Disclaimer: I don't own them and I don't make any money off of this.
Warning: Major angst. Graphic. Guy/Guy sex. Language
Support a starving artist: buy Kracken's book, The Storm, under Della Boynton at Amazon.com... or give me some of your sandwich, he, he.
"Sure, I'll go," Bicky said as he worked the controller of his video game. He winced and grimaced, the points going against him. "What's the con though?"
Dee scowled, crouched by where Bicky was sprawled in front of the game, the flickering colors rainbowing over them both. "What con?"
Bicky snorted. "I'm not stupid! You wouldn't ask me to come along if you didn't have something in mind."
Dee didn't like the way he was being judged. "Ryo is your guardian. We can't just leave you here by yourself."
"You have before," Bicky pointed out, "Sure, I had a sitter and everything, but it's still abandonment."
Dee gritted his teeth angrily and then said, "If you want to file a complaint at the precinct, then I'm sure they can arrange to have some responsible, strict, people foster you instead."
Bicky paused only briefly in his game, long enough to make a rude gesture with his middle finger.
"Nice," Dee growled. "Did you learn that in the school Ryo paid so much to put you into?"
Bicky ignored him. Dee let out a frustrated growl and then sat, cross legged, in front of Bicky, blocking his view of the game. His intense eyes, under his dark bangs, made Bicky stifle a shout.
"Ryo needs you," Dee said simply.
Bicky looked down at the controller to the game, fiddled with it, muttering, "Yeah, okay, whatever," and then looked up at Dee fiercely, "But I'm doing it for Ryo. He's a good guy. Nobody should treat him bad, especially his family."
"With you there," Dee replied. "They may not. That's what I'm counting on."
"Koibito!" Ryo called from the kitchen.
"I think he means you, stupid," Bicky growled insultingly as pushed at Dee and leaned around him to continue his game.
"Thanks, Bicky," Dee said, clapping the boy on the shoulder as he stood up. Bicky ignored him. Dee smiled as he made his way into the kitchen, liking the brief respite from being irritated by Bicky. Sometimes, he mused, Bicky could be a good kid.
Ryo was sitting at a small table, sipping at some tea, dressed in a loose, white turtle neck sweater, a pair of tan, casual pants, and loafers. On leg was crossed over the other rather primly, which amused Dee, and his honey colored hair was falling into his handsome face, making him look very young and pensive. As Dee entered the kitchen, Ryo's dark eyes came up from his folded newspaper, and Dee sighed, seeing the need to talk in those expressive, liquid eyes.
Dee poured himself a mug of coffee and sat down opposite Ryo. He kept his green eyes on his steaming mug, one fingernail tracing the outline of the words printed on the side of the black mug. 'My sex god'. The words made Dee smile. It was Dee's favorite mug and the one he always used without thinking about it. Trying to avoid starting the conversation, Dee suddenly tried to remember where the mug had come from. His smile faded as he remembered that some long ago love, a woman at that, had bought it for him. Why hadn't he noticed or thought about it before? How many times had Ryo washed that mug and never asked the obvious? Dee drank his coffee, suddenly disturbed by his lack of sensitivity. He felt like a jerk.
Ryo suddenly reached out and pulled at Dee's black tank top. Dee looked down curiously and then frowned when he saw the wad of gum stuck into the material. BICKY! Dee seethed.
"I think we need to talk about the trip, Dee," Ryo said as he pried at the gum.
Dee had known that Ryo was going to talk about that. He had even formulated a flippant response on his way to the kitchen along the lines of, "Don't worry, Ryo. We'll just show up at Aunt Elena's doorstep, walk in when she opens the door, and pile into your old room before she can say get the Hell out. Possession is nine tenths of the law, after all. It'll take months to evict us!" The mug had changed all of that. Ryo didn't need an insensitive jerk, just then, he needed someone to listen and understand what he was going through.
"Okay," Dee said as Ryo rolled the gum up into a napkin and sat back in his chair. "Let's talk. What do you have in mind?"
"I don't think it is a good idea to show up at the doorstep unannounced."
Dee took another sip of coffee. He wasn't good with words. He wanted to make sure he said the right thing. "You Aunt Elena is an unknown at this point. If you call her, it's likely that she will tell you not to come, or, if you insist on going, she might arrange not to be there when you show up. I think surprise would be a good strategy at this point."
Ryo made a face. "She's not a suspect, Dee. She's my aunt. She's an intelligent woman. I was too upset to argue with her before, but, now that I've calmed down, I'm sure I can convince her to see me."
