Disclaimer: I don't own them and I don't make any money off of them.
Warnings: Male/Male sex, graphic, language, violence.
"He's been suspended." She said it coolly, but I could feel her anger.
He was a good agent, the man who had decided to vent on my locker, and she had needed him for a mission. Assigning someone else, who might turn out to be less competent, endangered lives. I felt guilt, for that, but I knew better than to back down. I had him on the locker security feed, angrily using a fat marker to scrawl his message. It showed a lack of judgment and a lack of discipline. My other tormentors hadn't shown that level of incompetence, and had been careful to avoid being caught that way. It was almost as if he didn't care, or maybe, he had assumed that others wouldn't take action and that they would approve.
"Yuy," Une chose her next words carefully. "It won't stop, you know? I can discipline a hundred people, but there will be more out there, both Preventer and civilian, who-"
"I do realize that." I was the angry one now, standing before her and hearing the implication that abuse towards me was inevitable. "We don't cease to stop criminals, simply because there are more out there."
There was a tightness around her mouth, then, her irritation deepening."You practice pacifism, but your very actions invite conflict."
"Because I am determined never to kill again, doesn't mean that I won't protect myself," I assured her. "If this escalates into more than name calling, they won't find me an easy victim."
She sat back in her chair and made a sound of exasperation. "This is something that I would like to avoid. What we do keeps the peace. If we are hampered by suspensions and inquiries, we become dangerously ineffective. At least allow me to isolate you to an office of your own, so that your interaction with the rest of my agents is kept to a minimum."
I wanted to say, no. I wanted to stand up and confront those who wanted to see me, and my relationship with Duo, fail, by being 'in their face' and defiant every day. I had refused transfers and promotions to do that very thing.The fact was, though, that I was tired of the fight, exhausted by my concern for Duo, and by my daily struggle to simply get through a day without finding evidence of the hatred towards me. Couldn't I be forgiven for wanting some peace? That last incident, in public view, had hurt more than I cared to admit even to myself. The promise of an office, a place where I could close a door, and lock them out, where I could call Duo and say the things that I really wished to say, without anyone hearing, and judging, was too tempting.
"All right, I accept," I heard myself say and felt like a coward.
Une was relieved. "Good. I'll arrange it and have the office ready in the morning."
I nodded and turned to go, not really thinking that I had made the right decision, when her next words made me pause.
"Your actions in the hanger were exemplarily, by the way," Une said. "I'm not about to discipline you for being in an unauthorized area, when you were clearly competent and needed."
I nodded again, though I didn't think that what I had done had been anything special. Every man and woman in that hanger had been exemplarily, as well, and I had simply been lending a hand.
"Your own office?" Duo purred as he wrapped himself around me, from behind, in our bed. "That has a lot of possibilities."
Duo was not a complicated thinker. That isn't saying that he's a fool, or stupid. He simply doesn't delve underneath to find the deeper meaning of things. I have a new office? That's a step up and very nice for me. He didn't stop to consider that I was, in effect, being quarantined from the rest of Preventers.I suppose it was also trust, trust that I can take care of myself. He didn't have any reason to suspect that things might have gone beyond my ability to handle, especially when I didn't believe it myself. Arrogance? It's hard to think that after everything I'd been through. A few disgruntled agents didn't seem threatening after fighting against incredible odds in a war.
"You're still sick," I pointed out as something firm pressed into my backside. I ignored it and turned the page of the book I had been trying, in vain, to read for the last five minutes. He had wanted company in his sick bed, but he wasn't about to settle for simple comfort.
"It'll make me feel better," Duo breathed in my ear."Honest."
Duo wasn't often the 'aggressor'. He teased, he played, and he liked to be the strong one, but, in the end, he was under me, more often that not. He liked to run his hands over me, he told me, and to see my face over him. He loved the feel of me inside him and he said that he felt a sense of possessing me that was at all odds with our position. At other times, he simply wanted to pound into me in a very primeval way, and that was something that I could understand. It fulfilled every need of mine, emotionally and physically, to push into him as deeply as I could and to utterly 'have' him.
"And Gregory sighed and wondered if he should ever see Martin again:the strength and beauty of him making that thought unendurable..." Duo read over my shoulder. He snickered and I hit him on the head with the book in retaliation.
"It's historical," I explained.
"I don't remember that part of 'The life of Gregory Barlow; satellite engineer', in my history classes," Duo teased.
"You remember?" I retorted.
He pressed closer and nibbled on my neck. "If I'd known there was hot sex, between him and his assistant, I would have paid more attention."
I was reacting, despite myself, and his hand slid around to feel it. He chuckled in my ear."Let me drive," he begged. "I'll stay under the speed limit, promise."
It had been awhile. When he tugged down my shorts, we were both ready, ready to decide that, maybe, Duo wasn't too ill for something slow and easy. When he used precum to lube himself, and then push in from behind, I was more than ready to let my book slide from my fingers and for those fingers to grip the blankets tight.Gregory and Martin weren't as good as the real thing. Nothing could come close to the passion that we had for each other.
