A bit of Heero introspection...
Duo had been hunched over his gun, inspecting and cleaning it, everything arranged neatly in his lap as he perched on his stool. I had felt annoyed, thinking, why doesn't he use a table? There had been one crammed into the corner of his small dorm room, empty of even a homework assignment. The unmade bed could have made a good surface as well.
"Thinking about when I shot you?" he had guessed wrong. His purple eyes had flicked briefly aside to where I had been standing by the door and then had flicked back to his work. "No hard feelings, right?"
Actually there had been, but I hadn't wanted to discuss my anger management. How I had felt had been irrelevant back then. It had been more important to understand who this person was and how he could either help, or hinder, my mission. I could have used him as a distraction, a smoke screen, while I completed my destructive work, but that had only been feasible if he kept out of my way.
"If you get in my way, I'll kill you," I had threatened. I had thought that would be enough.
i remember his grin. That had been my reply. He'd do as he pleased, it had said, and he had been confident that he could.
I was going to have to kill him, I had thought, and the image of his sprawled body, with my bullet in his head, had appeared in my mind. It had been gruesome and it had made me feel cold. Why had it been so much harder to imagine killing someone like him... or even that Relena girl? Why had it it mattered more, when I should have coldly fired and walked away? Was age, and innocence, that much more important? Those thoughts, and many more, had often plagued me back then.Long braid swinging and twitching with his motions, his school uniform hugging a very slim body, and his shoulders hinting at power and training, I had known that Duo wouldn't be an easy mark. He had shot me easily enough, though none of those shots had been killing ones. He had been careful only to wound, as flawed in his bloodthirstiness as I had been. i had wondered if it had bothered him as much as it had me.
While he had begun putting the gun back together, I had found myself looking around his room and seeing... nothing. I had kept a bag of clothing and weapons, but he had traveled with only his black clothing, folded neatly at the foot of the bed, and his gun. I had surmised that he had kept everything else in his Gundam. There hadn't been anything personal that I could study to determine anything about the boy.Knowing that he was probably my enemy should have been enough. Though we might have had the same targets, the potential for his Gundam to hamper, or even damage mine, hd been a real one. I couldn't afford, back then, to take that chance. The soldier in me had demanded action. Violent action.
"Are you gonna tell me why you're here, Heero?" Duo had asked at last as he had climbed off of his stool, gun still in his hand. He hadn't sounded suspicious, cautious, or even alert to my mood... or his danger. I had wanted to think, fool, but somehow I had known better, known that he had been as ready for violence as I had been. I had suddenly suspected that his one gun, hadn't been without a friend, somewhere on Duo's person. It had made me want to laugh, to be with someone my age, who was, perhaps, as deadly as I was. It had made me think of uneasy friendships, even while the soldier in me had growled and told me that we couldn't afford them.
"We're scheduled for a basketball game," I had told him at last. "I was sent to get you."
Duo had rubbed the back of his neck and looked perplexed. "I've never played the game. Maybe you could fill me in on the rules on the way?"
The gun had still been out. No, he hadn't been foolish at all, though he had been very good at pretending stupidity.
"Guns aren't involved," I had replied with a scowl and he had laughed. It had been a nice laugh, hinting at the deeper voice that he would have someday. It had made me feel suddenly warm and I hadn't understood why.
Duo had made a call, though I'm not sure what it had been based on, and he had secreted his gun somewhere in his clothing. I had been apparently 'safe' for the moment, and that, I had realized, was true. I hadn't been going to kill him. I had wanted to understand him better first.
"We'll team up," Duo had said as he had opened the door. "They won't stand a chance."
I had blinked stupidly, confused.
"During the game," Duo had elaborated. "Keep yourself open and forget the rest of the team."
"I thought that you didn't know how to play," I had growled back as I had followed him into the hallway.
i remember him looking back at me with a grin that had been all cheeks and sparkle, a perfect, boyish look that had made me feel hot and cold, as if I were coming down with a fever. "I don't, but I know, together, that we can't lose."
Those words should have vibrated with prophecy, but, just then, I only remember being annoyed... and drawn after Duo, like a moth to a flame.
"You're awake?" Duo asked around a yawn as he curled into me in our bed.
"Yes," I admitted as I kissed his warm forehead.
He nuzzled into my neck and then gave me a small bite there. It made me chuckle and hold him close, muscled, wiry body fitting neatly against mine.
"Bad dream?" he prompted.
"No, just thinking," I said as I made myself comfortable, ready to sleep again.
" 'bout what?" Duo wanted to know, on the edge of finding sleep again as well.
"About being glad that I didn't kill you," I admitted.
Duo snickered. "Like you had a chance!" he said around another yawn. "Go t' sleep, moron."
"All right," I chuckled back and held him tighter, not really knowing whether he was right or wrong, but knowing that I had made the right choice back then.