Dee hadn't told Ryo that he had called her already and that arguments hadn't changed her mind. He kept his face expressionless and replied, "You're wrong, Ryo. I don't like saying it, but your aunt is afraid of you, afraid of what we are. No matter what you say, it won't convince her not to be. She needs to see you. She needs to see that you're the same Ryo she took care of as a child, gay or straight; an honest, good man, and a very good cop. Take my suggestion, please, and simply show up at the door. Tell her... Tell her you came to sort through your things, to see what you want to keep and what you want to throw away. It's a good excuse and it will take time. That's what you need, Ryo, time talk to her face to face. Don't call her. Don't give her a chance to lock the door and hide from you."
Ryo's dark eyes studied Dee's face and then he said softly. "You sound like you've done this before."
Dee colored and his grip tightened on his coffee cup. He almost shrugged it off, kept his past to himself, but then he looked up at his lover and knew that his days of doing that were over. This was the one man he could share everything with. "Penguin, the nun who raised me in the orphanage, caught me with another boy, playing doctor."
Dee grimaced at the memory; the shocked expression of the nun, the way she had clutched at her cross, and the slamming of the door in his face when he had run after her, pulling on his clothes, trying to explain what he couldn't, at the time, explain to himself.
"How old were you?" Ryo asked in a small voice, instantly understanding Dee's pain and reaching across the table to enclose Dee's hands, still gripping his coffee cup tightly, with his own.
"Fifteen," Dee replied. "The other boy was sixteen. Penguin was going to have him sent away. She blamed him." Dee smiled, but it was a hard smile. "She always believed I was such a good boy. She didn't want to believe that I had seduced him. It took a lot of arguing, praying, and slamming doors before she listened. Well, at first, she didn't want to listen at all. She avoided me, handing me over to a priest for confession. He had me doing Hail Mary's all night. I finally barged into her private chapel, kneeled beside her, and knotted my hands in her habit to keep her from running away while I explained."
"She didn't throw you out," Ryo said with a tentative smile. "You still visit her and I can tell she loves you like a son. It worked out for you. She accepts you."
Dee shrugged. "Penguin has a unique view of life. She thinks God has infinite forgiveness, even for bisexual boys under her care, and that it's never too late to give up sin. She won't ever approve of what I am, but she will love me, care about me, and pray that I repent my sins before I die. After that, it's up to God, she thinks, to sort out the right and the wrong of it, not her."
Ryo recalled a conversation with the nun. He blushed, remembering how candid she had been. "I don't think you give her enough credit for understanding," he said. "I could have sworn, when we first met, that she was trying to be a matchmaker for you."
"And she probably stayed up all night with her rosary afterwards too, doing penance" Dee chuckled, easily picturing a flustered and embarrassed Ryo being sized up as a match for the nun's wayward 'son'.
Ryo looked thoughtful. Dee knew that it was hard for the man to be impulsive and to go in without knowing all the facts, without knowing what his Aunt Elena's reaction was going to be, and without much of a clue as to how it would all turn out.
"Sometimes," Dee said seriously. "You have to have faith that it will turn out right and just do it." He turned his hands outward to grasp Ryo's. He pulled his lover close over the table. "Sometimes, when even faith doesn't let it turn out the way you want it too, you have to live with that and be thankful for what you already have." He kissed Ryo deeply, tasting cinnamon tea on his tongue, and then looked very lovingly into Ryo's soft eyes. "I'm going to be there for you, right by your side, no matter what happens, Baby. Okay?"
Ryo blinked, lips red and luscious with desire and expression thankful and reassured. "I know you're right," he said as he slowly sat back in his chair. "I have to do it. I have to go. I have to find out, one way or the other. " He looked at Dee with his heart in his eyes. "I want you to know, whatever Aunt Elena decides, I won't ever regret choosing to be with you, Dee."
Dee smiled as he stood up. He finished his coffee in one gulp, stared down at the cup for a long moment in bemusement, and then let it drop into the garbage.
Ryo was startled. "That's your favorite cup, Dee!"
Dee shook his head. "No. It hasn't been my favorite in a long, long time."
"Bicky!" Ryo called out sharply. "Don't wander! Stay close to us!"
In the hustle and bustle of the airport, Ryo shouldered his carry on and hooked fingers into Bicky's tank top.
Bicky grinned. "Aw, Ryo! Relax! We're from New York! Nobody is going to try and snatch a New York street kid!"
Dee frowned down at the blonde African-American Bicky and his street wise expression. "I'm more worried about the other travelers," he said sternly. "I don't want you picking pockets or picking fights."
Bicky stuck a tongue out a Dee and made a rude gesture with his middle finger, after first making sure that Ryo wasn't looking.
"Nice," Dee muttered irritably. He took command of the situation, tall enough to see over the heads of most of the crowd. "Luggage carousel is over there. Let's go." he breasted through the crowd with the others in tow.
It was confusing and very crowded. It took some time to get their luggage. By that time, they were tired and hungry. They decided on a restaurant on the bottom level of the airport and piled luggage, and themselves, into a booth. Dee draped one arm nonchalantly over Ryo's shoulders as he slid into one side of the booth with his lover, while Bicky plopped down and grabbed up a menu on the other side.