When a man is determined, he can find satisfaction in a record amount of time, and I wasn't about to allow Duo a long ride. The feel of him inside of me, sliding in and out, and the tight grip he had on me, was more than enough to take me over the edge. I wasn't prepared, though, for him to roll me onto my stomach, and for him to rise above me, long pony tail snaking down onto my back, so that he could pound into me more effectively.
He panted, sounding hoarse, and I could feel his arms tremble against where he touched my skin, But he wanted this, wanted me, and I couldn't find it in myself to stop him. He released, hot and heavy, into me, and made a deep groan, before sprawling, bonelessly, over my body.
"Dizzy," he complained, because he couldn't get air into his still agitated lungs.
"Stupid," I growled back and rolled until we were facing each other. I pushed bangs out of his flushed face to see if he was all right, ignoring the wetness and the discomfort of just having been thoroughly pounded into the mattress.
Duo grinned and closed his eyes against the dizziness. "Worth it," he panted. "That was good."
We were quiet, then, until he caught his breath and then he surprised me.
"So, do you think," he said against my collar as he nuzzled close, "that, when they write about us, they'll leave out the part where we shag each other?"
"Shag?" It hurt, that reminder of my troubles, but I didn't let it show. He was just joking, after all. "It's okay," I replied, "the historical romances will get it right."
That made him laugh outright and bring me in for a kiss.
I was supposed to send a secretary for everything that I needed. He was eager to please and, strangely, didn't seem to know who I was, but his position just outside of my office, made him seem more like a guard than a secretary. I was finding it hard to explain exactly what I needed as well. Part of the thrill of my job, had been in the hunt. Trying to coordinate his search with my vague hunches, had made him confused and me frustrated.I quickly began to send him on bogus errands while I slipped off to do the real searches.
As for my office, it would have been easy to like the isolation that let me concentrate, if the real reason for that isolation hadn't been to keep others away from me. I don't suppose Une's grand plan, included me continuing to haunt archives, or for me to still need to have my lunch in the Preventer commissary. I'm sure, if it were up to her, everything would have been brought to me, and a special elevator would have taken me directly to my car.
My tormentors, whether mollified by my absence, or under threat from Une, kept from making their threats and insults for the first few days. After that, though, they were all treated to a councilling session on diversity and a video on harassment in the work place. It only reawakened their resentment. It wasn't the same, in their minds, I suppose. I wasn't just a gay fellow worker, I was the fag who was making their hero look like a fool, a pervert, and less than a man. Their hate for me, was personal.
I had won something on that day that I had helped a crippled ship and crew, though, a bit of respect.I had reminded, at least some of them, that I didn't refrain from violence because of cowardice, or a loss of my abilities. I was still Heero Yuy, stronger than most, and trained like no other soldier on earth. Sitting behind a desk hadn't change that completely. I found out just how much respect I had gained when three men decided to block my path in an almost deserted corridor.
"Looks like someone's escaped his cage," One, large man snickered.
"Maybe, without Maxwell around, he's gone into heat and he's looking for some guy to-" another began, but a voice behind them startled them into turning.
I remembered the pilot that I had helped. His arm was in a sling, and his face still bruised, but his expression was anger, not pain."I'd ask if you needed any help, Mr. Yuy," he said, "Except I know you can break these idiots in half without half trying.Instead, I'll just warn them, that I outrank them and that my report on this incident will be on Une's desk, today."
They were close to confronting the man, staking their claim to their victim, but the first man slapped the second man on his chest, to get his attention, and he said, "Sorry, sir, but you can see what's going on here."
"No, I can't, so I suggest that you get back to work, while Une decides whether you have a job to go back to or not," the man growled.
They left, and I had the distinct feeling that I should be watching my back even more closely from now on.
"Mr. Yuy," the pilot said, "I want to thank you for your assist in the hanger."
I was always uncomfortable with praise. It never seemed a special thing, when I used my abilities. I had them, just as I had my right arm. A man wasn't thanked for having a right arm. "It was my duty," I replied, a little too stiffly.
He accepted my short response without a blink, too eager to get to what he wanted to say next. "I know that Commander Maxwell has said that you don't want to go into positions that might lead to killing, but there are many important positions where your expertise is sorely needed. The ground crew, the tactical rooms,the-"
"Thank you, but I'm not interested in those positions," Heero told him. "It isn't just about not wanting to kill.I don't want to be in the thick of fighting ever again. I can do a lot of good where I am now and still keep my peace."
The man didn't respond with the usual anger. He only sighed, adjusted his sling, and said, "Maxwell's explained enough times, but you can see why we want to keep trying?"
I nodded, but I didn't really want to get into arguments over it once again.
The pilot jerked a finger at where the men had disappeared. "Those guys are jerks. We don't care who Maxwell gets into bed with after he's done fighting. We just care that he kicks ass when he's with us. At least you wouldn't have to put up with that with us."
I doubted it. Accepting me, when I was out of sight, was one thing, but I didn't think that I would escape the prejudice if I put myself nearer to Duo, where they had to deal with me every day.
The man surprised me, though, when he said, "We do have other gay guys with us." When I raised eyebrows, he snickered, "You aren't the only one, you know?"
