First Times
Getting to the point where we were naked was harder than it seems. Heero had stayed after everyone had left my party, wanting to talk about old times. The couch was comfortable, we were both a little sloshed, and we ignored the rolled eyes and the 'see you laters' of the departing guests. We didn't realize the late hour, until I noticed that my music player had been stuck on one line of an old tune and that neither of us knew for how long. We were looking at each other then, and finally getting to the realization that... something was between us, something that was better taken into the bedroom.
Heero's been with Preventers only a short time. He did some wandering, after making sure that Relena was safe and on her 'throne', and I didn't blame him for it. After so long being the pet soldier of a war, a guy needed to establish his humanity. I always knew there was an attraction there, a smoldering in his eyes and an odd notion that I should be kept 'safe' when he never gave a fuck for everyone else dying. I had a mutual attraction, but I kept things loose and fast, and never really made that an issue. Who had time? The luxury? The balls? I didn't, not up until that night, not until he turned that 'look' on me over the rim of his glass and I knew, without a doubt, that I could do this.
Think suddenly exploring the 'gay' in you is that simple? It would have been nice to just liplock and fuck, but we had this wall between us to get over. The wall was called 'masculinity'. It's nickname was 'macho'. That wall also had some graffiti spray painted all over it. It spelled 'stark fear'. Even in that day and age, people could still sling the slurs around. I remembered getting interested in a little Italian sweeper in my younger days. I'd been thinking, 'Yeah, fast and easy and no strings'. I'd finally get that 'itch' scratched and be on my way. I hadn't been prepared for the guy to call me, "A hot, little, fag bitch." I still remember the sting in my hand after I'd punched him. We hadn't even gotten to taking our zippers down. I was nobody's bitch, and I didn't want to be one now.
So, here we sat, facing each other on the bed, naked, and 'looking' with an uncomfortable tension. Heero was long and lean and as hard as a rock... his muscles, I mean, but, yeah, that part was twitching and getting interested too. He had scars, some of them small and some of them as thick as my finger. Gunshot pockmarks were few, but I'd contributed to two of those myself. He was almost hairless, just some darker hair on arms and legs and where you'd expect. He shaved, and was getting a five o'clock shadow, and that made him seem older than me in an uncomfortable way. I still couldn't manage more than some errant whiskers, but that was genetics and not any age difference.
I was broader in the shoulders, and shorter all around, and my hair was still a long braid that snaked around us both. If he asked me to let it loose, he was going to get punched. If he asked me to bottom... I tried to work my mind around that term and that concept while my mind kept replaying that Italian sweeper saying, 'A hot, little, fag bitch.'
Guys checked each other out. It was automatic. Heero was long and getting longer. His erection had a large, mushroom head. It made me lick my lips and think to myself, "Yeah, Maxwell, you are definitely gay." Had I doubted it? A few tries with women, and a few mutual masturbations with other men, had pushed me into self knowledge, but thinking about wrapping my lips around Heero's cock, and really 'wanting' too, was a new thing and a strong enough desire to make me get hot all over. Heero was looking down at me and getting obviously excited as well, though I felt a bit of nervousness. I was thicker and not as generous as he was, and I wondered if that cut it with him. Maybe he was excited, but was he okay with what I had?
Heero reached out, glanced at me to make sure I wasn't going to object, and tentatively wrapped his hand around my erection. I shivered as he gave it a few pumps and squeezed out liquid. "I've wanted... I've wanted to do this...," he managed to say as if he couldn't find enough breath.
Heero was playing with my cock. I watched his hand and felt... it's hard to describe. It's too large, too powerful, too overwhelming. Jump out of a plane at forty thousand feet, without a parachute, and hope you live. That's the rush I was getting just then.
Heero had brown nipples. I was in love with them as soon as I pulled my brain cells together enough to notice. I couldn't help touching one. He shivered and seemed uncertain when I squeezed. Of course, I thought, he was thinking that I was thinking of girls and breasts and... but I didn't drop my hand. I wanted those nipples, wanted to taste them. I didn't know how to tell him that it had nothing to do with thinking about girls.
Heero's broad hand slid up to my knotted ribs and the scars from the war. He shocked me when he asked. "During the war... when you were a prisoner... they hurt you badly. Did they....?"
I knew what he was asking. I didn't want to think about that, didn't want to bring it here, where we were having our 'first time' together. Yeah, they did some damn ugly things, but I had understood, then, even as young as I'd been. I had been settling scores, and so had they. I'd killed a lot of them, after all.