"Stinking fags!" A voice growled nearby.
Ryo flushed and twitched under Dee's arm, letting Dee know that he had heard. He almost pushed Dee off, but Dee leaned close to his ear and whispered. "Ashamed of me already?"
Ryo stiffened and looked at Dee in confusion and apology. "Gomen nasai, Dee, I just... kinishinai... never mind." He leaned against Dee purposefully and picked up his own menu, but Dee could see that he was still embarrassed and nervous.
Bicky was oblivious. "Cheese burger, extra mayo," he piped up. "Coke and fries too."
Ryo frowned. "No extra mayo. Milk instead of coke. Fries, only if you order a vegetable too."
"Fries are potatoes," Bicky whined. "That's a vegetable!"
"Fried potatoes are not good for you," Ryo persisted. "Order a real vegetable or no fries."
"Okay, okay!" Bicky grumbled.
Dee's hand, that was still draped over Ryo's shoulder, rose to gently play with a lock of Ryo's hair.
"Take your order?" The waitress said as she reached their table and fished a pencil and an order pad out of her pocket. Her eyes were down, staring at the pad in weary boredom, not even looking at her customers.
"Cheeseburger!" Bicky order immediately. "Fries. Milk," he said that with a shudder, "and uhm, yuch, a salad with a lot of -" Ryo glared, Bicky amended, seething, "Okay! With SOME Italian dressing."
"I'll have a grilled chicken salad, no dressing, rice, and tea," Ryo ordered without hesitation.
Dee scowled at the menu and then tossed it aside. "Coffee, black, and some nachos."
"Dee!" Ryo protested. "It's lunch time!"
Dee shrugged. "I snack for lunch and I want nachos." He nodded to the waitress and she sighed, wrote it down, and left without a word.
"Dame da yo," Ryo muttered.
"Hm, Baby?" Dee wondered with raised eyebrows.
"It's not any good for you," Ryo repeated in English.
Dee pulled Ryo close, eye to eye, noses touching. Dee smiled. "I'm young. I can stand some fat and cholesterol yet. Stop worrying so much."
Ryo couldn't help but smile too. "Gomen, Dee. I guess I'm just trying to distract myself from thinking about where we're going."
Dee kissed the tip of Ryo's nose. "I know."
"Can you guys cut it out?" Bicky asked nervously. "Even if you were a guy and a girl, this crap would be making me nauseous."
"Bicky!" Dee growled, but he was stopped from anything further by another, louder comment.
"I can't believe they're doing that in front of everyone! That poor kid! Maybe they kidnapped him, or something? Someone should call the cops!"
Ryo flinched and pulled away. "Maybe we should just go?"
Dee hardened. "Ryo, you're new to this. Take some pointers from me, a guy who's had to deal with this his entire life. Don't back down. Don't concede anything. If you start doing that, you won't be Ryo any more. You'll be what THEY want you to be. I don't think I would like that person."
"Damn fags!"
Ryo flinched again and said in a small voice. "I need more time, Dee. It's too hard right now. Please, let's go?"
"Getting ugly, guys," Bicky said looking around defensively, making a street wise assessment of the situation and not liking it at all.
Dee was upset. He said, as he inched out of the booth. "How are you going to face your aunt when you can't even face those idiots over there?"
That stung. Ryo dared to look around then instead of slink out of the restaurant with his eyes down. He saw two young men sitting at a nearby table and a large family sitting at a table near them. All were looking back at Ryo in sick outrage.
Bicky snorted angrily. "Hey guys! Either we take it with us, or you leave me the cash and let me eat! I'm a growing boy, remember!"
Ryo looked down at Bicky's blue eyes. The boy was looking at him levelly, unwilling to run. His pride wasn't going to put up with it.
"They're just no nothing, shitheads, Ryo," Bicky whispered. He slammed a fist into the palm of his hand. "I can take 'em if they make trouble, okay? Nothing to worry about."
Ryo was definitely ashamed then. He was a detective. He was a man. He was Bicky's guardian. Without warning, Ryo reached out and took hold of Dee's hand. The man looked back at him curiously and then started in surprise as Ryo suddenly jerked him in close, body to body, and kissed him deeply on the lips. Dee grinned and then sucked at Ryo's mouth, tasting his sweetness as they both, slowly, lowered themselves into the booth again.
"Geez, guys!" Bicky exclaimed. "Ya didn't have to go that far!"
They broke their kiss, Ryo flushed, embarrassed, and trembling with his daring, and Dee happy and content that his lover was willing to brave so much for him. When they looked around again, they saw that the outraged customers had left.
Bicky scowled as he noticed their absence too. "Whooses! Guess they didn't want to tangle with me!" He looked at Dee and Ryo irritably. "Now, if you guys are done sucking each other's faces, maybe you can find out where my food is?"
