Bleed to Blue

By Katleap

(Not a deathfic)

It feels like now, it feels always,
And it feels like coming home
I never saw a blue like that before
Across the sky, around the world
You've given me all you have and more
No one else has ever shown me how
To see the world the way I see it now, oh I
I never saw a blue like that before
Oh, oh I, I never saw blue like that
-Never Saw Blue, Haley Westerna

The day of Heero’s funeral, I went to The Beach. You know what beach I’m talking about. The one where he broke his leg and I told him that the only friend he had was me. He’d asked that his ashes be scattered there. After the ceremony, everyone gathered on the grassy spot on the cliffs above The Beach. The view of the ocean is spectacular if you ignore the remains of the base. I stayed for a while and when Quatre was distracted enough, I slipped off. The winding trail was familiar and I flew down its course. Taking off my shoes and socks, I stuffed the socks into the shoes and left them at the base of the path.

The sand is coarse on this beach, not that fine golden stuff, it’s gray and rough. This beach was our beach. It was where we began our friendship. I wandered down the shore lost in my thoughts, until I was far enough away that I couldn’t hear the reception any more. Then I turned to face the surf and sat down. I drew my knees up to my chest and pulled the hair tie out of my hair. The wind rapidly unbraided it, causing it to wrap around me like a cloak.

I remembered that day. The memory had been just below the surface of my mind since I had arrived. Quatre had suspected something but I couldn’t tell him about this. It was a very precious, very special, very private thing between Heero and me. So I lost myself in the brilliance of the sky and the deepness of the ocean and remembered.

Blue. That is the first thing that comes to mind about that day. The sky, the ocean, his eyes. His beautiful blue eyes. They were deep and dark and full of secrets. I loved those eyes. Love those eyes. The wars had been over for about 6 months. I had gone back to doing salvage with Hilde and found that it wasn’t what I wanted to do. So when Sally came recruiting I jumped on the opportunity to join the Preventers. I settled in quite quickly, ending up with Wufei as my partner. The work was familiar and it was comforting. It also allowed me to search for Heero. He had disappeared after the Eve wars. No one knew where he went or where he was going. Not even Relena.

I loved him. The crush had developed when I shot him. As we spent more time together on missions and in safe houses, I got to know him better. I could read the tiny movements that expressed emotion. I got to understand the drive, the objective, the person. I understood him and I loved him. Then he vanished after the Eve wars, before I could tell him. I searched for a year, not a sign of him anywhere. I came back from lunch one day and found a note on my desk. It asked me to meet him there the next day. It wasn’t signed. It didn’t need to be. It was from Heero. I would know it anywhere.

He was waiting for me when I got there. I hugged him hello. We spent the day catching up, walking around the dying little town that had survived the destruction of the base. Eventually we ended up on The Beach, lying on our backs watching the clouds. It was getting late, almost time for us to say goodbye and go our separate ways. I did not want him to leave me again. It was there on The Beach that I first told him I loved him. It was there that he gathered me up into his arms and kissed me. He came home with me that night.

We visited The Beach often. It came to be our beach. Every time we went, he’d kiss me and steal my hair band, letting my hair fly in the wind. It was wonderful, though far from perfect. He wouldn’t talk about his job. It often kept him away for days at a time. But then so did mine. We fought. We fucked. We lived. Then a job went bad. I got a call. By the time Wufei and I made it to the hospital, he was gone.

The past few days have been a blur. A collection of faces, locations, and sounds. I’m so cold inside. It’s like everything is frozen. Funny though that the minute we came here things stopped being a blur. I remember all the details of the funeral. The speeches. Relena’s hug and offer of comfort. She had gotten over her crush on Heero fast and they had been friends. I remember Une’s and Sally’s regret. I remember Quatre, Wufei and Trowa, their reassurances and gentle care. I could remember it all.

I could see his smile, hear his voice, smell his scent, a musk of strength and danger, mixed with gunpowder and rain. I could feel his arms around me, head on my shoulder, cheek against mine. I was cold, so achingly cold from the emptiness inside. A piece of me had been ripped out when he left. All I had left were my tattered pieces of him. Cold, so cold.

“Heero”

I stood, feet in the dry gray sand, hair whipping around me. For a long moment, I took in everything around me. The sand, the sky, the ocean, mostly the vivid blue that echoed so strongly of him. Finally the emptiness of it all. Then I walked away. Straight into that blue. As far into it as I could get. I immersed myself in it. Drank it all in. Drowned in it.

I had been cold before, now I was warm. Gentle and strong it wrapped around me, forcing the cold away. A dark figure emerged out of the shadows. It beckoned and I moved closer, though the blue was thick. He reached out. I fell into his embrace and the blue bled to black.

The face above me had green eyes, not blue. I recognized that as I was rolling onto my side, stomach heaving. Bile, salty water, coated the sand beneath me. I coughed. It hurt. It was then I realized that I was alive. I didn’t want to be alive. I wanted to be with Heero. And Heero was..…gone.

“Why?” It came out low and hoarse. I levered myself from hands and knees to sitting.

“Why!” I asked again, seeing my friends this time. Wufei was on my right. He was wet. Trowa was on my left. He was soaked. I didn’t see Quatre. I knew somehow that it was Trowa who had found me and hauled me out of the ocean. It was his fault. I didn’t want to be here. He brought me back. I threw myself at him.

“WHY!” I screamed, knotting my hands into his shirt. “I didn’t want to come back! I wanted to stay with Heero! WHY! Dammit! WHY!” I abruptly became aware that I was crying. I hadn’t cried since I was 6 years old. I hadn’t cried when he’d self destructed. I hadn’t cried for him when I found out. I hadn’t cried during the funeral. I was crying for him now.

“Why.” It came out a broken whisper. “Heero.” Something inside me just tore and it all came out. I curled in to Trowa, burying my head in his chest and sobbed. I cried for a long time. Cried myself to sleep. Heero.

*
It was the first time I had been back in this area of space since the moon base incident. The ship was a big luxurious one, almost reminiscent of the Peacemillion. It was owned by WEI. Quatre used it specifically to shuttle the bigwigs he needed to around space. He had commandeered it for this trip because it housed a large number comfortably.

I was curled up in one of the observation windows, where the sills are large enough to sit on. The lights were off, the only light coming from the stars and outside lights. It made the room dark with puddles of light pooling beneath the windows. There are several observation rooms. The one I had secreted myself in was small and out of the way, meaning I was all by my lonesome. Nobody else came here, except me. I had discovered it at the beginning of our trip and no one had disturbed me yet, though I was pretty sure that Quatre knew.

Ever since Heero’s funeral, I haven’t been alone. My friends were afraid that I would try again, so they managed to wrangle a promise out of me not to. I don’t lie and that promise was easy to give. I had already made up my mind that I wouldn’t. The blue of that day was a solitary moment, something that would never be repeated. That moment was like pressing the self-destruct button, I couldn’t think of suicide in easy terms. Heero would have yelled at me for it.

I only went back to our apartment once. I say our apartment but really it was mine. Heero lived there whenever he wasn’t on the job, but I always came home to it. I walked in and every memory that I had of Heero just over whelmed me. I remember sinking to the floor, right there in the entryway. The next thing I knew Wufei was carrying me out of the apartment. He told me later that Quatre had felt me fade out and called me five times on my cell phone. When I didn’t answer, Quatre did a very Quatre like thing and panicked. He called Wufei and demand that he go check on me. I never returned to the apartment. Trowa and Wufei packed up my stuff and brought back to Quatre’s house.

I resented that Quatre moved me into his and Trowa’s house without asking me. After throwing the biggest temper tantrum, Wufei explained that they were worried about me and didn’t want to leave me alone. He said that I was acting unstable and childish. He understood what it was like to lose a loved one and told me about Merian. I grudgingly decided to give it a try. After a few weeks I realized that the rooms Quatre had given me were basically my own apartment that was attached to the house. I also found that I was lonely and this allowed me to find comfortable company easily. I decided to stay.

Six months later, my world turned upside down again. On his way home from work Wufei entered the wrong store at the wrong time. He saved the woman’s life but lost his own. He wanted his ashes to be scattered at the old L5 colony site, so they would mix with his family’s. So here we were. I had lost my lover and my partner within six months of each other.

“Duo?”

Quatre. I didn’t respond as he entered my sanctuary. Staring out at the stars, I could see his reflection in the window as he approached. He didn’t say anything else just sat at the other end of the sill and waited.

I made him wait for a while. I knew what I wanted to say since before he had showed up but I was feeing obstinate. So we sat for almost an hour in the semidarkness.

“It’s not fair.” I didn’t look at him.

“Life’s not fair, Duo.”

”It should have been me”

“He stepped in front of that bullet. For him is was heroic. If it had been you, it would have been considered suicidal. You are aware of that.”

“I don’t care.”

“You should. If it had been you then the repercussions would have effected the rest of us dramatically. Une would have had to retire Wufei, because it would be questioned whether he was suicidal. It would be enough for my sisters or the board of directors to take control of WEI from me. The government has been trying to find away to remove us. You know that. It would give them the ammunition that they need. They would have all three of us be evaluated by shrinks who’ve been paid off to find us mentally incompetent and dangerously unstable. We would be locked away and there would have been nothing we could do about except go rouge and that would worsen the situation.”

I didn’t reply. Deep down I knew he was right. It couldn’t have been me, it really would have looked like suicide. Quatre was needed as the public face and Trowa had been his shadow since the wars ended, so for him to go would set off suspicion. But I didn’t want to admit it. I missed Heero.

Quatre sighed. “I know you miss him.” He reached out and gently turned my head so that he could meet my eyes. “Be patient. In time, things will get better. You’ll see.”

He stood and walked to the door. I watched him this time. Quatre opened the door and paused. He looked back.

“Have a little faith in me.”

Then he was gone and it was just me and the silent darkness.

*
I had arrived by boat. I was escorted to a nondescript car and loaded in. All curtsey of the Maguanac express. I didn’t know the driver. He was some young thing that I hadn’t met, probably a distant relation of one of the forty original Maguanacs. Not that I’m old or anything. The guy was probably older than me. In the four years since the last war Quatre’s original Maguanac Corps had tripled in size and he had work for every single one of them. Its really not hard to imagine, my buddy is one of the richest men in the whole ESUN.

The driver didn’t try to start a conversation and I was grateful for that. I watched out the window as the scenery flew by. Its funny but today I wanted to lose myself in the thoughts and memories.

It has been 2 years, 3 months, and 16 days since Heero’s funeral. 1 year, 10 months and 25 days since Wufei’s. I had stayed with Quatre and Trowa and worked for the Preventers. I couldn’t seem to keep a partner and eventually Une simply gave me solo missions. If I absolutely needed a partner, Noin, Merquise or Trowa went with me.

The black suit jacket lay on the seat next to me. I rarely dress up and only if the occasion is very special. I undid the black tie, and stuffed it in my pocket. Then I unbuttoned the black dress shirt, revealing the black T-shirt under it. Its only proper to respect the dead. After all, it’s not every day you skip your own funeral.

