Kracken
Disclaimer:I don't own them and I don't make any money off of this.
Warning:Male/male sex, graphic, language, violence, past NCS, Mental
illness, Doggie angst.
Plot suggested by Sunhawk.
Takes place before the last chapter of Shini Five
Ground Up
"It doesn't have to be exactly like it was, Duo," Heero
reminded him as they sat with the architect and the old house plans.
Duo sat nervously, hands twisted in his lap. Soda settled
at his feet, head on paws, and watched his master with liquid
eyes. "But..." Duo didn't know how to say that he wanted the house
exactly the way it had been, down to the last cracked board and
rusted nail, without sounding unbalanced.
Heero pointed to the plans, sounding perfectly reasonable
when he said, "We need more power strips. An alcove for the vid
would be nice, as well. Our bathroom is too small. We could bump out
this wall and put in a workroom. Dog doors. A cement block kennel.
You talked bout making this room into an exercise room. We have a
chance to do a lot of things, Duo."
The architect, a pale reed of a man with bifocal glasses,
cleared his throat and pointed out some load bearing walls. "Those
have to be reinforced before the second floor can be rebuilt,
especially if you want to modify the upper floor in any way. Over
here, the wall is gone completely. It would be a good area to pour
more foundation for an addition."
Duo suddenly stood up and Soda rose with him. "I have
to...," he turned and fumbled for the door. "I need to think some
more about this."
"Duo," Heero said without moving and Duo paused. "It's still
our home. Changing the way it looks doesn't make it less so."
Duo swallowed hard. He made himself let go of the door knob
and turn back. The architect looked uncomfortable, as if he wanted
to be anywhere else but in the middle of an argument between two gay
men.
"I know you're right," Duo managed to reply. "It's hard,
though."
"I understand, " the architect said, his voice soothing, but
professional. "It's always hard to start these projects when you
can't see the finished home. " He didn't really understand, of
course, but his calm tones coaxed Duo back into his chair." I have a
three dimensional mock up. We can manipulate it and add anything
that you would like."
The architect place a plate onto the wide office desk and
pushed a button. A holo of their house appeared; crisp, clean, and
very unrealistic. It still made Duo want to cry. He controlled
himself with an effort, but his eyes must have betrayed him. Heero
leaned closer to him and the architect became concerned.
"Many people lost their homes in the storm," the architect
told him. "It's truly tragic. I have other customers attempting to
rebuild, and they've felt exactly as you're feeling now."
Duo doubted that and it was a bitterness in his gut. How
many of them had never had a home? How many had been used and abused
and thrown into a war? How many considered their home safety,
heaven, the culmination of all the things that they had never dared
to dream?
"A kennel at the back," Duo tried.
The architect looked relieved and manipulated a pad to bring
the kennel to life. "How many runs?"
"One," Duo insisted. "I don't like when dogs are warehoused.
They're family... pack animals. They aren't happy unless they are
all together."
The architect nodded and made a large, cement run with
drains, a door to the house, and a door to the backyard. It was a
start, but it wasn't really a part of the house.
"A larger bathroom, with a separated space for a shower and
a toilet," Heero suggested. "That way we won't be getting into each
other's way in the mornings, Duo."
Heero smiled warmly, but Duo was watching the architect
change the safest place in the house. He reached out before he
realized and stopped the architect's hand from moving on the
pad. "Wait!"
"Duo," Heero said gently. He took Duo by the elbow and eased
him back into his chair. The architect was wide eyed, not sure how
to proceed, especially when Soda growled and raised his ruff.
"Green, Soda," Duo said absently as he stared at the holo of
the house.
The architect decided that it was time to retreat. "Perhaps
you should talk about the changes that you would like, and make an
appointment for another day?"
Duo felt Heero's disappointment as if it were a tangible
thing between them. He forced himself to calm and center, just the
way that his therapists and Wu Fei had taught him, and then he
said, "I'm... okay. Let's... a gym... a gym would be good."
Duo locked his hands together and Soda pressed against his
leg, offering comfort as the architect cautiously designed a small
gym. It wasn't a large change either, just another use for floor
space and an extra shower and towel closet there.... in a room they
never used except for storage.
Heero decided to take some initiative. "Power strips, here
and here. I would like the vid alcove here." He pointed out the
places on the holo and the architect quickly made the changes.
Duo felt his fingernails dig into his palms as he
said, "Work room..." His voice failed him.
Heero came to his rescue. "Here," he said and traced the
outline of an addition with a finger.
It was too painful. Duo sat quietly after that while Heero
and the architect talked money, financing, and timetables. He went
numb, not really listening, his safe place changed before his eyes.
He tried to get used to it, tried to tell himself that nothing had
really changed, it was still his home, but it all fell into a chasm
made up of his wounded psyche, a psyche that had made up it's mind
that it wanted things to never change again.
