Disclaimer:Don't own them, don't make any money off of this.
Warnings: Male/Male sex, graphic, language, violence, attempted NCS
Soldier Boys:
Sequel to Smoke
Cover
"No one will talk to me." Duo stretched his upper body out over the kitchen table and picked at the cracked surface dejectedly, cheek pressed against the rough wood.
Quatre's eyes looked over the broken down kitchen and then flicked back to Duo with a frown. "I don't think that you can blame them. There isn't any hot water, the floor sags, the walls let in drafts, and the hanger for our Gundams is now a mile away, a hike through bramble bushes and rocky terrain."
Duo moved his head so that he was now resting on his chin, staring at Quatre forlornly. "Yeah, this place sucks, but I'm not the one who decided to panic and run. I told you that they didn't know who I was. I know how to play scared, little boy. They bought it completely."
"We can't take chances," Quatre replied reasonably as he sipped at his tea and leaned against the kitchen counter. "This is too important, you know that."
Duo regarded Quatre and then asked pointedly, "Tell me, oh leader, would you have let that old woman get dragged off and executed? I know Heero would have. I know Wu Fei would have. I'm not sure about Trowa... You, though, I can't see you doing any different."
"Your actions were noble," Quatre hedged.
"Do you think that we can't afford to be noble, Quatre?" Duo wondered. "If this is all about helping people, then why can't I help her too?"
Quatre looked pained and hid behind the rim of his tea cup as he sipped at the hot liquid again. He half turned when he lowered the cup and sighed. "I won't give you the, 'she is only one person when many lives are depending on us.' speech, Duo. I know that you know it already. I... I know that I would have saved her too, but that doesn't make it any more right in this situation. Our strength lies in anonymity and surprise. We won't win this war for the colonies by a frontal assault. We have to stay secret. We have to jump out of the shadows when they least expect it. We can't... we can't afford to lose any of us. We can't afford to follow our hearts and save.... everyone."
Duo stood up abruptly, jaw clenched. He shook his head, braid swinging. "I can't be like that Quatre! I won't be like that. If you want to pick and choose, you go ahead, but I'm going to save every old lady, every person, that I can."
"And if you save none of them?" Quatre wondered, looking pained. "If, in saving one, you condemn many to death, how does that make sense?"
"Maybe it doesn't, but I don't care!" Duo snarled. "I'm not going to pick and choose. I'm not going to guess at the future and let people die because of what might happen if I save them."
Quatre put aside his tea cup on the counter and his blue eyes were full of anguish as he crossed his arms over his chest, holding himself tight. "I don't want to have to make that decision either," he admitted in a low voice.
"Good, some truth! That wasn't hard, was it?" Duo retorted. "Now, maybe, you can admit that the other guys are mad at me for saving an old lady and not because they can't take a hot shower!"
Quatre winced. "You are right."
"I KNOW I am!" Duo shot back and stalked out of the kitchen. He tried to squelch that voice that sourly told him that it was better to work alone.... but that was Wu Fei's voice, wasn't it? Duo had never worked alone even when he had been on the streets. He had always had people backing him up. When Dr. G had told him to steal Deathscythe, and he had gone to Earth with it, Duo remembered how alone he had felt. He remembered that he hadn't liked it. Being alone let him think too much, let him remember the burnt out ruins of his past too clearly. It had been a relief when he had found Heero and, when Quatre had suggested a partnership, Duo had plunged into it without hesitation. Duo liked being with the other young men. He didn't want to be rejected now and pushed to the edges of their partnership. He needed to be at the comforting center again.
Trowa would be the easiest to talk to, Duo decided as he sought the quiet man out. He found him in the living room, crouched amid the tatty furniture and filthy throw rugs, as he spread out his supplies and weapons and meticulously went over every piece. Duo crouched before him and looked the things over appreciatively.
"You're pretty organized," Duo commented, trying to break the ice.
"And you are not," Trowa replied in a clipped tone. He reached out and took up a pair of infrared binoculars. Taking them out of their case, he began cleaning their lenses.
Duo shrugged. "I'm not used to having things that need organizing," he admitted. "I wasn't a terrorist before this mission, ya know."