"Maybe I should just go alone," Ryo sighed as he hung up his clothes in the hotel closet.
Dee shoved his clothes, without folding them, into a dresser drawer, and then turned to Ryo with a scowl. "You aren't alone, Ryo," he replied. "Bicky and I both want you to know that. We both want to be there for you if things don't work out."
"I appreciate that," Ryo said as he sat on the bed and pulled off his shoes, "but I will be all right by myself, Dee. It might be less threatening for Aunt Elena. I don't want her to feel like I came to fight with her... or to ... I don't know... flaunt myself at her, I guess. It might appear that way if I'm not careful."
"If she rejects you-" Dee began to argue.
Ryo cut him off. "I'm a grown man, Dee! I'm not going to get so upset that I'll do something rash. I'm not- I'm not like that boy that tried to commit suicide when his family rejected him."
Just thinking of the possibility frightened Dee. He turned his back, trying to keep the fear off of his face as he asked. "What happened to that kid, anyway?"
Ryo sounded depressed. "They committed him for awhile. I went and spoke with him several times. I think I was getting somewhere with him, trying to make him see that he wasn't wrong or worthless and that suicide is never the answer, but he ran away from the center. I told the precinct to call me if they heard from him. I was reluctant to go on this trip because of that.
"You're so good at helping other people, Ryo," Dee replied with a shake of his head as he turned to his lover at last. "You always know what to say, what to do to make people feel better. I wish you could do the same for yourself."
"Nani?" Ryo raised eyebrows.
They had paid for two rooms connected by a door, Bicky was, thankfully, in the other room, listening to his music and watching cable t.v. Dee went to the connecting door and locked it. He then sank down on the bed and took Ryo into his arms.
Dee kissed the top of Ryo's head as Ryo rested against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. "I know you're upset, angry, and hurt, but you won't tell me about it because you want to take care of me and Bicky and look strong. You don't want us to get upset and worry about you." Dee nuzzled against Ryo's hair and kissed him again. "Let me be there for you Ryo. Don't shut me out when you're hurting inside."
Ryo let out a long breath and clutched hands into Dee's black tank top. He swallowed hard. "It's like having the ground yanked out from under my feet," Ryo replied at last in a voice little more than a whisper. "I never thought about how much I took the 'ground' for granted until that happened, how I was so certain it would never change or betray me." He paused and then went on harshly, "I told that boy, the one who tried to commit suicide, that being gay or straight didn't matter, that it didn't make him a bad person, but I understood why he thought he was. When Aunt Elena called... After what she said to me, the way she told me never to come over again... the way she said she was afraid to have me around the children, I felt as if I were bad, wrong, dirty even. At that moment, I would have given anything to turn back the clock, to change the past, to be straight again."
Dee felt a sharp surge of fear, fear that Ryo, despite his earlier words, was regretting their relationship. He waited, giving Ryo the chance to finish, to not break his heart.
It was a long moment before Ryo continued. His voice sounded on the verge of tears. "I realized something important though, when you held me and let me cry in your arms after I hung up the phone with Aunt Elena. I have NEVER been straight. It wasn't something I chose. The girlfriends I use to have... they initiated everything. I never felt attracted to them. I never knew why until I met you. I wanted you like I have never wanted anyone before." Dee held Ryo fiercely then, feeling tears sting his green eyes as Ryo finished. "The way I feel for you can't be wrong and I know it isn't dirty. It's love. I won't let Aunt Elena, whatever she says to me, make me feel that way about us again."
"You're still going to need us with you," Dee protested. "I know you feel strong now and you think you can handle it, but, I know what it's like Ryo. I've been through this. If she rejects you, I don't want you to be alone. Please, Ryo? Let me and Bicky come too."
Ryo relented reluctantly. "All right. I guess I do need my partner, my backup." He smiled and then the smile turned worried. "I don't know if Bicky should be there, though. If there's a scene-"
"You've told me enough times that your Aunt Elena is a good, descent woman," Dee pointed out. "If that's true, then she won't go ballistic in front of Bicky. I'm counting on that. He comes too. If things get hairy, I promise, I'll march him out of there pronto, okay?"
Ryo nodded and then he rolled so that his head was resting in Dee's lap and he was looking up into his lover's face. In all seriousness he said, "I'm sorry for being so stupid, for not handling this well."
Dee smiled sadly. "You aren't stupid, Ryo. Everyone reacts differently. I flip people off and you clam up and try to save people from getting upset and worried."
"I don't want you and Bicky to have to suffer too," Ryo replied.
"Too bad," Dee retorted. That's what family is all about.
"Family," Ryo echoed and then smiled sweetly. "I like the sound of that. It's better knowing that, no matter what happens tomorrow, no matter how much it might hurt, I won't be alone."