Duo found himself outside of the architect's office before
he knew it, Heero steering him by an elbow to an outside cafe. He
sat Duo down, ordered them tea and coffee, and then sat opposite Duo
with concerned eyes. He pushed the mug of coffee into Duo's hands.
Duo cradle the mug as if he were freezing.
"Talk to me," Heero urged softly.
Soda put his head into Duo's lap. Duo looked down at him and
then sighed. "The kennel will be nice."
Heero could have pressed him further, but he didn't. He knew
that he wasn't going to get much more from Duo than that, not now,
not until Duo saw for himself that the changes didn't destroy what
he loved.
_____________________________________________________
Duo felt eyes on him. The back of his neck prickled and he didn't
like that the churning driers and wash machines could cover up so
many other sounds. He turned, dirty laundry in hand, and saw a woman
sitting in the one chair with her basket of laundry at her feet. She
had ducked her head and looked embarrassed, her fall of dark hair
covering her eyes.
Duo looked down and realized that he had a bundle of Wu
Fei's Preventer tshirts and their underwear tangled together in his
hands. The picture that painted was an obvious one. Duo almost
opened his mouth to say something, to correct her assumption, but
then scowled and wondered why he should. So what if they were all
gay and living together? It was none of her business, and there as
nothing wrong with it... if it were true, of course.
Duo finished loading the machine, gave her one of his
patented grins that showed nothing of his inner thoughts, and took
the stairs back up to the main hallway of the apartment building two
at a time. She had been oriental and very pretty and Duo wondered if
Wu Fei had noticed her. Too meek, he decided in the next moment,
remembering her lowered eyes. Wu Fei liked strength.
Two men passed him in the narrow hall and Duo kept from
reaching for a weapon, every nerve tense. He hated the constant
stream of neighbors, the small rooms he was forced to live in, and
the lack of space for Soda. Wu Fei's apartment had never been
designed for three grown men and two large dogs. Duo longed to move
back to his home. He had lived in condemned buildings before, and he
could do it again, if only Heero would agree and understand how
badly he needed to be grounded and in his place.
Duo entered the apartment and automatically locked the door
behind him as he fended both Soda and Kong aside. The dogs wagged
tails and descended on him as if he had been gone all day long
rather than only a few minutes.
"Everything all right?" Heero asked from the small table
where he sat drinking his tea and going over reports on his laptop.
Duo frowned. The man read him too well. "Just... on edge,"
Duo admitted, knowing better than to lie.
Wu Fei leaned over the small bar of the tiny kitchen and
rattled a bottle of pills at Duo. He sighed and went to take the
anti depressants from Wu Fei.
"You know, sometimes I'm just on edge and it doesn't mean
I'm getting nutty," Duo complained.
Wu Fei said nothing, simply went back to making squares of
some sweetened bean paste in tiny wraps. Heero glanced up over the
top of his laptop and then back down again. Duo understood that they
were not going to second guess him and their trust warmed him like
nothing else could have. He could decide to take the pills, or not,
and they were confidant that he would make the right decision.
Duo considered his mood and tried to parse it. Was he just
nervous because of the men and the noise of the laundry room? Was
there an underlying problem that required him to take more than the
dose of medication that he already had that morning, or something
even stronger? Another option was calling his doctor and getting
advice. Duo considered the problem from every angle and then slowly
put the bottle down on the counter.
"I'm ... frustrated," Duo decided. "I just want to go home."
"So do I." Heero said and then smiled apologetically at Wu
Fei, "not that we haven't been enjoying your company." Wu Fei bowed
his head marginally and didn't stop working."If you finalize those
blue prints," Heero continued, "they can begin construction, Duo,
and then we can go home."
Duo tensed. Heero closed his laptop, pushed it aside, and
then pulled the blueprint from under his chair as if he had been
waiting for just such an opportunity. Soda, thinking it was a toy,
tried to grab it, but Heero frowned and managed to keep it safe as
he rolled it out onto the tabletop.
Duo came to stand by the table, arms crossed over his chest
tightly, and stared down at it as if it might bite. Heero held up a
pen. It remained poised in midair for long minutes. The sudden
shout, and the answering bellow, of two men in the hallway, made Duo
jump and pull his knife, while both dogs leapt at the door and
barked wildly. Shaking, Duo stared at the door and the dogs until
his mind registered that the two shouts had been friendly and
familiar. Neighbors. Safe. Not an enemy. His mind repeated those
words several times before the knife went back home in it's sheathe
and Duo's hand stopped clenching on the hilt.