The car was pulling into the drive. Quatre had purchased the ruined base and the lands surrounding it. That included The Beach. This whole area was mostly deserted. Some strange and freakish circumstances had created enough unease that the tiny town had basically been abandoned. Quatre had bought all that he could and built a large estate on the cliffs above The Beach. When asked about it, he replied that he wanted a place that was far away from people and that he was a Gundam Pilot. If anyone deserved to be haunted by the ghosts of the destroyed base it was him.

It was a sprawling estate. Stables, airfield, full training course, not that anyone recognized that. I got out of the car, jacket slung over my shoulder and entered the house. I dropped the jacket over a chair and made my way through the rooms to the back veranda. I’d never been in this house before, but I had helped with the plans. I walked to the edge and leaned against the railing, gazing out at the ocean and spectacular sunset.

After Heero’s funeral, I had not come back here. It was too painful. The salty wind brushed past me and I leaned into it. My latest mission had been a terrorist cell in the jungles of South America. I had to get in, hack the information needed out of it, destroy the base and get out. I accomplished the first three easily; it was the fourth I had problems with. I missed a returning platoon and they wanted a little revenge. They kept me pinned in the area for three days. My last transmission to the Preventers was “agent down, rescue impossible”. They came anyway. After all, I was one of the legendary Gundam pilots, there was always the slightest chance I had survived. They found the original ambush site and then followed the trail of dead bodies to mine. I had been shot several times, knifed a few times, all and all it was a holey corpse they brought back. Even if I had been extracted immediately after, the chances were nil that I would have lived.

The funeral was broadcasted to the world. The third of the Gundam Pilots had passed away in a blaze of glory. I watched the whole tado from Quatre’s yacht through the tiny camera’s that Trowa and Quatre held. It had been an obligatory empty ceremony.

I sensed someone enter the room behind me. I didn’t look to see who it was. Quatre kept the place minimally staffed with Magauacs he had personally selected. I didn’t exactly feel like talking to anyone right then. Maybe if I ignored them, they would take the hint and go away.

Eventually there was a slight tug on the end of my braid. I stubbornly ignored it. Warm arms slid around me, their body pressed close against mine. I clenched my teeth and resisted the urge to deck the person behind me. “If this is some kind of joke…or illusion...I’m going to kill you.” I meant my voice to sound threatening, instead it sounded rough and wavery.

The arms tightened and there was warm breath in my ear. “Does this feel like an illusion Duo?”

There is only one person in the world who can say my name like that. One single person and he was dead. My knuckles were white from clenching the balustrade so hard. I wanted to turn around. I wanted to see that it was him. I wanted to believe so damn badly. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I took a deep breath. “If this isn’t you, I will put a bullet in my brain, right after I put one in yours.” The wind had picked up my braid and was unraveling it.

“Turn around, Duo.” His voice was low and there was the slightest swipe of tongue on my neck. I could feel him hardening against my ass.

I was trembling. Threatening to break. Threatening to shatter into a tiny million pieces. I couldn’t breathe. My lips were moving in a silent mantra of “please” and “fuck”. Slowly, ever so slowly, I turned my head to look over the shoulder where he had touched me….And I drowned.

Blue. That brilliant, singular, one of a kind blue. My blue. The vivid blue of Heero’s eyes.

“Oh God. Heero” I breathed. Then I was kissing him and he was pulling me in. Overwhelming me. Engulfing me. Smothering me. I reveled in it. His touch was fire, sending streaks of it all over my skin. I was dying, drowning, Alive for the first time in so long.
He broke the kiss and attacked my neck with fury.

“I…..I missed.... you” I managed to gasp out.

He lifted his mouth long enough to reciprocate. “Missed you too.” He panted back. Then his lips reattached to mine, a hand sliding deeper into my hair, the other down my pants. What a sight we must have been. Me, with my hair loose and looking like a thin wild nymph. Heero all muscle and passion trying to meld me into him. All with a background of bright purple, red and orange.

I was never exactly sure how we made it from the veranda to the bedroom. The next conscious thought I had was of hitting the soft bed and Heero on top of me. There was not a lot of foreplay. He stripped us with all his brutal efficiency and then prepped me with two slick fingers, quickly joined by a third. Lube smoothed onto his hard cock and then he was pushing inside me. I didn’t care. I wanted him in me. Even though I was almost too tight, having been celibate for over two years. Even though it hurt more than it should. Even though I knew there would be blood. I didn’t care. This was evidence that he was real and pounding inside me.

Heero found my prostate and hit it with every single thrust. White fire raced through me, touching everything, my body screaming in blissful agony. I was high on a combinations of lust, love and pain. He wrapped his fingers around my shaft and pumped once and I came. Come splattered all over me, all over him. He spasmed, drove in twice more and came, white heat pouring into me, once more marking me as his.

He stayed over me for a few seconds, then pulled out and rolled to the side. We lay there, the only sound our harsh panting. After a while, Heero moved closer to me, his chest against my side.

“I wasn’t to rough was I?” he asked. His finger traced my cheek. “I didn’t hurt you?”

“You could never hurt me.”

“Duo..”

I moved putting my hand over his mouth. “No. Not tonight Heero.” A smile touched my lips. “lets worry about it in the morning.”

“But..”

“I need you Heero. I need you in me. I need you to prove to me that you’re real. That you’re not some specter of my imagination. That I haven’t completely lost it. Please. Just for tonight. I want whatever you give me.” I shifted so that I was lying on top of him. “Rough” My tongue lapped at his neck. “Hard” I nipped his collar bone. “earth shattering wild” I licked circles around his left nipple. He was hard against my stomach. “Fierce.” I slithered down his body, licking and kissing all that I could reach. “Passionate.” I laved into his belly button and his tight control disappeared.

He flipped us and rubbed our hips together. My back arched, bringing me up to meet him. He stilled and brought his face down to mine. “Beautiful”. Then he kissed me and I was lost.

*
I wasn’t sure what woke me. It could have been the unfamiliar setting. It was ingrained that I never slept deeply in a new place for at least the first several months and after that if anything changed it was immediately noticeable and I woke up. It could have been the strange bed. It was a huge monstrosity that was nothing like I had slept in before. My own apartments within Quatre’s house were always furnished to my preference, which was simple. Quatre did tasteful and elegant and a perfect mixture of simple and opulent, throughout his estates and specifics for permanent guests. More than likely it was the warm familiar body next to mine. His right arm was draped over my hip, a fistful of hair clenched in his hand.

I lay there for a while just listening to him breathe. I was feeling strange. There was this little ball in my gut that grew bigger every minute and I had no idea why. When it was so big it hurt, I climbed from the bed, carefully detangling his fingers from my hair. There was a white blanket on the chest next to the wall. I wrapped it around me. It was light and silky, perfect for summer. Though the summer was ending. I paused at the end of the bed and looked at him.

He lay on his stomach, legs straight, left arm under cheek. His dark hair, wild and messy on the pillow, right arm still outstretched over where I had been. All darkness and shadow, flitted with moonlight. It was almost enough to make me stay. But the knot inside twisted at my hesitation and I quietly fled the room.

It was a suite. I slipped from the bedroom into the main room. There was the half open door to the study off to my left. I threaded the indistinct furniture to the big window tucked into the corner. I curled in the seat, blanket wrapped around me, chin resting on my knees.

I dug down to that ball of knotted emotions and began pulling it apart. It was a mixture of things. There was love. I still loved Heero with all of my soul. As long as he would have me, I was his. Pain. It was like tearing the scar off a freshly healed wound. I was still raw from his apparent death. Relief. I was grateful he was alive. Loneliness. As close as he was physically, it felt like he was a million miles away. And right at the center of that complicated ball was uncertainty.

Over two years had past since I last saw him. I wasn’t sure where I fit in his life anymore. Did he still love me? Had he found someone else while we had been apart? Did he want to continue our relationship or leave it in the past? It had ended the day he “died”. I thought that I would never see him again and as much as I loved him I had moved on with my life. When my suicide had been aborted, I decided that I wouldn’t spend my life in mourning and got back to work. Heero had done the same thing. I had no clue where we stood and as good as the sex was, it still didn’t answer any questions.

So much had changed in the time we had been apart. After the barely avoided disaster at Heero’s funeral, Quatre took me under his wing, willing or not. After a month of him going through every portion of my life and my feelings and reactions to things, he let me in. As good as the Preventers were what they were doing was not enough. Due to under financing, budget cuts and limited support the Preventers was unable to do half of what they needed too and the other half was so slow due to all the red tape. The Preventers was in a political nightmare and it would be years before they managed to climb out of it. The world peace we worked to hard to achieve would not last that long. It had already started crumbling a year after the last war.

Quatre had an idea. Heero came to him and between the two of them; they meted out a course of action. The plan involved removing three pilots and forming their own special ops team. The other two would remain on the outside gathering information and ferreting out problems. I do not know the original split. I do know that Trowa became a permanent physical figure in Quatre’s life and parts of the plan went out the window. Trowa was brought in on the idea. Then the opportunity arose earlier than they thought and they had to move. It resulted in Heero’s “death”.

It turned out that I was the biggest wild card in the plan. I nearly blew it with my suicide. When Quatre deemed that I would not reject it, he sat me down and laid it out. I nearly killed him that day. Only the fact that Heero was alive saved him. Well that and the gun Trowa had pressed to the back of my head. Wufei had been brought in right after Heero’s funeral. I had to wait a month.

The final plan was that first Heero, then Wufei and finally me would “die”. We would then basically continue being harbingers of peace, except without the Gundams and the backing and concealment of the richest man in the whole ESUN. My biggest objection was the time between mine and Heero’s deaths. Quatre would not even let me see him. It was too risky. He had been right at that time. Now the three of us were finally being reunited in Quatre’s most private and secure estate.

And I had no fucking clue what to do.

So I sat there lost in my thoughts for a very long time.

It was the warm had on my shoulder that brought me back. I looked up to meet a concerned pair of cobalt eyes. “Heero?”

“Have you figured out what you needed to yet?”

I dropped my eyes and scowled. “No”. I had just been running in circles.

“I didn’t think so.” He sat down on the seat. I refused to look at him, instead playing with a loose thread on the blanket. “When you didn’t come back I came to check on you. You looked so deep in thought that I hoped you would figure it out and come back to bed.”

“But I haven’t.”

“I know. I came out to see if I could help.” He reached out and took one of my hands in his. “Duo you’re freezing.”

“Doesn’t matter.” I mumbled.

He reached forward and caught my chin forcing me to look at him. “Yes it does. What you think and feel matter to me. Now tell me what’s bothering you.”

I couldn’t decide if I wanted to rip my chin out of his grip and leave or throw myself at him. I did neither. I pulled the blanket tighter around me, the fabric cold against my skin. He released his grip on my face. I lowered my eyes back to the edge of the blanket. I noticed that Heero had put on his jeans before coming out to me.

I groped for the words to explain. “I…I’m sorry if I worried you. I… Its…Uh… I can’t…” I tore my eyes from the blanket and met his. “I don’t know where we stand anymore.”

Heero smiled softy, the kind he used to give me when I was doing something stupid but he found endearing. Or at least that’s what that smile used to mean. I didn’t know anymore. “Come here.” He opened his arms and I couldn’t resist. I crawled into his embrace.

