Chapter 8:Being Heero


by Kracken

Disclaimer: I don't own them and I don't make any money off of them.
Warnings: Male/Male sex, graphic, language, violence.

Having Duo under me, while I was buried deep in him, and watching him throw his head back and groan in pleasure, is something I will never get tired of. He is heat and lust and love all rolled into one and I wanted him with every bit of my being. Mission completed, home safe, and in my arms, without fear of hurting healing wounds, had become a rare moment of late.

"God, you're hard as a rock!" Duo moaned as he lifted his hips to get more of me inside of him. "Feels soooo damned good! Come on, lover, make me walk crooked for a week!"

I hooked his knees with my arms and bent him in half as I pounded, my inner instinct making me growl and want to possess him completely. There was something about a submissive man, begging for my dominance, that dug down deep into my psyche. It wasn't something that I could say out loud, and not get grief for it, but it was there all the same. He was mine, utterly, and I was taking him.

Duo's strong fingers dug into my back, clutched, clawed, and pulled me close. All hard muscle, he was a heavy weight;a solid presence under me. He could hurt just by pushing against me too forcefully. I didn't train so intensely now. I was softer, but sill with only the barest cushion between my thrusting pelvis and his rock hard legs and ass. When we were this passionate, we didn't count the bruises until later.

I exploded into him, shoving down deep and bowing my head into his shoulder. His sweat slicked face and hair stuck to me as I gave a few last thrusts. After a moment's rest, I turned to kiss his cheek, and then slid down his body. I deep throated him, inhaling the scent of sex, sweat, and Duo as I made him clutch at the bed sheets and climb to the pinnacle of his own, powerful orgasm.

I licked him, then, swirling my tongue around his length as I quested for every drop. He loved that, watching me with sated eyes until I was done, and then pulling me up, and kissing me, open mouthed, so that he could taste himself on my tongue.

"You are the hottest man alive," Duo breathed when we lay together, after, tangled in bed sheets."I still can't believe you're mine, sometimes."

I played with his loose strands of hair and then teased one of his nipples with a calloused thumb. He chuckled as I replied, "No one else is good enough for me."

"Sometimes...," he began more seriously, and I knew he was about to apologize, once again, for the life that he led, for the life that I had to lead being with him.

"Never," I said with a growl, cutting him off. "Never regret. I don't. This is who we are."

We both didn't talk very much after sex. It was odd for Duo to do much more than suggest a shower and then curl up with me to sleep afterward. I wondered if his last mission had been rougher than he was admitting to, if it had made him consider, somehow, our relationship. My answer wasn't long in coming.

"Randolph's wife divorced him," Duo told me as he pulled me tight against him. "The papers were waiting for him when we got back. She... she couldn't take the life anymore. I thought they were tight, soul mates, and all of that. It made me think..."

"Stop thinking," I told him and then bit his nipple gently as punishment. He yelped, and then laughed as I growled and showed him my teeth wrapped around that bit of flesh, as if I intended to do some damage if he didn't stop.

"Okay! Okay!" Duo conceded, tangling a hand in my hair and giving me a look that made me want to take him again.

I let him go, kissed that reddened nipple, and then rested my chin on his chest. "I chose my life with you," I told him. "You belong to me, no matter what."

He gave me an offended grunt. "You belong to me," he countered with mock severity.

I grabbed his growing erection in a possessive hand. "We belong to each other."

It was slower and sweeter that time, as I washed away his doubts and made him understand that what I felt for him was unshakeable.


His hand slammed down on my desk. I rescued a file stick out from under it and sighed.

"When were you going to tell me?" Duo demanded, nostrils flaring and face looking like he'd seen a ghost. He came around the desk, without waiting for my answer, and pulled me out of my chair. He held me tight, one hand cradling my head against his shoulder, as if he couldn't get me close enough. "I almost lost you!" he said against my hair and his voice was full of anguish and fear.

I rubbed hands down his back, trying to calm him, and then I demanded a bit of space between us. He gave it, reluctantly, and I met his anxious eyes as he gripped my elbows tightly.

