Disclaimer: I don't own them and I don't make any money off of them.
Warnings: Male/Male sex, graphic, language, violence,past NCS.
Kracken
Disclaimer:I don't own them and I don't make any money off of this.
Warning:male/male sex, graphic, violence, language, Past NCS flashbacks
Shinigami's Lover III
Sequel to Shy
Firewall
"Nothing smells burned," Duo said under his breath as he dumped the contents of his pockets and his car keys into a bowl on a table by the door. Soda, at his side, surveyed the room, cocked ears, sniffed, and proclaimed it safe enough to leave Duo's side. He padded into the kitchen. Duo heard the back door open and close and then Heero was coming out of the kitchen looking reserved and wiping his hands on a towel. He was wearing a pair of dark shorts and a tank top. The same clothes that Duo had seen him wearing the day before. That, and the look on Heero's face, wasn't good.
"Hey, baby!" Duo said as he walked over to his lover and gave Heero
a small kiss on the lips. Heero returned it but then was stepping back into
the kitchen.
"I'm glad you're on time," Heero said, his voice not giving away his
mood. "I don't think these noodles will keep for long."
"Noodles?" Something simple and another indication that Heero wasn't trusting himself.
"Noodles and chicken," Heero clarified almost defensively. "Is that all right?"
"Yeah, fine," Duo replied as he sat at the table, already set with tableware, and watched Heero take some plates from the stove. As he put down the bowl of noodles and the plate of heated, store bought rolls, Duo caught his wrist. Heero froze, not looking at him.
"Sit down," Duo said. "Let's eat and then I think we need to talk." When Heero shot a fearful look at him, Duo realized just how badly Heero's confidence had taken a nose dive, "It's not about anything bad," Duo quickly reassured him. "It's about you and how you're doing... how you're feeling, okay?"
Heero nodded and sat down. "Okay."
Soda scratched at the door to be let in again. Duo rose and went to open it. Soda trotted inside and Mr. Hulitt stood there behind him, wiping sweat from his brow. He gave Duo a firm nod and his sun burnt, wrinkled face, smiled in greeting. "Duo," and then said to Heero, "That was a good day's bit of work, Heero. We'll tackle the weeds on the south fence tomorrow."
"Yes, sir," Heero responded.
Duo was alarmed. "Mr. Hulitt! Heero is still recovering. He isn't overworking himself is he?"
Hulitt looked incensed. "I know a man's limits, Duo. I wouldn't let him do more than rake leaves and steady the ladder while I pruned the tree. I don't think sitting and pulling weeds will harm him all that much and it needs doing." Hulitt gave Duo a sharp look. "It NEEDS doing, son, and I'm an old man and can't do it all myself, as much as I would like to help you boys out. If you don't think Heero is up to even that much, then you'll have to hire someone."
Hulitt looked past Duo at the table. He grunted, shook his head, and suddenly walked away without another word. Duo scowled as he closed the door, complaining, "I think that man gets more and more like a drill sergeant every day. I really don't think that you should be out in the hot sun-"
"I was able to do it," Heero bit back and Duo turned to him, surprised. "I CAN still do some things."
Duo took a slow breath, thought about his next words, and replied, "I'm glad to hear it. It'll make what I'm going to tell you much more welcome."
Heero raised eyebrows, but Duo refused to elaborate, indicating their dinner as he sat down again and forked noodles onto his plate. He grimaced. Heero was really NOT a good cook, especially when he was feeling out of sorts. "Harri-," Duo began, but Heero hunkered over his own plate and cut him off.
"Is a gourmet cook, I know," Heero growled back. "I know you would rather be eating his cooking right now. You don't have to tell me that."
"I wasn't going to!" Duo retorted and then calmed himself down. Heero wasn't mad at him, he was mad at himself. "I was going to say, that, if you wanted to keep on cooking, Harri could give you some of his recipes to try out. I know both of us have lived on take out and spaghetti up until now, but we really should broaden our eating habits."
"Hulitt can say a damned lot with a look, can't he?," Heero said and he almost sounded amused.
Duo chuckled, "Yeah, he can."
