Falling Down
1x2 disaster fic
"Meet me at the park, one hour," Heero's voice had said.
Duo had finished negotiating the terminal, only a vague collection of theories and loose connections, turning his investigation towards a manufacturing town, when the announcement for his phone call had been texted to him. Calling the secure line, Duo didn't have to ask who's skill had been good enough to hack into his phone's high level security, in the first place.
The man didn't chit chat, either. The cell went dead and Duo was left to limp around the narrow streets until he spotted a collection of tables and chairs, a garbage can, and one lone tree that constituted the 'park'. Sitting down heavily, he rubbed at his bad knee, and waited.
Spare, Duo thought, as Heero came out of aside street and entered the park. He was thin, his clothes hanging on him and looking as if he hadn't cared one way or another about them, only that they covered him. A frown was on his face, a face that was tight and hallow under disheveled hair. Familiar blue eyes were just as intense as Duo remembered, and just as deadly sane.
Heero sat stiffly, soldier like, and on alert. Duo was certain that the hand that he had in his coat pocket was wrapped around the butt of a gun."You saw the photos," Heero said. It wasn't a question.
"Were you there or did you have an operative?" Duo asked sourly. "If you were there, you could have saved me the trip. I don't get around too well, like I used to."
"I had an operative. He's been following you,"Heero admitted. "I had to make sure that you found some of the facts on your own, that it wasn't just my word, when we met."
"Okay," Duo said, "I've seen the photos.I know something bad is going down. You told everyone that disaster was imminent. When they didn't listen you tried to take matters into your own hands, old school. What were you hoping to accomplish?"
"You know how effective children can be," Heero replied. "Dedicated. Easily trained. Flexible. Ready to die, because they don't understand the permanence of death."
"I understood it," Duo countered. "It was hard to see a future at fourteen, when everything around you had been shit, up until that time, though. I couldn't see how long my life could be, and that there was plenty of time for things to turn around and get better."
"Did it?" Heero wondered and there was a look in his eyes that was pained.
Duo flexed an arm that sported mechanical parts and grinned in a way that had nothing to do with humor. "It was okay, for a few years, anyway. I couldn't stop being the hero, though. I couldn't stop sacrificing. Maybe that says something about me? I never did consider my life worth more than the next man's, so I gave every ounce of blood to save that man. Now... Well... They've repaid me by trying to sweep me under the rug. Here's a shit job that you can do, Maxwell. Try not to die doing that, okay?"
The bitterness was keen and it was hard for Duo to leash it in. Heero was considering him and Duo felt ready to burst into anger. he remembered that Heero hadn't thought him good enough to call, when he needed help.
"It's hard not to be the best, anymore," Duo continued as he met Heero's appraising stare. "Hard knowing that I was chosen to chase after you, just because I knew you the best, and I was the only one who would do it."
"I didn't want you involved," Heero said softly. "I was hoping that Chang would find the evidence."
Duo felt a sharp pain near his heart, a tightness in his chest, at that brutal honesty. "Sorry to disappoint you. I'm all you got, as flawed as I am."
Heero frowned, "I wasn't criticizing your ability to carry my message and my evidence to authorities," Heero told him. "I know that you were severely injured. I didn't want to chance having you injured further."
Heero cared about him? Duo blinked, startled, but then brought his attention back to why he was there in the first place. "I'm all you got, Heero," he told him. "As flawed as I am. If you need me to play agent, I can still manage it."
Heero stood up smoothly, eyes scanning the surrounding area for any trouble. "I don't think so. I needed someone to infiltrate the organization and take it down from the inside. You won't be able to meet the physical requirements."
"How hard was it for you to break out of a maximum security prison?" Duo asked. "How hard was it for you to use transport when everyone is probably looking for you? Quatre was afraid that they were going to execute you, but I knew better than that. I knew that you would waltz out of there, any time that you felt like it. My only fear was that you had given up, that you wanted death. You were so good at trying to self destruct during the war. It was a possibility."
"Not when I have a duty to perform," Heero told him. "Not when so much is at stake."
Duo sighed. "I'm not criticizing you. I'm pointing out that nothing you've done so far took any effort, am I right?" When Heero stared, Duo bulled on. "You could have done it with a bum leg, and arm, and mechanical parts doing a lot of the work for you, right?"
Heero still stared.
Duo said, impatiently. "Give me this one, Heero."
"Yes," Heero said shortly.
"Don't count me out because I have things that don't work well. " Duo tapped his forehead. "This is what counts and I still have that. Tell me the plan."
"Not here," Heero told him and almost reached out a hand to help when Duo levered himself to his feet with difficulty. He let it drop, though, and said, instead, "I'll show you everything."
