Author: Merula
Pairings: 2x1x2
Rating: NC-17
“You going to be okay?” Heero asked me for what had to be the third
time.
“Of course,” I replied, just like I had to all the other inquires. This time though I leaned over the armrest and squeezed his elbow. “Do I look that bad?”
The corner of his mouth curved upward slightly. “Of course not,” he said and shook his head. “I know- I’m overreacting. I just… I was surprised you wanted to go to this thing this year.”
“After last year’s mess?” I finished for him.
Heero shot me a concerned look, but didn’t reply.
“I just don’t want to feel like she won.”
“It’s not a game.” Heero’s voice was soft. “If you truly aren’t up for this, I can turn the car around and we can go home.”
“I know it’s not.” I did- even though it sure felt like one to me at times. Not that I gave a damn about her anymore really- but if I stayed away- then it would look like I did. “But am I going to avoid my friends every holiday? Stay home and wallow in misery by myself?”
Heero smiled. “Don’t be silly. I’d stay home and wallow with you.”
That made me laugh. “You’re a good friend, Heero.”
“The best,” he agreed.
I smiled for him and looked out the window. The snow was still light, not like last year when everything had been covered in a thick white blanket… all the better. I didn’t want to dwell on last year anymore.
Last year, when I had asked Hilde to marry me during Quatre’s annual New Year's party- right at midnight. She had accepted- the room had rung with applause- and for that one night I thought I had everything I wanted.
Until the next morning when she told me that she was really in love with someone else. She had wanted to tell me sooner- but she hadn’t wanted to spoil the holidays- and true, she had said yes last night, but that had only been because of all the people watching…
And could I please have all of my things out of the apartment by the end of the week?
It was snowing, the streets white and still, the freezing air seeping under the thin flannel shirt I wore. I pelted down the sidewalk, heedless of the slippery surface under my feet. The people I passed stopped and stared at me. I didn’t care. My world had fallen apart and I had only one place to go.
Once I reached my destination, I pounded on the door. He had to be home. He had said he was planning on staying home today…
Heero opened his apartment door, blinking at me in shock. “Duo? What are you doing here? What’s wrong?”
“Duo?” I blinked and turned away from the window. “We’re almost there.”
I tried hard to pull my focus back to him. “I know.” I needed to stop focusing on the past. I had moved on- just going to this party didn't mean I was going to be crushed again. I wasn't planning on proposing to anyone this year- if ever again.
“You sure about this?”
“Pretty sure.”
Heero was worried about me. I could tell. He always got that little line between his eyebrows when he was worried. I had noticed it first that horrible morning when I had shown up on his doorstep, shivering and blurted out the whole sorry story.
“She never loved me. She thought she did, but she didn’t. She only said yes last night because everyone was watching…”
Heero’s forehead creased and he reached out to pull me inside his apartment.
“She told me to leave, she said she loved someone else, said she hadn’t wanted to spoil the holidays for me… wouldn’t it have been better to just tell me? I’m not ten… even when I was I could’ve handled it…”
The living room had a fire going in the fireplace. Heero sat me in front of it and then sat down beside me, listening until I ran out of words.
“...I don't know what to do... I don't know where to go... she wants my stuff out by the end of the week....”
“You can stay here with me. I have the extra room. We’ll figure it all out, okay?”
“Duo?” I got the feeling from Heero's tone that he'd said my name more than once.
“Sorry- I was.... just remembering...”
“I can tell.” He frowned as we pulled up in front of Quatre’s home. “If you keep drifting off like that, I'm going to take you home.”
I summoned up a grin for him. “Now where would the fun be in that?”
“Sitting in front of our TV with the fire going and a bowl of popcorn sounds like a lot more fun than this party.” He retorted and I had to bite my lip to keep from agreeing with him.
“True, I doubt anything could top the fun of last year...”
“Last year wasn't fun either.”
“It was,” I protested. “Just the next day was the killer.”
His lips twisted. “Not for me. For me- the party was the worst.”
“Why? What happened to you last year?” What had I missed?
He turned off the engine and pulled the keys out of the ignition. He glanced at me, a look I couldn't read, and then shook his head. “I had to watch the person I love the most propose to someone else.”
My jaw nearly hit the seat as he got out of the car, quietly shutting the door behind him.
By the time I recovered, he was already at Quatre's door. I hurried to join him, wondering what in the hell to say, but he'd already pressed the doorbell. By the time I reached the door, Quatre was there, ushering us inside and taking our coats.
After last year I wasn't remotely eager to discuss relationships in front of a crowd, but even if I had been, Heero proved adept at out maneuvering me.
There was already a crowd inside, the hum of conversation and music filling the air, and Heero immediately immersed himself in it. I followed behind him, mind whirling with questions only Heero could answer- and this wasn't the place to get answers.
So I grabbed a drink off a tray, snagged some food the same way and conversed with my friends and coworkers- worrying away at Heero's revelation all the while in the back of my mind.