"I wasn't hurt. I didn't want to upset you," I admitted.

His hands tightened painfully. "Someone tried to kill you, because of what we are," he retorted. "I should know about that!"

'There's nothing either of us can do," I assured him, making him ease up on his grip, with a grimace. "They are investigating. Security has tightened. I'm safer now, then I was before."

It was there on his face, the thoughts plain and the words on the verge of being spoken. 'Go home.','Quit.', 'Go where you'll be safe.', but he bit on his lips and bowed his head, instead.

"We can't let them win," I told him, grateful that he respected me enough not to say those words. "I won't be forced to give up any more ground, because they hate what we have together."

Duo ran fingers into his hair and gripped tight, fingers tensing as if he wanted to pull it all out. He relaxed in the next moment, let his hands fall to his sides, and let his shoulders slump. He admitted with a depressed, rueful smile, "One of the bomb squad let it slip, while I was walking by, drinking my morning coffee. I crushed the cup in my hand." He turned his hand over and I saw that it was red. "He said, 'That Yuy is as cool as ice. If he ever wants a job in the bomb squad, let me know.' All I could think was that... " He stopped and rubbed the back of his neck, looking ashamed of himself suddenly. He continued on a different tact, "I know that I risk my life, every time I go out on assignment. I know that you put up with a lot and never try and stop me, or complain, or... ask me to quit. I guess now I know how you feel, and how freakin' strong you are. I always think of you as safe, sitting in your pile of files, waiting for me to come home from doing the dangerous stuff. It was always kind of comforting, not having to ever worry about you. this makes it different. Now..."

I gave his tie a small jerk, so that he looked at me. "I didn't take this job to be safe," I reminded him. "I took it so that I wouldn't have to take anyone's life, ever again.Sometimes, we're both called on to use abilities that we still possess. You will never fail to answer that call, and neither will I."

Duo let out a breath and nodded. He managed a smile for me, but he wasn't letting me get away so easily. "Fine, save the world, love, but you will tell me about it, next time you're called?"

"I will," I promised. "I'm sorry that I didn't this time. You've been through so much lately, that I just wanted to spare you more stress."

"When we share our stress," Duo admonished me, "that makes it more bearable."

He still looked troubled. I could guess why. He was a man in love with being loved. It was hard for him to accept that there were people who wanted us dead, who didn't think that all of our contributions, weighed more against the fact that we were together and that we loved each other.

"They won't win," I promised him.

He nodded and grinned. "Forever, together, love," he assured me.

Duo's cell rang, right along with my own. We both answered, gave each other a small embrace as we talked to our respective bosses, and I watched him walk out of my office and head back to work. As Une gave me a list of files that she needed, and I moved to my computer to enter it, I realized that I hadn't told Duo about the incident for reasons of my own stress as well. It was hard, shouldering the, day to day, abuse along with my work load. I suppose it said something about my mental state, that I had been afraid to add Duo's anxiety to that load, as if it might be too much for me to deal with.

During the war, I had been trained to analyze and take care of my own 'readiness', my mental and physical fitness, to accomplish missions. Being a fifteen year old terrorist, totally dependant on myself, had been a lot more stressful than dealing with bombs and crude words taped to my chair. Mostly, the cure had been to shut down completely, to not feel, and to focus entirely on my missions. Another cure, had been to work out, physically, until I was exhausted and releasing endorphins. While I knew that I still had to find a solution to my problems, it could be a way to help deal with them until I did. A part of my mind said, 'crutch', and 'drug', but I pushed those thoughts away. Duo needed me to be there for him. I couldn't do that while I was too stressed by my own problems.It was for him, as much as for myself.

I decided to begin stopping by the Preventer gym, after work, knowing that Duo usually worked late and that he wouldn't notice. They had exercise machines that my corner gym didn't, machines that were geared to test a man to his limits.I needed to push my strength beyond what it was used to, in order to get the release that I needed.