Dee nodded as his hands began unbuttoning Ryo's shirt. Ryo raised an eyebrow. Dee smirked. "I think I want to remind you that I'm worth it."
Ryo reached up and caressed Dee's face. "I don't need reminding."
Clothes were discarded and bodies intertwined. Dee's big hands smoothed along Ryo's silky skin, while his hot mouth nipped and sucked at Ryo's lips, neck, and then the erect, pink nipples of his chest. He rasped them with his tongue, suckled, and tormented them until Ryo groaned for respite. Giving them one last tonguing, Dee smiled and his green eyes twinkled under his disordered black bangs.
"Want me?" Dee asked in a deep, sultry voice. "Tell me you want me, Baby."
"Yes," Ryo breathed, head thrown back as Dee moved lower along his body, tongue making a white, hot trail down his belly, while his hands cupped and kneaded Ryo's ass. "Want you," Ryo sighed and arched his back, fingers knotting in the sheets of the bed.
Ryo's erection was stiff and weeping, red with passion and need. His face flushed a matching color as Dee bent and began suckling, taking him into his hot, tight mouth and lowering himself until the head of Ryo's cock touched his tonsils. Passive, and wonderfully submissive to Dee's lust, Ryo was an angel allowing himself to be ravaged by a black haired, green eyed imp.
Dee took Ryo's hand and guided it to his own straining erection. "Like that, Baby?" Dee asked.
Ryo stroked Dee's cock, feeling it's hardness encased in silky, soft skin. "Yes," Ryo whispered. "I like it. I want it, more than anything."
Dee changed position so that his cock was near Ryo's lips. "Taste it."
Dee groaned as Ryo mouthed him and then sucked him in. He returned to Ryo's cock and did the same. Burning, electric, every nerve tingling, Dee found it almost impossible to keep from shooting cum into Ryo's mouth. Ryo didn't have the same control. He thrust and grabbed Dee's hair, fingers twining into it as he came explosively, salty seed filling Dee's mouth. Dee pulled out of Ryo's mouth to allow him to get back his breath, not minding at all.
"Want me?" Dee asked, looking down along Ryo's languid body, his lover stretched out and eyes closed.
"Want you," Ryo breathed and his legs moved, knees coming up so that Dee had a good view between them and at the perfect bud there. Ryo turned his face away, still one to get embarrassed by being so submissive to another man, yet his nature needing it, needing a man to take him in the ultimate way.
Dee rose up, fished in a bag by the bed side, and found the lube. He spread it over his purple erection and then claimed Ryo. Pulling the man underneath him, Dee positioned Ryo so that his legs were wrapped about Dee's waist, his bud placed against the head of Dee's dripping, slicked cock. They had been together too many times for Ryo to need much preparation. Dee used the lube on his cock head to ease his entrance and then began pushing in.
Ryo grimaced and then his expression turned to pleasure. He groaned. "Feels so good, Dee, being filled up with you. I love you so much!"
"Love you," was all Dee could respond with, his body and cock going wild at Ryo's tightness and heat. He began to pump his hips and their bodies slapped together over and over as Dee let his body go, let himself climb the mountain of sensation and passion, while his mind thought base thoughts. 'My mate,' it thought, 'My fuck; mine. Ryo is mine!' While a stronger feeling wrapped around that and said in concert, 'My love. My dearest love. My only love!' Dee's mind and body strained to do one thing, pump his seed into Ryo; claiming him completely, loving him completely.
"Sugoi!" Ryo groaned. "Sugoi, Dee!" and Ryo came again, hot seed splashing across both their bellies. That sent Dee over the edge. He pounded hard, body convulsing, and an involuntary, "Shit!" exploding from his lips as his orgasm came so hard he felt like passing out. He plunged deep and emptied his seed into Ryo, holding his lover tight and kissing Ryo's swollen lips with passion.
They lay wrapped up together afterwards, sticky, hot, sated, and trying to regain their breath. Ryo nuzzled into Dee, looking serious. "I just realized something," Ryo said.
Dee stiffened. "What's that?" he wondered, afraid of what Ryo was going to say.
"I just realized I'm gay," Ryo finished as if he were astonished by the thought.
Dee stared and then they both broke into fits of laughter, holding each other tight. Dee replied inbetween laughs. "Really, Ryo? You're gay? How shocking! Good thing... Good thing I'm bi!"
"Yes, very good thing," Ryo said lovingly and then kissed Dee for all he was worth.
"Ryo?!" The little, dark haired woman was startled, flustered, and then angry. "Why did you do this, Ryo, after what I told you over the phone?"
Ryo was rigid, handsome face drawn and pale as he looked down at his Aunt Elena, dark eyes searching her, trying to see love and the woman he remembered, the one who had taken him in after his parents had been murdered.
