Feather

Chapter 1

1x2

by Kracken

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"Care to explain?" Wu Fei sat down next to Heero in the hospital waiting room, the vid playing an inane soap opera, and a harried mother trying to keep her two children entertained with an assortment of blocks and puzzles.

Heero stared hard at nothing, his hair a mess, and his clothing looking as if he had been rolling in the yard with them. There was blood on him as well and he kept trying to cover a larger stain on his chest with a hand that looked as if it had very little in the way of orders from the anguished mind controlling it.

Wu Fei tried again. "I read the admittance report, the doctor's examination, and the testimony of the neighbor. Now, it's my job as a Preventer agent, as well as your partner, and friend, to ask you what happened, Heero Yuy."

"That's not my real name," Heero managed thickly, still looking hard at nothing, but his tension growing.

"I know that," Wu Fei replied, trying to steady the man with his voice. "If you're about to attempt to tell me that I don't know who you really are, I will have to laugh. This is not a laughing matter, though, or a time to request a name change."

"It's Junior," Heero continued, as if Wu Fei had said nothing. "Just that... or Junior Odin Lowe, if I wanted to take the name of the man who took care of me the longest."

"And Trowa isn't really Trowa," Wu Fei replied waspishly. "You are not the only ones to decide that names were too painful to keep. The war was full of them."

"I liked having the name of a man of peace," Heero said. "It was a joke, you see? I was trained to kill, to destroy, to die doing what had to be done. I was the opposite of peace."

"And Duo was the god of death," Wu Fei pointed out, "and I was the hand of justice. Destroyers, all of us. denying it, is denying ourselves."

Heero looked pained. "Those names don't go away, because the war is over. It's who we are. Just as you said, we can't deny ourselves."

"I am still the hand of justice," Wu Fei said as he smoothed a hand on the lapel of his Preventer jacket. "I don't attempt to deny that. I simply redirect it's purpose. I don't seek justice for myself. I seek it for others."

"What do I do?" Heero asked tightly, his chin trembling slightly with emotion. "How do I use my abilities to kill, when I have sworn never to kill again? Where is my place? Where is Duo's? How do killers lead a life of peace?"

"Are you admitting that you tried to kill Duo?" Wu Fei asked, but his tone was skeptical. He leaned forward in his chair to look at Heero's anguished eyes. "or did Duo try to kill you?"

Heero shook his head and rubbed hands hard over his face, letting out an explosive breath. When Wu Fei could see his face again, the man's eyes were red with unshed tears.

"Yuy," Wu Fei tried again, "Tell me what happened. Let me help you."

"I broke his shoulder, his elbow, and his wrist," Heero explained, suddenly dead of emotion, as if he were reciting a mission report. "The blood is from where I struck him on the right side of his face."

Wu Fei studied the man beside him, studied the emotion that the man was trying to control. "It was an accident." A statement of fact that he was certain of.

Heero made a despairing shrug of shoulders and then slumped down in his chair, staring at the floor. "That's not how it ended."

"A misunderstanding," Wu Fei said firmly, sure of his facts.

"Reflexes," Heero agreed. "Deadly reflexes."

Wu Fei plucked a leaf from Heero's shirt. "The neighbor said that you had borrowed his ladder to attempt to trim trees away from your roof."

Heero nodded and swallowed hard.

"He heard shouting," Wu Fei continued. "He found you on the ground with Duo unconscious in your arms. That's a large gap of information. You could tell me any story that you would like. As long as Duo confirms it, I won't have a case against you. The truth won't be so easily disposed of."

"There are other recorded 'instances', and you know that," Heero retorted and then throttled down on his emotions. "Just because neither of us has made formal reports doesn't mean that they aren't in Preventer files."

"You're telling me my job," Wu Fei growled back and then squeezed Heero's arm tightly. "Heero, placing you under arrest won't solve anything. Accepting these sorts of instances, as unavoidable, as natural to your being, would be an equally bad mistake. If you, and Maxwell, are not willing to press charges, if you are that committed to this relationship, then commit yourself equally to you own well being."

"There... there was a jump ship, one of those older models.... an air show, I think, north of us," Heero suddenly offered, His hand went to his mouth, covering the trembling there. "It shot over the roof line, flying low. Duo's always been... high strung... about air craft. He lost his balance. I grabbed for him. It was a mistake. He wasn't in the here and now. Do you know what it's like, trying to save someone from a fall, while...battling... inner demons... while trying to stop yourself from... reacting... from attacking in turn? Reflex. It's drilled so deep into our psyche. We both hit the ground. He was knocked unconscious."

"His arm...You never could handle your own strength," Wu Fei guessed.

Heero nodded shakily. "I'm too... rough. I never mean to hurt him, but I do."

"I can't arrest you for an accident," Wu Fei told him, "but I can arrest you for domestic assault. You will get help for this. I won't allow a 'next time'. Do you understand that?"