Duo snatched the pen out of Heero's hand, even while Heero
flinched warily at the sudden motion. He signed his name below
Heero's and then tossed the pen down on top of the blue print. He
wiped sweaty hands against his pants legs and then said
huskily, "Okay, get them the hell started on it right now."
Heero smiled lovingly at Duo and replied as he took out his
cell phone, "Right away, love."
_____________________________________________
"Relax... breathe... Duo..." Heero warned as he stood in front of
Duo
and eyed Soda, who was growling and nervous, knowing that his master
was upset at the men ahead of them.
"Soda... green, " Duo managed, but he couldn't say it convincingly
and
Soda kept his hackles raised.
Duo was staring at the disaster that had been their home. More of it
had been torn down and it was now covered in workmen, materials, and
scaffolding. They had turned the entire yard into a hole of churned
mud and debris.
Duo clenched his hands, feeling a barely controlled violence at his
core. Reason wrestled with madness, telling him the same thing that
Heero was telling him now in desperate tones. Their home wasn't being
destroyed, it was being rebuilt.
"This wasn't a good idea," Heero finally said. "You're not ready
to
face this, Duo."
"I don't think... I don't think there will ever be a time when I can...
face this," Duo admitted and swallowed hard.
Duo turned his back on it all and walked away when a workman approached
and began talking to Heero. Duo didn't trust himself enough to have
anyone near him at that moment and he didn't feel safe until he was in
their car with the door locked. Slumped in his seat, Duo stared
through the window at Heero, willing him to finish and join him as
Soda, in the back seat, reached forward and nuzzled his ear in concern.
The workman talked animatedly to Heero, smiling broadly and seeming
pleased. Heero nodded at appropriate moments, looking very serious. He
asked something at last and the man looked back at the job, scratching
a bald head. He said something that made Heero frown and then he was
nodding and walking away.
It seemed to take forever for Heero to reach the car, every step rising
and falling as if in slow motion. In that time, Duo suddenly felt very
alone and adrift. He thumbed an old rub scar from when he had been
forced to prostitute himself; the mark of a collar. He felt along his
arms, feeling scars from barbed wire and shrapnel; marks from the war.
Lastly, he touched the scar across his face, the wound that had nearly
ended his life. That one made his hand tremble, but it was a reminder
of how far he had come, of how he was stronger than a boy from L2, or
a wild Gundam pilot, and how one man had brought him through it all to
this place... a place that was more than sticks and brick nailed together.
When Heero unlocked the driver's side door and slipped in cautiously,
Duo was able to manage a warm look and a light handclasp. Heero
relaxed and smiled.
"I was afraid..." Heero began, but then decided not to probe why
Duo
was suddenly feeling better. He locked his door, knowing that Duo
needed that security, and then pulled the car away from the curb.
Duo leaned his head against the cool glass of the car window and then
forced himself to look back, with a wince, at the construction site.
He was startled to see a man was looking back at him, standing very
close and near one of the trucks full of supplies. The man's
expression was alert and... unpleasant... and his eyes followed their car.
"Heero?" Duo began in trepidation, but then bit his lip. Any fear
of
his just then was suspect. Tht workman could be angry about hundreds
of things, from the foul weather to trouble at home. It was automatic
to watch a vehicle drive past. It didn't mean that his anger was
directed at them.
"Duo?" Heero prompted, puzzled.
Duo shook his head and released Heero's hand. He changed what he had
been about to say. "I'm sorry that I'm not taking this better. I want
you to know, though, that I trust you... and love you."
"That means everything to me," Heero replied, looking relieved. "I
also
appreciate the fact that you didn't murder all the workmen."
In earlier days, that wouldn't have been something to laugh about, but
Duo managed a chuckle, feeling tension draining away the further they
left their home behind. Warm and comfortable, with Heero and Soda
close to him, nothing seemed fearful or impossible.
"I'll do a background check on that man," Heero suddenly said, shifting
a little in his seat as if he didn't want to bring it up, but knew
that it was necessary.
Duo blinked, knowing that he shouldn't have been surprised that Heero
had noticed the man. He nodded, knowing that, in his own mind, he
would have kept worrying, despite his own internal arguments.
"I miss Harri and Mr. Hulitt," Duo confessed, after a few minutes,
unable to banish those feelings entirely and needing heero to
understand. "I miss our yard, the kennel, the kitchen..."
Heero went thoughtful and then he nodded suddenly, as if coming to a
decision, and turned the car into another street. "I think that
standing back and watching things will only make your anxiety worse,"
he said. "I think that you need to be a part of the process."
"What?" Duo replied, confused.
"Let's go pick out cabinets," Heero suggested, "Sinks, counter
tops,
facets, a workroom... We'll fire the designer, the plumber, the
cabinet maker, everyone but the construction crew, and do everything
else ourselves."