Heero finally looked up and Duo could tell that he was willing some of his tension away. "Sorry," he apologized softly.
"It's okay," Duo replied, reached across the table, and clasped Heero's hand. He squeezed it briefly and then went back to eating.
There was a knock on the door and then Mr. Hulitt was letting himself in. He thunked a plastic bowl of cut up greens and vegetables in the center of the table, saying uncomfortably, "Wash the damned bowl before you return it." and then he was leaving again and closing the door.
Heero and Duo looked at each other. "I think I'm going to start calling him 'father', " Heero said ruefully.
Duo snickered. "I'm about to call him, 'Mom'."
They were quiet as they ate and, after Duo had taken two helpings, Heero reached across and took the bowl of noodles away from him. "So," Heero asked as he put the bowl down next to him and put more noodles onto his plate, "How was work?"
Duo looked over his fork full of noodles. He hadn't missed Heero's deft removal of his food. He was getting better about such things, but, if he was distracted, like now, he wasn't always so careful about how much he ate. Heero's question was of more concern to him. Heero was asking it in a way that was almost needy. The tension in his body was clear. Heero was longing for the answer, wanting to know about the work that he had care so much about.
"Soda tore up the door to my office, my desk, and a carpet while I was out on assignment," Duo replied.
Heero snorted. "Again? Po is going to have his hide nailed to her door."
"Does make for an interesting expense report." Duo chuckled. "He's worth his weight in gold though, and she knows it, so she'll only complain so much. She wants the puppies too, so she's not about to make waves until she has them."
"To make coats out of?" Heero teased. Duo looked confused and Heero explained, "It's from an old movie. There was an evil woman who wanted to make coats out of spotted dog fur."
"Ah," Duo still looked confused.
Odin, the man who first took care of me, used to like watching old vids while we were waiting for another hit," Heero elaborated and then looked grim.
Duo winced. He knew, as much as anyone, how being alone and with little to do could leave too much time for remembering. If Heero was reminiscing about Odin... that was very bad. The man had trained him to be a child 'hit-man'. Nothing about his time with Odin was a good memory.
"Heero," Duo said carefully as he pushed his noodles aside. "Let's talk now."
"Divorcing me?" Heero grunted as he stared down at his food with a frown.
Duo paused, flat footed, and then shook himself and said, "Don't say that again, okay?"
Heero looked up, saw Duo's pained eyes, and was instantly contrite. "I'm
sorry, Duo. I guess.... I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself."
"That's what this talk is about," Duo replied, jumping in quickly.
"It's about you sitting here and having mushrooms sprout on you. It's about
you thinking that pulling weeds is going to be the high point of your life from
now on."
"Isn't it?" Heero growled back and pushed his food aside as well. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. "How many careers are out there that require a man who can't remember things?"
Duo stared. "You HAVE been in this house too long. I can't believe you actually think you're that bad. Heero, I thought that you needed to heal, to stay quietly at home, and I thought that having someone watch you, just in case, was the smart thing to do. Now I see that I had it all wrong. You've had way too much time to sit and feel sorry for yourself. I'm going to make you an offer and I really, really want you to consider it, okay?"
Heero raised eyebrows. "Duo, it's not all in my imagination. I CAN'T remember things. They may be small, unimportant, things, but what if it happens while I'm out there, when someone is counting on me?"
Duo pointed to his own head. "Your head is still healing. The doctor said that some memory loss while that was happening was possible. You need to give it time. You also need to be doing something while that's going on." Duo reached across the table and took Heero's hand. He looked into Heero's blue eyes and told him about the job, watching Heero's reaction closely. Heero was a proud man. Duo could see him thinking that it was a handout, charity for a cripple, but Duo could also see the NEED in Heero blossom and WANT what he was offering.
"It's just foot work, taking notes, and filing," Duo told Heero. "All you have to do is ask the questions we give you and any you think might be good follow up. It's an important job and memory isn't involved. You've had people do this very same job for you. You know it's not a hand out."
Heero's hand tightened on Duo's. He said softly, "You know what I want. I want to be an agent again. I want to make a difference... but, this is at least helping agents... I'm still contributing... Yes, I'll take it." His eyes swept the kitchen. "I don't want to just sit here anymore. I think too much..."