“I just…” I tried to explain. “I’ve missed you so damn much and I thought that you were really dead and Quatre wouldn’t let me see you and then Wufei left and I was so much more alone and its been two years and I don’t know how you’ve been doing or where you’ve gone or if you even feel the same way about me anymore.” It was everything I could do to keep the tears from falling. “And I’ve missed you.”

“Duo.” He waited until I looked up at him. “I love you. My feelings for you have not changed since we parted. If anything they’ve grown deeper.” He sighed. “When I heard about your suicide I knew that I could not lose you. I’m sorry that you had to wait so long, but I am not going anywhere. I’m not leaving you.”

I could see the sincerity in those shadowed eyes. He kissed me. It was warm and wet and made me feel cherished. “Okay. I believe you.” I murmured when he let me go.

He snorted. “Hn.” And this time I knew exactly what he meant. “Lets go back to bed. We have the next two days off.” The smile he wore could only be described at predatory.

“I don’t think so, Yuy. You’re just after my ass again.” I uncurled from around him, muscles screaming from staying in that position for so long. I groaned. Heero got to his feet.

“You okay Duo.” He sounded concerned.

I waved him off. “I’m fine. Just in one position for too long.” I didn’t see his reaction to that one, I was too busy convincing muscles that they wanted to work. I managed to stand and take about three steps before I collapsed. Heero was the only thing that prevented me from face planting on the floor.

He was looking at me with an eyebrow raised. “Oh shut it. Not my fault that it’s been a while since I’ve been fucked through the mattress.” I had completely forgotten about how post rough sex feels. Particularly after several rounds. The door to the bedroom seemed too far away. Heero suddenly let go of my elbow and then swept me up in his arms.

“ ‘Ro! Put me down! I can walk.”

He chuckled “Baka.” Then kissed my temple. In that moment, I realized that everything would be all right. It was home in his arms. I looked up into those perfect blue eyes and understood. I never saw blue like that, except with Heero.

____________________________________________

It's all the same
So many words remaining
Always too late
It never seems worth taking
And all the days
And all the nights lost sleeping
And in the end
The secret's not worth keeping
-Holiday, The Birthday Massacre

My first thought was that we were in deep shit. My second was that I needed to get Quatre out of there. Pronto.

Knives flickered into my hands and I was moving. I ignored the sensors and cameras. Speed was more important. I needed to be there yesterday. Alarms shrieked in my ears as I darted through the door. Men in black poured into the hallway. There were too many to spread out properly and using bullets would only kill their own men. My long knives were perfect. I aimed for eyes, necks and wrists. Maim and kill. Flash of steel. Spray of blood. By the time, I reached the stairs I was bleeding from a dozen wounds and covered in blood. Behind me, lay a score of corpses and walls painted in red.

There were tree men on the stairs. Another five down the hall and two outside the office. All of them died. Quatre was sitting at a small table. It was set with tea for two. He didn’t move at my entrance, eyes fixed ahead, he was barely breathing.
I looked the room over. There was nobody else present. I went to move farther into the room.

“Don’t!”

I froze immediately. “Quat?”

“The room has been activated.”

“The target?”

“A representative.” He said bitterly. “Though he won’t live another five minutes.”

I raised my eyebrow, even though I knew couldn’t see it.

Quatre smirked. “I switched the drinks.”

“How much longer?” Blood dripped on the plush carpet.

“2:32…31..30.”

I fixed the count in my mind.

“When?” He asked.

“About……now.” The house shuttered with the explosion. While Quatre had been in his meeting, I had rigged all the outside doors. Two more explosions thundered out making the floor heave.

“Fuck!” I barley retained my feet as the floor moved under me.

“Mark.”

I had two minutes to get Quatre and myself out of here before we were blown to kingdom come.

“The chair?”

“The floor. Thirty seconds.”

Shit. The minuet either one of us set foot on the floor we only had thirty seconds till boom.

“You got a plan Q? Cause everything I’m coming up with involves running like hell.”

“I could get us out of here if we had a little more time.” His voice was thick with frustration. “Mark.”

Well screw this. I dashed into the room. There were no sudden lights or sounds. It heightened my senses and made me move faster. “Duo!” Quatre shouted. I ignored him. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him move and something shattered one of the windows.

The count was echoing in my head. I dove for the desk in the corner, ripping at the left hand drawer. It was locked and I wrenched at it. Another of my presents exploded directly under us. It sent me over the desk tearing the drawer open and landing me on my backside.

9… The contents spilled out and I grabbed the disk.
7… I made it to my knees and sent the disk flying to Quatre at the window.
5… He looked back at me.
4… “Go!” I screamed even as I got to my feet.
3… He scrambled out the window.
2… I made it over the desk and
1…

They say that when you die your life flashes before you eyes. They’re wrong. It doesn’t happen. I should know. I’ve had more brushes with death then years in my life. However sometimes it stops.

Between the 1 and the explosion it stopped. No sound. No movement. I thought that Heero was going to kill me, if he had to drag me back from hell to do it. And after he was done killing me, Trowa was gonna kill me. I really really hoped that Quatre survived. Maybe then he’d only maim me. Wufei should be coming. He’d had to be back up and I had activated the call as I drew my knives. He was going be pissed. He probably wouldn’t kill me, but kick my ass, most definitely. And I really really hoped that the disk was the right one.

All this passed though my mind in that one forever instant. Then force and bright heat. I flew backwards, felt something rip at my right side and contacted a surface hard, which buckled and then…

I died.

*
They told me I had been out for a week. I just have a jumble of glimpses, sounds, and impressions. I remember the feeling of lift off. I remember familiar voices. I remember pleading with Heero no more drugs and his look of pain as he denied me. The only good thing is that I did not end up in a hospital. The advantage of being “dead” to the world. There only a few things I hate more than hospitals. Drugs are one of those things.

Heero was there when I finally came out of it. The room was dim. My vision was blurry. My eyes crusty, dry and sore. When I convinced them to open the first thing I saw was blue. The perfect view of my lover’s eyes.

That first instant of relief something about them pricked me. It was strange, like a ghost behind the eyes. It was only there for a flicker and then it disappeared as quickly as it came. I blinked and they were only Heero’s eyes and I drowned in them.

After a few minutes of quiet assurance that never left the tongue, I opened my mouth and rasped. Water was administered and I asked the first thing that raced across my mind.

“Quatre?”

“Fine, a little worse for wear, but nothing serious.”

Whew. Trowa was not going to kill me. “The disk?”

”Nothing.”

I cursed. All that blood, swear and tears for nothing. I looked back at Heero. “And me?” I asked with trepidation. I was still so full of drugs that I couldn’t feel much. Just numbness.

“Lacerations on your right side. They needed stitches. Concussion and some minor burns on your left leg. Plus numerous cuts and bruises.”

I sighed in relief. Nothing that wouldn’t heal in a couple of weeks. Heero reached down, lightly tracing my cheek with his fingers. I leaned into his touch. My eyes moved from his face to the room and didn’t recognize it. “Where are we?” This wasn’t our base.

“Quatre’s house outside Amsterdam.” That’s why it was unfamiliar. I didn’t know Q had a house here. We had been in Paris and the Netherlands was close. I blinked and yawned. Those damn drugs were making me sleepy. I hate drugs.

“Stay with me.”

He smiled. “Of course.” Heero stretched out on the bed next to me and carefully drew me into his arms. I was perfectly content. Warm and safe in his arms. I drifted. I didn’t want to sleep but both my body and those damn drugs conspired against me. As I slipped away, I remembered something.

Of the five of us, I have the strangest dreams. During the war, I would sometimes share these ludicrous concoctions of my mind for entertainment. When Heero and I got together and I had one of these bizarre dreams I’d share it. His favorite ones evolved us.

This one was from my flirtations with consciousness. I had been present but unable to see or move. There were two others in the room and they were arguing.

“He shouldn’t be here.”

“He is our key. We can’t just get rid of him.” I recognized the voice as Heero’s.

“Still it’s too risky. What if he wakes up? What if he’s listening now? What if…”

Heero interrupted. “We’ve been over this. He’s fine. He won’t wake for another two days. I don’t understand why you don’t trust me.”

“I do.” The other voice replied. “I trust you with anything but I just can’t stand the thought of you with….of you…..” There was a very long pause.

“Come here.” And there was the sound of someone moving. “You know this will change nothing. There are differences and I know them. I’m not leaving you.”

“I know.” The voice was strangled. “But…”

“Hush.” And the voices faded out.

The one voice was Heero’s and I was sure I knew the other but couldn’t put my finger on it. It made me think precog. Like it was me talking to me and I got to listen to something from the future, or something like that. It would have made Heero smile.

But instead of sharing I snuggled into him and gave into sleep.

*
I was pacing. Like one of those big cats at the zoo. All I was missing was the tail waving irritably behind me. I was in a cage. Albeit a plush gilded cage but it was still confinement. I was going crazy. It had been over two weeks since I woke up. Seventeen days to be exact. Something was going on and I had no idea what it was.

After my return of consciousness, Heero had taken me off the drugs. Thank goodness.

He had stayed with me for two more days and then poof, he was gone. Well not really he just wasn’t around as much. Wufei, I saw every once in a while and Trowa even less. I didn’t see Quatre at all. Every time I asked about him or the case or anything else related to our work it was neatly step sided.

Then there was the whole cage thing. I don’t like being confined, I make a terrible patient. Which is why I’d been drugged for a week. I hate not doing anything as much as drugs and hospitals. Every time I left the room to familiarize myself with the house or to seek out one of the others. Someone, a servant or one of the guys would come take me back to my room.

It was strange. Quatre was practically my bother. In the three years since Heero’s ‘death’, our relationship had been torn apart and stitched back together again. It didn’t make sense that he wouldn’t see me no matter how busy he was. There was the lack of information, the confinement but by far the worst was the haunting.

Shouting matches, broke glass and missing items. It was creepy, like the house was haunted. But nothing really big ever happened. I mentioned it to Wufei once. He just raised an eyebrow and asked in that “you’re an imbecile” voice. “Really Maxwell.” I didn’t bring it up again.

Heero and Wufei were out on a mission. I was antsy and bored. I wanted to see Quatre and there was this stupid itch inside my skull like I was missing something. I was ready to burst!

I stopped my pacing and threw myself on the bed making the springs bounce. I squirmed around and then settled, like I was going to take a nap. I feigned sleep for twenty minutes then slipped from the bedroom. The door opened silently. It didn’t normally but its amazing what practice can do. I knew all the right moments to stop and miss the creaks. I slithered into the hall and ghosted down the stairs. The second floor was trickier. There was more traffic. My progress was slow and I had to squeeze myself into tiny spaces again. I am not 15 anymore. It’s harder than it looks.

I managed to get down the side stairs to the first floor without being seen. I was two thirds of the way down the dark hall when I heard footsteps. Light steps, it was one of the guys.

I panicked, which didn’t make much sense because the guys were my family and I trusted them with anything. I listened to my gut though and ducked into the closest room. My instincts had been honed to frequency on the streets. I wasn’t about to stop trusting them now. The room was so pitch dark it was thick. I did not like it immediately but by now the people were in the hallway. I clamped down and tried to become one with wall and darkness.