"I know that's not a sign that I'm in on this," Duo replied as he began limping after Heero. "But thanks for at least showing me what the hells' going on."
"You might think that I'm crazy, too," Heero replied harshly.
"Maybe, it is a possibility," Duo admitted. "You always were wound tight."
"You know what people are capable of," Heero told him. "If nothing else, you can give a clear verdict about what I have already gathered about this terrorist organization."
"And if I think you've lost it?" Duo wondered.
"I won't stop," Heero replied firmly.
"Even if I bring all of Preventers down on you and capture you again?" Duo couldn't help saying. It was risky. Heero Yuy hadn't ever been apposed to leaving dead bodies when it suited his purposes.
"They won't capture me again," Heero replied as he took rusted metal steps that led up into a dilapidated warehouse. "I allowed it, last time, to try and make them see what was going to happen."
"The destruction of Earth?" Duo recalled.
"And the colonies," Heero added.
"I can almost hope that you are just crazy, then," Duo sighed as he followed Heero inside of the building.
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"They approached me, wanting my expertise," Heero told him as he took Duo's palm computer and slipped in a memory chip."I pretended interest, of course, but they wanted proof of my complete involvement in their cause. They wanted me to set explosives on a small drift colony and take it out completely."
"A military target?" Duo hoped as he stared at the information scrolling across the screen of his computer.
"Civilian," Heero replied flatly.
"I need to sit," Duo said with some embarrassment. He looked around the warehouse, with it's rusted metal walls and floors, and abandoned machinery.
Duo was surprised when Heero pried an old chair from behind one machine and unfolded it. Duo sat stiffly, leg out to relax strained muscles, he continued reading his palm computer.
"So, what's their goal?" Duo wanted to know. "What are they pissed off about?"
"Everything," Heero replied, standing close and staring down at him. "They want to reform Earth and space into an anarchist ideal, everyone allowed independent decision making and complete freedom. They feel that can only be achieved by dismantling everything that's in place, now."
"Take everyone back to the stone age," Duo sighed, "And they don't care how many casualties there are to attain their ideal."
"They believe that humanity can only evolve when they are free thinking, free acting individuals," Heero explained. "They believe that governments and laws stifle, completely, and allow humanity to stay stagnate, to remain slaves to their own history."
"History repeats itself," Duo said acidly. "We've seen that enough times."
"Only true pacifism can happen when everyone is equal," Heero continued. "When everyone is allowed complete freedom from the pressures of environment, social, and economical standards, and government imposed norms."
Duo shook his head in disgust. "People are like wolves."
Heero frowned, puzzled, repeating, "Wolves?"
"Always an alpha, the leader of the pack," Duo explained. "They want to lead. It's instinct, hard wired into their genetics. People are incapable of being equal. Those who aren't alphas, in turn, want a leader. They want guidance, someone else to make major decisions. Proof of that is everywhere you look. It's part of the animal kingdom, part of mankind, from the beginning of time. Everyone wants to know the rules. Everyone wants a leader, except the one who wants to lead and make the rules."
Heero didn't say anything and Duo felt uncomfortable, wondering if he had been judged, yet again, and found lacking. He scrolled down the long list of children, pictures taken on the sly, he supposed, because many of them were at odd angles and some were out of focus.
"Where do the children come into this?" Duo wondered.
"Easy to brainwash and train," Heero replied. "Unquestioning gun fodder. They'll plant the bombs, sabotage the installations, and slaughter innocents, without second guessing their orders."
"Some will," Duo growled. "I wasn't convinced, when I was their age."
"I was," Heero admitted. "So was Trowa. We grew up in that life. You didn't."
"Another criticism?" Duo snapped back.
"No, just a fact," Heero replied, and then, in concern, "You're letting emotions of inadequacy cloud your thinking. If you doubt yourself, then I will find it impossible to trust in your abilities."
"I'm pointing out, that we may have allies among those children," Duo retorted. "Pulling down an organization from within is usually the best method."
"So is destroying their army," Heero pointed out bluntly.
Duo stared up at him, but Heero didn't flinch. He was ready to kill children. To save a tremendous amount of lives, Duo knew that he would do it as well. It still turned his stomach, still made him grind his teeth and hate the necessity of such acts.
"We don't have time for infiltrating their ranks," Heero informed him as he reached down and flipped to a concise timeline. "They are getting ready to move. I need to convince everyone, before that happens. We can't be everywhere at once. They need the information to save themselves."
Duo said skeptically, "If they wouldn't believe all of this information, what will they believe?"
"The scientist who's training the children," Heero replied. "He sent these photos, and information, to me after I refused to work for the anarchists."
Duo was dumbfounded. "Heero, did they really rather think that you were delusional, than believe your proof?"