"Oh, and Yuy," Une said, capturing my attention from my search for her files. "We found your bomber. He was an accountant, oddly enough; a rather mild mannered, law abiding citizen, before he became unbalanced. It seems, though, that he was a great fan Of Maxwell's, until he found out about his relationship with you. Then he began to develop some rather odd conspiracy theories centering around homosexuals, 'invading all levels of government and law enforcement'. He had decided, at some point, that he had to save the world, starting with Preventers. We have more than enough evidence to convict him, but I rather think that he'll be relegated to a mental institution."

"Thank you for informing me," I replied, though my gut was turning into a hard knot. I knew that the man had been aiming his vendetta at me, but it was harder to accept that it had caused a broader, more venomous reaction.

"You did excellent work, with the bomb," Une told me, "and I commend you for your quick actions. Next time, though, please remember that I have trained professionals in my bomb squad, that are very capable. You are a file clerk. You are not authorized to risk your life in any other area."

"I'm sorry," I replied. "I'll remember that and contain myself to risking my life in my designated area."

There was a pause and then Une chuckled. "Point taken, Yuy, but you do know what I'm saying?"

"Yes, commander," I replied, "I understand."

"Good. Now, about those files. No one else can seem to get them out of the older system. I know that you can handle it. I need them by yesterday."

"I'll have them, don't worry," I assured her. Being competent, and chasing down important information, helped my stress as well and I felt a sense of relief as I began the hunt.


"You look really, really, really hot," Duo told me as he straightened my suit collar.

I smiled and blushed, pushing him away as we entered the hall full of other Preventer personnel and their significant others. Duo drew every eye in his silk gray suit, with the Nehru collar, his long braid finished off with a white ribbon at the end. The eyes that turned toward me, in my formal black, beside him, were a mixture of accepting, curious, and, in some cases, hostile.

Three times a year, we were all treated with an 'appreciation ball'. As soon as Duo and I had become a couple, he had insisted that I attend. It was safe enough, being among my fellow agents and coworkers, and there was very little chance of any trouble from those who didn't appreciate our appearance there as a couple. Even during a festive occasion, we were all still required to follow Preventer regulations.

"Food looks good," Duo noticed as he eyed the banquet table.

"You just want to come to these things to eat, don't you?" I chuckled.

"And to dance," he said in a tone that purred as he caught at my hand and pulled me onto an already full dance floor.

I had been taught every formal dance, while I had been living undercover, at the schools that I had attended during the war.I suppose that Duo had as well, but it had surprised me that my rough and tumble lover not only enjoyed it, but had grace and skill. He didn't dance in any formal style, though. He danced in a way that made my heart race, that made me feel part of a well oiled machine, that made me feel as if we were one entity, flowing in a pattern with all the other dancers. Neither of us led. There wasn't a dominant or submissive appearance to it. We moved together, muscles flexing and feet stepping firmly and strongly in time to the music;almost a tango in appearance. His eyes were on mine, however we turned, and his expression was wanting and erotic.We flowed in complete harmony. I loved it, every second of it, and it was almost pain when the music ended and we had to stop.

I pretended not to hear a few comments, one of them having to do with the fact that Duo probably liked showing off the fact that he had Heero Yuy on a leash. A few were appreciative, and I concentrated on them instead. Duo and I did look good together, and there had been a few who had admired our dancing.

"See?" Duo said as he began piling a plate full of food from the banquet table. "They think you're hot, too."

I snatched a crab puff from his pile and ate it, giving him a wink. He laughed and replaced it with another one.

Wu Fei made an appearance, in formal gold and red silk, and looked very good next to Sally's deep blue dress. She brought him along, wanting to greet us, but Wu Fei looked disdainful. I had turned all of his perceptions of me on it's head and I don't think he was ever going to accept that the 'perfect soldier', that he had considered me, would rather garden and file paperwork, than join him as a 'warrior'.I'm sure that our dancing had only worsened his opinion of me.

"I'm sure that a lot of people, watching you two on the dance floor, were wishing that you were single," Sally joked. "I thought you were going to put on a 'real show' there for a few minutes."