"I'm sorry, Aunt Elena," Ryo choked out. "I..." he told the lie and Dee winced. "I came to get my things. I didn't want you to have to go through the trouble of packing them and sending them to me."
Elena looked distressed and skeptical. "Everyone's out for the moment, but my husband will be back shortly, Ryo. I've already explained how he feels about you, about... gays. "
Ryo's hands had closed into fists. Dee could see his shoulders trembling. Dee didn't know what to say, what to do. They stood and stared at each other, Elena making her body a barrier, keeping Ryo from entering. It was Bicky who finally broke the impasse.
"Hey, guys!" With an act that would have won an Oscar award, Bicky put a hand to his forehead and rolled his eyes saying, "I really need a drink! This heat is making me dizzy. Can I get some water, lady?"
It was then that Dee knew that Ryo had been telling the truth about his aunt's goodness. In an instant, everything was forgotten. A child needed her help. Dee could see where Ryo had inherited that trait.
"Ryo!" Aunt Elena admonished. "If you're taking care of this boy, you aren't doing a very good job! You know the desert sun is bad this time of day! Come in, boy! Come in and sit down and I'll get you some water right away!"
Bicky was ushered into the house and Dee and Ryo, after a moment's hesitation, followed. Aunt Elena sat Bicky into a chair and then rushed into the kitchen. Water could be heard running from the tap.
"You're not really sick are you?" Dee wondered.
Bicky grinned in response and then resumed his act.
Dee looked around nervously. The house was done in a colonial style, everything neat and too tidy. It made him even more uncomfortable and nervous, but, when he looked at Ryo's face, he forgot about his own discomfort. Ryo was seeing the house with his memories, eyes resting on the furnishings sadly.
Dee squeezed Ryo's elbow gently. "I'm here for you, Ryo."
Ryo smiled weakly, reached up, and squeezed Dee's hand in return. It was that gesture that Aunt Elena saw when she returned with a wet rag and a cup of water. She paused, eyes widening, and then she lowered her eyes and kept her mind on what was important, Bicky's well being.
After ministering to Bicky, Aunt Elena said to him, "Will you be all right while I speak alone with Ryo?" When Bicky nodded, she gave him a careful once over to make sure he was really going to be all right. Satisfied, she straightened and motioned to Ryo. "We need to talk . Let the child rest."
They began heading down a hallway, but Elena turned and narrowed her eyes at Dee. Dee met them defiantly. "I'm coming too," Dee told her.
Elena was ready to protest, her mouth slightly open, but then she sighed and relented. She took them to a library, shelves full of leather bound volumes and small space full of overstuffed, comfortable chairs. Elena lowered herself into one and rubbed at her forehead as if it pained her. It probably did.
Ryo sat down in a chair opposite her and Dee perched on the wide, leather arm. "I'm Dee Latener, by the way," Dee introduced himself, "Ryo's partner and lover."
Ryo flinched and let out a small gasp. His eyes were riveted on Elena, on her reaction. Elena frowned and then lowered her hand from her forehead. She steepled her fingers in her lap. "I gathered that," she replied. "So," she said to Ryo, "You've come all this way to shove him in my face, to defy me, to ignore my express wishes."
"No!" Ryo exclaimed, hands gripping the arms of the chair hard. "I wanted... I wanted to explain... I wanted to talk to you, face to face, and tell you-"
"Tell me what?" Aunt Elena demanded. "That you're having sex with another man? I gathered that. That you're living with him? I gathered that too. That you're forcing that poor boy out there to witness it? That I hadn't thought of and that I really DIDN'T want to think about! You told me before that you had adopted him. I'm sure the agency didn't know of your sexual orientation then or they wouldn't have done that. As soon as you leave here, I intend to call and inform them. I won't allow any child to be in an environment with," she gave Dee a scathing look, "deviant men who might-"
"Stop right there!" Dee exploded, standing up with fire in his green eyes. "Don't you dare say what I think you're about to say! I am not a pedophile! Being bisexual or gay doesn't make a person attracted to children! I won't stand here and let you accuse Ryo and me of something that sick, that-"
"Dee," Ryo said softly and touched his arm. "Stop shouting. Let me talk."
Dee clamped his mouth closed with an effort. He slumped back onto the chair arm, glaring at Elena. "Okay," Dee said tightly, "but she better not say that again."
Ryo swallowed hard, fighting for his own composure. Aunt Elena's accusation had made him almost throw up. He couldn't understand how she could believe that he would do such a thing. He said, carefully, trying not to resort to shouting too, "Look at me, Aunt Elena."
Aunt Elena narrowed her eyes angrily. "I am looking. I don't like what I see, Ryo."
"I haven't changed," Ryo replied, anguish in his voice. "I'm still Ryo McLain!"