I wasn't really sure how I felt about it- I mean, Heero was my best friend... I hadn't ever thought of him as being something more.... though apparently he had...
Why hadn't he said anything to me? Oh sure, I'd had a few bad days at the beginning, but he didn't let me sulk for long...
“Don't forget- gym at 5:30 today. Chang wants to try out his new skills.” Heero told me as I headed out for the last meeting of the day.
“Why can't you be the guinea pig?” I stopped in the doorway of our office and made a face at him.
“Class. Speaking of- don't forget-”
“Tomorrow night- I know, I know. How I let Une talk me into teaching one of the rookie classes...”
“She bribed you. A week off in May, remember?”
“Only because you wouldn't do it.” He smirked at me and I had to smile back. “If I didn't know better, Heero, I would think you planned all this- just to keep me busy.”
His smirk widened. “Would I be that sneaky?”
“Yes.”
“Maybe you're just more fun to be around when you aren't moping on the sofa.”
“Hah. You didn't know the meaning of the word fun until you met me.”
“There were quite a few things I didn't know until I met you...”
Frowning over the memory, I could now see how concerned Heero had been. How he'd gone out of his way over and over again to keep me from sliding into depression, to keep me involved, to show me that I could get past it...
Damn. He really did care. Not that I doubted his word- Heero didn't lie. Not to me. But... now, now I saw it, really saw it, the whole last year- and even before that...
How the hell had I missed it?
And what the hell should I do about it?
It wasn't until several hours had passed- when Quatre announced we were getting close to midnight-ten minutes 'til- that I realized I hadn't thought of Hilde once. I hadn't even looked for her. Between talking to my friends and worrying away on Heero's revelation- I had been too busy to think about what had happened last year.
Had that sneaky bastard told me tonight on purpose? Just to keep me distracted?
Or maybe... maybe he was hoping for something else?
Heero was a few steps away from me, talking to Trowa, a slight smile on his lips. He had been avoiding eye contact with me- and I had tried catching his attention several times. Despite that, I had the feeling that he was watching me- keeping a careful eye on me- just in case. I would bet that if I displayed any signs of being uncomfortable- of wanting to go home- that he would be there in an instant.
Quatre was talking to Relena about security for the upcoming summit talks- Wufei and I were listening in, but my attention was severely wandering away from the topic. As I took a sip from my glass, I cast a glance around the room. It was packed- a crowd of well dressed people enjoying the last moments of the old year.
“Duo?” Damn. Wasn't expecting her to seek me out. I turned, pasting a polite smile on my lips.
“Hilde. How are you?”
“Good. I didn't expect to see you here.”
I just bet you didn't. “Quatre throws a decent party. I didn't want to miss it.”
She nodded, adjusting the straps of her red dress a little. “True. How have you been, Duo?”
“Pretty good really.”
“I've missed you.” I nearly gaped at her. She missed me? After she broke my heart and tossed me out of her life? Was I supposed to believe that? “I've been wondering how you've been- what you've been doing.”
“Just the usual stuff,” I shrugged. “Work and more work. Taught a few rookie classes, that sort of thing.”
She was frowning a little, as if I'd given her an answer she hadn't expected. “So, you just spent the year focused on your work?”
What was she getting at? “Well, not all year. I went on vacation for a week on the coast. Took a couple long weekends, did some hiking.”
“All by yourself?” She asked and I finally saw what she was getting at.
“No,” I told her and looked over her head. As I could have predicted, Heero was watching me. He lifted an eyebrow in a silent question and a rush of warmth spiraled through my veins.
I hadn't been alone. Heero had been there- supporting me, pushing me, encouraging me- the entire year.
Hilde was saying something, but I'm afraid I totally missed it, lost in that sudden surge of feeling. It was almost midnight- and there was something I needed to be doing.
“Excuse me,” I said to her, cutting off whatever she was saying, as I slipped around her and headed for Heero just as Quatre announced that we were at the one minute mark.
Heero was by himself- Trowa had moved to Quatre's side- and he had that worry-line between his eyebrows. “Are you okay? Did Hilde say something to upset you?”
Shaking my head, I confessed: “I wasn't even really listening to her.”
He eyed me for a moment, the worry-line fading a little. “Do you want to go home?”
The count started up around us and I chuckled. “Maybe in a minute- I want to welcome the new year in right.” Before he could ask me what I meant, I took a firm hold of his tie. “I'm hoping you don't mind me kissing you-” I started- and was cut off when the crowd around us hollered a welcome to the new year- and his lips descended on mine.
“Now we can go home,” I murmured against his mouth when he released me. “Unless you're planning on kicking me out tomorrow-”
“Don't even go there,” he rolled his eyes and untangled my fingers from his tie, taking them firmly in his own. “You know me better than that.”
A small spark of relief blossomed in my chest. He was right. I did know better. “Happy New Year, Heero.”
“It will be,” he promised me, and he was right.