Heero nodded, but then looked down the hallway as if he could see Duo resting in his room. "There might not be another chance for a next time," he whispered in anguish. "He may not want me after this."

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"How is he?" Sally watched the expression, of the man sitting close to her carefully. She saw guilt that was strong enough to sound warning sirens.

"Forgiving," Heero said shortly.

"That surprises you?" Sally wondered as she leaned forward to pour tea into Heero's cup. She had taken this all important first session to her home, to a small table sitting in her kitchen, over looking her twelve by twelve garden at the back of her equally small home.

"It always surprises me," Heero told her and held his hot cup in both hands, as if warding off a chill that wasn't there.

"He made excuses," Sally recalled. "He blamed himself. That isn't healthy for either of you."

"He believes it," Heero replied and his guilt seemed to deepen until it was a heavy presence in the room.

"Heero-"

"I can't stay long," Heero interrupted curtly. "He needs me. His injuries..."

Sally frowned. "You're afraid of what I have to say to you, aren't you?"

Heero was quiet, staring into his tea. "You want me to leave him."

Sally chose her next words carefully. "I think you're both too young for this relationship. I think you both have many 'issues' that need addressing. Telling you to end it, though, is a waste of breath. I already know that, Heero." She sighed and added, "Watching you, I see two young men, comrades in arms, soldiers having each other's back, no matter what. You're used to being hurt, used to surviving and taking hits. It doesn't occur to you that you can let go and still have each other again, later. It's all about the battle, now, and I know that you both don't think that losing is an option, even temporarily."

"From the moment that we met, I knew that he was... mine," Heero said softly and then drank a few sips of tea, to cover his embarrassment.

"He feels the same," Sally admitted.

Heero frowned. "He talked to you?"

"I wouldn't call it talking," Sally complained. "More like marking his territory and telling me hands off."

"You asked him to leave me?" Anger made Heero's hands tighten on the cup.

"I asked him to tell me the truth," Sally tempered. "What he gave me was the same blank wall, topped with razor wire, that you're giving me right now."

Heero smiled with grim satisfaction, but then, in the next moment, the guilt was back again. "I don't know how he can be like that after..."

"I see it often," Sally explained, "But understanding it's cause, and knowing that you can't make someone see what they are doing to themselves, doesn't make it any easier. He's going to allow you to hurt him, to keep you, because he's afraid of doing anything else. To make that easier, he blames himself. He says to himself, 'It's because of me, that Heero can't control his strength, his reactions.' He'll go forward, trying to 'be better', but he'll fail, because the fault is in you."

"I know that," Heero replied and carefully put the tea cup down. "What should I do? How do I stop this?"

Sally pointed to the cup. "Why did you put that down, just now?"

Heero blinked, confused, but then replied, "I'm tense. I'm afraid of breaking it."

"Isn't Duo as important as my fine china?" Sally pressed.

Heero growled angrily, "Of course!"

"Then, obviously, you need to learn control, to channel your anger and reactions to less dangerous avenues. Like the cup, you need to set Duo aside, when you're not feeling able to control yourself." Sally took a pad of paper and a pen from her pocket. She wrote something and then handed it to Heero.

"Another doctor?" Heero wondered, reading the name.

"No, a military expert," Sally corrected him, "Someone who's used to training difficult men."

"Training?" Heero seemed relieved.

"You might accidentally hurt a therapist," Sally explained. "It's safer to have you with a man who can defend himself."

"When?" Heero asked.

"As soon as Duo is healed," Sally replied. "You both need to go. You can't learn to treat Duo like fine china, if he isn't there."

Heero seemed embarrassed. Sally leaned forward and pointed a finger at his chest.

"That's not the reaction you want," Sally warned. "You need to be committed."

Heero nodded firmly. "I am."

"Good," Sally said as she sat back and sipped at her tea, "because I'm just as determined as Chang to end your relationship with Duo ,if I find that you can't be rehabilitated."

Emotions ran over Heero's face, including one that dared Sally to try and take Duo away from him. He held back the words, though, with an effort. "I will fix this... me."

"Good," Sally replied.

Sally sensed that they had gained something from their talk, a better awareness of the difficulties ahead for both young men. It was better, she thought, for them not to go in thinking that there was a quick fix. It could take years, she knew. She hoped that they succeeded. It was going to be a sad day, if she was forced to separate them.

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"We don't get diplomas?" Duo joked as they stood before their instructor on the last day of their 'therapy'.

The man, a hard nosed, crew cut, cigar chewing sergeant, scowled at them both. He was sporting a broken arm and a black eye that was almost healed. "Do you think this is a joking matter, Maxwell? Well, do you?"

Duo swallowed hard and looked down at his feet.

The man grunted. "In my estimation, you get a 'pass', but the rest is up to the both of you. Take out the knuckles again, Yuy, and the government will step in to end this, once and for all."