Heero was suddenly full of anger for his recent mistreatment. He paced away from Duo and stared out of a filthy window. "What proof? Badly taken photos of children? My say so that I was approached and asked to murder civilians? Logistics and info that I say came from someone working to turn children into fanatic killers? Why would they believe any of it? I have a history."
Suicidal. Fanatic. Mass killer. Trained assassin. Of course they would think that such a man, one who had been steeped in violence since babyhood, would continue to try to fight, even in peacetime. Even if he had to create a battle to fight.
Duo rubbed at his face wearily and then said, "So, you want me to help you get proof?"
"I'll get the proof," Heero assured him,"but you'll be the one to take the credit. They'll only believe if you present the proof to them."
"How am I any better than you?" Duo wondered irritably.
Heero turned and walked back to him slowly. When he was looking down at Duo, again, he reached out a tentative hand and traced fingers along Duo's jaw line. His whole demeanor was of a man expecting swift censure, but determined to take the chance anyway.
"You've always been different," Heero replied quietly. "They will listen to you."
He dropped his hand and Duo found himself raising his own hand to touch where Heero's fingers had been. "What is this?" Duo wanted to know, not angry or allowing his hope to show, but just as quiet as Heero.
"Something that's been there for a long while," Heero replied. "I thought that you should know. I may not survive this. I've had a great deal of time to face my regrets. You were my greatest. I squandered my time and I'll never have it back to do differently."
Duo's face twisted in bitterness. "No,you're right. There's no do over, Heero. The time passed us by. You're thinking about dying for the cause, again, and I'm one messed up fuck that nobody wants, now. I mean," he laughed, short and sharp, "Who the hell would want to listen to me moan and groan all day long, watch me pop pills, and deal with a body that's shived with machine parts? Get it up? Wait, let me find the right pill and monkey wrench for that."
Heero's eyes widened, the question on his lips that he didn't dare ask. Duo laughed at him and didn't enlighten him. Let him think what he wanted, Duo thought to himself. He wasn't even sure about the rest of it. Touching his own body was something that he avoided, except in an endless cycle of therapy or trying to releave pain.
Heero was frowning now and shaking his head. "I didn't want this."
"What did you think, that you could just say that, and that would be it?" Duo wondered.
Heero looked pained. "I thought that you would be disgusted."
"Well, hey, I'm gay, too," Duo jeered. "Can't be disgusted about that, at least."
Heero's confusion and anguish was apparent, but then he locked it down and his face went flat of expression. "I have a few operatives. They'll help me get into the installation. I'll give you code words. I may not see you again-"
"This side of Hell, you mean?" Duo cut in.
Heero nodded tightly. "If I manage to extricate the doctor, someone else might be bringing him to you."
"You can depend on these operatives?" Duo wondered, managing to push aside his feelings, as well, to deal with the mission.
"No, of course not," Heero replied matter of factly. "It would be foolish to depend on anyone, you know that."
"Except for me?" Duo pressed. "You trust me, because we've fought together. You know that I won't leave you when things start heating up."
"I can't risk-" Heero began, but Duo cut him off.
"Trust me. Yes or no?" Duo demanded.
"I do," Heero replied.
"Then let me fight with you," Duo told him as he levered himself to his feet. "Let's shut these people down."
"I've let you know my feelings," Heero argued, expression tight. "I can't be... impartial... when it comes to decisions."
"That's exactly what you're going to do," Duo shot back hotly. "Nothing we said or feel makes any difference. It's long over. We're just agents, soldiers, people willing to do what it takes. We will do what it takes. Get me the map and the plan. I'm going with you."
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"Is this what happened to Heero?" Duo demanded as he watched Quatre stack the photos and tuck them into a folder. The folder and the memory sticks followed them into an envelope. "Am I going to the nut house, too?"
Quatre sighed, "No," he replied. "It's not the same thing. You'll go back to your job as if you had just taken a leave of absence for a maintenance operation. Here's the particulars." He slid a paper across his desk to where Duo sat opposite him.
Leg stuck out to ease the ache and an arm bandaged from shoulder to elbow, Duo had circles under his eyes and a tighter line beside his mouth. He looked as if he had just come off of a hard mission, or a hard convalescence. The paper Quatre had given him, to present to his superior, said as much, even listing the particulars of the medical operation that he had supposedly undergone.
"So that explains my arm being bandaged. It did slip my mind why it was taped up," Duo said sarcastically. "Here I thought that it was because a man opened me up with a ten inch blade while I was trying to subdue him from blowing up the evidence. Silly me, must have been the anesthetic that made me think that Heero and me saved all those children.... and the Earth... and the colonies, too. What a wild hallucination."
