Disclaimer: I don't own them and I don't make any money off of this.
Warning:Male/male sex, graphic, language, violence.
"Duo, Duo, slow down!" Heero chuckled as Duo pushed him into the
of his ship and climbed on top.
Duo busily undid the shirt of Heero's Preventer shirt, grinning widely
as he said, "Been too long. I want you... now."
Heero looked at his watch playfully. "Nine hours? I suppose that is too
long." He reached up and took hold of Duo's face with both hands,
pulling him down for a deep kiss, but Duo didn't want to hold still
for it. He pulled back and opened Heero's shirt, hands sliding inside.
Heero frowned. "Duo? Are you all right?"
Duo laughed as he tweaked Heero's nipples. "Hell, yes! Better than I've
felt in years."
Heero searched Duo's face. "You look... your skin isn't so pale and ...
I'm not sure what it is... You look more alive, more excited than I've
seen you look in some time."
"Let's take advantage of it," Duo urged in a sexy tone of voice and
began unzipping Heero's pants.
Heero checked his watch more seriously now. "Twenty minutes, love.
Sorry. I have a mission meeting."
"That's enough," Duo breathed against Heero's neck and reached to
side table for the lube. He didn't hand it to Heero. "You know," he
said. "You always get to be on top. I think it's my turn."
Heero smirked. "You're always welcome to be on top, Duo," he chuckled
and cupped Duo's ass with his hands.
Duo was shook his head, determined. "No, on top, lover," he stressed.
Heero's hands tightened, kneaded, and then Duo was looking down into
his tense face. "I... I don't think..," Heero began
Duo frowned. "Are you going to tell me that Heero Yuy doesn't bottom?"
Heero frowned. There was a long silence and then he said, almost under
his breath, "All right."
Duo grinned again. "Don't worry, I'll be gentle."
The drugs were still running strong and Duo felt virile and able to
dominate Heero for the first time in their relationship. He growled,
nibbled, stroked, and then prepared his lover. Heero tried to stay
calm and compliant, but his face betrayed him. He was tensing and
almost fighting when Duo lifted his legs and took a position between them.
"So'kay, baby," Duo said softly and nibbled at Heero's lips. "I
how to do this."
There was a stitch in Duo's chest. He ignored it. His lungs felt tight.
A buzz was starting in his ears.
"Duo," Heero said, his voice tight. His dark blue eyes looked out
under his fall of chocolate hair, worried. "I... I don't know..."
"I do," Duo soothed. "Let me do this. Love you."
Heero took a steadying breath. "Love you," he returned and gritted
A pain bloomed in Duo's chest. He gasped. The pain sizzled down his arm
and he choked on a cry.
"Duo, what is it?!" Heero shouted but Duo couldn't see him through
red haze of pain. He felt hands take hold of him and their positions
were suddenly reversed.
"N-No fair," Duo managed. "I-I almost had you."
Flat on his back, Duo suddenly couldn't breathe. He struggled and Heero
understood. He propped him up on pillows and the weight on his chest
eased. He heard Heero frantically calling emergency services.
"Duo?" Heero called. "Tell me what you're feeling?"
"Chest," Duo replied. "Hurts... arm... Heero?"
Heero gripped his hand hard.
He was in trouble. The pills were killing him, Duo knew. His body had
been too weak to even reach the recommended time limit. He had to
admit it to Heero that he had taken drugs. He briefly entertained the
thought that death might be better, but another wave of pain shook him
out of that thinking.
"Stupid," Duo managed as he pulled Heero's hand to his face. "I-
Red Hots. One dose. First time."
"Shit, Duo!" Heero exclaimed in anguish and he heard Heero talking
emergency personnel in frantic tones. "Emergency dock and evac," he
Heero kissed Duo's hand. "I have to prep the ship and undock mine to
make room for emergency," he told Duo. "They're ready to treat you on
board before taking you to the station." His grip was painful, but not
as painful as Duo's chest. "Duo... why?"
"Didn't want to lose," Duo replied and then tried to stay alive until
"Duo?" The name was whispered again and again into Duo's ear. He
to concentrate on it, tried to allow it to bring him back to
consciousness, but it was hard. He drifted, fell into bad dreams, and
then was slowly, but surely, carried up on a tide of awareness.
"Duo?" A tired called softly, without much hope.
Duo blinked and then something tried to crush his right hand.
"Duo?!" The voice shouted, elated now.
"Ow," Duo whispered back, mouth dry as a desert. "Need hand back."
The crushing pressure on his hand eased and ... yes, it was Heero, Duo
decided, who said, "Sorry... are you really awake?"
"Yeah." Duo made a face. "Water."
A straw was put to Duo's lips and he sipped cool water. He tried to
focus his eyes while he drank. First the straw, then the rim of the
cup, and then... a pair of dark blue eyes. Duo smiled and his dry lips
"How do you feel?" Heero asked tenderly and brushed strands of hair
from Duo's forehead.