"That is apparent," Trowa replied and then, testily, "Is there something that you wish from me?"
Duo regarded the bent head of his fellow pilot, the long brown hair, the slim, tall build, and the cool air of someone who had complete confidence in himself and his abilities. Not only could Duo see Trowa walking away from that old woman, but he could see him being the executioner as well.
"You do just what you're told, don't you?" Duo asked. He was suddenly pierced by one green eye, gazing at him from under Trowa's fall of hair. "You like it too. You don't like to think. You don't like to plan. You just like to carry out orders."
"Your point?" Trowa wondered acidly.
"I'm not you," Duo replied. "Don't ever expect me to be. Don't judge me because I'm not. Judge me, instead, if I don't get the job done, If I don't complete my missions, if I don't win this war. Maybe I did get myself into trouble in town, but I did get myself out of trouble without revealing my identity or our hiding place. Doesn't that count for something? Do you think you could have done the same?"
"If you hadn't escaped," Trowa replied. "If they had tortured you for what you know, would you have been able to stay silent? Would you have suffered and died to keep our secret?"
Duo said without hesitation, his eyes not wavering from Trowa's, "Yes."
Trowa blinked and grunted. His eye lowered and he continued to work on his binoculars, but he said, "That is all that I wished to know. I can fight without you. Another pilot can be found for Deathscythe. If we are discovered though, surprised, getting away with our Gundams would be a slim possibility. That was my worry. Stick your head into the lions' mouth, if you wish, but you must be certain that you will not put ours in as well."
"You believe me... just like that?" Duo asked in surprise. "How do you know I'm telling the truth, that a kid like me even knows that I can keep my mouth shut?"
Trowa replied tersely. "I see it in you. We are neither of us 'kids', Duo Maxwell. Your eyes tell me who you are and what you are capable of."
"Really?" Duo was amused, raising one hand to his face, curious. "You know what your eyes... er, eye, tells me, Trowa?"
Trowa looked up at him again, blinking in confusion.
"It tells me that you are a stone cold killer," Duo told him, "because that's all you've known. I can see that you want something more than that, though. You don't really like being that way."
Trowa shrugged. "Who would want to be like that? I've never been anything else, though, and I'm nothing.... I don't have any other life but the one I lead now and I don't see that ever changing."
"Life is a surprising thing, I should know," Duo replied as he straightened and cracked his back, hands behind his head. "Never say 'It will never happen'. Nine times out of ten, you'll be wrong."
Trowa looked skeptical. As Duo went to find the pilot of Wing next, Duo wondered what it was like to be so sure of his future, to be so certain that he would always be the same. It made him shiver.
Duo found Heero at the makeshift hanger, camo netting draped high over the tops of trees and a dubious flooring of boards tossed down over ground muddy from a recent rain. It was cold and dim, a few lights placed here and there, but nothing bright enough to dispel a depressing gloom.
The Gundams stood in a tight group, facing outwards, their stances looking vigilant. So many precious machines in one spot. It made Duo shiver thinking about what it would mean if Oz were to ever capture them. They would be unstoppable in their march for total conquest of Earth and Space.
A sound made Duo look up. The hatch of Wing was open. A light shinning out flickered as someone moved in front of it briefly. Duo had learned not to ever sneak up on soldiers, especially Heero Yuy. It seemed ridiculous to call people their age soldier anything, but Heero was a different case. It was clear that he had been highly trained and that, whereas Trowa was only doing what he had always known, with a bland air of 'nothing personal', Heero was clearly part of a cause and willing to sacrifice everything for it.
Duo could partly understand Heero, but, then again, he could also understand Trowa. Duo was in a middle ground. He fought for revenge, but he also fought because there had not been anything in his life before that. He had been alone, directionless, and just trying to survive when Dr. G had taken him in. That man had shown Duo what he was capable of and that a homeless orphan could be so much more than he had ever imagined.
"Hey, Heero!" Duo called and imagined Heero grabbing his gun. "I'm coming up!"