"You were just supposed to gather evidence," Quatre criticized. "Even Heero's report said that he hadn't expected you to discard the plan and try to break that terrorist cell with two lone operatives."
"Because that would be just crazy," Duo interjected. "Are you sure that I'm not being committed?"
Quatre rubbed at his forehead. "Duo. I'm not Preventer High Command. I wanted to save Heero. I didn't want to almost lose you in the process."
"Touching," Duo snorted, but then sighed. "Come on, Quatre, it's me. I know you were working for Une, the entire time. You needed this under the radar. Out of the press. Out of main channels. I was your man, and so was Heero. You weren't really going to give him the death penalty or a cushy padded cell."
"I doubt that we could have held him, if we had tried," Quatre replied. "It really wasn't the intention to have him escape. We wanted you to confirm everything and give it some legitimacy. The military commanders were doubtful."
"You know, Quatre?" Duo said as he levered himself out of the chair and reached for a cane.
"Yes, Duo?" Quatre said warily, as if he knew what was coming next.
"You're every bit as 'split personality' as Commander Une, ever was. I keep falling for that innocent, golden boy side of yours, though. Guess I'm just a sucker."
Quatre smiled, and his blue eyes went warm. "You know what has to be done, the sacrifices that have to be made. We're both willing to do what it takes."
"You're right," Duo agreed."Next time, though, cut the bullshit and just tell me what the hell's really going on. Don't let those idiots in Preventers make you think that I need made up reasons to put my life on the line."
"Maybe it was for Heero?" Quatre said. "Maybe we had to make him believe it, because you did? He's hard to read, at the best of times. Hard to direct outside of a war. He lets emotions dictate his actions more than he ever did before."
"What sort of emotions?" Duo wondered as he limped to the door.
"You brought him out of the shadows. You sent him down proper channels. It might have been a bloodbath instead of the tight Preventer mission that you made it... or are you going to tell me that Heero would have saved those children if he thought that it was best that they all die?"
Duo remembered Heero's threat and nodded. "All right. I get it. Still sucks to be me. Now I get to go back to fixing Preventer crap, Heero's off to where ever Heero goes when he's not saving the world, and you... what will you get to do?"
"Go back to watching for fires," Quatre chuckled.
"Sucks to be you, too," Duo replied and left Quatre to his
paperwork.
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"You're at my door? Why?" Duo asked bitterly.
Heero was dressed in a dark shirt and jeans, his coat twisting in his hands and his eyes dark and intense on Duo's face.
Duo sighed and limped away from the door, knowing that Heero would follow him into his small living room. He sat down, with embarrassing difficulty, in a chair, while Heero closed the door and looked around.
"You called me every name in the book," Duo recalled when Heero
didn't offer up any conversation. "You threatened me. You said, 'Everyone
is going to die to save the lives of a few children.' I threatened to blow
your head off of your shoulders if you didn't save them."
Duo eyed Heero as Heero dropped his leather coat onto a back of another chair.
"This isn't payback, is it?" Duo finally wondered, "because, if it is, I'd like a couple of beers, first. Alcohol doesn't mix with my meds, so I've been avoiding it. If I'm going to die, anyway, I'd rather do it with a nice beer buzz."
"Is it too late?" Heero suddenly asked and his eyes met Duo's again.
"Too late?" Duo wondered and then understood. He felt his heart clench with emotional pain. "How can you ask that?"
Heero came to stand by his chair, looking down at him.
"The mission," Duo began but Heero interrupted him.
"The results were the same," Heero replied. "That's all that mattered to me. Mission complete."
"So, you're over it?" Duo asked with a snort. "Maybe I'm not?"
"I can't change," Heero told him.
"I know that," Duo replied. "Neither can I. We're ugly ducklings. Maybe too ugly even for each other."
"Ducklings?" Heero repeated, confused.
"You are what you are," Duo clarified. "I didn't fall for some false image of you. I've changed, though. I'm broken. What could you want with me? I can't be your partner. I can't watch your back. Most days, I find it hard to cross a room. Stone cold mission man and broken down Preventer equipment mechanic. What the hell, right? That's never going to work and you know it."
Heero reached down and touched Duo's face. He said softly, "It's not about who we are. It's about how we feel. How do you feel?"
Duo stared up at him for a very long time and then he cupped Heero's hand against his cheek and took a deep, steadying breath, before he replied, "I've loved you since day one."
"I'm staying here," Heero decided, then. "With you. That's how I feel."
"Just like that?" Duo asked, at a loss.
Heero nodded.
"Life isn't that simple," Duo protested. "You can't just say, 'Mission complete', and go on, as if nothing went on before this."
"The mission isn't complete," Heero replied and a small smirk played on his lips as he leaned down to kiss a suddenly willing Duo. "It's just started."
The End