"Jo dan wa naide!" Aunt Elan retorted and then switched to English again as if she had embarrassed herself. "Don't talk nonsense, Ryo. Of course you are not the same person."
Ryo suddenly straightened. "Wakari mashite."
Aunt Elena glared. "What do you understand?"
"Where my shame comes from," Ryo replied and began to stand. "You are ashamed to be Japanese American. You are ashamed that you speak Japanese. Always... Always you told me, 'Speak English, Ryo! People won't respect you if you don't.' "
"They won't,' she agreed and then flicked a look disdainfully at Dee's confused face. "It seems that I didn't teach you enough shame."
"I was even ashamed of my name," Ryo continued angrily. "I changed it to Randy when I joined the force. I tried to forget that I was part Japanese. Dee reminded me of it when we first met. He refused to call me Randy. He knew who I was then and he knew what I had been hiding, not just being Japanese, but being gay as well. He helped me find my true self, Aunt Elena. You want me to hide it again."
"It's too late for that, I'm sure," Aunt Elena snapped. "You've already told everyone, haven't you? Told everyone except for me. Did they accept you Ryo? Did they pat you on the back and tell you it was all right to be gay?"
"The people who mattered did," Ryo replied, "Except for you." He rubbed at his eyes and turned away. Only Dee could see his tight, unhappy expression. He looked ready to cry.
"Why did you come, Ryo?" Aunt Elena wondered angrily. "Why put yourself through this? Did you think you could change how I felt?"
"Yes," Ryo replied softly. "I thought.. I thought you were just surprised and upset. I didn't realized that you had always felt this way."
Elena nodded bitterly. "It seems that we never really knew each other, Ryo. That's sad. Perhaps I could have helped you or taken you to therapy. Perhaps it isn't too late for that now? Have you considered seeking professional help?"
Ryo shivered. He clasped his arms around his aching heart. "You think I'm this way because I'm mentally unstable?"
"Yes, of course." Elena stood as well, smoothing down her dress and looking suddenly very like Ryo, prim and determined. "That's why I'm going to call the agency that allowed you to adopt that young man out there. They have to know that you might-"
"Don't do that!" Bicky suddenly came into the room. He had been hiding just outside, listening with a sinking heart and a growing fear. "Ryo saved me, lady! I was a no good street punk without a mom or a dad. I was going to join a drug gang, but he took me in and straightened me up. He's making sure I get through school and stay off the streets. He's...," Bicky paused in embarrassment, looking at everyone and flushing under his dark skin. "Ryo's the greatest guy I've ever known. You're calling him some sort of pervert, saying he might do stuff to me. That's stupid! I've been with him for years now! He's never done or said a thing!"
Bicky was agitated now, not liking Elena's cold expression. "You're talking to Ryo like he's a slut or something, like he's dirty!" Bicky continued. "That jerk over there chased him for two years before they got together. Before him, there wasn't any body! In fact, being with Cal, I got more s-"
Dee clamped a hand over Bicky's mouth hurriedly and then lowered it when Bicky realized what he had been about to say and fell silent with wide eyes. "That's enough, Bicky," Dee said sternly. "You need to respect your elders."
Ryo was facing his aunt again, alarmed. "Aunt Elena, please don't do this to me! Don't do this to Bicky. He's come so far. He has a real chance of getting into college and making it out of the slums. I've been working almost double shifts to pay for tutors, helping him catch up after years of living with a father who didn't care whether he went to school or not. If he's sent back into the foster care system, I know he'll rebel, he'll end up in the streets again. I'll leave and I'll never try to contact you again," Ryo choked on that, but he was willing to sacrifice anything for Bicky's well being. "I'll do anything you ask, just please don't call and have Bicky taken out of my home, the only stable home he's ever known."
Elena looked from Dee to Ryo. "Anything, Ryo? If you care so much for the boy's future then forget about being gay. It's a choice after all. Make this man move out and get some therapy. You're still young. You can still put your life back together."
Dee felt a sharp chill. He watched Ryo grow very quiet, his dark eyes liquid grief. "I can't." Dee let out a breath of relief when he heard Ryo say that. Ryo continued, voice shaking. "I am gay. It isn't a choice. I can't change it. I- I don't want to change it. I love Dee. I don't want to ever stop loving Dee."
"Then I have to save Bicky from you," Elena replied acidly. "I think you should leave now."
Ryo's cell phone beeped. Ryo ignored it, frozen, unable to accept how terrible things had turned out. Before, he had been gently rejected, even given a small hope that his Aunt Elena might still visit him. Now he was being totally rejected, shown a side of his loving aunt he had never guessed existed.
"Ryo?" Dee prompted softly. "Your phone."
Ryo fished the cell phone out of his pocket numbly. Still staring at his aunt's closed expression, he flipped it open and punched a button with his thumb. Putting it to his ear, he said stiffly. "Ryo here."