The footsteps were coming toward me. I held my breath. Two men passed my door. Quatre was the one closest to me. I couldn’t see the other one. Not that it mattered. Quatre had all my attention. He had on his business persona. The one that covered him in ice three feet thick and a single glance would make you grovel for mercy.

I knew that persona, having seen it many times. Quatre always shed it as soon as possible. He hated it. But now it was like Quatre had merged with it as his permanent self. It was the eyes that told me this. There were glacial all the way to the core. If stillness had not been so important I would have shivered.

There was one other thing that I noticed just before he passed out of sight. There was a two and a half inch scar on his temple. An old scar.

I sat in the dark, barely breathing for a long while after they’d passed. I had gotten lucky. Q had been distracted enough not to feel me. When I felt okay enough to move, I practically dashed to the stairs. I wanted that confining familiar room. I wanted nothing more than to crawl under the blankets and barricade myself in there until Heero got back.

Halfway up I paused. While I had sensed the footsteps, I had not heard a door being opened. I turned back around to look at the dim hallway. I was torn. Half of me wanted to get the hell out of there. The other half wanted to know where Quatre had come from.

The curiosity won. You know that saying about the cat. Well I was just asking to be killed. I had barely moved back down another step when the soft sound of a throat clearing startled me.

I literally jumped, tangled my feet and crashed hard on the stairs, though I managed to catch myself before I slid to the bottom. When I decided that I was not going to end up a messy pile of goo at the foot of the stairs, I opened my eyes.

Total de ja vu. Trowa was crouched on the stair above me, concern in his green eyes. I started again and tried to sit up too fast. My head met Trowa’s jaw and then the back of the stairs.

I lay there groaning. Twice in fifteen seconds. “Tro don’t do that.” He and Heero were the only ones who could get the drop on me. They just moved so damn quietly.

“Duo.” Trowa’s voice sounded a touch weird. Probably cause he’d bitten his tongue. “ what are you doing out of bed?”

Busted. While I felt that I was completely up to par, the lacerations on my side were healing slowly and if I wasn’t careful I could rip open the stitches. I opened my eyes slowly. Concentrating on not moving. I did not want a repeat. I’m pretty sure Trowa didn’t want one either.

“I was bored, Tro.” I latched onto the excuse. It was true after all. “Wanna watch a movie?”

He rolled his eyes and helped me to my feet. My head still hurt from contact. So he held onto my elbow as we made our way back up to my pretty cell.

We settled down on the couch to watch some hot shot action flick. Me, with a blanket and pillow. 15 minutes into the movie I conked out. 25 minutes later Trowa moved from his end of the couch. He turned off the vid and stood for a moment watching me. Then he glided away and the door shut softly behind him.

I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling in the mid afternoon light. While I wasn’t moving, my mind was racing at a million miles an hour. Now I knew why they hadn’t let me see Quatre. There was something wrong with him. The Quatre I had seen was definitely not the Quatre I knew. And Trowa’s eyes. When he had stared at me minutes before, they had been dead. Absolutely blank. Something was dreadfully wrong. The only problem was I didn’t know what it was. I stared at the ceiling for a very very long time.

*
It had been four days since my run in with Quatre. Heero had returned that evening and left again two days later. Now he was back and my doubts had only increased.

My confusion over Quatre and Trowa kept me preoccupied. Wufei had not gone with Heero on his latest assignment. So like the good friend he was, he tried to distract me thinking that I was missing Heero. I’d started to relax and then Wufei’s cell went off. He answered and as I was moving past him, I saw the lit screen for half a second. Half a second too long.

That date was on the screen . It was one week later that I’d been told. Some how I managed to be normal until Wufei left and that clinched it. There was something fundamentally wrong with my friends. If they were even my friends.

The last time I had seen the real Quatre was him climbing out of a second story window with a thirty foot drop to the ground and the house blowing up around us. You don’t walk away from something like that unscathed. When I saw him a few days ago, he was absolutely fine. Then there was that scar. It was too old, obviously it had happened years ago. The real Quatre had no such scar. Trowa wasn’t so hard for me to read anymore. But ever since I woke up I haven’t been able to read this one, it was like back during the wars all over again.

But Wufei sealed it. Wufei had been my friend for nearly seven years and my partner for half of that. He could read me like a book most of the time. He should of caught onto my edginess around him. But he didn’t.

I had been lied to, tricked, manipulated and for all I knew, kidnapped and betrayed. The only question mark on the whole thing was Heero. Because of my injuries we had not had sex. The lacerations had slowed down in healing for some reason. Before he left we decided that they were healed enough for gentle sex. He had promised me that we would upon his return. I had been putting him off. The unease I felt since I woke up was full blown in my gut. I didn’t want to believe that my friends weren’t my friends. I didn’t, but I very nearly did. Heero would be my last opportunity to prove that they were. If he failed, it was elimination.

I had my knives. Even though I was injured and confined to my room, they could not relieve me of my weapons without arousing instant suspicion. There was a gun with a silencer under the couch. Knives in my boots and lock picks in my hair. I didn’t have on my wrist sheaths or any of my other knives because I didn’t have a practical reason to be so armed.

The last piece of information lay with Heero. When ever we began serious foreplay that would end in sex, I went straight for one of his scars. Being a Gundam Pilot was hazardous business and we both had collections of scars, but his were more extensive than mine. You can’t self destruct without leaving some evidence of it behind. This one particular scar was right below his collarbone. It was shaped like a scythe.

If I went anywhere else lower before touching that scar, my Heero knew something was wrong and would stop me. It was an unspoken code between us. Even someone who had observed us would not know. It was never obvious and we never talked about it.

I was waiting on the couch. Normally with the promise of a good fucking, I’d be laid out on the bed, naked, stretched and fully aroused. I wasn’t because that would leave me too vulnerable. I could never beat Heero in a strength battle, so it was never an option.

The wound in my arm twinged and I resisted the urge to rub it. The lacerations were still healing. The tears had been deep, particularly the one on my arm that ran from shoulder to elbow. I was dressed all in black. If I was right, Shinigami would go hunting. I prayed I was wrong.

Footsteps in the hall. Heero. He wasn’t trying to mask his presence at all. The door swung open. He locked eyes with me even as he shut and locked the door behind him. They were an unreadable blue and I trembled at them, half afraid, half angry at what might be behind them. He stalked toward me, every move predatory, domineering. I waited.

He kissed me hard and ruthless, plundering my mouth with his tongue. I moaned, hands already starting with the buttons on his shirt. Even if this wasn’t my Heero, he acted and tasted just like him. We parted enough to draw breath and then met again. His hand was down my pants massaging my ass, the other half entangled in my hair. I ripped his shirt pulling it off him. Mine was riding around my collarbone. I covered his skin with kisses, hickies and bites. I ignored the scythe but did everywhere else and when I slipped down to his nipples and then his abs and belly button, he never noticed.

I sank to my knees, head resting against his stomach. My hand with drawing the knife from my boot.

“What is it Duo?” Heero was confused as to why I stopped.

I turned my head to smile up at him and slowly rose to my feet. I’m a few inches shorter than Heero. I brushed a kiss against his lips. My eyes met his and saw that strange shadow behind them again. I could see cracks in the blue. I buried the knife to the hilt in his stomach and ripped up. I caught him against me as he slumped. “I love Heero” I whispered in his ear. “and you aren’t him.”

I pulled the blade out and put it directly in his heart. I withdrew it again and let him fall to the floor. The knife fell from my hand to lie next to him. The blue of his eyes had shattered. They were the wrong blue.

“I’m sorry.” My tears mixed with his blood.

Then I retrieved my gun and shot him in the head, right between the eyes.

I left him there and got the rest of my equipment. Two more guns, extra clips, raided from Heero’s stash. Knives on my wrists, thighs, my brace of throwing knives across my chest and the biggest one strapped to my waist beside a gun. I left the knife on the floor. Gun in hand I slipped from my cage for the last time. I wasn’t coming back.

I killed Wufei on the second floor. I shot him in the knee first. I don’t like shooting people in the back, even my enemies. Especially enemies that wear friends faces. He took three in the chest and one in the forehead. He did get a shot off. It nicked my left arm and lodged in the wall.

Every “servant” I ran into drew on me. I killed them. By the time I made it the first floor I was nearly out of bullets and knives. I knew where I needed to go. Quatre has two offices in almost every house. A large ornate office on the ground floor that was used for formal things and a smaller one where he did most of the actual work. He wasn’t in the smaller one. It was on the second floor and I had already checked it.

Trowa nearly got me. I was passing the grandiose doors of the ballroom when he dropped onto me, knife ready to slit my throat. My gun went skidding out of my hand. I opened up a wound on his belly. It was perfect payment for the cut along my throat. It wasn’t deep enough to be dangerous, but it bled a lot.

Tro and me squared off. I hate knife fighting. Its messy and leaves big scars. Give me a gun any day. Unfortunately my gun was on the other side of Trowa. The good thing was as much as I dislike it, I am very good with a knife.

After several passes, we were both bleeding. He had a deep gash in his thigh. I had a line of fire down my right side. It intersected the healing lacerations, ripping them open. I wanted this over. I drew two knives and threw. I knew that they would both miss him by a hair, but he flinched. This was not Trowa. He might have his face, his talents and his memories. But memories are worth shit facing experience. Trowa should have plucked both those knives out of the air, not flinched.

He feinted and then rushed me. I threw two more at him and dove for my gun. He dodged one, the other lodged in his shoulder. I came up ready and his knife swiped at my face as his foot kicked my gut. Damn weak spots. He sent me flying into the doors, which weren’t locked and opened inward. They gave under me and I went skidding across the marble floor, the gun flying out of my hand again. Trowa was still coming. I palmed my last throwing knife. It took him through the eye. He staggered, then crumpled to the ground, dead.

I started to get to my feet. I only made it to hands and knees. There was a large smear of blood on the floor in front of me. It was mine and Heero’s from my clothes. Trowa lay some feet away, a slowly spreading pool that would eventually meet mine. All five of us would bleed. Three of us were dead and at least one more would follow.

I suddenly felt old. I was twenty one and felt a million. I had killed my friend, my partner and my lover. I was still searching for my best friend. I had the sudden urge to laugh hysterically. This was so twisted.

The sound of clapping brought me out of my thoughts. I was on my feet and facing the inside of the room in a second. The room shifted around me, my side warm and wet, then focused.

Quatre stood ten feet away from me. “Bravo.” The sound of his applause was mocking and hollow. His eyes were bright and cunning. Such as I had only seen when we plotted a particularly good trick or were destroying OZ facilities. There was a gun in his hand and I was out of weapons. “Very good. I honestly did not expect you to get past Chang, let alone Barton. Yuy always was a sentimental fool.”

I gaped at him. I knew this wasn’t Quatre. The eyes were too hard, the smile too brittle and there was that scar, slashed across his temple. It was just hard to hear the harsh words come from him.

He laughed at my stricken expression . “You are too precious. So naive. So trusting. So innocent.”

Those were the words used to describe Quatre. Words I had used myself at one time. I knew better now. But to hear them used on me, was mind blowing. I was a child of the streets; those words had never been associated with me.

