3X5
"War wounds," Wu Fei grumbled as they went back into the shack and put away their food and supplies.
"Bug bites?" Trowa chuckled as he shed his coat over a chair back.
"Burned fingers," Wu Fei reminded him as he flicked the red digits at Trowa and then slipped out of his own coat.
"I told you to be careful," Trowa reminded him, but then tossed him a tube of burn cream.
Wu Fei caught it and began applying it liberally."I was trying to save your food. Your pan almost slid into the coals."
"Thank you," Trowa told him and then, more sympathetically. "I didn't think it was that bad."
"It's not," Wu Fei sighed as he sat down. "It's just not the price that I wanted to pay for dinner."
Trowa joined him, lounging in a chair with his long limbs hanging over the chair arms in total, relaxed abandon. "Sorry."
Wu Fei snorted. "I'm just complaining, Trowa. It's my nature. I did enjoy the evening."
"Talking?" Trowa wondered.
Wu Fei thought about that. When had he ever been able to simply talk to someone at length? About work, surely, but not about personal things. "Talking," he agreed.
Trowa smiled softly. "I think that I liked talking, as well. It's been... ages."
Wu Fei frowned, confused. "I thought that you were close to Heero and Duo? I know that Quatre is a good friend of yours."
"All true," Trowa replied with a sigh, "but unburdening myself has always been out of the question."
"Why?" Wu Fei felt a ripple of anger. "You've done so much for them. I can't understand why they would treat you-"
"It's not their fault," Trowa said, quickly cutting him off. He made a vague gesture of dismissal. "My problems have always been my own. I've always felt that sharing them, only makes other people miserable."
Wu Fei felt even more confused. "You shared with me. Do you want me to be miserable?"
Trowa laughed. "Sharing with you is different. They're friends. You're... different."
"You said different twice," Wu Fei complained, but then softened. "I don't feel miserable."
"See?" Trowa replied. "Different."
Wu Fei made an exasperated sound. "I thought this trip was all about understanding myself and my feelings. Honesty with myself. Can't I expect you to be honest with yourself?"
Trowa grinned. "I am honest with myself," he replied, "But, maybe, it isn't time, yet, to be honest with you."
"Very self sacrificing," Wu Fei grumbled. "It makes for a cold bed."
Trowa's eyebrows rose to his hairline."That's... blunt."
"It's my nature," Wu Fei reminded him. "I've already confessed how I feel about you. Why be dishonest about my desires?"
Trowa was silent.
Wu Fei sighed. "This is where you sagely point out that it isn't time for a relationship."
"I'm finding it hard to say those words," Trowa admitted.
"Hard," Wu Fei found a laugh, even though he felt keen disappointment.
Trowa smirked and unfolded from the chair in one smooth motion. "I think we should end this conversation. We need to get some sleep."
"So that we have energy to piece pottery together tomorrow?" Wu Fei asked hopefully.
Trowa considered it. "I've been thinking about that..."
"I refuse," Wu Fei snapped.
"Refuse?" Trowa wondered with faked confusion.
"To go out into that devil's heat tomorrow," Wu Fei complained. "All men need a day of rest. I declare tomorrow our day of rest."
"We don't have a great deal of time," Trowa pointed out. "We can always piece things together, later."
"I hate you," Wu Fei snarled.
Trowa shrugged. "This wasn't supposed to be easy. If it helps to hate me..."
Wu Fei rubbed at his forehead as a headache suddenly bloomed there. "I may sit and throw a tantrum, like a four year old. Is that acceptable?"
"If it helps you to express your anger, yes," Trowa replied seriously.
Wu Fei thought about it and then sighed. "No, I suppose it wouldn't."
He couldn't help stomping to his room, though, and slamming the door closed. Throwing himself onto his bed, he glared at the ceiling. It took a long while for the anger to pass and for acceptance to settle in. It was a definite sign, he thought, about how he felt about Trowa. He was certain that he would have beat anyone else senseless for putting him through such torture.
----------------------------------------
"Do you think they destroyed everything?" Wu Fei bent to pick up a discarded shard of clay, face drawn in angry lines. He almost chucked it aside, but Trowa caught his hand and took it away carefully.
"Not everything. Only what was intact and what they could easily sell." Trowa replaced the shard, took a photo of it, and carefully recorded it's position in his book, before picking it up again.
The site was full of places where someone had used a shovel to turn over the sand. Wu Fei looked over the holes, noting how much had been left behind. "Stupid," he snorted as he crouched to point out a bit of beaded jewelry and several spots where it was obvious that some sort of clay crockery lay there in pieces. "Those are probably worth more than what they've taken."
Trowa agreed and unpacked his tools. "Shall we?"
Wu Fei swatted at biting insects, frowning. "They are in the shade. I'll loose a pint of blood before sundown."
"Well worth that pint of blood, I assure you," Trowa joked as he sat to begin working.