It startled a laugh out of me. "They make it easy to think so," I admitted.
"I'll bet," he commiserated and then punched his knuckles against my arm lightly. "Okay, Mr. Yuy. If you change your mind, we're willing to have you on board. Tell Maxwell to get better and to get his ass back to work."
"I will." I watched him go and found a smile. It was nice to not be as alone as I had thought.
"Slow," I said as I spotted Duo in the Preventer gym.
It wasn't my usual haunt. I exercised at a gym just a block away from our home, liking the anonymity of a small, backdoor building, with a few older boxers training in the rings, and a few casual patrons using outdated machines. Having eyes watch us in complete disgust, as I made sure that Duo didn't drop a barbell on his chest, made me more than uncomfortable. Duo had insisted, though, wanting that small workout, to regain his strength, while he was still on suspended duty, and wanting to be back, again, in the atmosphere of Preventers, that he loved so well.
Duo hated looking weak. I was there to keep him from overdoing it, and to shield him, as best I could, so that people couldn't see how he sweated, and how his arms trembled with effort. The illness had taken his strength and he meant to have it back, I made sure he did it on human terms, and didn't hurt himself further.
Duo finished and I handed him a towel after putting the barbells back on the stand behind his head.. He wiped his face with it and then snickered, "I can see right up your shorts from here, you realize?"
I blushed just a little and knew it for the distraction it was. He didn't want to seem weak in front of me either. He was giving himself enough time to gather the strength to sit up. I let him, playing the game with him.
"There's nothing to see," I replied. "I have underwear on."
Duo looked disappointed. "Not even a jockstrap..."
I glared in disapproval and then swept my eyes down his body, at the long, hard waist, the bulge in his short, and the long legs after that.All muscle, honed for impossible missions. There wasn't anything more handsome, I thought, and then swept my eyes back to his face and saw concern there. I realized, that he thought that I was judging him.
"I wish we were alone," I told him and saw the devil in his eyes again, and a bit of relief.
"Well, when you get done with your set, you can take me home and we can make that more than an innuendo," Duo promised.
I frowned again and looked around us. We had been keeping our voices low, no more than whispers, but we were surrounded by agents doing their exercises .I didn't feel comfortable there and I certainly didn't want to exercise in front of their open hostility.
"Desk jockey," Duo teased. "Are you afraid you won't lift more weights than me?"
"It has been awhile..." I lied. He knew I was lying, too, and laughed lightly as he motioned to the empty bench next to him. "Come on, Mr. Yuy. Show me what you got."
I tried to slide out of it by saying," I don't have a spotter."
Duo's eyes swept the room for someone we could trust. "Myers!" he barked and it was embarrassing the way the man appeared instantly at his side, hero worship plain in every line of his body. "Heero needs a spotter."
The man was eager to do anything for Duo.I was only interested in how strong he was. He seemed competent.
I flexed my arms, to get my muscles prepared, and Duo grinned at me appreciatively. I suppose that made up my mind, more than anything else. I could be vain in front of Duo, far too eager to show him that I was worth his attention. There was an eroticism in it as well. I was showing off for my mate, as simplistic as that sounded. Whatever it was, it was all male.
Duo rolled onto one arm to watch, and directed Myers as the man began piling on the weights. "More," Duo kept saying, whenever the man paused. The man began to look astonished and then a little fearful. We were getting to a weight that he wouldn't be able to stop if my arms failed me. Duo was good at knowing the limits of his men, though. When he said, stop, finally, he seemed confident.
"That looks too heavy, sir," Myers dared.
I took my position and looked up at him, glad that I wasn't seeing hatred there. "It is a little light,actually," I replied, making him go wide eyed. "But I think it'll give me a workout."
Duo chuckled and it became all for him after that. My lover wanted to see me flex muscle. My spectators didn't matter. I lifted the bar easily, muscle and bone pushing upward with frightening ease. I did a few reps and then settled it back down in its stand.
"Gregory!" Duo called. "Mr. Yuy needs a bit more help."
I blinked at him, but Duo was looking around the room in calculation. Our audience had grown and no one seemed to be using the machines. When another man joined the first, and they loaded more weights onto the bar, I could see them doubting my ability to lift it.
My muscles were up to the challenge. I pushed it up and held it, liking the appreciative sound that Duo made. I would have lifted a mountain to hear his pleasure in me.
"Are you good?" Duo suddenly asked.
I turned my head and saw him smiling down at me as I said, "Yes." He had regained his strength enough to stand, but I doubted his strength to do what he did next.He climbed up on my bench and sat at the center of my barbell. He looked down at me between his legs.
"I know exactly how much you can lift," Duo told me softly. "Show these assholes what you can do, lover."
He waited for my nod and then lifted his legs, hands keeping him balanced on the bar. I held him up, along with the weight, and felt a bit of burn, but it wasn't beyond me. I heard some appreciative voices all around us, but a few disgusted comments. Duo had made his point, though, and I couldn't help feeling glad as he bent, smiled at me, and then climbed off. If anyone had been thinking of physical retaliation, they would think twice now.
back to chapter five
on to chapter seven