“You’re not Quatre.” It was a statement, not a question. Something clicked. I couldn’t even call him by his name. He was 04, not my best friend.

“You’re right. I’m not. I’m better than that idiotic pussy. I’m a reflection of what he could have been had he wanted a little more. After all, I have the world at my fingertips.”

My eyes were huge. “You are insane.”

“Am I?” He arched an eyebrow and then gestured to his right.

There on the floor, bound, gagged and bloody lay High Chancellor Argus, second highest position in the ESUN government. The President held the highest position. The Chancellor was the second and had the President’s ear. Relena was the most popular of the council and the third in power.

I stared at the beaten Chancellor. 04’s voice floated over me “The President is already dead in case you are wondering.”

My eyes flipped back to him in a shock and confusion. “I am afraid I don’t understand.” I said as calmly as possible.

04 gave a harsh bark of laughter. “Let me give you a hint. I am the one responsible for the death of Dr. Bently.”

Instantly the pieces came together. In order to pull off our “deaths” Quatre created three clones, one of Wufei, one of Heero and one of me. While the clones never actually lived, they served the purpose as decoy corpses. They were simply bodies, the perfect mirrors of ours. Quat had hired a scientist, Dr. Bently, who had actually worked for WEI and helped him with Wing Zero. They, with Heero, used some of the mad five’s research on cloning and succeeded. When our extractions were done, Quatre had destroyed almost all of the research. He kept two copies. Both were hidden in separate secure locations. Dr. Bently, frustrated that he wouldn’t be allowed to publish his accomplishments, left after they finished my double.

Seven months ago, Quatre received a box. Within the box was a hand, a disk and a note. The disk was of Dr. Bently’s torture and death. The note simply stated, “Watch your back.” Q had checked the disks and found one missing. After some investigation, it seemed that Bently had come back two years prior to collect some “items”. He had taken the disk.

Then the incidents started. Sightings of the three dead Gundam pilots, missing documents, assignations, stolen money. All of it high profile and done by the pilots. There was never any proof, only vocal accounts and we knew that we hadn’t been there. Then the threats started. Relena nearly met her end. The few people who actually felt that the Gundam pilots were not a danger to society became targets. Quatre had multiple attempts on his life. So we stated splitting missions and bodyguard duty, never leaving him completely alone. That’s how we ended up at the late Senator Chalmèr’s estate in France, to discuss negotiations with the perpetrator. Because he was good. Very very good. And now I knew why.

We had been up against ourselves.

“I can see the wheels in your head turning, Maxwell.” 04 said mildly. “Let me help you some.”

“Don’t you know that the villain isn’t suppose to give away the evil plan.” I quipped. “Every time he does, he ends up dead.”

04 stared at me for a moment, the burst into peals of laughter. When he finally got himself under control, he met my eyes. “For that, I will tell you exactly what I am doing, but first…”

He walked over to the Chancellor and ripped off the gag. “I suggest you start. It was after all your plot first.” The gun tapped the back of the Chancellor’s head. “Now.”

Chancellor Argus swallowed twice and licked his lips. “Well…ah….. you see… um I… Its just…”

The back of the gun impacted the Chancellor’s face and sent him sprawling. Casually, 04 leaned down and tugged the man back up. “Now let’s try this again.” He said pleasantly. “If you will Chancellor.”

Argus’s cheek was beginning to darken and swell. There was blood on his lips. “In my research on the Gundam Pilots I stumbled across a Dr. Bently that had once worked for WEI and had quite recently been released. I interviewed him to find out what he knew of the Gundam Pilot’s shortcomings. The research was brought to light and the anti circle hired him. We created a plan and then presented to the President. The President agreed that the Gundam’s were too dangerous and must be brought under control.”

He gulped and looked up at 04, who smiled and nodded condescendingly in encouragement. “Benlty made us five living clones of the Gundam Pilots and then things just…” He trailed off.

All five of us knew about the anti circle. They were the ones who had voted to have the five of us put away and were looking for any excuse to do so. They consisted of Senator’s Chung, Silk, McCormick, Rodriguez, Chalmèr, and number of minor representatives. The Chancellor and President were suppose to be neutral and obviously were not.

04 patted his cheek and directed his full attention at me. He was good. I had been looking for an opening since he appeared, I had yet to see one. “We were created with memories intact up to 197 AC. We developed a great interest in our living counter parts. After much observation, it was decided that that you were wasting opportunities for power and that we must replace you. So we set about to remove you and take your places.

It was simple. We removed those that supported you and created doubt. Undermined everything that we could and then take control of the power we were due. It was thanks to the Gundam pilots that humanity even exists today.” His face turned ugly, twisted into a look of intense hatred and rage. “They were indebted to us and instead of honoring us, they tried to lock us away. And you originals, instead of demanding what was owed you, you let them own you. You accepted their regulations and then hid like cowards. So we are eliminating you. Permanently.” The scariest thing about 04’s explanation was that he never raised his voice. It was all delivered in this calm, silky, dictorial tone, that simply stated. There was no arguing with it.

“Our makers” He practically spat the word. “then decided that after we replaced you, we were to let them control us. That was unacceptable, so we took matters into our own hands. Bently was removed when he tried to create replacements. These fools” he nudged the Chancellor with his foot. “tried to stop us. We dealt with them and set about eradicating you. The only thing is that as cowardly and weak as you originals are, you are amazingly hard to kill.”

04 then shot Chancellor Argus in the head. He turned back to me.

“It won’t work. Your cohorts are dead.” I didn’t dare move.

This satisfied smirk curled on the edges of his lips. “Do you think so? They will find your dead body and I will tell them how I fought to escape you. That the Winner they are now working with is the real imposter. The arranged proof is here.” He touched the cuff of his shirt. “They will believe you are a clone and then one by one all the rest of your friends will die. Maybe I’ll save Heero for last and tell him how you died so pathetically.”

04 raised the gun. “Goodbye Duo Maxwell. It’s been a pleasure.”

I dove left. Normally I would have moved right instinctively. That’s what 04 expected, so I did the opposite. It saved my life.

I threw myself at Trowa’s corpse. Ducking and rolling as I yanked the knife from his head. As I came up the knife went flying and embedding itself in 04’s hand. The gun tumbled free.

We both went for it. His hand closed over it first. We wrestled for it. Rolling on the floor through the blood. The trigger kept getting pulled and I knew that any moment a bullet was gonna hit someone. I got an elbow in his nose and pulled the gun free. He kicked and sent it sliding again. He went for it and I went for mine on the other side of Trowa.

04 was a split second faster. We stood there seven feet apart, breathing hard. His gun pointed at my head, mine at the floor. Any movement and I would be dead before I could get a shot off.

“Too bad.” He smirked. “Game over.” And he pulled the trigger.

Click.

“Fuck you.”

Bang!

I staggered, fell to my knees and blacked out.

*
I drifted. There was yelling. ‘Fei appeared in my flashing vision. I latched on to him. My hand fluttered toward his wrist. “Cuffs.” He started calling orders. Then there was blue. That beautiful deep cobalt, that was mine and mine alone. No cracks. No shadows. Whole, unshattered. Perfect. I let go.

I woke up in a hospital.

There was the faint beeping of machines. The soft swish of people passing and the off sterile white of a hospital room. An IV hooked into my right arm. There was a table with two chairs. On my left side, curled up in a chair, head pillowed on his arms on my bed, was Quatre fast asleep.

His clothes were rumpled. The tie and jacket gone, shirt sleeves rolled up. There were dark circles under his eyes and stubble on his chin. A gleam of white caught my eye and I moved my head to look. His left leg was encased in plaster, from toes to knee.

“He broke it when the house exploded.” A soft voice said.

I raise my gaze. Trowa stood in the doorway, whole complete. No bandages, or new scars. The knot in my gut that I didn’t know was there, loosened a little in relief. Trowa moved to stand beside Quatre. Tenderly he ran his fingers though the golden hair.

“Tro.” I croaked. He looked at me. “Are you, you?”

He smiled, a slight tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Yes Duo.” He rolled up his left sleeve to show the tiny ragged scar on his wrist. It was a minuscule thing and new. He had gotten it three weeks before Paris during a mission in India. He had hidden the information in a liquidized microdot and injected it into himself. We had needed to get the info immediately, so I ended up cutting the dot out with a serrated blade.

I relaxed a little more. I believed him. “What happened?” My voice was thick and hoarse. Trowa poured a little water into a plastic cup, complete with straw, and helped me drink. Fire raced down my right arm and side as I tried to move it. I gritted my teeth and rode it out. To distract myself, I asked the question that had been bugging me since I woke up. “Why are we in a hospital?”

“We aren’t “dead” anymore.”

I gaped at him. Open and shut, open and shut. I couldn’t find the words. I kept pulling up one syllable expletives. I must have done a very good fish impression because Trowa chuckled and began to provide an explanation.

“After Wufei removed Quatre from the remnants of Chalmèr’s house, he went back for you. He couldn’t find you, but he did see me. That roused all sorts of things because I was currently with Yuy in Brazil. So as soon as Quatre recovered from his concussion they began investigating. The disk, as it turns out had all sorts of stuff. There were records of the anti circle and its activities, money transactions, and the strangest plans. Quatre called Une and…”

The door opened and a fresh faced nurse bustled in. She fussed with my IV, checked my temperature, vitals, eyes, and all the bandages on my right side, all the while running a commentary of questions without waiting for answers. Then with one last pat on my head, she departed as quickly as she came.

The stranger entering the room had woken Quatre. “Hey you.”

“Hey yourself Quat. Have a nice nap?”

“Oh Duo” He looked like he was going to throw himself at me but Trowa placed a hand on his shoulder. He checked himself and simply hung onto my left hand. “I thought you had died.” He shuttered. “Never….ever…..do that again. I couldn’t…..and Heero…..Just never do it again.”

I couldn’t promise him that, so I smiled and squeezed his hand. “Where’s Heero?”

“Heero will be here in 10, if not less.” Wufei replied as he came through the doorway. “He was with Une, dealing with some of the evidence. Good to have you back Maxwell.”

“Good to be back, Wuffie.” I directed my attention back to Trowa. “So what happened next?”

“We told Une almost everything and teamed up with the Preventers. They had access to more of the info we needed with the dead officials. We were pretty sure that you were alive but we couldn’t figure out where they had stashed you. ”

“Senator McCormick showed up at headquarters right after Silk died. That was about a week ago. He spilled everything about the clones, and the plans. He and the President were assassinated the next day. But we still didn’t know where the clones were.” Wufei added.

Quatre broke in. “Then Chancellor Argus disappeared. We managed to tag him to Amsterdam, but lost him. Wufei figured out that Silk had an estate there and we raided it.”

“We arrived to find almost all of the occupants dead and you half conscious and covered in blood.” Heero stood in the doorway, half clutching the frame to keep upright. I wasn’t even aware of Quatre and Trowa moving. All I knew was that Heero was sitting on my bed and I was in his arms, doing my damnedest to keep from crying.

“You’ll tear your stitches.” Heero murmured. But he didn’t let me go.