Duo didn't ask for permission. He was certain that he wouldn't get it. Heero wasn't a loner, he seemed to like kicking back with the others, but he didn't actually interact as far as interjecting casual conversation or discussions that didn't involve the war. If Heero made conversation at all, beside mission parameters, it was usually so deep and philosophical that it almost frightened Duo. Duo was simple, hard headed, and straight forward. He didn't want to try and wrap his head around the social and political psychology of the good guys and the bad guys. It was just another facet of Heero's dedication to the war, his live it and breathe it attitude, that made Duo cautious now, made him wonder if he had put himself on the 'out' with Heero permanently when he had screwed up a simple trip into town for supplies.
There wasn't a reply from Heero. Duo stared up at the open hatch, counted to twenty, and then decided to hell with being cautious. He jabbed the button that let the lift line drop down. Grabbing it, Duo stuck his foot in the stirrup, and worked the control that made the line snap taught and pull him quickly to the hatch.
Duo was from the colonies. Weather was carefully programmed, dirt was put in planters, and air was clean and filtered. There was also a lower gravity aspect that made getting around very easy. Relying on lifts, and suddenly having to worry about falling, combined with his present nervousness about confronting Heero. When he stepped off into the hatch and ducked inside slowly, he was sure that he looked wide eyed and pale.
Heero glared up from his work on a control panel, wiring and delicate crystal chips spread out under the tool he was using. He began to bark something, but then he stopped and his blue eyes swept Duo up and down. "What's wrong?"
"Wrong?" Duo asked blankly, his carefully constructed sentences tangling in his mind.
"You look ill... frightened," Heero told him. He put down his tool, wiped his hands off on a rag, and then turned to face Duo. "Has something happened?"
"Uh, no, nothing's happened," Duo replied, flustered, "and I'm not scared," he added, a bit chagrined, "Nothing much scares Shinigami, you know?"
Duo inwardly winced. That had sounded stupid, like something a four year old would say. He tried to recover, perching on the edge of the command chair and letting his legs swing shy of the floor with practiced nonchalance.
"Then, are you ill?" Heero wondered.
"Uh, no," Duo replied and then tried to get back on track. "Can we forget about that for right now? Nothing's wrong. I'm fine. Let's talk."
"Talk?" Heero looked from Duo to his gutted control panel. "I have to finish this. Do you have information that I need to be briefed about? Can it wait?"
"No, not information...," Duo trailed off, confused, and then shook his head sharply. "Let's start again, okay?" He straightened on his perch and grinned. "Hiya, Heero! How's it going?"
Heero glared. "I have to finish this," he repeated firmly. "If you are not here to say something important, then leave."
"Well, it is important," Duo retorted. He fiddled with the end of his braid and then, when Heero wouldn't stop glaring, he gestured with the end at the control panel. "It's the second micro panel on the top left. Looks like a short in the binary latitude adjusters. Section it off with a laser solder and then connect it to the trilateral booster module. It will perform a lot better without all of that interference from the buster rifle range finder."
Heero blinked and looked down. He picked up his instrument and moved it among the wires and chips. His grunt was surprised and expressive. "You are correct." He didn't sound angry or, worse, embarrassed that Duo had discovered the problem so quickly when he had obviously been stumped. Heero sounded pleased and almost friendly as he said, "I was informed that you were an expert in electronics, but I didn't realize that your skill level was so high."
Duo was amazed by the relaxing of that usually hard, scowling expression of Heero's. Well, of course, he thought, he had helped Heero militarily. That was probably high on Heero's list of what to look for in a good comrade. Duo was quick to take advantage. "If you want, I can do it pretty quick."
There was a hesitation, a slight pause that Duo understood very well. It warmed him to Heero suddenly. It was a definite 'guy thing'. Wing was Heero's baby. He didn't want anyone else touching it. Duo was sure there was some base paranoia about letting someone have access to sensitive Gundam equipment in the mix too, but the overriding hesitation was clearly based on a youth's possessiveness about HIS machine.
Duo made a face and then grinned as he stood up and leaned around Heero, daring to peer closely at the panel. He snapped his fingers. "Scalpel, pilot."