"Why aren't you more upset?" Wu Fei asked as he settled beside Trowa. "Anything you record won't be accurate, now that they've scattered things."
Trowa shrugged and smiled. "This wasn't the first time, and it won't be the last," he replied. "I don't like it, and, yes, I'd like to catch the people who did this, but getting angry now will only slow down work and make me feel much hotter. I'll save my temper for when we return home."
"Home, home, or the shack, home?" Wu Fei wondered as he pointed out a dull shard for Trowa to record.
"Home, home," Trowa replied. "Then I'll be able to do something about it. I'll have the full force of Preventer technology to find anyone selling Indian artifacts matching the patterns at this site." he paused and then smiled slightly, "Besides, I would like to enjoy our time at the shack."
After Trowa finished his recording, Wu Fei used delicate motions to brush the sand away from the pottery shard as he said, "It's hard for me to just... sit here... and do nothing, knowing that a crime has been committed. It's not in my nature."
"It is in your nature," Trowa insisted.
Wu Fei frowned at him. "I've never been a man to stand by and do nothing."
"Never?" Trowa pried without looking at him.
Wu Fei suddenly felt his gut tighten and he was up, fists clenched, and back out into the sun, facing away from Trowa and staring hard at inner bitter memories. He wasn't aware that he was trembling, slightly, or that he was grinding his teeth together until Trowa appeared by his side.
"I'm sorry," Trowa told him.
Wu Fei made a strangled sound. "No, you are not!" he accused. "You stabbed me in the heart with the skill of a master."
Trowa was quiet and then he said softly, "I didn't know that I was aiming for the heart. I remembered that you had told me, long ago, that you had used to be a scholar. I was... talking about that, nothing more."
"I stood by and did nothing," Wu Fei snapped. "and certain people paid dearly for that mistake."
"Did you know what would happen, how it would turn out?" Trowa asked.
Wu Fei found it hard to think about that. He said nothing.
"No," Trowa guessed. "You always want to make yourself responsible for everything, but that's impossible. You're tearing yourself apart by trying, don't you see?You didn't know, then, what would happen, and you can't know now. You can't not live your life on the off chance that tragedy might happen, because of your inaction."
Wu Fei tried to think through his pain. His chest hurt and his vision seemed dimmed by his attempt to control his anguish and his temper. "Duty. Honor. They are... important to me." He almost didn't recognize his own voice.
"Save it for saving the world, then, not for worrying about whether thieves see justice today or a few weeks from now," Trowa urged.
"Priorities?" Wu Fei tried, pulling himself together a little.
"Priorities," Trowa agreed.
Wu Fei let out a shuddering breath and the world took shape again around him. The sun beat down hotly on his skin and he welcomed the discomfort. It anchored him until he came back completely from a very dark place in his psyche. Trowa gave him time, blessedly saying nothing.
At last Wu Fei said, "Let's work." He turned back to the site and sat down with his tools. It was a signal to Trowa not to push any longer that day, not to peel back any more scabs.
Trowa sat beside him and began talking, as if nothing had happened, and that was a relief in itself. "I think this used to be a basket," he observed. "There are some preserved twigs here, a weaving, maybe. Too delicate to pick out. I'll take photos and leave them for the experts."
"Thank you," Wu Fei said suddenly.
Trowa looked relieved, as if he had feared that he might have damaged something between them. He reached out and gave Wu Fei's hand a brief squeeze, before he began taking photos.
------------------------------------------------------------------
"I...." Wu Fei frowned at the floor, shirt half off, and hands on the buttons. He fiddled with them, while Trowa stood expectantly, waiting.
They had eaten dinner in silence, exhausted and in their own thoughts. Deciding to go to bed had been a mutual rising, a mutual, silent decision.
"I don't want to sleep alone," Wu Fei finished and waited for the argument, the reasoning why anything else would be a very bad idea. He didn't want nightmares, though, didn't want the past to claw its way up from a guilty subconscious and tear at his heart until morning.
Wu Fei flinched a little when Trowa's long fingered hand brushed his cheek. He looked at the man with surprised dark eyes as Trowa smiled gently and motioned to the bedroom with a tilt of his chin. He turned that way, then, and began undressing himself as he walked.
Wu Fei stayed where he was a moment, and then felt a flood of relief as he followed, pulling his shirt off completely and tossing it aside. "Does this mean...?"
Trowa chuckled. "It can mean whatever you need it to mean." He slid off his jeans and left them on the floor, long, lean legs stepping out of them.
Wu Fei considered that as he dropped his own clothing. The bed was narrow. Two people would need to sleep close. It held possibilities that his body was ready for, but, perhaps, not his mind.
"Why now?" Wu Fei wondered.
"Rules are not absolute," Trowa replied as he climbed into the bed, and slid against the wall.
"Another of my failings?" Wu Fei sighed.