After a while, I lifted my face from his chest and addressed my friends. “I killed you. I murdered every single one of you. And even though it wasn’t really you, it felt like it. I am never ever doing that again.”

“Don’t worry.” Came Quatre’s voice. “I destroyed all the clone information, including everything on the chip my double had.”

The words were meant to be reassuring, but I couldn’t help feeling that we had missed something very important. I was beginning to hate these “missing something” feelings. I burrowed deeper into Heero’s arms. I wasn’t letting go for anything.

Our secret was out. We were alive again and the world would want to know why we had pretended to be dead. They would demand answers for the dead politicians and the clones. They would demand a lot and we would give them what we could. But for now it was just the five of us, alive. The world could wait.

_______________________________________________________

The feeling is surreal but the blood's still on my hands
Guilty I may be but you're the epitome
Blaming the world for your crimes
Soon comes the ending where I'll be left standing
Alone here to die, On my time
I'll stay numb until the guilt is gone
When blood stained on my hands is fading
-Blood on My Hands, 32 Leaves

A week after I was released from the hospital, those stirrings of unease rose up to bite me in the ass. I had been half hoping that they would just go away, but I have never been so lucky.

I was escaping from Sally. Halfway down to the Forensics lab, I remembered that ‘Fei had left his laptop in the car. I was going to visit Marisole and see if they had gotten anything more off the clone that had been found. If Mari was busy, I could work on something while I waited for Sally to discover I had vanished again. I was stepping out of the building when the fiery roar of a bomb went off in the parking lot.

There was a brilliant ball of flame and sound of shrapnel hitting cars. I was there almost before the shrapnel stopped falling.

It was Wufei’s car.

Where the shiny red vehicle had stood was now a burned out, blackened hull. Flames licked what was left that would burn. Wreckage was scattered around, the few pieces that were still blazing, crackled mournfully. The smell of gasoline, smoke and burning rubber and leather tainted the air.

Wufei lay sprawled on the ground, partly shielded by a neighboring car. Une wouldn’t let me legally carry my gun. Something about recovering agent and all that shit. But I had my knives. Two were naked in my hands as I expanded my senses for danger. There was nothing. Who ever had done this had come and gone. I sheathed the knives and ran for ‘Fei.

I slid to my knees on the pavement. He was bleeding from a dozen shallow cuts and there was the beginnings of a fantastic bruise along the left side of his face. There was a long piece of shrapnel embedded though his shoulder and a 10 inch gash on his right thigh. Various scraps and road rash dotted his skin.

“ ’Fei….’Fei…. Come on…Come on wake up.”

He groaned and his eyelashes fluttered.

“Come on, ‘Fei wake up for me.”

“…Duo…”

“Yeah.” I touched the relatively undamaged shoulder gently. “The medics are coming. You’re going to be fine.”

Then I was overwhelmed by people and pushed out of the way. Medics, agents, bomb squad, and right on their heels was Commander Une. Medics whisked Wufei away and agents set to work on roping off the site.

Une motioned and I stood. “Come with me, Maxwell.”

“What happened?” she asked as soon as we were clear of the site.

“I have no fucking idea.” I was not thinking about moderating my language in front the commander. “Not one fuckin’ clue.”

She raised an eyebrow, but did not reprimand me. “You were the first on site. Give me your explanation of why you were there and impressions of the attack.”

“I was on my way to borrow Chang’s laptop. I was exiting the doors when I heard and saw the explosion. I made my way there and surveyed the scene. There was not sign of a perpetrator, nor did I sense one. I checked Chang for life threatening injuries. There were none. Then the masses arrived.”

We reached the doors to the medical wing. “I will expect a report in writing.”

“Yes ma’am.” I grinned at her. “You’d better call Quatre, before he decided to ream your ass.”

Thanks Quatre’s influence over the past six years, the Preventers had blossomed. The red tape restrictions had one by one been demolished. It could function as it needed too now. Quatre was made into a secret Preventers head. It allowed him to run his own squad of Black Ops. His team consisted of Agents Earth, Night, Day, and Ice. Various agents may be transferred in and out depending on missions and training. But he was very protective of his core team.

“Thanks for the advice Maxwell.” She said dryly. “I am well aware of Winner and his reaming tendencies. I suggest you go supervise Chang before he and Sally get into it again.”

I saluted and went to rescue Wufei from the “sadistic onna”. By the time I made it to Sally’s private infirmary, they were already going at it. Wufei was sitting on the table, Sally working on his shoulder. Blood was splattered on his uniform and drying on his hands.

“What the fuck happened?” I interrupted their squabbling.

“What do you think happened Maxwell. My …Dammit Onna! That Hurt!”

Sally laid the shrapnel piece on the tray that already held many pieces of twisted bloody metal. “You have numerous several inch pieces of metal embedded in your hide. I think it should hurt, Chang.”

He gritted his teeth and distracted himself by turning his attention back to me. “My car blew up. I went to get my laptop and decided to start the car to change out that Cd of yours. I set the laptop down and was going back to turn off the car when it flew to pieces.”

“How long was the car on?”

“Thirty seconds at most.”

“Enough time for us to be leaving.” I breathed. Wufei whipped his head back around to look at me. “What are you saying Maxwell? Why would…”

The door banged open. “I’m sorry Dr. Po but we need to question the two agents who were on scene.” Several investigating agents crowed into the room and our conversation was put on hold.

The whole reason I had been in the Preventer Headquarters was to see Sally. She was the only one in medical aspects I trusted. You know my hate of drugs and hospitals, well doctors are right up there next to them. I am much more comfortable letting one of the other pilots patch me up. Unfortunately, my wounds would heal better with professional help, so I was stuck with a doctor. The good thing was that it was Sally. The bad thing was that she is sadistic.

Heero had been right in warning me about my stitches. I popped quite a few of them. Sally had not been happy. Plus I am not a good patient. She was so thoroughly fed up with me that she released me early. The catch was that I had to come in every two days and let her check me out.

It wasn’t that bad. We were staying at Quatre’s estate that was only a 15 minute drive away for the Preventer Headquarters. Which was a good thing because all of us where involved in the clone case. With the deaths of The President, Chancellor Argus and half a dozen prominent senators, the Preventers had to produce public results. The raid of senator Silk’s Amsterdam mansion had been very public, as had the bloody corpses. There were still pictures on the news of those bodies and blood slick floors.

The reporters had been vicious. They swarmed the Preventers, the Preventers hospital and Quatre’s estate. We were mobbed everywhere we went. It was madness. The good thing was that there were no charges of any kind brought against any of us. After the last war, Une had added all five us to the Preventers agent list. Even after our “deaths”, Une had been unable to bring herself to change the duty status of Wuffy, Heero or me. We were listed as inactive, not deceased. It allowed her to say that for the years we had been “deceased” we had really been under cover. That she knew our whereabouts at all times and everything was done with permission. It cleared up a lot of technical red tape stuff.

Wufei had gotten back from a mission late last night. He had to come in and report to Une, so we came in together. His car had been bombed. It was timed to go off after we started the car. If we had been inside, both of us would have been killed. I couldn’t help thinking this had something to do with the clone case.

The Preventers had found a lot of evidence at Silk’s mansion. Turns out the lab where the Clones had been made was in the basement. The only way to get to it was through the hidden door next to the back stairs. That’s where 04 had been coming from the day that I had seen him and explained the absences of a door sound.

In the lab they found the remains of a clone. It had been thoroughly destroyed. No recognizable features and the bones were blackened and half melted. However it had died, it had been painful and slow. The lab techs were currently trying to get a DNA sample off it, so that they could correctly identify the clone. We were already pretty sure that it is was my clone. They just wanted to make sure.

It was hours before they let us go home. Heero came to get us. The ride home was silent. It seemed that the death game we had been playing, had just gotten more complicated.

*
It was late afternoon when I finally got out of Preventer Headquarters. It had been six days since the car bombing and I ended up getting Wufei’s fieldwork. His shoulder had come out with the most damage and would be in a sling for the next little while. There was more information that needed to be gathered and ‘Fei couldn’t do it with his arm in a sling. Sally had not been happy about me doing fieldwork, but Heero, Trowa and Quatre had too much to do already. So she caved, but countered that with daily check ups and lots of lectures.

I had just gotten back from a “sneak and snatch”. Nothing more than a little B&E, in an office building, on the other side of the world. I was gone for two days; Sally acted like I had taken on an army all by myself. So instead of it being 3 it was after 6 by the time I made it back to the house.

My black motorcycle went into the garage and it was then that I noticed how quiet it was. Quatre had sent all the servants away and the cleaning lady only came on Monday. It wasn’t Monday. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end and my skin prickled.

Heero would have scolded me for not picking up on it sooner. I was tired, irritated and completely worn out. I hadn’t slept at all during the time I’d been gone. The knives came out and I wished for my gun. I slunk into the shadows and stealthily made my way into the house.

It was cool and quiet. I immediately hated it. There was nothing on the first floor, I could feel it. Both Quatre and Trowa were suppose to be home. With a tight knot of trepidation in my gut, I made my way to the second floor.

The five of us had three rooms at the north end of the house. I went the opposite way. Three quarters down a hallway, one of the doors was slightly ajar. I knew it had been left that way on purpose. I was whispering under my breath. “Please don’t be dead. Please don’t be dead. Please don’t be dead.”

I opened the door and say nothing. The bed was a huge immaculate monstrosity. There were curtains over the windows and none of the three mirrors had cracked. It looked perfectly untouched, except for the open balcony doors and the rope tied to the bed.

Quatre lay on the balcony, hands tightly bound above his head, the rope running to the bed where it was secure. His legs were bound together at the knee and more ropes ran around the white cast to trail over the edge of the balcony.

“Quat!”

He was so still, I thought he was dead. As I was looking for it, I could see the small rise and fall of his chest as I crossed the room to reach him.

“Quatre. You gotta wake up. Come one buddy, open those eyes.”

“Duo?” My name came out a half strangled moan.

“Yeah it’s me.”

“T…T…ro…wa” His eyes blinked at me. “M…my… leg” He panted out.

There was no spreading pool of blood so I turned my attention to his leg. The white softer white cast was ripped and entangled in ropes that tautly hung over the edge. It clicked. Trowa.

I lurched to my feet, flinging myself at the edge.

The pool was right below the balcony. Trowa hung by his wrists, the water lapping at his knees. He was handcuffed at the wrist and ankles. Ropes wrapped around his wrists and there was a noose around his neck. The handcuffs on his ankles were weighted and a gag stretched tight across his mouth. He had been beaten to a bloody unconscious pulp.

The scary part was I could see the ingenious of it. The fucker had secured Trowa to Quatre’s broken leg. Free Quatre in anyway first and Trowa would drown before you could get to him. However there was a time limit. The pool was being drained. The water kept Trowa from hanging but if no one found them, Trowa would hang when the water ran out. And to top it off Trowa couldn’t even try to get out of it without damaging, possibly even killing Quatre.

I took all this in, in seconds then I had my phone out, randomly pushing one of the speed dial buttons.

<Hello…>

“Sally.” I cut her off before she could get the whole greeting out of her mouth. “I need medical evac, now!”