It was J.J. who replied, anxious and sad. "Ryo? It's J.J. You left orders to get a call when your suicide attempt showed up again."
Ryo transferred the phone to his other ear and half turned away, all of his attention suddenly riveting on J.J.'s voice. "Is he at the station? Did someone pick him up?"
J.J. didn't reply right away and then he said, trying for a professional tone to cover his own emotions. "He's dead, Ryo. He jumped from a bridge at eight thirty yesterday evening. He was taken out of the river downstream this morning. He had a suicide note, in a plastic bag, in his pocket. He blamed his family for the suicide. He said that they had rejected him and thrown him out of the house again. They- They said he was evil... a pervert..."
"Thanks, J.J.," Ryo said softly and then let the phone fall from his nerveless fingers. "I should have been there, not here," Ryo said in a dead tone. "I shouldn't have come here to try and make a heartless, hateful, old woman understand how much I love her, instead of being in New York and watching out for that kid. I might have seen him. He might have called me. I gave him my number." Ryo choked on a sob and then looked at Dee in distress. "He's dead, Dee! He committed suicide! What if he did call, Dee? What if he called, needing to talk to me, and- and... Dee! He might have died because he couldn't talk to me!"
Dee was there, taking Ryo into his strong arms, kissing Ryo's face and murmuring assurances. "You don't know that, Baby! Don't think like that! You did what you could for him."
"No, I didn't!" Ryo sobbed and tears began trailing down across his cheeks. "I should have been there!"
Bicky swallowed hard. He wasn't sure what to do or what to say. He glared at Elena, blaming her. "This is all your fault! Look what you did to Ryo! What else do you do for kicks, run over the Easter bunny with your car? So what if Ryo loves a jerk like Dee? What's it to you? Ryo's still the greatest guy in the world! It's your loss if you don't want him around! C'mon, Ryo. Let's go. Me and Dee will take care of ya, okay? We're your family. You don't need her!"
Elena was looking distressed. "Yes, I think you should go, Ryo. I- I need to think and you- you need to get back home and... I'm sorry about that boy, sorry that you felt you had to come here, when you wanted to be there, helping him. I'm confused. I don't know what to think. I need to look into this more. Maybe there are some things I don't understand, that I have wrong." She shook her head sadly. "You know I don't like to make quick assumptions. I have to research something thoroughly before I come to a real conclusion."
"Sounds like you, Ryo," Dee muttered.
Elena continued, ignoring him, "That's why I didn't want you to come here, Ryo. I still haven't really made up my mind what to do, how to handle things. Give me time, Ryo. Time to sort this out." She paused and then added. "I won't call about Bicky, at least not for now."
Ryo sniffled and wiped a hand across his eyes. "I can't talk right now, Aunt Elena, but, please, contact me later, all right?"
"Yes, Ryo," Elena replied and looked sad. "I will... later."
She saw them out of her house and watched them from the doorway as they climbed into their rented car and headed for the hotel. Dee drove, a usual. Ryo was slumped in the passenger seat. Bicky was straining his seat belt to lean against the back of the seat, trying to see Ryo's face, trying to see if Ryo was going to be all right. They were all silent for a long time.
Ryo was sniffling, wiping at his eyes now and again. Dee, driving, glanced at his lover's puffy, tear filled eyes and then fished out a Kleenex from a box of them under the seat. Ryo took it and blew his nose with it.
"It's my fault," Dee said suddenly. "all of this, your aunt, the boy... If I had just stayed out of it-"
"Don't say that," Ryo retorted and then, softer, "You didn't know... I didn't know about that boy. As for my aunt, I didn't know that she would react that way, why should you have? It's not your fault, Dee."
Dee lit up a cigarette, ignoring a sticker on the dash that warned that smoking wasn't allowed in the car. After taking a few, long puffs to calm his nerves, he glanced at Ryo again. His lover was staring dejectedly out of the window. The day was definitely going to leave a mark on him.
"She said she would call," Dee reminded him hopefully.
Ryo stirred then and looked at Dee. He smiled sadly as he reached out and took Dee's free hand. He kissed it, rubbing his cheek against the backside. Bicky snorted uncomfortably and then sat back, arms crossed over his chest and hat pulled down over his blue eyes.
"I'm Ryo McLain," Ryo said suddenly, very firm and very steady. "I'm part Japanese, a New York city police detective, and I am also gay. I'm not mean, hateful, or vindictive. I am NOT a pedophile or perverted. I love a man named Dee Latener and I adopted a fine boy named Bicky. There is nothing in my life that I am ashamed of or that I wish to change. Nothing my Aunt Elena says now, or ever, will make me want to change. If she can't accept me for who I really am, Dee, then I have to let her go."
Dee nodded, saying sadly as he draped an arm over Ryo's shoulders and pulled him close, "It's her loss."
********Owari*******