again even more strongly. He cried out against Heero's lips, as he moved his hand to seize a kiss. Heero came, then, as well, body shoving and trembling as he unloaded heat into Duo.
It was a moment of shoving and thrusting, Duo spreading his legs to get the last inch of Heero within him, as wanton as a whore, and then they were collapsing together on the couch, both of them panting, both of them clutching at each other.
Duo cried. He hated it, and felt less of a man, but he needed that release, needed to express the feeling of his world turning upside down.
Heero held him, concerned, and then reached to a side table to snag a glass and strong drink. They shared it between them, Heero watching Duo carefully, as Duo tried to regain some composure.
"Do you hate me, now?" Heero wondered at last. "Do you feel damned?"
"I... I don't hate you," Duo replied, and wondered at that. By all rights he should, but all he felt was soul weariness. It seemed useless to hate. Heero had only revealed to him what had already been there. if he was damned for it, he had already been damned before ever meeting Lord Yuy.
"Will you stay with me?" Heero asked. "I... I give you leave to go. I think that you have become too important to me to bind you against your will any longer."
Duo was astonished, his heart leaping. "I can see my family again?"
"Yes," Heero replied as he kissed him tenderly.
"And if I betray you?" Duo said, not able to keep the last vestiges of resentment from his voice.
"Perhaps I will die a happy man?" Heero replied.
"I'm trying to understand," Duo complained, shaking his head and pulling out of Heero's arms. "It's too much."
"Take time to think," Heero replied, hopefully. "I will wait, here, if you decide to return."
"I don't want to die," Duo said with a shiver as he stood and reached for his clothes. "If I come back here, if your servants see..."
"We would have to leave the country, as I said before," Heero reminded him. "There are places that accept what we are."
"My family..." Duo didn't need to ask. He knew that his family would never understand. He turned to look at Heero, his feeling tangled into knots. This man had taken him against his will, forced himself on him. Why was he thinking of running away with him?
"You are a devil," Duo said in anguish.
"Just a man," Heero replied. "A man like you."
Duo turned from him. He needed to get away from the man's spell. All would be clearer, he thought, once he was back with his family. "I'm going." It was a challenge.
"I'll have a groom saddle a horse," Heero replied as he stood as well. "The horse will be my gift to you."
He wouldn't be paid, Duo determined, not like this. "No, I'll walk. I want nothing of yours."
"Yet?" Heero asked, hopefully.
Duo didn't reply to that. He was already in motion, body sore and protesting
every step, but that determined to leave before Lord Yuy could change his mind.
________________________________
His family had been overjoyed to see him, but things had changed, and it pained him to know that life had gone on without him. They had needed to survive. They had not been able to mourn long for a lost brother, a lost son. Without his help, his mother had feared starvation. She had married a man long wanting her, putting aside the grief for a dead husband, and they had managed, together, far better than one widow woman alone.
Duo felt a stranger, another mouth to feed, a disruption in their lives, however honestly they greeted his return with gladness. The man grumbled and eyed him almost suspiciously, thinking him well past ready to seek his own fortune elsewhere, but keeping his opinion from where his new wife could hear.
Duo had seen other young men, pushed out of a family, and wandering the streets, and had felt sorry for them. He had thought their parents cold, cruel, unloving, but now saw how the world went and how the struggle for survival made such a thing a necessity. The man would see him out of the house, eventually, whatever his mother's protests, his sisters married, and his own children filling the crib.
Lord Yuy wanted him. Lord Yuy promised a better life. Lord Yuy had awakened desires and emotions in Duo that could never be forgotten. Whether damnation went hand in hand with those desires, those feelings, he couldn't tell. He might never know until he passed and stood at the gates of heaven. He gambled with his soul, he thought darkly, and then realized that he had made up his mind to accept the wager.
Saying goodbye to his family had hurt, but the man had looked relieved to have the chore taken from him. His mother and his sisters had cried, but his mother had accepted his tale of service in other lands that would keep him well. He wondered, as he shouldered his pack, whether they would hear of Lord Yuy leaving for foreign lands as well, and wonder at the coincidence.
Showing up on Lord Yuy's doorstep, had an odd deja'vu feeling to it. The butler was just as correct, just as judgmental of his state of dress and person, when he opened the door.
"What is your business?" the man had asked.
"My business is with Lord Yuy," Duo replied, and felt not so insignificant next to this man. He stood straighter, giving the servant a level look that made the man blink and reassess his opinion. "He is expecting me."
The man allowed him to wait in the foyer. Duo didn't have to stand long, before Heero was taking the stairs down, two at a time, a smile on his face. He grabbed Duo's hands tightly, almost forgetting propriety, in his joy.
"We will need to go to those foreign lands," Duo told him softly, "Where no one will think less of us. I won't stay here, taking the chance that we might be discovered, that my family might hear of it."
"We will go, as soon as possible," Heero promised. "You won't regret it, I promise you."
Duo's hands tightened on Heero's. "This is new to me. You must have patience. I still haven't thought it through, completely."
Heero led him into a study and closed the door. His hand cupped Duo's cheek and he kissed him deeply. Duo felt a rightness to it, a warmth that he had never felt with anyone before. If this was evil, he couldn't sense it, couldn't grasp how strong arms and insistent, firm lips, and love was part and parcel of the devil.
Love. Did he love this man? Could he sort out his jumbled life, his jumbled emotions to say that for certain? A kidnapping and a quick rut didn't make love. It made anger and enmity. He didn't feel those things, though. Instead, he felt a need to be with Heero again, to make it more tender, to make it more meaningful. This wasn't about his need for men, or an escape from a place that would hang him rather than allow him to live. It was about this man before him, this man holding him and kissing him.
"I don't want to regret this," Duo told him at last and Heero looked into his eyes with deep emotion. "I want..." Duo struggled, blushing. "I think... I know... that I have feelings for you."
"I love you," Heero told him. "I think that I loved you from the moment that I saw you running from those shopkeepers. I had to have you. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I was in agony, letting you go back to your family. If you hadn't returned, I'm not sure what I would have done. Something drastic, something foolish. Living without you... It would have been impossible."
"I needed to come back to you," Duo replied. "I couldn't stop thinking about you. I think this is right. I think this is the way that my life must go, with you, whether it is evil or not."
"It's not," Heero assured him. "It can't be, not with love, surely?"
"I hope not. I will pray not," Duo replied.
Heero kissed him again. "Come. We will make plans and start packing the household. Later, I will show you again, that what we have together is love."
Duo blushed, feeling confident, suddenly, in his decision. "I think that you have already proven that. Maybe I need to prove my feelings, instead?"
"You came back to me," Heero said as he pulled up Duo's hand and kissed it. "I have my proof in that one action."
Duo felt a flush of anticipation and found the strength to smile and say, "I won't mind proving it in other ways."
Heero smiled as well. "We will both have a great deal of time for that. Our entire lives, I hope."
There was still fear, and even guilt, but Duo felt a harder core develop inside of him at the level of his heart after those words. This wasn't a lord taking his pleasure and then leaving him by the wayside. This was going to be so much more than he could ever have hoped for. All their lives. Duo hoped that it would be so, that his service, at first unwilling, would now be service in the name of his freedom to be who he really was.
End