<Duo? Where are you? You were just…>

“We don’t have time for this. I’m home. Get here now.”

<But Duo..”

“There’s been another accident.”

<But what about yo…>

I clicked the phone shut and dropped it to the floor. I ignored it as it began to ring again. I had work to do.

“Sorry Quat.” I said as I passed him. He wasn’t quite unconscious, just floating on the edge there. I couldn’t help him first.

I raced down to the pool, toeing my shoes off as I crossed the grass. I dove into the water and swam to Trowa’s feet. The weights had to go first. They were only tied on and I cut them off quick, letting them sink to the bottom. I hauled myself out of the water and raced back up to the room.

Hanging over then edge of balcony, I grasped the rope and began to haul Trowa up. I’m not as strong as Heero but I’m able to deal when I need too. I got him up and over, then cut him loose. He never even flinched, he was so deep into unconsciousness. I pulled off the gag and removed the fabric wadded behind it. I crawled over to Quatre and cut his bonds too. Then I went back to his leg. It had been completely rebroken.

By then there was the buzz of choppers, and seconds later one landed on the back lawn. I ignored them kept at Quatre’s leg. They would have seen us from the air they could find us. The rope had cut deeply into the skin in some places. I began carefully unwinding it, trying to get all pieces out.

It wasn’t until there was a soft touch on my shoulder that I realized that I wasn’t alone any more. The knife was out and resting against the person’s throat before I could stop the reaction.

“Duo.” My name was said softly.

I recognized Sally’s face and pulled the knife away. She breathed a sigh of relief.

“Duo, we need to take Quatre now.” I looked over, all that was left of Trowa were a few smears of blood and water.

I nodded and tried to stand. My legs didn’t seem to want to hold me and that I was shaking like a leaf. I took a deep breath and brought myself back under control. I stood smoothly and we hurried to the chopper. Sally didn’t fuss about me hanging up on her or that I was soaking wet and shoeless. She didn’t even ask to look at my injuries, she could see how on edge I was. I belted in and then curled up as much as I could. I trembled the whole entire ride.

Une and Heero were waiting on the roof for us. Sally was gone instantly, rushing to oversee her patients. I followed at a more sedate pace. I wanted nothing more than to crawl into Heero’s embrace and let him make it all go away. Instead, I didn’t touch him and most carefully ignored him. I knew he understood, if I touched him I would completely fall apart and I couldn’t do that yet. As I reported to Une, we walked down to the waiting room.

“Maxwell, how much sleep did you get in the past three days?”

I met her eyes startled. “Almost none, ma’am” I responded automatically.

She ran her eyes over me, evaluating. “You need to see a psychologist.”

I didn’t respond to that. “If you will excuse me a moment, there is something I need to do.” I turned and walked down the right hand hallway. The labs weren’t far and I found Mari bent over her work.

“Found anything yet?” I asked when she acknowledged my presence.

“No. We think we found one but it could be a little while before we can confirm it.”

“All right.” I reached over and picked up a sheet of paper. Tearing off a piece, I wrote my cell number on it. “Call me when you do.”

She nodded. “Of course. As soon as I know.”

“Thanks.” I turned to go.

“Duo.” I stopped and looked back over my shoulder. “You might want someone to look at your hands.”

I left and made my way to the waiting room. Heero was waiting for me. The minute I entered, he was there and I practically collapsed against him. He scooped me up in his arms and retreated to the couch. Wufei was already there, a set of scrubs, water, bandages and antibiotic cream laying on the small table beside him.

They patched me up, got me dry and then the three of us curled up together. A little while later Sally came to tell us that they would be fine. Somewhere deep down I guessed what was happening. Three of the four people I loved were hurt. There was only one left and it was obvious. I desperately did not want to face it.

I spent a long and sleepless night curled between ‘Fei and ‘Ro, trying to convince myself that it wasn’t possible. By the time it was morning, I still didn’t believe me.

*
I was on my way back to the house when my cell rang. Sally had sent us home after letting us see that Q and T okay. Both had been sleeping soundly. We had come back and crashed. I only managed to sleep a few hours when the nightmares hit. They were so bad that not even Heero could calm me enough to go back to sleep. I needed out of the house and Wufei was gripping about being out of tea, so I volunteered to go get some. I took one of the cars instead of my motorcycle.
I snatched up the cell and flicked it open. “Maxwell.” There were a select few who had this number; anyone calling on it had something important to say.

<Duo this is Mari.>

“You got the results?” My grip on the steering wheel tightened.

<Yes but they were…> She groped for the right world. <Not what we expected.>

“Spit it out Mari.”

<The DNA did not match you. It was a match to Mr. Winner.>

I swear the whole world did a loop de loop right in front of my eyes. It was all I could do to breathe and not crash the car.

<There’s one more thing> She continued. <Mr. Winner has been mumbling in his sleep. He keeps asking for you and wanting to know why. It doesn’t make any sense…>

“Mari” I interrupted her. “Thank you.” I clicked the phone shut, dropped it on the seat and then proceed to see how many traffic laws I could break on my way home.

I made it back in record time, barely remembering to turn off the car as I flew into the house. Wufei was sitting in the lounge having a cup of tea. He looked up as I barged in.

“Maxwell didn’t you just leave?”

“NO! I just got back. Where’s Heero?”

Wufei’s eyes got really big. “Duo you were just here a minute ago.”

“NO I WAS NOT! Where’s Heero?”

“But you were just…” He looked down at the tea in his hands and set it back on the table. I did not have time for this. I whirled for the stairs, taking them three at a time. I could hear Wufei behind me.

I banged through our bedroom door, seeing the tea on the table, the over turned chair and my lover’s prone body in one glance.

“God, No.” I breathed. “Please No.”

I was on my knees feeling for a pulse. There was one, it was weak. Wufei knelt on the other side, checking his eyes and mouth.

“Poison” He said flatly

I glanced at the table and froze. Sitting there, so innocently, was a white envelope and a two inch cylinder.

The envelope had my name on it.

I tore it open.

/Westshore Company. I have the antidote. /

I picked up the cylinder and popped the lid. The smell was slightly sweet. “Dust.” I murmured.

“Dust?”

I nodded. “We don’t have much time.” I reached down and hauled Heero into a sitting position. I pulled one of his arms across my back and over my shoulder; the other went around his waist.

“Maxwell, you can’t do this.”

I ignored him and got to my feet. I dragged Heero out the door, down the stairs and outside to the car. Wufei followed me, still carrying the letter and the sliver cylinder. He was yelling at me.

“Maxwell. Have you lost your mind? There is no antidote. You’re going to get yourself killed. Be reasona…”

I fisted my hand in his shirt and slammed him into the car. “Listen to me because I will only explain this once. We have a little less than an hour before Heero can’t be saved. There is an antidote, but it must be made before hand for that specific vial. My damn clone would make it just to taunt that he could be saved.”

Wufei was not happy about my action towards him, but he stayed still and listened to me. “You have to take Heero to Sally, see what she can do to slow down the poison.”

I shoved him into the car. “What about you?”

“I’m going to find this fucker and kill him.” I pulled my bike out. “Now go.”

“Duo” Wufei rarely used my name. When he did, I had a tendency to listen. I paused. “How do you know he’ll have it?”

I looked square at him. “Because he’s me.”

*
It was a warehouse. Why was I not surprised. I pocketed the keys to my bike and made for the door. It was unlocked, just as I thought it would be. I really wished in that moment for my gun. It unfortunately was still in Une’s office and I hadn’t thought to grab one of Heero’s on my way out. It would be so much easier to just shoot him. But he was me and would defiantly find a way to make the fight in his favor without bullets.

I entered to find it empty.

“I know you’re here, come out.”

My voice echo eerily back at me from the shadows. “How do you know it’s me and not you?”

“Cut the bullshit and get to the point.”

“Exactly.” hissed my voiced behind me and I threw myself forward. I felt tugging as a blade nicked the tail of my shirt. I rolled, finding a knife and throwing it the instant I made it to my knees. He dodged and it stuck quivering in the wall.

We were now a good twenty feet from each other and I got a good look at my clone. He noticed and spun in a little circle. “You like?” he leered.

It was like looking in a mirror. Even the clothes were close. Jeans and a black tee. Mine had sliver writing on it and my hair as just a few inches longer. Small details suddenly seemed important.

He grinned and attacked, long knives flashing. Mine flickered into my hands and I met him. We crashed together, a tangle of bright blades and swirling hair. I drew blood along his collar. He drew blood along my hip. I got his ribs, he got my thigh. Slash for slash, blood for blood. We parted, panting.

There was a maniac gleam in his eyes. We stalked around each other, wary.

“So, you want to hear my sob story as to why I’m doing what I’m doing.” He threw and I ducked.

“Not really.” I growled as I blocked his strike. “All I want is the antidote.”

His foot spun out skimming my stomach as I danced away. “Antidote? What antidote?”

“You son of a bitch, where is it?” The tip of my blade marked his cheek.

He jumped back. “You mean this?” He held up a small sliver cylinder and I went stupid.

I charged him, wanting it. He flickered his wrist and a small blade shot low, grazing across my calf. It was enough. I faltered for a half step. He lashed out, boot connecting to my head. I fell and he followed me down. I stabbed upwards, sinking the knife into his shoulder as he grabbed my forearm and twisted. There was a sickening crack and pain blazed though my body. He didn’t let go of the arm.

“Now in order for this to work I have exactly 14 minutes to tell you what’s going on.”

I tried to buck him off and he twisted my arm in his grip. Waves of pain resonated through me and black spotted my vision. “Stay the fuck still and I won’t have to do that again.” He snarled.

I could barely see and breathing was hard with him sitting directly on my chest, knees pinning my shoulders and left arm. When I made no reply, he took it as assent. “Good I always knew we would get along famously.” He smiled and trailed a knife blade down my cheek. “Now first things first. Your boy toy is not going to die. I only gave him a half dose. But thanks to you, they all believe that he will die in about 24 minutes. I will show up right on time with the antidote and he will live. Then I will proceed to destroy their lives.”

He leaned down putting his face right into mine. “Pity you won’t be around to see the Gundam five fall apart.” He twisted viciously on my arm and blackness overwhelmed me.

I came to less then a minute later. Those familiar violet eyes staring right at me. “Can’t have you falling asleep during my story.”

I repressed a shutter. This was me. Every aspect complete with my lightning quick personality changes and malicious streak, magnified several times over. Simply put my clone was a sane lunatic. He was my reflection in a broken mirror. What I could have been if I had been less resilient then I was.

“Now let’s see where I was? Oh yeah, Quats brought you up to speed on the evil plan and all but he didn’t tell you about us specifically. Now we were created to be you so we should have the same relationships as you. Therefore they put Yuy with me and Baton with Quats. But it didn’t quite work that way.

He was running his fingers up and down my arm, causing sparks of pain. “See me and Quats hit it off but we both had others we were involved with. Then we found them trying to replace us. They had a new 04. I killed him. Acid, oil and flame. Messy example, then we got rid of Bently. Quats by then had figured everything out.

“I don’t see how this involves me.”

“You’ll see. It is entirely all your fault.” He hit me. “You took him from me and then you killed him. It’s your fault he’s dead. That they’re all dead. That they left me behind.” There was a blow behind every sentence and each one sent my head into the concrete I was laying on.