"Okay," Duo replied, but then amended, "Tired... fuzzy... but
Alive is good. Good enough for you to go ahead and yell at me."
Heero scowled, but it lacked strength "Duo...can you tell me what
"Dunno," Duo sighed miserably. He picked at his blankets while he
in his surroundings. He was in a hospital room, he decided. Monitors
were tracking his heart rate and condition, and wires and IVs were
attached to his arms.
Heero's silence brought Duo's attention back to him. His lover was
looking... disappointed and hurt. Duo suddenly knew that it wasn't his
reaction to the drugs that Heero was asking about, but his lack of
trust and his willingness to do something stupid and illegal because
Duo felt a pain in his chest that had nothing to do with his heart and
everything to do with his love for Heero. It was so hard to let the
man in to the darker side of himself. Everything had happened because
of that reluctance.
"Heero," Duo took another long drink of water to steady himself and
then stared hard at his hands, twisted in the blankets, as he
confessed, "I... I was afraid of failing."
Heero sighed, shifted so that he was facing Duo as much as he could
manage, and then said, "Why can't you understand that I am here for
you, to help you? Why do you have to hide from me?"
"Heero.... You're everything I'm not," Duo confessed. "It's
just trying to be good enough."
Heero leaned down so that both of his hands were resting on either side
of Duo. Heero's face was very close to his own, but Duo still refused
to look up."When are you going to stop thinking that way?"
"When it isn't true!" Duo snapped back and then bit his bottom lip
hard. He struggled for control, feeling ready to collapse again.
"Can't we... not argue now? I did just about have heart failure..."
"You did, actually," Heero bit back. "You died for fifteen seconds
before the medics were able to put you on a machine."
Duo felt a chill. His hand left off torturing the blankets and pressed
flat against the middle of his chest. "Yeah?"
"Yeah," Heero confirmed. "They stabilized you and injected nanobots
repair the damage, you'll be fine.... but that doesn't change the fact
that you lied to me, broke the law, and refused to let me know that
you were having trouble. I can't live like this, Duo. I can't be with
you if I can't trust you.... if you can't trust me."
Duo shivered. "What..." It came out as a hoarse whisper. He cleared
throat, stunned. "Are you," he tried again, "Are you leaving me?"
Heero glared."I think I would die if I did," he confessed, "but
a kind of death, too, only slower."
Time to come clean, Duo knew, because, above all else; work, pride, and
his need to succeed, was his love for Heero.
"It's hard," Duo told him.
"I know," Heero replied. He backed up and stood quietly by Duo's
instinctively knowing that Duo needed that space.
"You have to know," Duo began, "I... when I look in the mirror,
I see a
pathetic shell of what I used to be. No matter how many weights I
lift, or therapies I force my body through, I'm not going to be that
again. I don't..." Duo felt weak and too vulnerable. He didn't want to
go on, but he forced himself to. "I don't see why you want me. When I
think about it, I wonder if you're not some kind of pervert. I mean,
if you were normal you'd want someone who could at least... look like
he belonged with you.... So," he hurried on, afraid what Heero would
say, "What have I got if I don't have a body any sane person would
want? I should at least have some success, some brains, and some
ability to take care of myself. But, I couldn't even do that. I knew I
was screwing it up. I knew I needed to not fail, so... I took the Red
Hot, just one... To get me through a tough spot."
"Duo," Heero finally said and clasped Duo's hand in his. Duo dared
look in his eyes and saw sympathy and understanding there. "The
solution wasn't Red Hots... I was." Duo blinked at him, confused.
Heero sighed and continued, "Several of your clients traced you to
medical. They told me that they were afraid of harassment by your
competitors and that you had been protecting them. Duo, I only had to
make a phone call to Preventers to have the men harassing your clients
arrested. I could have helped you with your runs, helped you pick
good, reliable men to be your employees, and , yes, given you credits
to help pay for them. You only had to ask. I wouldn't have judged
you... I would have felt loved, included, needed... important to you."
He caressed Duo's cheek and leaned close as he said intensely, "When
will you understand that I want you? That I think you are handsome and
desirable? I-I am not a freak for thinking it. Look in my eyes. See
yourself in them. See what I see."
Duo lifted a weak and shaking arm and draped it behind Heero's neck. He
pulled him in for a kiss and then pushed his forehead against Heero's.
"I don't think everyone else sees me the way you do," he grumbled.
"Who else matters?" Heero wondered with a smirk. "Unless you
planning on being with other men?"
"Hard enough handling you," Duo sighed. He went serious and breathed,
"Sorry for everything, Heero."
Heero replied, just as serious, "I don't need apologies."
Duo knew what he did need. He swallowed hard and then asked, "Heero
Yuy... lover... as soon as I get out of this bed... mind helping me
with my business?"
"I don't mind at all," Heero said with a smile and Duo drew him back
for another, grateful kiss.
Back to Chapter 35