"Not rape," I told him honestly. "They were... not nice... pretty disgusting and damned cruel... but... not exactly that far..."
I looked him in the eyes. Fair was fair. "You?"
He shook his head and he was telling the truth.
"So," I sighed, "No baggage, right?" Which wasn't true, of course, but nobody was going to go berserk and have a breakdown during sex. That was good to establish with people like us.
"No," Heero agreed. His hands smoothed over my scars as if he could wipe them off.
"Pretty damned ugly, right?" I chuckled, without any humor in it.
"No," he breathed. "Not ugly at all." Which startled me and made me feel good at the same time. It made me want....
I bent over, took hold of Heero's cock, and made the plunge. It was salty and silky and... tasted like Heero. Yeah, it was exactly what I wanted. I am soooo gay....
Heero buried hands in my hair, groaning and panting. I tried to figure out what to do, experimented a little, and almost went too far. I pulled back when I felt him tighten.
"Don't want to end it now?" I chuckled and he blushed and shook his head.
He pushed me back onto the bed then. God! He is so damned strong. It was intimidating and comforting at the same time. He could do anything he wanted, and I'd have to like it, but I could tell he was tightly leashing himself, looking at me, wanting my response. When he kissed me, it was almost harder to take than swallowing his cock. Is that weird? Guys weren't suppose to kiss. Guys weren't suppose to suck cock. Guys weren't supposed to let other guys stick... but were we going to go that far if kissing and going down on him was this... I won't say difficult, or weird, or... but it did feel as if were were crossing into forbidden territory. I really didn't like that feeling either. It's not as if I really cared what anyone thought. It was just stupid stuff I'd been taught since I could walk. Guys don't get it on with guys. That's just... gay.
Heero played with my cock a bit more and then, slowly, as if he was still thinking that I might object, he took it into his mouth. It was warm, wet, and my nickname was about to be 'Johny come early'. I had to grip at him with both hands and think about, Gundam specs on o rings for a bit. It wasn't about just me, after all. He wanted to suck cock, a hard one, not a limp, wet one.
I manage to keep it together. I got to suck brown nipples and he got to play with my ass and balls, something that really seemed to turn him on. At last, we came to decision making time. Condoms hit the bed in their little plastic wrappers, as if we were going to do it like weasels. Prelubed, dated for several years ago, I've never needed to use them. I've never gotten that far with anyone. That sounded pretty damned pathetic, I suppose, but you can chalk it up to a good dose of childhood, war time, and sexual confusion. I don't know if it made me feel better about it when Heero took up a condom and admitted that he'd never gotten that far either.
Did we want it? When I thought about being buried in Heero Yuy, I almost came right then and there, so, yeah, I was definitely interested. When I thought about him in me, that brought up a whole suitcase of issues, most of them dealing with 'guys don't let other guys stick cocks in their asses'. That's just... yeah... gay... I could see from his face that he had opened up his own suitcase.
"Flip a coin?" I managed.
He piled the condoms between us, as if they needed to be neatly stacked, and then reached for his pants. I'd been joking. He was serious. Of course, my luck being what it is, I lost the toss.
"We can not do this," Heero said as he tossed the coin aside and studied my pale expression.
I swallowed hard. "Who doesn't want to fuck, raise your hand," I asked the air tightly. Yeah, neither of us did that. It was pretty clear we wanted that. Somebody had to spread 'em, though, for that to happen. "Your turn next," I warned and he gave an odd nod, like he was accepting a mission.
It was like being fifteen again. We fumbled, apologized, and stumbled awkwardly. One of us came early, we waited to recharge, and then tried again. When Heero finally pushed into me, I can't say it was good, or awful, or ... it was just plain weird. I was stretched, my body saying, 'Get that thing out, idiot!' while part of my mind was going, 'Fuck, yes!'. Heero did fuck me. After a bit, it was good... really good... really, really good.... Okay, so I'm definitely... gay... and liking that. I couldn't help grinning about it when Heero finished, collapsing between my legs with his come running down the crack of my ass.
"You are a God," I managed and he smirked. That smirk turned to trepidation as I snagged a condom and rolled him with my legs wrapped around him. On top, I opened the condom with my teeth and said, "Time for you to find yourself, too, Heero baby."Which made him laugh and take it better than I had.
The end