"Inflexible," Trowa agreed. "Unwilling to change according to the moment. You confuse duty and honor with following the rules. You make them absolute, when they can't possibly work in every situation."
Wu Fei considered that and then nodded, seeing the truth in the accusation.
"Back or front?" Trowa wondered, giving him the decision as to how far he wanted to go.
"Flat," Wu Fei replied neutrally and Trowa sighed as if in disappointment.
"I don't sleep well on my back," Trowa told him, an innuendo that wasn't lost on Wu Fei.
"Neither do I," Wu Fei countered.
"There might not be enough room..." another innuendo that Trowa had difficulty expressing.
"Who's inflexible, now?" Wu Fei wondered with a raised eyebrow as he climbed into the bed.
Trowa snorted and purposefully turned his back on Wu Fei. Staring at the wall, he said, "Everything's up to you."
"Isn't that my problem, though?" Wu Fei wondered sadly. "That I make it up to me?"
Trowa glanced over his shoulder and there was a smile on his lips. "Self awareness at last."
Wu Fei turned on his side and ran a hand along Trowa's hard hip. "Is that what Yuy needed as well?"
"Yes," Trowa replied.
That troubled Fei. He frowned, not sure how to ask.
"He didn't get to sleep here, with me," Trowa answered, as if feeling the question in the air. "He's always loved just Duo. That's all he talked about. Getting back to Duo."
Wu Fei felt more unsaid things in the air than his own question. "That... That must have hurt."
There was dead silence, a stiffening of shoulders, and then Trowa admitted, "Sometimes, you want something, that was never meant to be yours. We both did some... accepting."
They were both exhausted and that last revelation seemed to put a barrier between them. They slept, but, some time in the night, when the nightmares finally came for Wu Fei, he found a warm body to hold onto, warm hands and tender lips to chase them away, and a balance of wills that allowed for compromise, for a putting aside of submission and dominance for a middle ground that was just as satisfying.
When morning light stabbed through a window, Wu Fei was awake, thinking about his tall lover and his skill, at the intense feelings the man had drawn out of him, and his own clumsy responses to do the same. The man was draped over him, face buried in his neck and arms loosely around his waist. Those long fingered hands had been inventive. Those lips and that mouth... Wu Fei felt a renewed desire, even while he was feeling embarrassment at his own lack of skill.
Trowa awoke slowly, muttered something about morning breath, and then rolled off of him to pad to the bathroom in one smooth motion. Wu Fei made them breakfast, and they found themselves eating in silence as if replaying their dinner the night before.
Trowa finally flicked eyes at him and then said, to his mug of coffee, "If you want to... forget about last night..."
"You had relations with your coffee mug after me?" Wu Fei replied drolly. "It may wish to forget. I do not."
Trowa chuckled. "Good," he said.
Wu Fei winced. "I will make it good, in time."
Trowa stared at him for a long moment, confused, and then said, in sudden understanding, "I didn't expect a virgin, and you will forgive me if I sound medieval, when I say, I'm glad that you aren't... practiced."
"Easy," Wu Fei corrected blandly.
Trowa snickered. "Easy," he agreed.
"Possessive," Wu Fei judged him.
"Not before now," Trowa assured him.
Wu Fei smiled and then said, thoughtfully. "What I've wanted, has never been a mystery to me. I'm not... prudish. I'm-"
"Selective?" Trowa interjected.
"Selective," Wu Fei agreed.
Trowa hunted for the rights words to respond and then sighed as he admitted, "I suppose I take pleasure where I find it, though it's mostly with friends."
Wu Fei frowned.
Trowa understood. "This is a lot more serious than that. In fact....."
"Go on," Wu Fei prodded when Trowa paused uncertainly.
Trowa shrugged. "I think the rest is up to you to choose."
"I've already chosen," Wu Fei assured him. "I thought that I've been making that clear these last days."
"I didn't want to be wrong," Trowa replied.
The silence was comfortable after that, the warmth between them enough, as they finished eating. when Wu Fei cleared away the plates and frowned, contemplating going out into the heat, he was surprised by Trowa placing a bag of shards on the table.
"I thought..." Wu Fei wondered.
"We should put one together, before we go," Trowa explained as he readied his tools.
"Go?"
Trowa sat and motioned Wu Fei to sit across from him. "There's no reason to stay, now."
They sorted the shards as Wu Fei tried to understand. Finally he nodded.
Trowa noticed. "You see?"
Wu Fei did see. "I understand the problems. I agree that they are problems."
"You saw it, last night," Trowa told him. " That was the goal. Until you know the problem, until you accept that it is a problem, you can't hope to fix it, to heal... to open yourself to other possibilities."
Their eyes met over the shards. "I won't lose what I've found with you, even if I have to stay in this hell hole with you," Wu Fei warned.
"We don't have to stay here. This isn't an end, in any sense," Trowa assured him as he reached over and gripped Wu Fei's hand hard. "It's a beginning."
End