Heero hesitated and then his mouth went into a line that told Duo that he had decided that having Wing ready for combat was priority. He made way for Duo and Duo slipped in front of him to bend over and begin work.
"See... right here... here... and, damn! Connections fried. A little bandaid... spot the connection..." Duo's running commentary followed his repairs, repairs that he was taking more time over than they needed. Was Heero aware of it? Heero was close enough to touch. The Gundam had very little room and he was forced to stand with his legs pressed against Duo. He could see everything that Duo was doing closely, probably was leaning forward to do just that. He had to notice, Duo decided. He tried for an excuse. "Just want to be thorough. "
Heero replied with a grunt and didn't seem concerned.
"You know, Heero," Duo said, testing the waters. "I wasn't in any danger of revealing our safe house to those policemen."
"I know that," Heero replied and his voice sounded, odd, almost breathless.
"Oh," Duo replied, the ground that he had been going to fight from suddenly shifting under his mental feet. "Then why did you insist that we leave the safe house? Why were you so pissed right along with the others?"
Heero replied matter of factly, "I was angry at the circumstances and at having to leave a well chosen position to attack an Oz operation. I- "
"Heero, I had to save her," Duo interjected. "She was just an old lady and they were going to put her down for just wanting to eat."
Duo turned to look over his shoulder at Heero and saw Heero staring hard at the control panel, his face flushed darkly. "You weren't trained as I was, so I don't expect you to understand covert operation techniques," Heero said and his voice was odd, as if he were having trouble formulating those words. "It was obvious to me that your 'old woman' was an undercover agent and that she had marked you in the store for investigation. You were alone, in odd, dirty, clothing, and not using a government ration card. When you told me that she had saved your car for you, I knew at once that she had tagged it and that we were probably about to be put under satellite observation. Leaving quickly saved us from discovery."
Duo's mouth fell open and then he asked in shock, "Why didn't you tell me this?"
Heero gave a small shrug of one shoulder. "Because it isn't confirmed."
Duo raised an eyebrow. "You're just guessing then?" When Heero gave one nod, Duo scowled and snorted. "So, you see bogey men under every bush and I'm the one on the outs for it?"
"You shouldn't have gone into town and you shouldn't have compromised our position ," Heero replied. "We have already discussed that." He nodded to the control panel. "Are you going to continue to work?"
Duo blinked and then saw past his own indignation and frustration with Heero's manner enough to realize something. He asked hopefully, "So, you're not mad at me now?"
Heero considered that and then shook his head, "No."
Duo relaxed and grinned. "Good." He turned back to his work. He was in the center of the group again and Duo was almost embarrassed by the way it made him feel. It was like freezing and suddenly stepping into a warm bath. He couldn't help saying, "I'm glad we're still friends."
"Friends?" Heero's tone questioned that and Duo couldn't quite decipher what the young man was feeling, whether he was glad, annoyed, or contemptuous.
Duo hadn't expected Heero to agree with him. Heero might go so far as call him a comrade in arms, but Duo was sure there was probably something in his soldier handbook against friendships of any sort. It didn't matter, well it did, Duo amended to himself, because he had always had friends of one sort or another, yet it didn't matter in Heero's case. It was fun to tease the pilot, get under his skin, and even have his company, but Duo couldn't imagine that rigid soldier opening up and doing something that didn't pertain to the war, like having a friendly good time with one Duo Maxwell.
"Don't worry about it," Duo said. "I know you don't care about that sort of thing. I just need you and everyone else not to be pissed at me, okay?" He straightened and handed Heero his tool back. "There, finished! See ya around, Heero!"
Their legs broke contact and Duo caught Heero looking down, his flush deepening. Duo wondered if Heero had been angry with the necessity of having to stand so close in the first place.
"Maybe they'll get around to giving a guy more space in here in the future," Duo joked as he stood in the hatchway and put his foot in the lift stirrup. Heero looked flustered and that confused Duo. As Duo waved and took the lift down, he thought that he heard Heero say, "I hope not." , but that seemed so strange that he dismissed it with a snort of amusement. Heero Yuy wanting people knee and elbow to him? Not likely.