"Woman! That is totally inappropriate!" Wu Fei exclaimed, looking extremely uncomfortable.

Sally rolled her eyes at him. "Okay, popsicle, but at least they dance. You won't even do that much."

"I'm saving the 'real show' for after the party," Duo laughed and gave me a dig with his elbow. "Right, Heero?"

I blushed and ducked my head, but I couldn't help the smirk.

"I really don't wish to listen to this type of conversation..." Wu Fei began hotly, but Sally hooked an arm around his slim waist and held kept him from leaving.

She told him in exasperation, "Get your mind out of the Ming Dynasty and enjoy the company."

"There are times and places, for that kind of display, and I don't think..." Wu Fei spoke at some length on propriety while Duo and Sally laughed at him, but I was treated to that kind of thinking too often during working hours. When they finally left to speak to another agent, Duo turned to me with a worried frown.

"That didn't bother you, did it?" Duo asked as his hand tightened on my elbow. "You know Fei's an asshole at the best of times. I don't know what Sally sees in him. She's fun, honest, and open and he's got a stick up his ass a mile long and a complex about everything having to do with the word 'fun'. To each his own, I guess."

"He's honorable and doesn't hide how he feels," I replied as I stole another crab puff.

Duo frowned and replaced it with another. "Get your own food," he mock growled. "You'd better eat up. Neither of us can cook, really, and this is the best we'll get until either someone invites us to dinner, or we have another shindig."

I made up my own plate and we settled at a small table near the dance floor.

Quatre and Trowa danced along the fringe of the crowd, the music soft and slow. Their style was very different from ours. Trowa held Quatre close and Quatre was like flowing gold to his darker earth tones. I didn't want to think of the man as feminine, but he had a gentler personality than any of us, and his good looks and sparkling smile made him seem to be on Trowa's arm, Trowa the lead in the dance.

I sighed, irritated at myself, as I ate a meatball spiced with curry.

"Heero, what's going on?" Duo demanded. "You keep looking like someone died."

"Thinking too much," I admitted."It bothers me that people are judged, that we can't just be 'people'. I caught myself doing the same thing, just now."

He looked over at Quatre and Trowa, trying to figure out what I meant. He frowned, confused, and then replied, with sudden clarity, "It's natural to try and avoid people giving you shit, so most people try to 'fit in' and avoid that sort of thing. You look at them and think, 'Someone isn't going to like that', and it makes you pick out exactly what they aren't going to like. Quatre's so... you know.... and of course, that's going to get him trouble from someone who's going to see him as being Trowa's 'girlfriend'. It's not you judging them. It's you worrying about them being judged."

I looked at Duo warmly and reached out to squeeze his hand. "Sometimes, I think you're just playing stupid."

"Ha, ha," Duo growled and then laughed. "That was pretty deep, wasn't it? Maybe I should write it down and send it to psyche?"

"They'd be impressed," I agreed.

"Right before they took credit for it," Duo snickered. He stabbed a brie pastry at me and said seriously, "Stop thinking, Yuy. I mean it. We're supposed to be having fun."

"Sorry." I tried to push everything from my mind. I was with Duo. I could ignore everything else and have a good time with him.

"This is good. Catch." Duo tossed another brie pastry towards me. I caught the small bite expertly in my mouth and ate it. Duo stared, eyes wide, and then exclaimed, "God, you're sexy as hell! Maybe we should just ditch the ball and-"

"No," I replied as I dabbed a napkin on my lips. "I'm starting to enjoy myself."

Duo moved uncomfortably in his chair and grinned. "So am I."

It was pleasant, once I decided to concentrate on having fun with Duo. We danced twice more, Duo ate enough to give him a slight stomach ache, and we left smiling and relaxed.

"I don't see the valet," Duo told me as he looked around the very large, darkened parking garage.

There were other people waiting, talking quietly and ignoring us. Duo paced impatiently and then stopped, a hand to his stomach. It was his queasy look that decided me.

"Glutton," I told him jokingly and he gave me a rueful look.