Heero nodded. "I understand." When he felt Duo's hand hit his shoulder, hard, he flinched but didn't retaliate, his mind firmly telling him that was not an attack, but his lover.

Duo grinned at him and then smirked at the sergeant."See? We're good."

The sergeant touched his broken arm. "He didn't keep himself in control when I did that."

"That was weeks ago," Duo reminded him. "Now Heero looks before he crushes."

"I hope so, for your sakes," the sergeant replied. "Now, get out of my sight. I'll enjoy 'normal' recruits again and not fear for my life every second of the day."

"Hey, we love you, too, man!" Duo snickered. he tossed an arm over Heero's shoulders and said, "Come on, let's blow this place. Now that the sarge has cleared us, you can finally come home."

"Maxwell," the sergeant reminded him, "You know that you still had therapy sessions, correct? You're done here, but not there. Yuy isn't the only one with problems."

Duo looked annoyed and then resigned. "Yeah, I remember. I'll be there."

"Good. You're both years away from being in any way 'cured'," the man warned them both. "You have to keep up with therapy or this won't work."

They both nodded and left the training facility a little less elated. It wasn't so much freedom, as a lessening of restrictions. They were both quiet on the drive home.

At last, when they pulled into their driveway, Duo turned to Heero and said, not certain of his reaction, "Welcome home."

Heero smiled softly, leaned over, and gave Duo a kiss. "We will make this work," he promised Duo, after the kiss. "I love you too much to fail."

"Me, too," Duo replied, but then blushed.

"What's wrong?" Heero asked, worried.

"We do have a last test," Duo warned him.

Heero frowned, confused. "I don't understand."

Duo ducked his head, even more embarrassed. "We need to make sure that we can... you know... do it... without you... breaking bones or leaving contusions."

"I won't fail that test, either," Heero promised.

It was hard to pick the moment. They brought in Heero's luggage, unpacked, and then just spent time together, getting reacquainted with their lives. Living in a barracks type of situation, had made Heero eager to regain some normalcy.

"We don't have... do it... today," Duo finally said. "If you're tired and need just to hang out."

Heero laughed outright. Duo looked hurt, until Heero gently took him by an elbow and steered him into their bedroom. It was Duo's turn to laugh, then, as Heero stretched him out on the bed and began undressing his lover.

"Eager?" Duo teased as he raised his knees and gave Heero a view that made the man's breath quicken.

"You don't know!" Heero groaned and went into the bathroom quickly to get supplies. returning, he found Duo rolled onto his stomach, chin pillowed on his crossed arms.

"I do know," Duo replied. "I've been waiting for you, too."

Heero paused and took a firm hold on his libido. It raged for Duo, wanted him hot and heavy and immediately. That way led to hurting, though, led to forgetting his own strength.

"Slow," Heero told his lover. "Easy. We have time."

Heero kneeled on the bed, Duo leering appreciatively at Heero's hard on.

"That for me?" Duo asked huskily.

"Only for you," Heero promised as he slid hands over Duo's back, massaged the man's firm butt, and then slid hands underneath to fondle Duo's hard nipples.

Duo chuckled and bucked a little. "That tickles. You know I don't care about that."

"I do," Heero growled in Duo's ear.

"I've got two places that want more attention, lover," Duo growled back.

"Getting to them," Heero promised.

"Hope so or I'm going to die of blue balls," Duo complained. He rolled and massaged his 'problem' at Heero with broad strokes. Heero moved to give that part of Duo all of his attention with his mouth.

"Sorry," Duo gasped in embarrassment. "It's... been awhile."

Heero used a washcloth to clean them both up and then he smiled and repeated. "We have time."

Foreplay lasted as long as Heero could manage. He was almost afraid to take the final plunge, afraid that everything would go wrong. Duo coaxed him, though, and then finally demanded for Heero to take that last step.

When Heero pushed into Duo's depths at last and began a careful rhythm, he was trembling with leashed tension, judging his motions with the finest accuracy. He almost felt as if he were piloting a shuttle on re-entry, well aware that any deviation from course and speed could destroy them both.

When Duo came again, explosively, hands clutching at his shoulders, Heero pushed deeper and released as well, uttering a guttural moan that seemed ripped out of his core. Shaking with the aftermath of his orgasm, he looked down at Duo questioningly.

Duo grinned, and then said through his panting for breath, "You passed, lover."

Heero searched for a lie and didn't find it. Falling beside Duo, he gathered the man to him and almost felt on the verge of tears. he was surprised when something was pressed into his hand. he held it up and found a white feather and a black one on a silver necklace.

"To remind you," Duo told him, "Like a feather."

"Like a feather," Heero repeated and smiled softly as he looped the necklace over his head and let the entwined feathers rest on his chest. "I won't forget."

END

 


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