Duo swallowed hard. "I know, baby. I know." He stood up and pulled Heero up with him. "Tomorrow, bright and early then. For now, though, I think we should spend some time together and not... remember... for awhile."
The evening was relaxing and Heero seemed more content than Duo had seen him since receiving his head injury. Duo could see that he wanted to know all about the case, about his duties, and about the next morning, but he visibly put his excitement aside and just rested in Duo's arms in front of the fireplace, Soda at their feet. When they went to bed, Heero made love to Duo, gentle and slow, and Duo fell asleep with Heero murmuring in his ear about what a wonderful man he was. Duo felt loved and that he had done the right thing where Heero was concerned, which made it all the more startling when his sleep with overtaken by a nightmare.
It was an old nightmare, and one that Duo hadn't had in a long while. Being transported, in a dream, back in time to a filthy room, a filthier mattress, and a line of customers, and having his own dream screams resounding over and over chilled him to the bone. When he jerked awake, shuddering and ice cold, to the sound of Heero calling his name, he couldn't help exclaiming, "Thank God!" when he saw the familiar bedroom around him and Soda's anxious face as the big dog pawed the side of the bed and whined in frantic worry.
Duo was covered in sweat and it felt like trickles of melting ice as he pulled the blankets around him tightly. He reached out to reassure Soda, his breathing going in and out of his lungs in harsh gasps. When he could think past his relief, he looked over and saw that Heero's side of the bed was empty. He found Heero standing some distance away, wearing his robe, and looking as if every muscle was quivering with the stress of holding himself back from rushing forward and comforting Duo.
"Duo?" Heero said in anguish. "Are you all right?"
Duo felt raw edged. "Sorry if I scared you," he replied hoarsely.
"Can I..." Heero took a small step forward. Duo tried to gauge his reaction to that movement. He didn't feel panic, but he didn't want even Heero touching him at that moment.
"Come here," Duo replied. "You can sit, but... not too close, k?"
Heero watched Duo's eyes as he moved to the other side of the bed. He sat on the edge and then moved all the way onto the mattress when he didn't see a negative reaction.
"Did you... Did you dream about..." Heero couldn't say it, didn't want to. Duo couldn't blame him. His own mind was already trying to dig a deep hole, toss the dream in, and cover it over good.
"Yeah," Duo replied, cleared his throat, and then rubbed at his face. "I guess it was because of the case today. I had to spend some time on the streets. One of the people that I ran into made me remember some ugly things."
Duo took hold of his pillow and clutched it to his chest. He wished that he could reach out to Heero and hold him instead, but he was afraid he would remember those other touches, the forced, repeated invasion of his body. He knew that it was better to let the dream fade as much as he could before trying to reach out again.
"I could sleep down stairs," Heero suggested.
Duo thought about that. "No, it's- it's not that bad. Just don't touch, that's all."
Duo wondered that Heero trusted that, knowing their violent past. It wasn't beyond Duo to try and kill when panic clouded his mind. Heero was a brave man though, had to be to love and live with someone like him, Duo thought.
"Love you," Heero whispered.
"Love you too," Duo answered and watched as Heero carefully laid back down again with his back turned to him as if to sleep. Duo doubted that he would sleep, but he still appreciated the gesture of trust.
Soda begged to climb onto the bed too, offering comfort, the only comfort that Duo could accept at that moment.
"Heero," Duo began tentatively, knowing how Heero felt about what he was about to ask, but needing to ask it anyway.
"Just tonight," Heero replied without turning, knowing what Duo wanted, knowing what he needed. "Keep his fleas and claws on your side of the bed though."
Duo found a smile. "Thanks." He pulled at Soda's collar and the dog looked as if he could hardly believe that he was being given permission. "Come on, Soda," Duo urged and the dog didn't need to be coaxed twice. He bounded onto the bed and curled neatly up against Duo's side. Duo sunk his hands into the plush fur and smiled as the dog licked his nose. As he drifted off to sleep with the warmth of Heero and Soda on either side of him, he felt completely protected. He fell asleep, safe from harm and bad dreams.