"The food was good. I couldn't help myself," Duo groaned back. "I really need to stretch out and digest... before I explode, though."

"I'll get the car," I suggested. "Sit over there and hold it together until I get back."

Duo perched on a low barrier, hands around his middle, but his eyes swept the parking garage critically.

"This place is full of Preventer agents," I told him. "I don't think I need an armed escort."

Duo looked sheepish. "I know you can handle yourself. It's just... reflex."

"Love, you mean," I corrected and he nodded and smiled.

"I'll be right back," I told him and went to get my keys from the attendant.

After showing my ID, and getting a nervous look from the young attendant, he handed me my keys and told me where the car was parked.

The low glow of the lights overhead, still left many shadows among the cars, as I went down two levels to find ours. I did feel nervous. My reflexes were just as honed as Duo's, and they were telling me to hide in those shadows and move carefully. It was almost instinct and, when I realized what I was doing, I felt annoyed at myself. I almost stepped out into the main, lighted lane, needing a little defiance against a life time of paranoia, but then I heard the voices.

I melted against a van as quick as breathing, not sure why, and then understanding that my brain had reacted on very few clues, before complete awareness could tell me that those voices were saying my name, sounding angry, and had used the words, 'Take him out quick'.

I took a moment to center myself, to come to terms that someone was planning to hurt me, and that they were desperate, or confident enough, to do it here. My old self would have confronted them. My new self knew where that would lead. All the training in the world couldn't guarantee that a move wouldn't go wrong, that it wouldn't kill instead of incapacitate. Violence was a part of my old life. In my new life, I avoided it, and went through the right channels.

I backtracked to the elevator and took it a level up, risking that they would notice, and then made the call to the one guest who could call in as much firepower as I needed.

"Commander Une?"

"Yuy?" I could imagine her looking around the ballroom, knowing that I had been among the guests, but not seeing me now.

"I'm in the parking garage." I gave her the level that I was on and then the position of my car. "There are men waiting to harm me. I'm not sure how they knew that I wasn't with Duo... the parking attendant, might be working with them."

"I'll have forces there in a moment," she replied and then growled, "If they're agents, they're going to pay for disrupting my party. Don't make any move to join the situation, Yuy, that's an order. Stay where you are. I don't want the attendant tipped off that things aren't going as planned."

"Understood," I replied as I leaned against a cement support to wait. When she hung up, I called Duo, not wanting my lover to come looking for me when I didn't appear with our car.

"Hey... get lost?" Duo snickered, knowing it was me.

"Pretend that I have," I replied. "I think the parking attendant is working with men, who were waiting to harm me near our car. Une is sending agents."

"You've totally turned into a desk jockey!" Duo snickered, playing it perfectly for any watchers. "If I spun you around three times, you'd end up on L2." He yelled at the attendant to get the position of our car again, told it to me, as if I didn't know it, and then said, "Yeah, yeah, I'll wait. Hopefully, I won't be old enough to retire by the time you show up." I heard him groan. "If you don't see me, I'm in the john. I think I need to make a visit there."

"Duo!" I shouted, but he had already disconnected. Someone had threatened me. I was sure that Duo would make his escape, with a valid excuse for the parking attendant, and then make his way down to our car, to 'explain' to those men, that threatening his lover was very bad for their health. He wouldn't think about his career, the law, or jail time. Duo didn't consider consequences when he was acting on pure emotion.

I didn't wait for the elevator. It was near the top of the building, probably filling up with guests going home. Instead, I raced down the stairs, as I flipped my cell open and shouted, "Une! I think Duo's trying to get there first!"

"Damn!" was her only reply and I knew that she was trying to react as fast as I was, calling her agents and telling them that the angry, braided, man, probably beating the suspects to a pulp, was a fellow agent.

I took the turn in the stairs too fast. My dress shoe slipped on the stair tread and went out from under me. I went head first, my last thought, before I hit concrete at the bottom, that I couldn't save Duo, now, or those men, and that Duo was going to lose everything that he loved.





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