Duo felt his spirits revive all at once and he grinned. "It'll get us
out of Fei's hair a lot quicker."
Heero nodded. "And back into our own bed quicker, as well."
Duo blushed and then laughed. "Getting all bound up?"
"No," Heero corrected seriously, "I'm missing loving you."
"At least without Fei walking in on us," Duo snickered. "The
shower
seemed like such a safe place, too."
Heero laughed outright, but didn't mention Duo's very bad reaction to
the intrusion. Instead, he steered the conversation back to safer
ground. "Well? Are your ready to work on the house ourselves?"
Duo considered their jobs, timetables, and then the pleasure of being
home and putting things back to rights himself. "Let's do it, Yuy. I
think two Gundam pilots can manage some basic construction."
-----------------------------------------------------------
"Blue?" Heero scowled at the fourteen samples laid out in
front of them.
"Why not?" Duo snorted and pointed to a dark blue chip.
"For a counter top?"
"What color are they supposed to be?" Duo wondered.
"I've only seen white and tan."
"There's a rule somewhere?"
"Maybe."
The salesman started to chuckle politely and then realized
that his two customers were serious. He cleared his throat and
interjected, "No, rule, sirs. In fact, solid counter top colors are
very popular right now. Dark blue, with accenting cabinet colors and
trim, would make an excellent choice."
Heero scowled even more and crossed his arms over his
chest. "Wood colors are better."
"We do have a nice blue stain wood grain...," the man
offered. "Special order, of course."
"And more expensive," Mr. Hulitt grumbled. He made a face at
the blue. "You need solid material, that cleans easy. No grooves or
grout lines. Rounded edge wipes up better and no lip on the sink. As
for color... think about ten years out and staring at dark blue all
that time."
Heero looked amused. "You sound experienced."
"Yellow and white. Ten years of yellow and white," Mr,
Hulitt grumbled.
The salesman wisely kept quiet, eyeing them and waiting for
some sort of decision.
"Blue," Duo persisted.
Heero sighed and nodded to the salesman. "Blue... and in the
kind of counter top Mr. Hulitt suggested. I want the cabinets that
we chose to be white, though." Duo nodded, agreeing.
"Very good, sir," the man replied, pleased to finally have
it over with. "They'll be arriving for installation in three weeks."
Heero started. "Three?"
"Custom made," the man replied. "Cut to your specifications."
Heero grimaced and nodded. "All right."
They turned as Heero checked off things on his computerized
list. "Plumbing next," he announced.
"My expertise," Mr. Hulitt told them. "Get a cart."
They followed the man through the hardware store with a cart
sporting a crooked wheel. Some people recognized the well known
Gundam pilots and looked both confused and amazed as they stopped
and allowed the older man to begin piling different sized plastic
pipes, connectors, bends, and rings into their cart. Next, he dumped
faucets, toilet flanges, metal valves, caulking, and sealing tape
after them.
Duo smiled. "Paint next."
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Heero wondered with a
soft smile as they pushed their cart to the paint section.
"Yeah," Duo admitted with some surprise. "I'm getting my
home back and... I'm making it my home even more. Makes me feel
good."
"Then it's worth it," Heero replied. He scowled down at his
list. "We need paint for...." He paused, trying to remember. Duo
waited, knowing the crease of frustration that told him that Heero
was suffering from one of his 'moments'. His lover hated them, those
little mental blank spaces caused by his long healed head injury. It
was better to let him deal with it, Duo knew, than to make it worse
by trying to help him. "... five rooms," Heero finally finished,
though it was his computer notes that had filled in the information
for him, not memory.
They stopped when they turned into an aisle full of paint
chips and brochures suggesting color combinations. Wide eyed, Heero
asked hopefully, "White?"
Duo brushed him off, wide eyed in wonder as he moved into
the aisle and began grabbing chips. "White? Are you kidding? Look at
all this!"
Heero glared at Mr. Hulitt. "This is your fault. I wanted to
order everything online, matching the old decor as much as possible."
"This is cheaper," Mr. Hulitt replied with a snort as he
began following Duo. "Now, boy," he called out. "Don't go crazy.
Some colors are better than others. Think about having to cover up
that red if you decide you don't like it. Green? Boy, it's a house,
not a damn field of clover. If you go anywhere near the purple..."
Heero leaned on top of the cart and sighed. Mr. Hulitt was
having as much fun as Duo, though showing it in a gruffer way.
Besides the disaster in the making, Heero was secretly enjoying
himself as well. Having Mr. Hulitt along, and bantering back and
forth as he guided them through the maze of home repair, Heero felt
like a family. It was good to have the man back in their lives and,
Heero suspected, that Mr. Hulitt felt the same way.
"Not puce and corral!" Heero shouted when the suggestion was
made and went to join them.
TBC
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