My clone was practically screaming. “He loved you. Like he never loved me and you BETRAYED HIM!”

I took my chance. I pulled my left leg up hard hitting him in the side and pushing him to the right. Unprepared for it he rocked and freed my left arm. I shoved the palm of my hand under his chin and he came off me. I scrambled up. He kicked at my feet and I stumbled. He was up in a flash and slammed me into the wall, making my broken right arm take the brunt of our weight.

The pain was so much I couldn’t black out. Tears rolled down my cheeks and there was the feel of a blade plunging into me. I was caught between two agonies. Strung out and gasping. He jiggled the blade a bit and I could barely breathe.

“You bastard!” The tone was dark and littered with glass amusement. I recognized it, Shinigami. I was my own worst nightmare. A hand wrapped around my throat and began to squeeze. “He was everything and you destroyed it.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I rasped out.

He looked deep into my eyes and I stared directly into Shinigami. “You really don’t, do you.” The hand on my throat loosened enough so that I could breathe. “When we started exercising our influence, Quats and I became a couple. However Barton was totally devoted to Quats and Yuy to Chang but he was with me so we couldn’t just alienate them. I don’t know who or what Chang wanted but it might have been Barton. Anyway then we got you.” He leaned in and lapped at my tears on my skin. “In order for you to believe that we were your friends I had to stay out of the way. I wasn’t happy about that.”

My mind was backtracking, remembering my stay with the clones. The strange instances, that seemed like hauntings, were really my clone throwing temper tantrums. “Then I did hear you talking to Hee…01 in the room, before I woke up. I thought that it was a dream.”

“I knew it. But Yuy wouldn’t take me seriously about it and then he had to go and actually fall in love with you. And then you killed him.” He hissed. “You killed both of them.” The knife twisted sending another wave of pain up. “Well die.”

He pulled the knife out and blood gushed from the wound. It spilled out, thick, warm and red. He let me go and I slid down the wall to fold at his feet.

“I’m going to stand here and watch you die. Just like you did for both of them. You’ll bleed out soon.” He smirked. “I never could figure out what it was about you that made you so special. Guess it doesn’t matter.”

He was standing directly in front of me, toying with the sliver cylinder. The antidote.
The thought broke through all the pain. I had to save Heero.

“I’m going to destroy him. Your Heero will think you never loved him by the time I’m through. He’ll go to his end knowing that you manipulated and betrayed…”

I kicked his knee out. He fell, surprised, thinking that I was used up. I threw myself forward, my good arm yanking the knife from my boot, the twin of the one that had killed his lover. I buried it in his chest, not quite killing him instantly.

We locked eyes, nearly nose to nose. A small half smile tugged at his lips. “Guess that’s why.” He coughed; blood trickled from his lips. I could feel the failing rhythm of his heart under me. “Just wished… that…that he could h…have….maybe….for me.

A bloody hand grabbed my braid and dragged my ear to his lips. Then his breath came out in one final rush and he lay still. I had killed myself. The only question now was if he had managed to kill me.

I levered myself up, using my good arm, my right cradled against my chest. Using one of the knives I cut the off the bottom of the tee that was not blood soaked. Then I pulled a Heero Macho Yuy and set my own arm. I screamed and struggled not to pass out. I hurriedly bound the scraps of shirt in a make shift wrap. I didn’t have time to find something to splint it with.

The sliver cylinder lay a few feet away, where it had rolled when I’d kicked him. I scooped it up, put it in my pocket and pulled out my keys. I would have called for help but my cell was still in the car where I had tossed it. I was bleeding a lot. I wrapped my broken arm around my torso as best I could to try to slow it down.

I staggered across the warehouse, struggled with the door and stumbled to my bike. It took me three tries to mount it. After I managed to get on, I had to just sit there, forcing myself to stay with it. When my vision cleared enough, that I could see again I placed my right hand on the handlebars and prepared for a very painful ride.

I managed to make to the Preventers hospital in one piece. I tumbled off the bike just barely catching myself from taking a nosedive onto the pavement. Arm pressed tight against the hole in me, I lurched inside. I think I gave some nurses the fright of their life. One of them came running up to me, preventing me from falling. She was talking but I couldn’t hear her.

I shook my head. “Yuy or Po, now.” I pulled away from her nearly plummeting to the floor.

I could hear her this time when she spoke. “I’m sorry. Dr. Po has given orders that no one is to disturb her until a Mr. Maxwell gets here.”

I looked at her incredulously. “Lady, I am Maxwell.” Then everything descended into chaos.

I don’t remember much after that. Maybe it’s a thing with me and hospitals and getting hurt. For the first twenty-four hours I’m not allowed to remember anything. There was a lot of pain and I was cold, then it all faded away.

It didn’t really matter. I had made it within the hour time limit. Just barely, but I had. Heero was going to be just fine and that was the only thing that was relevant. Heero was fine.

*
All four of us ended up in a room together. Wuffers stayed with us. I think it was because he didn’t want to be alone in that huge house, but he says it’s so I wouldn’t do anything stupid.

Heero was the first of us to recover. The antidote kicked in and twenty-four hours later, he was right as rain. With Quatre, they reset his leg and plastered it again. Tro and I took a little longer to get better. During our time together, he told me that he knew it wasn’t me. I was grateful for that.

With no more psycho clones out for our blood, we healed in relative peace. Une got full reports from all of us and declared us on vacation as soon as they showed the case. We stayed another week while they got all the facts straight and presented it to the world. The media went nuts again, so the five of us retreated for home, the half hidden, peaceful estate on The Beach.

The nightmares didn’t go away. For a while, they were so bad that I couldn’t sleep at all. So I went to the stupid psychologist. She tried but there wasn’t anything she could do to help me. Gradually they toned down enough that I could function. Having one of the other pilots with me also helped. Heero could even soothe me out of one. But they came back periodically and when they did, it was with a holy vengeance. I was even more prone to them after missions.

It was three months later, and I contemplating another sleepless night. I had just gotten off a mission, a particularly nasty one and I was exhausted. The dreams had gotten so bad that not even Heero could do anything. He had been on a different mission and it wasn’t fair to him that I kept waking him. So I was curled in the big window of the main room, like I had the first night I spent in this house.

I had on bottoms but no top and my fingers gently traced the scars on my right side. It was strange. After one of my nightmares, I normally found something to distract myself with. I didn’t want to think about it. But tonight my thoughts kept drifting back and for once, I let them.

The conversation I had with Quatre about a week after dealing with my clone, surfaced first. I had asked why none of them had me prove if I was the real Duo or not. He told me that they had gone and gotten the body. It was missing the healing lacerations on its right side. There had been no question that I was who I said I was. I protested that it wasn’t enough.

He had put a finger on my lips and said. “Duo, your clone was insane, I could feel it. When I was conscious your clone kept talking about staying the hell away from his Quats and apologizing for hurting me while setting up Trowa’s death.” He moved both hands to grasp mine. “You have never called me that and my gift knows you. It can tell the four of you apart in a room full of genetic identicals. So don’t worry about it.”

But I did worry about it. I had killed the four people in the world closest to me, then killed myself. The Duo clone, my clone was a reflection of what I could have been. Insane with grief, half mad with love, and completely psychotic in regards to the world. I loved and hated that glimpse. I loved it because it showed what might have been and that I was not. I hated it because I could still become it.

There were footsteps behind me and Heero sat down next to me. “Hey.” It was easy and low.

“Hey yourself” I replied just as soft. I scooted over to him, curling up between his legs, head resting against his chest. One hand intertwined with mine, the other wrapped around me and closed over my braid, slightly possessive.

“You have a window fetish.” He smirked.

“Yeah, well you have a braid fetish.” I countered. It was an old joke and true with both of us.

We sat there for a while, an easy quiet between us.

“You know, I think it was a relief for them in the end.”

Heero didn’t say anything; I rarely talked about my time spent with the clones and never about the encounter of my own clone.

“They were never given a chance to be themselves. Yes they were genetically identical to us, but that doesn’t mean they have the same soul.” I looked up from our joined hands to see his face. He didn’t say anything but I could see the questions in his eyes.

“He told me that he was with 04. Called him Quats. He said that the people in charge paired them like we are, but it didn’t quite go right. 01 wanted 05 and 03 wanted 04. He thought that 05 was fixated on 03 and that 04 really wanted power.” I looked back down at our hands.

“Heero, my clone was in love with 01, but 01 wasn’t in love with him. Then they brought me in and 01 fell for me.” I burrowed into his shoulder more. “and I killed him. I just can’t help but feel that I murdered someone innocent. I know he wasn’t, I saw him come back covered in blood, but its one thing to kill someone pretending. But if they really did, then what.” I felt a tear escape from my rapidly fluttering lashes. It streaked down and Heero raised our clasped hands to catch it on our fingers.

“He was so bitter and jealous. I just kept thinking that I could be like that. If you ever left me, I could so easily turn into him. And I can’t do that, I’m already so black that anymore would destroy me.”

I lifted my head to him again. Dark eyes locked on to mine. “If …” I could barely get the words out. “If you ever decide to leave. Shoot me.”

His eyes widened and the words came tumbling out. “I couldn’t live like that. Being bitter and hurt and spiteful. I know I have a mean dangerous streak but his was huge. It made him unstable and if you ever went, I know I would loose it too. So please don’t let me be like that. I just…mmmph.”

Lips covered mine, warm, gentle and slightly chapped. They swallowed my words and drank down my fear. Caressing to the very depths of my blackened soul. After a small eternity, he let me go.

“Baka.” His voice was tender. “I don’t believe I could ever let you go. I love you. That my clone could come to feel for you in such a short time should tell you what I say is true. I can’t resist you. You are mine and nothing can change that.”

My eyes were smarting again and his fingers left mine to touch the wetness on my cheeks.

“I love you.” I whispered and kissed him, trying to put everything I felt into that kiss. When we broke to breathe again, it felt as though pieces of my soul that had been shattered for a very long time, were knit back together.

We stayed that way, pressed as close together as we could. I gazed back out the window. The sky was lightening. It mixed shades of harsh black, deep blue and stormy violet. They swirled together as if collaborating on making the most perfect color ever.

“The last words he said were ‘thank you’. He grabbed my braid and pulled my ear to his lips to tell me that right before he died. Do you think…” I bit my lip. “Do you think he’s okay? That all of them are okay?”

Heero was silent for a minute. “Yes. I believe that they are just fine.”

The colors had made up their mind. Where three separate pigments had been before was the exquisite cobalt of Heero’s eyes. The blue that never failed to calm me, to lift me and to love me.

“It’s beautiful.” I breathed.

“Yes it is.” But he wasn’t looking at the sky; those vivid eyes were on me. “It’s magnificent.” He leaned down, breath tickling my ear. “Let me love you.”

I smiled, one of those true ones that are always genuine. “Yes.”

He looped my braid twice more around his wrist and led me back to bed. Later, sated and curled up in Heero’s arms, I could see the sky softening to blue. As I drifted to sleep, I was sure of one thing.

Inside my black soul was bleeding to blue.

Owari